Chapter 53: Butterflies
Vinyl’s heartbeat pounded at a solid 125 beats per minute as she rode the high of her emotional rush: the exhilarating, liberating, and terrifying song racing through her heart. Before they’d split up for the night, Cadance had told Vinyl to give herself time to process her feelings and then some other things she couldn’t remember over the thrum of her desires. She'd been simmering the thoughts forever, and she already knew what she wanted to do. The thing, though, was that she didn’t want to actually go through with it.
Vinyl wanted to tell Fancy how she felt. The mere thought of doing such a thing sent a thrill of fear down her spine. The familiar crackle and pop of the study’s fireplace was the only thing keeping Vinyl’s nerves grounded as she waited and waited. She wasn’t even sure he'd be coming back to the mansion tonight. At least everypony else had gone to bed for the night.
Whatever the case, Vinyl was going to be lying on the couch for a while, possibly until the morning, for Fancy to come back. But it’d be worth it. She needed to do this before she could talk herself out of acting. Vinyl was keenly aware of how good she was at it. The courage she’d received from voicing her desires would only last so long. Once it faded, it’d only be a matter of time until she shut down. It was so easy to smother the flame and let it die, to slip back into the water. There were a million reasons to keep quiet if she thought them through:
Fancy Pants was busy with the summit, she needed to wait until after.
He’ll always be busy with something, Desire countered. By the time it’s perfect, you’ll already have chickened out!
Vinyl was just caught up in her emotions.
You’re actually letting yourself feel them!
She needed to think up a good speech to make sure she was successful. Something to really sell him on the idea.
Don’t think like that. You’re not like her. Her word is yours now.
Then why couldn't she say it again?
Just focus on what you can do.
But there was always the possibility that he’d reject her.
But what if he says yes? If you wait now, you’ll just keep waiting forever.
“But I’m scared,” Vinyl whispered to herself.
And you’re scared of never telling him. Desire throbbed in Vinyl’s heart, forcing the mare to not ignore them. Listen to your heart. You want to confess to Fancy Pants.
“I want to…” Her hooves reached for one of the pillows on the couch. She pulled the cushion close to her chest and hugged it, using its fluffy touch to buoy her strength. It was her life preserver within the tempest of her own excuses trying to drag her back under the static. Her emotions were all over the place; the only thing that was stable was her singular desire to tell Fancy Pants how she felt.
Vinyl closed her eyes and focused on the burning fire in her heart that roared hotter than the fireplace. It’d been burning since that night after the Showcases. Perhaps even before then. There were so many reasons it had started, why she enjoyed its warmth and kept it close, and why she trusted it. Fancy had done so much for her.
Even though she’d been rude trying to chase him off and ruining the Festival of Flakes, Fancy had tried to help her in secret without expecting anything in return. When she’d gotten sick off of salted liquor at Cantrips, he helped her recover and kept her safe when she passed out. He’d been a perfect gentlecolt when any other sleazy stallion would’ve taken advantage of her. He’d given her a job and a place to stay when she was about to be homeless, keeping it a secret not to hold against her later, but out of respect for her wishes.
And it wasn’t just a home, it was freedom to finally live for once and be who she wanted to be. Being DJ Pon-3 was both nice and useful at times, but she much preferred being Vinyl Scratch these days. She didn’t know who that was yet, but she knew exactly who she wasn’t. Vinyl Scratch wasn’t a pony who was satisfied being a musical draft mare, burning the candle at both ends. She didn’t have to prove herself constantly to an impossible standard to live. She could just be herself and figure out who that was day-by-day. One thing that she’d found while exploring who she was that starved little filly inside who wanted to be held, safe, and…
“I don’t want to be alone anymore.” Vinyl curled around the pillow and squeezed all of her fears into it, trying to relieve the mounting pressure.
The roar of the fire faded away as she tightened around her feather-filled lifesaver enough for the strain to make her ears ring. Her mouth quaked with an urge to bite down on the corner and chew through the upholstery. The tempo flared out of control with her very soul beating out of her chest with an explosive crescendo.
“Vinyl?”
The sound of another pony broke the spell as she gasped for a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. Popping out of her panic, she nearly fell off the couch until a firm pair of hooves gently caught her before hitting the floor.
“It’s okay, I got you!” Fancy assured softly as he placed her back on the couch. “There. Seated upright and back in the waking world. Are you alright?”
“Waking world?” Vinyl asked before her she caught up to the perfect excuse. “Oh, right! Yeah, that was a doozy of a nightmare!”
