Chapter 4: Time for Tea
Rose congou had never tasted so refreshing. Fancy Pants wondered if it was due to better ingredients or the simple fact he was taking a moment to breathe. Most of his day had been lost to fruitless meeting after fruitless meeting with nobles all over the city. He hadn’t expected to be met with such stubborn resistance. The Vinyl Screech had captured the attention of every one of them, even the ponies who weren’t even at the festival. It was a comfortably familiar scandal that they were wrapping their hooves around and weren’t about to let go. He hated that he could understand why.
The last few months had been a nonstop flurry of world-shattering events and paradigm shifts. Seemingly, the moment anypony thought they could catch their breath, something else would shake the mountaintop from settling into a new norm. At least, historians would be spoiled for choice in terms of naming potential for the new era whenever things finally calmed down.
However, it wouldn’t be fair to ignore the more noble of the nobles’ sensibilities. It was true the racket had interrupted royal proceedings. Some nocturnes had suffered headaches or minor injuries from short falls. Those parts of their argument did bear some merit, at least for those responding in good faith. Unfortunately, most were just latching onto half-remembered factoids in order to bolster their own narratives.
Not that any of it mattered much right now. Presently, the only thing on Fancy’s mind was savoring the floral taste of expertly brewed rose petals dancing in his mouth. After running around half of Canterlot, he was content in resting his hooves for a spell. If Princess Celestia could take a moment away from ruling a country for an afternoon tea, then he would do the same and check his problems at the door.
“Tea has a way of lifting the weight of the world off one’s shoulders, doesn’t it?” Princess Celestia remarked.
“Coming from you, I suppose you mean it more literally, your highness.”
The princess didn’t answer, but judging by the ancient, knowing glint in her eyes, a timely cup of tea might very well have saved the nation once or twice. Instead, she picked up a scone and spread jam over it before adding a healthy dollop of cream. She bit into her gooey treat, her eyes lighting up like a foal on Hearth’s Warming.
The princess sighed in heavenly bliss. “I wish we could enjoy such divine treats more often.”
Fancy regarded the Princess’ selections for the day: Apple family zap apple jam, nimbostratus Cloudsdale cream, apple cinnamon scones, and the tea blended with sunkissed roses from the royal garden. Even for Celestia’s devotion to sugar, the spread was a bit excessive. Not only that, but it was slightly too familiar for his tastes.
“Is something the matter with the food, Fancy?” Celestia asked innocently enough.
“No, Princess. It’s more that the offerings are a tad more elaborate than normal. Is there a special event I am forgetting?”
“Beyond the pleasures of good company? No. But I think that alone is worth celebrating. Wouldn’t you agree?”
Fancy Pants looked back at the alicorn from across the breakfast table. Her eyes had wandered towards the large sunroom windows overlooking the expansive royal garden. Though her favorite garden flowers were under piles of snow, the winter landscape provided its own colorful beauty with sunlight refracting through the icicles and frost, casting rainbows across the blank white mounds. Be it at the height of spring or the dead of winter, the garden never ceased to be breathtaking.
That wasn’t to say the princess’ personal tea room wasn’t something to be admired as well. While many places around the castle shined with the wondrous might of Equestria and her history in all its regal splendor, the princess’ private and cozy retreat was a simpler affair. It was far smaller than one would expect from a princess anything, fitting only a hoof-full of ponies comfortably by design.
The walls were sparsely decorated with only a few shelves for storage and sconces for days where the sun or moon didn’t provide enough light. It was almost purely utilitarian in design, as to not distract the eyes of anypony from the wall of windows framing the idyllic garden scenery backdropped by the natural beauty of the waterfalls cascading down the mountainside.
Fancy took another drink from his cup while he mused. “I would. Though it would be remiss of me if I didn’t note that it is not everyday that your hostess lavishes you with your mother’s favorite flavors.”
Celestia turned back to Fancy Pants with a warm smile. “So you finally noticed. But are they not your favorites as well?”
“I would be a fool to turn down such decadence.” Fancy lifted a jam-dipped knife to his scone and spread a tepid amount before scraping the excess back into the jar. “However, I always found zap apples a bit too sweet for my liking.”
