• Published 1st Sep 2021
  • 2,480 Views, 903 Comments

Electro Swing - Rego



When blame is cast on Vinyl Scratch for ruining an elite winter party, Fancy Pants intercedes on her behalf. However, even the Kingmaker of Canterlot may lack the power to stop the record from spinning out of control.

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Chapter 5: Moonshine

Tables sucked as pillows. Vinyl had come to the conclusion fifteen minutes into her impromptu test, but she wasn’t keen on finding a more comfortable spot. She wasn’t sure how long it had been since laying her head there. The power gems in her headphones were completely drained, so she couldn’t use her position in her playlist as a measurement of time.

Her forlorn posture would probably make more sense to onlookers if it was at a bar accompanied by something hard like whiskey or rum. She wasn’t the most experienced drinker, but she could really go for something to numb the day. However, instead of wallowing in misery in a dive bar, the DJ was resting her head on a chic, wrought iron table at Fleur de Lis’ family bakery bistro with an orange marmalade parfait. She hadn’t ordered it, but it was there.

Despite her discomfort, she was too busy watching her untouched treat sweat condensation as its contents melted to mush. It was only slightly more interesting than watching paint dry. At times, the slowly melting gelato would lose enough viscosity to jostle other ingredients around randomly. A long waffle cone crisp had already fallen onto the table, just shy of her mane.

Another movement caught her eye. A pony’s shadow sprouted from below the table and crawled up the earthen tiled walls. If she hadn’t recognized the outline of a beret atop its head, she might’ve grunted aggressively to ward them off. Instead, she grunted more cordially. Both grunts sounded the same to the untrained ear, but one would’ve been punctuated by an airborne parfait.

Ah la vache,” the friendly shadow complained in Prench. “This is the longest anypony resist my food, Vinyle. I am not sure if I feel impressed or insulted.”

A pastel peach hoof gently reached past her head, removed the ruined dessert, and wiped the tabletop clean. As the shadow retreated back, Vinyl wasn’t sure how to feel either. Her favorite parfait had been completely wasted on her.

Before she had a chance to miss it, the shadow returned to carefully set a fresh parfait in its place. Vinyl watched and waited to be left alone again. Fifteen seconds passed, then Forty-five. A full minute. A minute thirty. Finally, at two agonizing minutes in, she heard the shifting of hooves. At first she thought it was leaving, but it was just taking a seat.

Vinyl flopped her head over to face the mare that wouldn’t leave her alone, Éclair de Lune. The petite, middle-aged mare sat on her croissant moon cutie-marked haunches, her intricately braided pink mane poking out from under her red pastry beret. Vinyl saw the last moments of a deeply worried face melt away as the two mare’s eyes met.

“Ah, Fleur! She finally wakes!” Éclair shouted over her shoulder.

C’est awesome!” Fleur called back from the kitchen.

Éclair placed a hoof on the DJ’s shoulder and smiled kindly. “Welcome back to Pâte de Lune, fillasse.”

Vinyl’s eyes wandered around the deserted Prench bakery bistro. She traced the warm browns of the wall reminiscent of bread, coffee, and wood with her eyes, not seeing a single pony seated at any of the low round tables. It existed in stark contrast to the busy main street traffic milling outside the storefront windows. Seeing the soft oranges of the later afternoon sun filtering in from the windows, she wondered when it had gotten so late in the day. Having spurned la Lune’s hospitality for long enough, the DJ righted herself from the table.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that, Miss de Lune.”

Éclair hushed the younger mare. “Shh. No apologies. Just enjoy.”

Taking the dessert spoon in her magic, the DJ carefully scooped up a few tiny jelly cubes of marmalade along with the gelato. She scraped the tower of whipped cream and shaved chocolate flakes to complete the perfect first bite. Finally, Vinyl flipped the spoon over in her mouth and gently slid it over her tongue, spreading the sweet contents around for maximum sweetness exposure. She wasn’t a changeling, but she swore she could taste the emotions dripping from every succulent drop.

