In this Thrilling tale of adventure and heroism, The mighty Shining Armour, still a young knight, takes on an urgent mission from Princess Celestia herself.
A princess has been taken for ransom and help is required from Equestria. The young knight journeys forth, equipped only with the latest in Special Services gear, and his wits.
Will Shining Armour be able to make the journey? Read on to find out.
Page generated in 0.078 seconds
Total duration
955 users online
1,915,922 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I'm sorry, I can't really take any story involving ponies straight-up killing other ponies seriously. It's also a little rushed, and sadly you do need to be more careful of your punctuation in a couple of places.
Review time! Yay!
1) It's an interesting concept and style. Almost like a journal entry (though he certainly didn't stop to do that after every scene). I thought the prophecy bit was intriguing, though I'm not sure what the golden tail of death was all about.
2) How old is Shining supposed to be? Cadence has been foal-sitting Twilight since... well, she was a foal. That would put Shining in his early teens at most. So how is he slaughtering bandits that managed to kidnap a princess? Either he's unrealistically good at fighting, or the bandits are absolutely terrible, meaning the Northern Kingdom guards must consist of Rocky and Madame LeFlour. No, the prototype armor is not an excuse. Weapon are only as good as the pony who's wielding them is skilled.
3) Wasn't Shining sent to give money to the Northern Kingdom to pay the princess' ransom? So why did he decide to murder the bandits on his own?
4) Why is he wearing prototype armor into a dangerous situation? 'New' armor, maybe, but not 'prototype' armor. A prototype is an original concept that frequently has many flaws that have to be fixed. Even 'new' armor is stretching it, since it makes no sense to send a soldier into dangerous territory with an unfamiliar weapon.
5) Why is Shining writing Twilight letters? Again, Cadence has been foal-sitting Twilight since she was a foal, before Twilight even got her cutie mark, and it's clear that Twilight was still living at home when she got her cutie mark. So why wouldn't Shining just talk to her in person?
Yup, that's about it. Hope it helps!
1295097
Response time YAY! (and these do include spoilers for later stories of mine)
1) All will be revealed in good time... These short stories are part of a series of weekly challenges I'm doing (that I'm calling the Lost Tales of Equestria)
2) Shining is meant to be in his first year of guard training and shows alot of potential... This is his first big assignment (taking the money to the Northern Kingdom). He is able to fight the bandits so well because he has a natural talent for combat and the defence of the innocent (That's how I interpret his shield cutie mark).
3) He was on his journey to give the Northern Kingdom the money when he came across the ransacked village. Thus he decided that rather than journeying to save the princess (through the ransom money). He decided to try to save the lives of the village. Finding the princess was a happy coincidence.
4) The Prototype armour was given to Shining because his mission was meant to be a relatively simple one (go there, give money, come home) and the Special Services wanted to test its wear and tear on long journeys.
5) The twilight letters thing is because Shining is again in his first year of guard training and so spends alot of time away from his sister. The letters are to keep them close when they can't match their schedules.
Again these are spoilers from later stories (I have to write to a topic each week but I am making them all relate back, ie the topic for this one was how did Shining Armour and Princess Cadance first meet)
Writing them out of order adds M-M-Mystery to it all and keeps you guys thinking.
Thanks for the feedback, have a mustache
1291137
Starfall, it was rushed because I had only a week to write it (ended up being more like 3 days)
I tried to make the killing take a semi-background state while still being evident.
Punctuation is something I always need to work on.
Thanks for the comment, have a mustache
1295179 Response Response time?
Sure, why not?
So what you're saying is, Shining completely abandoned his stated mission of saving a princess (which would probably upset both his superiors and the rulers of the Northern Kingdom) to fight bandits of unknown strength and numbers with untested equipment? Okay, I can see that happening with a young, impulsive soldier, but I would expect consequences.
I've always interpreted the shield cutie mark as a sign of his protective skills, not necessarily his offensive skills. Hence he is the only pony that can cast the barrier/shield spell around Canterlot. But hey, we could probably argue that one back and forth all night.
1295265
Consequences shall be had... All will be revealed in future stories.