Celestia hummed to herself. “Perhaps I have misremembered,” she wondered as she scraped Fancy’s excess from the jar’s rim to enjoy herself. “But I distinctly remember Summers swearing up and down that you loved it. She always talked about you when I visited her spa.”
A small nostalgic smile crossed Fancy’s lips. “I suppose mother always knew what to leverage to get what she wanted.”
The princess blinked once, twice, and snickered before the dams broke. She laughed wholeheartedly, just as she had after the last ruinous gala. Fancy Pants was one of the few ponies she could relax around, mostly a carryover from his family having been friends with her royal highness years before he was born. It didn’t hurt that he’d done his best to maintain the historical relationship and foster one of his own as a second generation noble.
“Even after all these years, she still somehow manages to get the better of me,” the princess chuckled as Fancy poured her another cup of tea. She watched as the loose tea leaves and petals flowed around the edges like a spinning clock. A quiet lull sank into the conversation as Fancy prepared the tea.
“Still, you have failed to explain yourself, dear princess,” Fancy reminded his present company. “Would you care for some more sugar?”
“Yes, please. And I beg your pardon?” she replied with all the grace befitting her station resumed.
Fancy placed three cubes of sugar into the tea and gently stirred. “For being the one who brings the light of day, you take a strange satisfaction from keeping the ponies around you in the dark.”
“In relation to what?” The princess’ smile didn’t move one iota. While most would be lost in her serene grace, Fancy’s long years of service to Equestria had taught him better.
Her smiles were masks. Ones of renowned, impenetrable beauty that never failed to move the hearts of creatures across the world. There was no way to break through without privileged information, and the mysterious mare rarely shared her secrets. After all, the Age of Silence was not named after the stories lost to time, but rather the one the silent princess refused to tell.
“Alright then. Keep your secrets.” He levitated the freshly poured tea to the princess.
“Thank you.” She wrapped her magical aura over the cup as he retreated. “And I could say the same to you.”
“The key difference being that you already know all of mine if our menu for today is any indication.”
“Back on that are we?” The princess’ serenity grew even calmer. “What makes you think there’s an agenda to begin with?”
A silent alarm rang in his head. Agenda was a rather leading word, and they both knew it. “There would be no reason to play a coy pony more than half your age.”
“I assure you, it is far more than half.”
“So is this the point where I am supposed to take the bait and grab onto the single grain of truth to deduce that you have a secret, yes?” Fancy took a tame bite out of his lightly covered pastry.
The princess’ smile grew ever more serene. “You’re no fun today, Fancy Pants.”
Fancy added her use of his full name to the growing pile of red flags. She had stopped, but wasn’t going to let him get away that easily. “I humbly apologize, your highness. I am too tired to entertain this game for long,”
“I see.” Princess Celestia poured Fancy Pants another cup of tea. Without asking, she dropped two sugars into his cup. “Then I'm glad your mother’s favorites are so reinvigorating. I find them perfect after a stressful day. I assure you, it has been a long one for us both.”
“There’s no hiding anything from you, is there?” Fancy Pants chuckled lightly and gladly took his overly sweetened tea. “So, this is equal parts for the both of us?”
“Very much so. Last night caused quite a commotion just when she was trying to resume her Night Court. My sister is still getting used to modern affairs and the sudden appearance of angry petitioners proved to be…” The princess pursed her lips trying to find the words. “A bit much to manage. She has not yet grown accustomed to today’s media frenzy after such events. A millennium ago, she would’ve shouted them out of court with one word using the Royal Canterlot Voice.”
“Oh my.” Fancy Pants shuddered slightly, knowing the younger princess’ dated temperament. “What did her highness do?”
“Why, she shouted them out of the court with one word using the Royal Canterlot Voice, of course.” Celestia did her best to obscure a delighted smirk behind her cup. “There are a few words that my sister and I know that carry a bit more weight than others.”
“So, that part of the tale wasn’t an embellishment,” he thought aloud, recalling some of the more over-the-top reactions to last night’s event. “Remind me to never get on diarchy’s bad side.”