This was how oranges were supposed to taste, rather than the concentrated burn juice from this morning. The crisp tang balanced by the vanilla and chocolate might’ve brought a tear to her eye if she wasn’t already completely spent emotionally. Even after everything that had happened, the screech, the hate, the looks, the grants, the crystal drain, Vinyl hadn’t cried. She might’ve felt like it, but DJ Pon-3 didn’t cry. She hadn’t before and she wasn’t about to start now. Vinyl took another greedy spoonful for strength.

Éclair said nothing as Vinyl dug into her treat. The kindly mare simply watched Vinyl eat with a soft smile. Satisfied with the DJ’s progress, she kissed Vinyl’s cheek before heading back towards the kitchen. Though she knew the Prenchmare meant well, the faire la bise was still a culture shock too far for her. It had taken long enough to acclimate to Fleur’s constant clinging.

Speaking of said monkey mare, Fleur emerged from the kitchen sweaty and covered with splotches of various baking goods. After another brief, stern talking-to from Éclair, the little family shared a hug. It’d be hard to tell which was the elder if not for the smaller mare’s subtle age lines. While Fleur reflected much of Éclair’s appearance, she must’ve gotten her greater size from her late father. Éclair was even smaller than Vinyl, so she nearly vanished into the embrace every time.

Releasing their hug, they walked past each other and swapped places in the store. Éclair headed to the back to continue working while Fleur pulled a stool from a nearby table to join Vinyl. She collapsed onto her seat and leaned against the wall. Sweat poured down from the base of her horn and mixed with the loose ingredients matting her fur.

“I swear to the sun, those crates are multiplying like rabbits back there.” Fleur removed her beret by hoof and began fanning her horn in an attempt to cool down.

The poor mare had been run ragged since they’d walked through the back door. While Vinyl wanted to go back home after such a rough day, Fleur refused to let her go home alone and dragged her to de Lune. To their surprise, Éclair was already waiting for them to bombard Fleur with questions. While her spoken Equish was still a little spotty after two decades of living in the capitol, she was perfectly capable of reading the newspaper.

Vinyl tried to explain it as gently as she could, but the motherly mare was having none of it. Éclair led her to a table, set a parfait down, and then dragged Fleur by her ear into the kitchen. While she couldn’t understand the language, their volume was enough for Vinyl to know Fleur was in deep trouble. The few dine-in customers still there quietly sneaked away to the outside seating area to avoid argument. Fortunately, Fleur caved almost immediately, quickly falling from screaming, to deflecting, before finally becoming too quiet to get a word in edgewise over Éclair.

“She’s making me triple check and organize our inventory, box by box, for the next three months for the whole cake thing last night,” Fleur remarked as she wiped splotches of flour off with her magic. “I didn’t even know the ‘not as long as you’re living under my roof’ card was still in play.”

“Did she figure out your favorite cake?” Vinyl asked between bites, bringing a small smile to her friend.

“No, and I’m taking that secret to my grave.” Fleur sighed to herself, releasing the tension in her shoulders. “Maman really flipped out when she read the paper today, you know. Probably would’ve closed up early to drag you back here herself if I didn’t.”

Vinyl took a bite. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

Fleur chuckled to herself. “You’re gonna need to figure out a better lie than that.”

Vinyl took another bite. “I’m fine.”

Fleur softened as she leaned closer to her best friend. “She’s really worried about you. We both are.”

As if on cue, Éclair’s head poked out from the doorway to the kitchen to check on their table before disappearing back into the back to prepare for the dinner crowd.

“She loves you. We both do.”

Vinyl said nothing, instead taking the entire waffle cone slice and chomping down on it. The crunch in her mouth was better than hearing herself think. She knew Fleur and Éclair meant it, but Vinyl couldn’t help but hate that word: love.

Ponies used it so flippantly. She’d heard it so many times. “I love this song” or “That dress is so lovely on you.” It had such a low bar of entry that ponies could spout it with no feeling, straight-faced. It was a meaningless cliche thrown around out of expectation and obligation. How an entire race of changelings sustained themselves on such a hollow word was a complete mystery to her.

What was even worse is she was guilty of the same thing. She told ponies she’d loved them before, but she wasn’t sure if she ever meant it. Vinyl wasn’t even sure if she knew what it felt like. There were so many attempts, falling in and out of fling after fling with stallions and mares alike. There was a slight thrilling feeling of romance she’d get. Kisses and cuddles were nice. Still, nothing really clicked for long.

