The Album

by Peregrine Caged

Steven Magnet -- Not a Hair Out of Place

Written by: TimetravlnDEMON
Rated Everyone

The bright light of Celestia’s sun began creeping over the horizon as the night ended, ushering in a new day. The warm rays radiating off of the celestial object illuminated everything in Equestria and the lands beyond, including one particular stretch of river in the Everfree Forest. This part of the river was known as the residence of Steven Magnet, the sea serpent currently slumbering on the river bed. As the light of the new day pierced the crystal clear waters that he called home, Steven Magnet let out a small groan as he slowly opened his eyes, accepting the fact that he would not be able to get back to sleep. Slowly emerging from the placid waters, he gave a languid stretch before beginning his daily morning ritual.

For most ponies, their morning ritual would consist of something along the lines of getting up, bathing, combing their mane, eating breakfast and finally brushing their teeth, lasting a total of forty-five minutes or so. However, Steven Magnet was not one of these ponies (or, in his case, sea serpents). His morning ritual revolved around his appearance and usually lasted a minimum of three hours, sometimes taking up to five depending on the weather. Steven Magnet had a reputation of fabulosity to maintain, after all, and neither rain nor snow would stop him from doing his absolute best to keep it.

The morning began, as it usually did, with a quick polishing of his magnificent purple scales. This basically involved cleaning away any gunk that may have been picked up from his sleep during the night. This task was usually the shortest, as all it took was a simple wiping of the scales with a washcloth one of the ponies from Ponyville had so kindly given him. After polishing each individual scale until they let off a faint shine, Steven Magnet moved on to the next part of his morning stylings.

The next item on his checklist of fabulosity was his mane. The thing to remember about Steven Magnet was that he was not like any pony that walked under Celestia’s sun when it came to his hair. For example, most of the ponies in Ponyville lived in homes that contained one bottle of hair conditioner, if they were lucky. There were exceptions of course, like fair Rarity with the four different products that she used every day to keep her mane styled so perfectly, but even they were nothing compared to the sheer volume of hair product possessed by the fashion-conscious sea serpent. Utilizing the ten bottles of various purposes, some meant to give the hair a natural shine and others serving to make it look as full as possible, Steven Magnet set to work washing his mane in the crystal clear waters of the river. After the hour that was necessary to make sure every product was used to its fullest, he began the hard part of styling his mane. After letting it dry, Steven began the rather intensive task of forming his mane into his distinctive hairstyle. Having a mane that was so perfectly coiffed took a finesse that not many creatures seemed to possess, but luckily Steven Magnet had a talent for it. Though he was talented at the art of the coif, it still took him some time to finish styling his mane, and at least two hours had usually passed by the time he was completely done.

Finally, at long last, came the last item for Steven Magnet to complete in his morning grooming. His moustache. While it was true that his moustache was not usually as magnificent as his mane, Steven Magnet held his beautiful facial hair to be his most glorious feature, and treated it as such. It received the same treatment as his mane, washing it in the river and using his many conditioners and shampoos on it. Since he had much less facial hair than hair on his head, this did not take long, usually only fifteen or twenty minutes. Once this was done and his moustache was completely dry, the purple serpent began the routine of combing his moustache. He had to make sure there were absolutely no knots or tangles in his facial hair, so he usually ran the comb through his hair fifty times or more for each side of his face. After the laborious yet relaxing combing was finished, it was well past mid day, but Steven Magnet did not care, for his work was finally done.

Some, probably most, ponies would be wondering why Steven Magnet would bother to go into such painstaking detail about his appearance.

“Don’t get me wrong,” they would say, “I like to look good just as much as the next pony. You, sir, seem to take it to the next level though.” At that, the sea serpent would just give a hearty chuckle and begin to explain himself to the curious pony.

“Well you see,” he would begin, “I don’t try to look my absolute best every day just for the sake of my vanity. Oh no, there’s much more to it than that. You see, most of my kind are rather...uncouth,” Steven Magnet would sorrowfully explain. “Most sea serpents are rather savage beings, living out in the ocean and fighting with each other most of the time. At a young age, I had always been more interested in fashion than fighting like a savage, and I realized this was not the kind of life I would enjoy living, so I snuck away in the middle of the night down the nearest tributary I could find. Eventually, that would bring me to this very spot.”

Steven Magnet would trail away here with a fond look in his eyes as he remembered arriving at his home. “This place was perfect. The crystal clear waters, the green trees, everything was absolutely fabulous. When I was first visited by ponies, however, they were scared of me, for they had heard about the terrible things some sea serpents had done through the years. This absolutely crushed me at first, but I decided to make sure it didn’t happen again. I gave myself a makeover, giving myself the style I currently sport. In addition to being rather fabulous, it is also non-threatening as well. When some of the braver ponies returned here and saw my new look, they became much more receptive to me, and soon I was friends with everyone in Ponyville. Since then, I have made it my mission in life to teach all of Equestria that not all sea serpents are savage brutes like the ones I left.”

“And that is why,” he would finish with a small grin, “I can’t have a single hair out of place.”

Comments

[Hope]

love it

[Peregrine Caged]

1481612
Note, milady, that you yourself will be up in two days!

[Hope]

1481628
squeee!

[achilles1371]

1374852
Went to download your linked vid, opened a second youtube tab that had a seconds delay, very intruiging.

[shutaro]

Steven magnet, a selfstyled ambassador and gentleserpent. My hat is off to you.
I just can't imagine the amount of soap bubbles this river must have. Maybe that's where Derpy got her cutiemark?
And your missing a "r" in the author's name, it's TimeTravlnDEMON.

[Verdigris]

Uncouth relatives can be such a problem.

[AntiquatedAnnomaly]

more interested in fashion that fighting like a savage

I think the that should be a than. Other than that that. This was very enjoyable.

[Sasha Nein]

all those shampoo products in the river every day can't be good for the wildlife... oooooh if Fluttershy ever found out...!

[LoveAndTolerateEveryPony]

This was good, never been a big fan of the serpent, but I think you hit him dead on.
~LATEP