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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Okay, now you’ve got my attention. There’s something about him that definitely rubs me the wrong way.
11363772
This is meant to be part of the buildup to the big plot twist for White Flame, and I'll go out and say it: The resolution of this won't be out for QUITE some time.
Again, really good job on the latest two chapters. Definitely appreciate the work that went into the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up. REALLY liked Rumble helping Scoots learn to fly, as well as the explanations for how White Flame first met Rumble and Button Mash AND Button's finding out that Sweetie Belle is a gamer too.
REALLY looking forward to more of this.
unconscious
Actually that is a pretty interesting theory about him I mean I'm sure he's a nice kid but something doesn't really add up how does he know about Button Mash and sweetie Belles favorite things to do and also having both Rumble and Scootaloo actually having in common with each other as well and somehow it works out that is pretty coincidence and I'm sure that mystery will be solved very soon I mean the kid can't hide that secret forever well I guess we'll find out next time
11363772
I will also admit that I realized I had no build-up for said plot twist. It was you who gave me the idea actually to think about doing this build-up. Hopefully now White Flame doesn't seem like too much of a Gary Stu now that Scootaloo & Applejack will be trying to figure out the mystery behind exactly WHO White Flame really is.
Though I ended up making WAY too much content for this first build-up chapter to be a small bonus chapter. That's a whoops. But I doubt your complaining much.
interesting two chapters
11363772
It definitely works a lot better! He’s still cringe, but if you do it right, you could pull off an amazing original idea for a character.
It was a nice touch for Scootaloo to notice the unusual nature of White Flare, as well as the turn of events that he brings. Not to mention Rumble teaching her the observational skills she uses. This could also start a natural progression of the girls finding their marks
11364052
Hopefully when the plot twist that involves him happen, he'll be extremely less cringe, but until then, I figured this build-up hint with Scootaloo & Applejack in the meantime is enough to where he doesn't feel too much like a gary stu. Because the thing about Gary Stus and Mary Sues is they share one common: Both of them tend to be extremely well-liked characters. But I was going to drop hints of Scootaloo not fully trusting the guy after the last chapter.
And then you brought certain things up and it made me realize White Flame's plot twist had zero build up, so I decided to add this little plot point into the story to where Scootaloo and Applejack are going to try to solve the mystery and hope they get it right.
11364715 Don't beat yourself up over it. Not every story is for every reader. You obviously have some fans so that indicates you're doing something right. Don't fret over little old me not being inclined to continue. I would recommend a few more details though, otherwise there is little context or scene filling. In any case, best of luck to you.
11364720
Still, maybe at some point down the road when this story is finished, if you want to just skip past the three combination chapters because even I'll admit, those could feel very rushed for you I won't judge you. And you don't have to do this if you don't want to.
But I think you may come to enjoy the story despite some of the errors I make along the way once I'm done with it, even if some chapters might still feel rushed to you.
11364731 I might, not certain yet. If every chapter were around 2,500 or so words I would be more likely to consider it. I just like having some frame of reference for where characters are, what the scene is and so forth.
11364754
2500 words per chapter is admittedly a lot. There's a reason I try to keep things down to around 1,000 words per chapter with all my stories: So I don't feel like certain parts of my chapters don't end up as pointless filler content. And that's with my current levels of writing. My policy is always "Quality over Quantity" after all.
Right now, I'm not at the point where I could go 2500 words per chapter for stories like this. After all, I would feel like that would be a HUGE stretch for certain things. Besides, I've read stories that are around 1,000 words before, and they tend to be just fine. Maye someday I'll try much longer chapters, but for right now, I don't feel that confident in my abilities. Like I said, I don't want to fill chapters up with words just to reach 2500 per chapter. At that point, I worry that I'll just be putting in useless filler.
11364774
Sometimes though certain authors could benefit from more quantity which then leads to better quality. With your style, you’d benefit from some chapters being short and some chapters being a lot longer which can lead to better setups.
11365064
I'll have to think about it, as I have to do a lot of editing on the fly not to mention by myself. It's already hard enough to be able to catch certain typos and misspellings by myself with 1,000 words. But because I have no money, hiring someone to be my editor is out of the question. So unless someone wants to do that assignment for free, I got no-one but myself.
11364774 Well it is your story, write it the way you see fit. As I said before, best of luck to you.