Passion was something Vinyl could understand. It was a driving force behind a cutie mark, a reason to get out of bed in the morning, or to crawl into one for the night with somepony else. The hang up was when love entered the mix. Every relationship became vapid at best. The pressure would build and build until something gave, and Vinyl would be single again. She wished she felt worse about the break-ups. That would be more normal. She never felt normal about love.

The worst was hearing parents use it constantly, especially moms. They always tied it in somehow, adding it like some sort of somatic spell component. As if everything would somehow be okay with just a little love. They always tossed it in, peppering over every statement no matter what. Almost like a reminder for themselves. There was nothing worse.

Have a good day at magic school, dear! Mommy loves you.

Oh! Your cutie mark is in music. Don’t worry, dear. Even if it wasn’t what we were expecting. Mommy still loves you.

Your piano playing is remarkable, dear, but you don’t have to take it so seriously. Just enough to attract a stallion with a more… stable talent. Mommy loves you too much to see you on the streets.

Maman, did you put something weird in her parfait?

Now is not a time for joking, Fleur! Vinyle! Are you okay?

A peachy hoof waved in front of her face, snapping her back to reality. Fleur and Éclair were both next to her, looking at her with growing concern. When had she gotten there? The parfait was still solid, so she hadn’t zoned out for long. She tried to answer, only to nearly drop the spoon out of her mouth.

“Ah, she returns to us once more,” Éclair remarked with relief.

“Are you sure that crystal didn’t do something to your head, Vinyl?” Fleur put the back of her fetlock against Vinyl’s forehead to check her temperature.

Vinyl was so sick of whatever this feeling was eating at her. She needed to get away, to do something to take her mind out of this. Luckily, the sun was setting, meaning she had a good excuse to excuse herself from the awkward situation.

“Sorry, but duty calls.” Vinyl stood up and chugged the rest of the parfait.

“What!?” the mother-daughter duo shouted in unison.

Shaking off the brainfreeze, Vinyl slammed her shades over her eyes. “Almost forgot. I’m playing a set tonight at Cantrips.”

“Oh, no you don’t!” Fleur cantered in front of her friend, blocking her with her larger frame. “I can’t leave mom alone for the dinner rush.”

“And that means what exactly?”

“You just beat a parfait at a staring contest and almost ate a spoon. As far as I’m concerned, you're in no shape to be doing anything tonight. For peat’s sake, you don’t even have your sound system!”

“I can just use Honey Dew’s gear. I always keep compatible backups at the club,” Vinyl swore while trying to get around her friend.

“I must insist!” Éclair said while cutting off Vinyl from escape. “Ma chère. Please. We worry so much for you out of lo—”

“I know!” Vinyl quickly bit back harder than she meant, but it was the last thing she wanted to hear right now “I know, but just… don’t, okay? I told you I’m fine!”

“No you’re not! You’re super on-edge right now, Vy!”

“And whose fault is that, huh?” Vinyl fired back, but immediately regretted seeing the hurt on both mare’s faces. She grumbled to herself as she wiped the anger out of her eyes. “Look. If the professor’s right, I’m gonna need the money, right? Right?”

“But Vinyl—”

“But nothing! I’ve still got a contract, and with all the stuff going on right now, the last thing I need to do is flake on them!”

Éclair opened her mouth to speak.

“Please.”

Éclair slowly closed her mouth and sighed. “Okay, Vinyle. I will not stop you.”

“Fine, you stubborn mule!” Fleur threw her legs around Vinyl and pulled her into a tight hug. “But you’re spending the night here, kay? You come straight back after you’re done with your set! Then we’ll eat chocolate gelato until we pass out.” Éclair smiled and nodded her head in agreement with her daughter up until the mention of digging into their frozen reserves.

“Don’t ruin the moment mom,” she whispered through gritted teeth. “I just counted and we’re overstocked on chocolate and running low on mint chocolate, so it’s fine.” The secrecy was completely ineffective, since Vinyl’s ear was pressed against Fleur’s chest.

Vinyl was still frustrated, but couldn’t help but snicker to herself. Even when she was at her lowest, Fleur and Éclair always managed to make her smile.