“Many have forgotten its true power. Luna told me she was surprised by the fear it instilled during Nightmare Night. Its more forceful use has become exceedingly rare in our age of peace, though I won’t pretend that I haven’t entertained the thought of shouting down the press in the same way. It can be quite exhausting when you need a moment of privacy, as you should know very well.”
Fancy nodded. There had been a time when his family’s day-to-day lives made the front page of every tabloid and newspaper, but that was years ago. While his current quiet bachelor lifestyle left the paparazzi with very little to sensationalize, his popstar parents, Sauna Summers and Suede Shoes, had lived on the complete opposite end of the spectrum.
They were the Queen of Disco and the Velvet Voice of Canterlot, never knowing a moment’s peace at the height of their musical popularity. Many of Fancy’s first memories were polluted by blinding camera flashes. When he was a little older, he’d always hated dodging the media when he was sneaking out. Back then it was always ponies trying to get the latest news about the stars living there, not so much their obscure delinquent son.
Fancy Pants absentmindedly removed his monocle and produced his polishing cloth. He began rubbing the lens methodically to remove any blotches that might’ve accumulated over the course of the day. A flash emitted from the cloth and then his coat pocket. He followed the sparkling trail to the source and withdrew a pristinely clean monocle.
“That’s one way to get a stallion’s attention.”
“Just bringing you back to the present, Fancy Pants,” she remarked with motherly concern. “Besides, you don’t seem like yourself without it. ‘One must always look their part,’ right, Sir Fancy Pants?” Celestia joked and gently tapped her tiara with her golden shod hoof.
“Of course, your royal highness, Princess Celestia, Sovereign of Sol.” Fancy Pants stood from his cushion and raised his voice as if he was announcing Celestia’s presence to an entire kingdom. He swept a hoof at the imaginary crowd, letting an old flame burn in his eyes. “The Harbinger of Harmony! Dismantler of Discord! Vanquisher of villains far and wide such as the mighty—”
“Enough, enough! Goodness, you always made me sound so intimidating. I believe most of those ‘vanquishings’ were ended through diplomacy, not violence.” Celestia shooed the overly ceremonious titles and pageantry away like an annoying fly.
“True, but the griffons didn’t need to know that.” Fancy Pants flashed a winning smile. “‘Ferocity, tenacity, victory’ as they say. And the warrior’s embellishment is par for the course in Griffonstone.”
“And you knew just the right stories to retell. I have always admired the way you can connect to anyone and everyone.”
“It was my job to know, just like it always is to know the very best from the rest of the best,” he stated with no pomp or pride as it was simply a fact. Fancy Pants retook his seat from across the table.
“And using your talents for the betterment of all Equestria rather than your own personal gain is one of the many reasons I knighted you in the first place,” Celestia said while smiling the same way she had during the ceremony. “I do miss your hoof at my side.”
“And here I thought I had found a moment’s peace,” Fancy joked half-heartedly as he readied his defenses once again. “While I appreciate my time as an Ambassador, I must once again reiterate that I still very much enjoy my current local life here in the capitol. My tenure as Sir Fancy Pants of the Equestrian Embassy is done, and gladly so.”
The princess glanced to the side with a slight pout drawn on her lips. “And here I was hoping to ask a small favor of you.”
Fancy Pants took a sip of tea for strength, but the sweetness bit back. “I apologize, but I told you upfront that I wasn’t playing this game, Princess Celestia,” he countered. “And, with all due respect, it will take more than buttering me up with my mother’s favorites, my monocle, and my ego to have me traipse halfway across the world when there's plenty needing done right here.”
“I couldn't agree more,” Celestia nodded, knocking Fancy off balance with a ceding parry. “I need somepony I can trust who bears a deep knowledge of Canterlot to be an ambassador of today in Canterlot, tonight. And I can’t think of anypony better suited to the task than you.”
“And what need is there in a retired ambassador like myself on such short notice?”
“I would like you to serve as an escort for my sister this evening.”
Fancy’s eyes widened in surprise. “An escort? Tonight?”