Fancy’s brow shot up in confusion at her meaningless failed lie.
“You know what? Forget I said that.” She smiled as she bit her lip.
“Very well. I know we’re all a bit at wit’s end right now,” he said with a chuckle that shifted into a stifled yawn. “Now, I imagine there’s a reason you fell asleep in my study. Sorry that I kept you. I’ve had a rather… eventful two days and I imagine you have some things on your mind.”
Vinyl tapped her hooves together as she reconsidered her timing. Looking over the poor stallion, Fancy was simply exhausted from hoof to horn which reflected in his disheveled suit. The scent of sweat and faint smell permeated the stains of his clothes. She couldn’t help but wonder if it was the same thing he’d been wearing last night.
Fancy smiled softly. “As I said: eventful. Don’t worry about it, though. I’ve been through rougher—” Fancy coughed his excuse away before he could finish. “Well, just don’t worry about me.”
“I wasn’t…” Vinyl growled at her stupid eyes, always telling on her. “It’s hard not to worry after you all asked me to go home. Cadance being super vague about why didn’t help either.”
Fancy sat down at the other end of the couch and sighed into his hooves. “I know, and I wholeheartedly apologize. You’ve been working so hard to prepare for the event, only to be asked to leave early. I heard from Princess Cadance that Fleur was furious about your sudden exit with her. I’m honestly surprised she isn’t here with you now.”
“I guess she was busy helping Maman.”
The mention of the Prenchmare brought a soft smile to Fancy’s face. “Possibly. Those two would move the sun and moon for you if they thought you needed it.”
Vinyl pulled at her shoulder. “Yeah. I… they’re family.”
“And you couldn’t do better, trust me.”
Vinyl’s heart fluttered, bringing a contented smile to her face. “I do.”
A flicker of bashful surprise crossed Fancy as he looked at the other mare. After a moment, he nodded and turned his attention towards the fire as he threw on a comfortable smile. “I’m glad I’ve earned it despite having to be so secretive. I promise, you’ll be the first to know when I can talk to you about it. It’d actually be nice to be able to confide in you.”
“It would?” Her tail swished in delight at the news.
“Yes, though you might have mixed feelings about it, to put it lightly.”
“Can you tell me anything right now? Maybe it’ll help.”
Fancy laughed to himself. “Thank you, but I’m fine.”
“No you’re not. You look like you lost a fight with a dragon.”
Fancy laughed at the bluntness. “I suppose I have been wearing this a tad too long.” He brushed his shoulder, kicking up a gray cloud of what looked like ash. “I appreciate it, I really do, but there’s no need. A good night’s sleep will be enough for me.”
“But, you’re always helping me with everything while all I ever do is break down in front of you!” she pressed, not wanting to let this prime opportunity slip away. “Please, I want to help you for a change.”
Her earnest plea gave him pause. “Don’t sell yourself so short, Vinyl. You’ve done so much more for me than I think you realize.”
“Then at least let me help you when I know about it!” Vinyl snapped back, her intended supportive softness slipping into acute irritation and pulled away.
Fancy was taken aback slightly by her stern rebuke, but he quickly recovered and relaxed as he relaxed on the seat. “Alright. I suppose there’s no harm in venting a little about what I can. I just need to figure out what that is.”
“That shouldn’t be an issue for somepony of your talents,” she joked, poking at his flank.
“I suppose I could try the old cutie mark.” Fancy closed his eyes and went quiet as he mulled it over in his head. His ears flicked as he concentrated, mumbling under his breath as he shot down whatever ran through his head. After a few more moments, he finally opened his eyes and slumped his shoulders.
Vinyl frowned. “No dice?”
“Not exactly. I’ve discovered that the closer I am to a subject, the harder it is for me to make use of my insights,” he said as he glanced over at Vinyl.
“Well, can you just wing it?”
Fancy shrugged. “I suppose that’s all I can do when it comes to you, isn’t it?”
“I guess?” she answered, unsure of what he meant.
“Very well. Now, where to begin?”
“The start usually works for me.”
The stallion threw on a tired smirk. “That’s classified, at least for now.”
“Okay, so what about why you couldn’t come to the party today?”
“That was…” Fancy trailed as he chewed on the question. “I was meeting with a few of the princess’ dear friends from out of town regarding the matter at hoof. One of them is rather close to Princess Celestia and didn’t take the news very well. The resulting fallout kept both Princess Luna and Princess Cadance busy while I spoke with Princess Celestia.”