One of the many pleasures that living in Canterlot provided was walking its brilliant streets. With the Winter Rollout cleared away, tonight would be the first cloudless evening of the season. The sun was slowly retreating, yielding to the early moonlit sky. Many star-loving ponies were taking full advantage of the rare spectacle of both spheres moving through the sky at once.

Something about the cold always made the stars shine brighter. Fancy didn’t know the reason, but he enjoyed the pristine view all the same. Despite her namesake, Luna appeared far more interested in the ponies trotting the streets than her night sky, and the ones who caught her replied in kind. It wasn’t every day a princess leisurely walked down the street. Most kept a respectful distance from the two while any anypony that didn’t quickly changed their minds upon seeing the pair of lunar guards following behind.

“It has been months since returning to the world, but it is still like a dream,” Luna whispered, amazed by it all.

Fancy followed Luna’s gaze, trying to find what she was referring to and failing miserably. “I’m not sure I see what you’re seeing. Surely you had magefire lamps a thousand years ago.”

“Sir Fancy Pants? With all due respect, I set the moon and light the stars throughout the heavens. It will take more than a modern streetlight to impress me.” Luna pointed her hoof further down the street. “It is them.”

Following her hoof, Fancy spotted a trio of ponies further down the street. Two mares, an earth pony and pegasus, along with a unicorn stallion, were bundled up in trendy winter styles, strolling down the opposite sidewalk. It appeared that they had their sights set on a classy coffee bar.

“They walk the night, talking and laughing without a care in the world. A thousand years ago, they would be locked in their dwellings, too afraid to risk even a glance outside their windows after dusk. But now? Look at them, living in complete harmony with each other and the night,” she marveled at the normalcy of it all with a wide smile that shone brighter than the moon.

The stallion of the trio noticed the royal entourage with the princess beaming at them. He shoulder bumped the others to attention and all three locked eyes with Luna in surprise at the unexpected royal attention. Luna’s happiness waned, realizing she was still pointing at them. She drew her hoof back, hiding it behind her other leg in embarrassment.

After a few awkward moments, all three offered a quick bow. The pegasus was the first to break and continue onward at a healthy clip, glancing sidelong at the princess with a quiver of dread in her gait. Her fear was not lost on Luna. Fancy was used to ponies treating powerful ponies like the princess differently, but there was something more to her hasty retreat. Nopony should’ve been running away from Luna. Princess Celestia had seen personally to that.

The full details of events surrounding the Summer Sun Celebration were still a closely guarded state secret. Most knew that a band of heroic ponies found the Element of Harmony and saved Celestia’s long-lost sister from the clutches of a Nightmare Moon. Fancy was one of the few who had heard the real story of that darkness being purged from Luna, and only because Celestia had confided in him during one of their tea times.

A surprised yelp brought Fancy back to the present as the unicorn caught the fleeing pegasus by her tail with magic and slowly pulled her back. The other two were sharing conspiratorial snickers, while Luna silently stood by and watched the scene play out. While her face remained stoic, there was a strange sadness pervading it. A forlorn melancholy pulled at the corners of her mouth. At least until it was replaced by a profound confusion.

“C’mon, She’s right there!” the earth pony urged.

The pegasus’ eyes darted between her friends and Luna. “You don’t think I know that?”

“She probably sees a hundred ponies a day, what are the odds she’s gonna remember you?” the unicorn added, grossly overestimating the reclusive princess’ popularity.

“That’s not helpful!” the pegasus cried. “And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but frikin’ Fancy Pants is right next to her!”

“Just go for it, Lavender.”

With that, the fittingly named lavender pegasus was shoved under a nearby lamp with her friends spurring her on. She had Luna and Fancy’s rapt attention, whether she wanted it or not. The poor young mare was shaking in her wool boots under the makeshift spotlight. She gave one last pleading glance towards her friends, who simply motioned for her to get on with whatever it was. Finally she took a deep breath.

Luna opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by a swift flourish of the pegasus’ wings. Lavender twirled in a deep sweep while flaring her wings open to show their full span. She dipped low, catching loose snow on her wingtips and launching it in a swirling updraft. The flakes glistened like gemstones as she drifted up to meet them. With a flutter of her wings and brilliant eyes, she gently spun herself to the ground, letting the force blow her bobbed black and gray mane back, as she struck a sultry, sensual pose. Fancy swore her friend had cast a glittering aura in the lamplight overhead for dramatic effect.