“Yes. You have done so plenty of times in the past for foreign dignitaries. This world is barely recognizable to Luna now, and I would very much like her to get out of the castle for a while and explore.”
Normally he wouldn’t decline such a request, especially from the princess, but time was of the essence with the fallout from the festival. He needed to spend what little of the day remained trying to lessen the blow to DJ Pon-3’s reputation. There were so powerful ponies lining up against the young mare to take a shot at her simply to be seen doing so. The last thing Fancy wanted was for her career to be ruined by an accident.
“I’m not sure, your highness. Wouldn’t she be more comfortable with the friends she's made in Ponyville?”
“While my student and her friends have my eternal thanks, this is not their part to play in her life. Besides, she is rather… resistant to getting along with the nobles in this modern era.” The princess pointed a hoof towards Fancy. “But you are an exception, my most capable envoy.”
“While I appreciate your confidence in me, I’m not sure I share it. Perhaps I could help find somepony more suited for the task?” Fancy offered as she quietly reached for the Cloudsdale cream and methodically prepared another cinnamon scone.
“There is nopony else I trust more than you in this matter, unless, of course, you have an issue with spending time with my beloved Lulu.” A heated edge emerged from behind Celestia’s smiling eyes.
“Not at all!” Fancy quickly deflected. “It’s simply that I am rather busy with some things regarding the Festival of Flakes today—”
“I am more than happy to lend Raven or Kibitz to help handle any truly pressing matters you might still have.” She paused to take a crumbless bite out of her impeccable scone, closing her eyes to savor the overly sweet flavor. “I’m sure you could use a night off just as much as Lulu could after what happened with that dreadful noise last night.”
“You know that I would normally both agree and would gladly accept such a generous offer, but I’d rather not take them away from their important duties at the castle.” Fancy took another quick sip of the overly sweet tea to buy himself a moment to think. “Furthermore, I was the host that evening, so the responsibility ultimately falls to my hooves.”
“I see.” She swallowed and sighed, content with her perfectly delicious creation. Her eyelids slowly drew open like a curtain as her ancient eyes pierced Fancy’s soul. “By the way, did you happen to notice that the first snow of the year fell almost two hours earlier than expected?”
Fancy nearly choked on the burning sugar stabbed like thorns in the back of Fancy’s throat.
“After looking into the matter, it appears that an order to begin the first snowfall had come from Princess Luna directly. Rather harshly too if the guard’s report is to be believed. The weather officials' feathers were rather ruffled by the sudden change in schedule.” Celestia hummed to herself in thought as she rocked her head back and forth. “It’s so strange too given she has no memory of giving such a command. I take such matters very seriously, so I looked into it myself just in case there was foul play.”
Fancy opened his mouth, but nothing but empty retorts came to mind.
“I intend to share the details that I found with Luna when she wakes up for dinner tonight. However, if for some reason she were to be too busy, a few of the details might’ve slipped my mind by tomorrow morning.” Princess Celestia smiled upon Fancy Pants with the heavenly serenity of Elysium. “Are you sure you won’t reconsider, ‘Pantsy?’”
After ripping out the rest of the day’s itinerary and tossing it into the royal waiting room’s fireplace, Fancy Pants faced the familiar vanity mirror to check himself. The vanity was made of whitetail poplar, crafted to resemble the marble columns of the castle halls. It had been a trusty companion during his ambassadorial days as his last-minute prep station before meeting any foreign dignitary.
Old habits kicked in and he opened the drawers for his trusty grooming kit. Before he could scoff at his muscle memory leading him astray, he was met with a curiously weighty resistance. He pulled the drawer out further to reveal his supplies were still there. He lifted the various bottles, combs, and fragrances eyeing them curiously.
“Brand new,” he noted to himself after sniffing the cologne. It wasn’t a scent he had used before, but it was certainly high quality. Before he could pass it off as somepony else’s, he noticed the mustache combs suspended in barbicide next to an unopened tin of his favorite brand of beard wax. On top of that, everything had been meticulously placed exactly how Fancy always organized it back in the day.
Fancy chuckled to himself. “Well played, your highness. Well played.”