“Oh,” Vinyl muttered in slight shock. A few years ago, a problem worthy of the Princesses' attention would've worried Vinyl more, but she felt like she should've expected it considering one seemed to crop up at every major event these days. “Is Princess Celestia okay?”
“Yes. She’s doing quite well,” Fancy replied with a diplomatic smile. He took a moment to watch the fireplace burn, but his forced passivity failed as his gaze drifted down towards nothing in particular. “That’s where I should leave it, but I don’t have the strength to. To say anymore would be classified, but to say everything is fine would be a blatant lie.”
“Oh.” To think something could be wrong with Princess Celestia felt wrong in and of itself. She remembered hearing about her being knocked out at the wedding by that freak Chrysalis, but she bounced right back the next day.
Catching the worry in the mare, Fancy was quick to shake his head. “Make no mistake, she is perfectly healthy and still… frighteningly powerful, but I’ve recently discovered something that has shaken our friendship. I’m afraid our relationship will never be the same again.”
“O-oh…” Vinyl pawed at the seat cushion trying to think of something to say other than oh. At this rate, she was just going to be stringing a series of unhelpful uh-huh’s, I see’s, and you don’t say’s. Fancy always at least had something, but she was drawing blanks. She opened her mouth, trying to see if something would fall out.
“Yes?” Fancy asked after a patient moment, letting her know it was okay to speak her mind.
“Are you—” She stopped herself before she could finish the dumbest question ever. There was no reason to ask if he was okay when he obviously wasn’t. “Are you still going to do your royal teatime?”
Vinyl’s eyes widened hearing herself ask something that was somehow dumber than her first thoughtless question. Her brain screamed silently as Fancy's head tilted at the sheer idiocy on display. The fact he brought a hoof to his chin to puzzle over her stupidity made it even worse.
“You know, I haven’t thought about that.”
“Do you want to still? I mean, I—” Vinyl bit down on her tongue before she blindly offered to replace a royal teatime with a lame one with her. She wasn’t even that big of a tea pony, especially compared to a socialite like him. “I know you like tea.”
“That’s very much true,” Fancy agreed with a small smirk. “I suppose it depends on how things shake out. At the moment, I’m just trying to process everything.”
Refusing to utter another useless “oh” again, Vinyl scrambled for something else. Looking over Fancy, he was clearly hurt by whatever it was that the princess had going on, but she just couldn’t think of anything. She folded her forelegs and sunk into them. “I’m sorry, I’m terrible at this.”
“I wouldn’t say that. Even I’d be hard-pressed to say something without more to work with.” Fancy sighed in troubled satisfaction as he looked up towards the chandelier. “It’s enough to know you care.”
But it wasn’t enough for her. For peat’s sake, Fancy was doing more to comfort her in her failure to help him. Vinyl just wanted to be useful for once. To show that she cared. She cared so much about him. If only she could make him smile again, she’d actually show that she could be something more than useless. Fancy always made it look so easy, effortless, second-nature. Even when he struggled to find the right words at first, he would bounce back with something that made the wait worth it.
Meanwhile, all she could do was hem and haw, flail around for even a fraction of a good thought. She could write lyrics and throw snark back in a second. However, when it came to saying the slightest comfort, she fell flat on her face every single time. It was all she had practiced over the years of fending ponies off. Now that she actually wanted closeness, she didn't know how.
And again she was blowing everything up. Forget seeing a good mood, Vinyl would be lucky to not die of bottled up embarrassment. She'd imagined herself being smoother, slowly building up to the perfect moment to tell Fancy her feelings. How was she supposed to do that when she couldn't even spare a helpful-adjacent word? She was so stupid!
“Now then.” Taking a deep breath through the nose, the seasoned diplomat bounced back and plastered on a smile she knew was fake. “What was it that you needed from me?”
Vinyl shook her head. Despite all the effort he was putting into his stiff upper lip, she knew he was fighting all by himself and suffering. Fancy was all alone. She didn’t want him to be alone anymore. Vinyl cared so much about him. There had to be something she could say.
“I…” Vinyl pulled herself up and closer to Fancy. Any mood she’d hoped to set was absolutely ruined beyond repair. Her tongue was tied without any hope of uttering anything to make him feel better.
So, if she couldn't say, she'd just have to do instead.
Vinyl gently leaned up, raising a hoof to his head. The mare waded through his musky scent as she pulled him closer until her muzzle met his. In a final gambit, she closed her eyes as her lips tenderly graced his. Vinyl poured all of her heart into saying nothing at all.