After the show, Fancy didn’t know what to say. As for Luna, she’d frozen in place in utter confusion trying to figure out what in the name of her sister had just happened.

The magic of the moment passed into awkwardness with nopony saying a word. Lavender’s face flushed brighter and brighter until she couldn’t stand it and soared straight into the bar. Her friends offered one final bow before chasing her contrail, laughing the entire way. Luna watched them until they disappeared into the establishment. Then, she slowly turned back to Fancy, her wordless exasperation demanding an explanation.

“If I were to hazard a guess, I believe the young Lavender was flirting with you.” He sealed his lip with a simple smile. It was all he could hope to do to stop himself from bursting out laughing at Luna’s expense.

The princess pointed to herself, to Fancy, to the coffee bar, and back to herself, as if breaking apart the encounter moment by moment for further analysis. “Did… did we somehow misstep and falsely profess a desire for courtship? Is it not clear that you, Sir Fancy Pants, are our chaperone this evening?”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about it, Luna,” Fancy assured, trying to put the princess’ antiquated perspective at ease. Luna’s face soured more; be it from embarrassment or something else, Fancy couldn’t quite tell. “To be fair, I might’ve thought the same in their horseshoes after being graced by that brilliant smile of yours.”

Luna acknowledged Fancy’s compliment with a sudden intake of air, but gave no real answer. She silently ushered Fancy forward as a commanding frown washed over her. Its stillness bore a similar stillness that Celestia’s serene smiles. Rather than press the issue, Fancy decided to go back to admiring the winter scenery and enjoying the lovely night until the princess was ready to reemerge from her shell.


While the rest of the walk was quiet, it wasn’t a strained affair. The journey had given Luna enough time to calm down and let her stern front slip away. The embarrassment had quickly become a distant memory as they encountered more and more ponies out and about in the evening, her evening. Passing bows were given, with a braver few even exchanging a greeting. The bravest of all though were a couple of foals who tossed a snowball at her. Luna enjoyed the latter the most, sparing a few minutes to join in the fun before they wrapped up their playtime in the yard. The last thing their parents had expected was to see the Princess of the Moon herself asking if they had a spare scarf for the snowmare they built together.

Fancy checked his pocket watch, surprised that an hour and a half had passed like no time at all. He looked around the streets of one of the many commercial areas of the middle district, looking for the tell-tale sign of their unique dinner destination. Finally, he spotted it amid a row of storefronts. Jutting slightly out from the Canterlotian marbled walls was an enormous, stone slab. Fortunately for Fancy, they were already open. While the enchanted railing prevented it from ripping the walls off, it didn’t make it any lighter.

“‘Labyrinthiyum?’” Luna read aloud from the sign above the stonework.

“The stress is on the, ‘yum.’ Admittedly, not the cleverest of names, but this humble establishment serves the best, authentic Minoan cuisine you’ll find in Canterlot. This place is actually a personal favorite of mine.”

Luna maintained her quizzical gaze as she joined Fancy at the open doors. “You are aware minotaurs eat meat, correct?”

“As do griffons, dragons, and a great many other creatures I’ve had the pleasure of meeting over the years. I can assure you that nothing of the sort is served here.”

“Then how can it be authentic?” she asked warily.

“I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise,” Fancy said with a wink. He offered a hoof to the princess and smiled. “Just trust me, Luna.”

She stepped forward to peer further inside. Almost immediately beyond the entrance was a cobblestone stairway descending into the ground. The path was lit by dim torchlights mounted on polished stone walls, an aesthetic which mirrored the winding halls of Minossos. Luna tilted her head to see the staircase ended several feet below the street level at a doorway on the left. She took a step back and turned back to give Fancy Pants one last concerned look.

“Would you prefer to go to Restaurant Row for something a bit more familiar?”

“Neigh. We deferred the evening’s choice to you, and while we are both appreciative and surprised by this deviation from the norm—” Luna winced and quickly turned to obscure herself behind her mane— “it is more that the last minotaur we met was at the end of our blade.”