The seasoned diplomat went to work and grabbed the tools of his trade by hoof. Perhaps it was his mother’s pegasus side getting into him, but there was a certain tactile pleasure to the process. A little wax here, a brush stroke there; it was the simple rituals that focused him before any meeting. He finished his preparations by trotting through two spritzes of cologne, dispersing it lightly over his body, just in time for the double doors to open.
With no announcement or ceremony, two armored nocturnes stepped through and held the doors open for Princess Luna. She stepped through the portal with long, commanding, yet graceful strides that barely made a click upon the tiled floor. The night blue alicorn was dressed as she always was, adorned with the same beautifully mysterious regalia of silverlight and ebony. Her ethereal mane and tail sparkled much like Celestia’s, but with the intensity of a cluster of stars. She couldn’t be any more different and similar to her elder sister.
While the younger princess was no stranger to Fancy, they were little more than acquaintances. Any meetings between them had been completely coincidental since her return from the moon. Despite always sending invitations, the ever reclusive alicorn hadn’t attended a single event in Canterlot outside of musical performances and he wasn’t sure why. He deeply bowed as the lunar princess approached.
“Sir Fancy Pants,” Princess Luna addressed coldly.
“I hope this evening has found you well, Your Majesty,” he replied, head still bowed.
“Rise so we may look upon thee.”
At her command, Fancy Pants rose to meet the princess’ gaze. Despite only being slightly taller than him, her galactic presence filled the entire room. Her countenance was locked in a steely, almost contemptuous aloofness as she regarded him. While Princess Celestia usually kept her alicorn power closer to the hip, it seemed the younger princess wore her celestial heritage on her withers. The merest glance bore down upon mortals with the blinding might of a supernova.
“Our sister believes we should ‘get out more’ if we are using the proper vernacular,” she announced sternly. She opened her mouth to continue, but one of the sentries quickly appeared at her side and whispered something into her ear. She nodded along thoughtfully for a few moments until a stark realization sent her rigid, her eyes widening for the briefest moment. Her pupils shot back to Fancy Pants for a brief moment before returning to the night guard.
The guard nodded silently and darted back to the doorway just as quickly as he had arrived. The princess coughed to the side to clear her throat. “We—I meant to say, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Sister has said much in regard to your deeds for Equestria and our ponies.”
“You are too kind, your highness. The pleasure is all mine,” Fancy replied with another short bow.
“Yes, of course.” Luna’s eyes wandered the room. “Sister also tells that you are well-versed in the goings-on of Canterlot and would be an invaluable boon to my… assimilation of modern society.” Luna’s brief survey of the room ended on her guard, who quickly nodded approvingly, prompting a tiny smile of her own.
He paused, running the sentence through his head again for good measure. “I suppose that is one way to put it.”
“Oh, most joyous news! Long have we desired to explore this new ‘nightlife’ our sister has spoken of and would be most pleased to partake in its wonder as well!”
Princess Luna’s overwhelming power was only second to her radiance as her elation sent her skyward. She twirled above with the stars in her mane dancing around her. Her delightful display came to a sudden stop as her eyes shrank with realization. She bit her lip and quickly grounded herself with a powerful thud on all four hooves.
“I! We meant I! I mean, I have wanted to uhh…” She slammed a hoof down in frustration and turned away in a huff. “Oh, this manner of speaking is utterly vexing, Fluttershy!” she cursed to herself. Fancy Pants pretended not to hear as the frazzled pony began muttering “‘I’ before ‘We’ except when it’s not just ‘Me,'” repeatedly as her nebula of hair seemed to somehow fray from stress.
Out of all the possibilities that were to come of Princess Celestia’s firm request to escort her sister for the evening, the last thing he’d expected was for her sister to be a nervous wreck. Her curious absence from royal and elite affairs was far less mysterious now. Princess Luna had gone from a dauntless lunar diarch to an awkwardly stuttering introvert in the span of fifteen seconds.
“I beg your pardon, your highness—” Fancy was interrupted by a flash of interstellar space as Luna spun sharply to face him and whipped him with her tail.
“It is granted!” she responded far too quickly.