The stallion’s mustache faintly tickled the tip of her nose as she savored the intimate gesture. There was a ruggedness in his breath mingled with traces of luxurious alcohol. Sensing a strange temerity in his touch, Vinyl pressed further, drawing his flavor in softly through her nose and accepting all of him. She could almost hear a faint ringing of a gentle bell that grew louder and louder.
Then, the ringing grew into the familiar sharp whine of a horn stress casting.
Vinyl broke away and opened her eyes to meet Fancy’s, whose eyes were wide with sheer terror.
Vinyl’s heart plummeted through her chest and onto the floor. “Fancy?”
The stallion fell off the couch as he tumbled back. He put a hoof to his mouth, covering it as he tried to stand to his hooves, all the while his horn desperately pulling at the crystal in his pocket.
Not wanting to see him flounder, Vinyl leapt up from the couch and reached out her hoof to help. “Fancy, are you—”
“Stay back!” Fancy cried in fear.
The desperate plea stopped Vinyl in her tracks as she lost feeling in her legs. She didn’t understand what was wrong.
“No-no-no, please. I didn’t mean for—” Fancy clambered up and tore open his liquor cabinet, grabbing the first thing he could get his hooves on and biting off the cork before kicking a bottle of red wine back.
Vinyl tried to say something, but no words came out as she watched him down the entire thing. Her hooves ran cold with dread hearing him slam the bottle onto the counter like a gavel and coughing up a storm. He stumbled further away from her and leaned over his desk for support from the wound she’d thoughtlessly inflicted upon him.
“I’m sorry, Vi—Miss Scratch,” he croaked through coughing fits. “I’m so sorry. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“W-what?”
“All this fate-weaving nonsense!” Fancy placed a hoof on his forehead as he tried to focus. “No, that’s wrong. I saw it right before my eyes, and I chose to ignore it. I got too close. Too comfortable. It was just so… I didn’t mean for this to happen. It’s all my fault!”
“I don’t understand,” Vinyl muttered as her lungs refused to breathe.
After another bout of coughs, Fancy stood up from his desk and turned to Vinyl, wracked with sorrow. “I’m supposed to be helping you, guiding you into a better future, not…” he gritted his teeth. “Not confusing you! You must understand. You’re a brilliant mare, Miss Scratch. A wonderful girl with limitless potential and endless possibilities. You have the ability to go further than I ever could, and you deserve the best this world has to offer. Far better than me.”
“But,” Vinyl salvaged what little remained of her failed kiss, scooping up the last bit of courage as she mustered all of her strength into her mouth. “But I love you...”
The words washed over Fancy’s ears, freezing him in place as they seemed to echo throughout his entire being. After a second of eternity, he turned away. “You can’t.”
All the world stood still. Somehow, it was so much worse than rejection. Those two little words crashed through her heart, shattering it into pieces. The smoldering remnants of her misguided feelings dug into her chest with their glassy edges, shredding her desires into ribbons.
She couldn’t love him. It was wrong. She was wrong, again. She’d messed up, again. It made sense. Vinyl wasn’t normal. It was weird. She was weird. And now she’d ruined everything, again. And so, she began to fall.
“No!” Fleur screamed in agony and pulled Vinyl into her chest to stop her from talking. “Don’t say it, please! I-I don’t want to choose between you two! I can’t! I want you both! Please, don’t make me choose!”
But now Fleur would have to choose. Instead of getting to know Fancy and starting to mend their relationship, she’d let a little kindness go to her head.
“A while?” Éclair shouted over Fancy as they danced. “It has been ages since you come to Pâte de Lune! Even longer for coming for the anniversary. You make time for Fleur. You make time for the princess. But none for me? I have missed you so dearly!” Tears started streaming down Maman’s face. “Why has it been so long? D-did I do something?”
And if there was a wedge between Fleur and Fancy, he’d distance himself from Éclair again. Just when he’d gone out of his way to hire her for the event, Vinyl had gotten too greedy and ruined the progress they’d made on their relationship.
And then there was Octavia, and Steeplechase, and the ESPA, and her grant money, and her living arrangement, and the collection, and her research. Everything she still had left was because of Fancy Pants. It was by his grace that she even existed anymore. Vinyl had lost sight of that. She’d forgotten her reality, gotten lost in her stupid feelings, and thrown everything away.
Vinyl messed up, but that wasn’t surprising. Vinyl Scratch always messed up.
So, maybe she should just stop.
“Are you listening?”
“Huh?” the mare replied as the world filled back in around her.