The words momentarily died on Fancy’s lips at the official pardon he’d just received. He cleared his throat, pushing past the princess’ awkwardness. “There is no need to be nervous around a simple pony such as myself.”
“Tis a lie! We are not nervous,” she lied nervously.
“Of course, Princess Luna. What I meant to say is that I would be more than happy to show you around Canterlot this evening.”
Her eyes lit up like the stars. “We thank thee for thy kindness, Sir Fancy Pants.” The one night guard coughed politely, which Luna responded to with a withering glare before returning to Fancy. “I mean, thank you, Sir Fancy Pants,” Luna corrected, pulling her hoof through her mane. She clicked her tongue absently and looked at the position of the low lying sun. “When did you last eat?”
“Only a small snack during afternoon tea with Princess Celestia, your highness.”
“I see. Knowing her penchant for filling sweets, it may be some time before you are hungry once more,” the princess pondered aloud. She stared at nothing in particular while finishing unspoken calculations in her head. “You are the expert, so I will defer to your judgment. What shall we do while we wait?”
While he had only eaten a lightly dressed scone with the princess, he didn’t want to correct her assumption. “Would you be against eating somewhere in the city proper?”
“Far from it. It was my intention to dine outside the castle this evening. With your guidance, of course.”
“Then, if it pleases you, we could walk to our destination. It is shaping up to be a splendid evening, and a walk through the crisp winter air is sure to work up our appetites, Princess Luna.”
For the first time, the princess beamed a brilliant smile, relaxed and bright as starlight. “An evening stroll would be most splendid, Sir Fancy Pants. I will raise the moon early and return shortly.”
She motioned to her night guard and started down the hallway towards the lunar dias. Before she shut the door, she turned back to her host for the evening.
“Oh, and please. Call me Luna.”
If you find a simple mistake in the GSP (Grammar, Spelling, or Punctuation), please let me know through a private message rather than leaving it in the comment section. Thank you for reading!
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Hm.
10985348
The infathomable, neutral depths of "Hm" has descended for the second time upon this story. I wonder what happens with a third...
What a treat of a chapter. I absolutely adore the ever-fancy diplomatic sparring between Fancy and Celestia, he tried to get information out of her. It was a bit needless though if Celestia was planning on asking Fancy for a favor, was she just beating around the bush so she could get a few scones down before actually talking about work?
I may be a bit perplexed by this statement, so let me try to understand it. The snow began to fall under Celestia's order after the "Screech", but I fail to see how that had any impact on the itinerary. I get Celestia is asking Fancy to take Luna out for a stroll/dinner so that she avoids the Night Court's procedures after the way she reacted. Still don't get why moving the snow earlier helped Tia's schemes
Loving your take on Luna thus far!
11034782
Glad you enjoyed the chapter.
Also, the answer is back in Chapter 2. #BlameFleur
Well that was a pretty interesting conversation between Fancy Pants and the royal sisters and I do like how much patient with Princess Luna despite that she still trying to get used to the modern Equestria but hey she's learning
Ah, good to see Celly has ponies around to keep her sharp and friends to relax with as well. Ruling is nothing if not stressful, after all. Love the dynamic between her and Fancy Pants. Very curious how his dynamic with Luna will develop. Especially once she, almost inevitably, meets Fleur.
11034788 Which to be fair was a bit of a douche move, Celly. Manipulating somepony by threatening their friends? Especially sompony who has served you loyally in the past, and done a number of unpleasanrt jobs on your behalf? Consider your worst princess status confirmed.
I have to say that all the needless beating around the bush seemed rather pointless.
"Fancy Pants, my sister is not acclimatising well to the modern era. I need someone who's judgement I trust implicitly to help her by escorting her tonight."
That's all it would have taken.
This is a well written story
This is an original story. Both overall and as these characters are acting compared to other fics, it's totally novel
I can't predict what's going to happen next but each part flows naturally into the next.
There are fun lines all around
And i think faust at one point described celestia as similar to gandalf
11292717
Thanks for the compliments! I will say, the quoted line is one of my favorite things I've ever written. It's so dumb and I love it.