“I-I was suggesting for you to leave for the night, Miss Scratch,” Fancy stammered as he tried to compose himself. “Please. For your sake. I think you should stay with your family, at least for now. Don’t worry about me, just focus on yourself. On what really matters.”
She nodded absently as she looked around for something that did, but there was nothing. No ice, no water, no static, just the abyss of her own making. The void should've reduced her to a sobbing mess, but instead it all just felt numb.
“I’m sorry. I just…” Fancy massaged his head as his magic wrestled with the crystal for relief. “I’m sorry. I promise, we’ll figure this out, okay?”
The mare continued nodding. Continued to agree as the last shred of her useless heart’s desires bled away into nothingness. The unfeeling was familiar in a way. Comforting. Nostalgic.
“Good. I… good.” Fancy attempted to take a few calming breaths, but nothing seemed to be helping as he shook from the sheer amount of stress coursing through him. “For now, let’s pretend this ever happened and try to forget—Dear heavens, it sounds worse when I say it aloud—just forget this ever happened.”
She kept her lips sealed. There had already been too much damage done through useless actions and words. The situation could always get worse. Experience had taught her that time and again.
Fancy Pants trotted over to the door to the study and opened it. Despite everything, the gentlestallion couldn’t help but treat her with a respect she didn’t deserve. She shuffled through slowly heading towards the studio. As she passed in front of Fancy, he looked away, unable to bear the sight of her. It was even expected. Despite the good sir’s disheveled appearance, she was downright ghastly in comparison. At least he was still dressed while she was truly a terrible sight to behold. However, she knew she shouldn’t be impolite and ignore the chivalry wasted on her.
“Thank you, sir.”
“Y-you’re welcome,” he said, confused by the formality. “Will you need anything else for the night?”
That was a good question. If she was going to forget like he’d requested, she’d need a little help. Fortunately, the mare had a pretty good idea for getting all of this nonsense out of her head. She just needed to borrow a few of the DJ’s things.
“Thank you for your concern, but please don’t trouble yourself,” she assured politely as she stepped through into the darkened hallway. “I’m sure I have everything I need waiting for me at home.”
If you find a simple mistake in the GSP (Grammar, Spelling, or Punctuation), please let me know through a private message rather than leaving it in the comment section. Thank you for reading!
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Talk about crack shipping
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Well that could have gone better.
Poor girl. She choose the wrong night for this.
Noooooooooooooooooooo
Expected, but I did hope witnessing Celestia’s own twisted take on love might’ve caused Fancy to reevaluate his own attitude.
Poor Vinyl. I do not fancy realizes how much damage he potentially just did or that he rejected her in almost the worst way he could.
That was truly heartbreaking… the tears…
No joke...
She actually went through with it. I'm impressed.
Fancy Pants, you idiot.
You moron.
Why would you do this? What have I, specifically, done to you to deserve this?
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Eeyup...
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Who's to say it didn't?
11676891
You specifically picked up Electro Swing. You should know by now that things are never easy around here.
Ouch. Can't think of much else to say than that. Granted. This definitely was not the optimal time considering what Fancy had just gone through. Regardless. Excellent work, I can't wait to see more!
This is a truly underrated masterpiece.
Oh gods, we've been doing the bloody shojo dance for 50 chapters, and now it's going to take another 50 for this mess to be resolved.
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Aww, that's so kind of you to say. Thank you!
11679121
I know its odd to say this as we approach 400K words, but I actually like stories that end. We're much closer than you think.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Fancy Pants may as well be chasing a mirage, he reminds me of a couple of Greek myths about men who sought impossible love. The mare he seeks hasn't existed for years and he's all but pulled his bloody beating heart from his chest in the delusions that if he works a little harder, does this or that specific thing she'll return his love. I know the feeling of being rejected, I can be a bit of a hopless romantic myself if it was merely that I'd feel sympathy for the old boy. But at this point he's lost all sympathy because he'd sooner do forbidden blood magiks than admit to the truth. How many good mares has he hurt chasing this phantom from his past?
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I'm looking forward to seeing your thoughts on the upcoming chapters.
One thing I hope has been communicated to the readers is that Fancy Pants is not a wholly good pony. It was something I was trying to avoid throughout the story. Just because he's nice, rich, and capable of caring for somepony else doesn't make him good. Lots of would-be "alpha males" cling to that false notion like Hal Stewart from Megamind. He doesn't get to coast on the power of good fortune.
And when we thought he couldn't be any denser, Fancy surprises us once again. Also, some of the phrasing in that last section is much scarier now that I know what I know. DJ's things indeed.