Unless the princess’ nightly business was far more intense than the royals let on, Fancy chalked that probably unfortunate encounter up to Luna’s ancient and forgotten history. “Miss Athena is far more interested in serving food.”

“Athena? Quite a powerful name for someone you claim to be harmless.”

“I never said she was harmless. Athena is a minotaur after all. But, I think it’s best I let you see for yourself. Shall we?”

After a moment, she nodded and gave her hoof in kind. “Very well.”

Fancy took point down the staircase, the lunar guard following closely with curious looks of their own. The staircase ended in a short hallway with ceilings high enough to fit a full-grown alicorn comfortably. Decorative vines covered the walls along with several Minoan pots with silk ficus trees dotting the welcome area. The cobblestones under their hooves yielded to a colorful mosaic floor as they walked into the restaurant proper.

Despite what the imposing entrance made first-timers believe, the Labyrinthiyum was a small establishment. Just four booths and five tables spanned the dining area with six stools offering bar seating with a low lying partition separating the counter and the kitchen. The mosaic floor appeared to be made from various polished stones, but a thick line of crushed lapis lazuli weaved a pathway past the wall of booths and between the tables in a winding, unicursal maze ending in the center of the dining area.

“Why don’t you find a place to sit while I locate our hostess for the evening?” Fancy excused himself, leaving the princess looking with conflicted interest between the booths and the bar. The lunar guards made themselves comfortable next to the faux-ficuses at the entryway.

Fancy trotted over to the entrance of the kitchen and politely knocked on the half door. “Hello? Miss Athena? Are you back there?”

“J-just a minute!” a robust, yet airy voice called from the kitchen corner. Several trudging thumps later, Athena cautiously poked her head out from the storage cellar, but then brightened when she saw the familiar stallion. “Fancy Pants!” The powerful minotaur ducked through the door and charged on her soft, rabbit-like feet towards her friend, her floppy ears bouncing all the way.

To say Athena was massive would be an understatement. She was far and away the largest minotaur Fancy had ever seen, a rarity made even rarer considering most goat-minotaurs were half her size. Even as she hunched over to greet him, she stood a head taller than Princess Celestia. Her rippling muscles were barely hidden by her pristine white fur, which spoke to her absolute devotion to cleanliness. Her long, silvery hair was tied tightly in a thick braid that ran down her back that sat in a hair net, ensuring no single errant follicle brushed against the food. A pair of polished horns adorned with two golden rings jutted from her head, adding to her sky-scraping height. Ivy-green and brown uniform with an apron bearing her restaurant's logo: two marble columns lining the sides of a stone slab, depicting the imposing doorway with the tagline, ‘Labyrinthiyum: Get Lost in the Flavor.’

“Good evening, Miss Athena. I hope you will pardon the intrusion.” Fancy Pants bowed as the large minotaur approached with her massive arms open wide. Knowing what was coming next, he braced for impact.

“Oh, it is so good to see you again!” Athena lifted the large stallion effortlessly, wrapping him in a bone-crushing hug. He winced as his back popped in several places he’d forgotten he had. She pulled back, or rather held him in front of her as she puffed out her cheeks. “It feels like ages since you were last here. For a pony, you’re certainly not being very friendly.”

Fancy Pants chuckled weakly to himself. “I apologize, Miss Athena. I should make more time to visit. But, if you would be so kind as to put me down first?” He looked down and wiggled his hind legs towards the floor a couple feet below, reminding Athena that she was treating him more like a pet than a pony again.

Athena’s pout deflated as she realized what she was doing. She promptly placed Fancy Pants on the floor, meekly looking away as she rubbed her forearm as if she was trying to erase the muscles underneath. “Okay, excitement’s over.”

A more genuine laugh escaped the stallion. Under all of that bulk was a meek little bunny trying her best to hide. “There’s no need for that. It is good to see you again.” He shifted his shoulders subtly, popping his back into alignment with a quiet grunt of relief. “I have a new friend I want to introduce to the Labyrithiyum.”

“A new friend?” The knowing hostess crossed her arms. “You know, your definition of friend is never good for my blood pressure,” she complained with a huff. After a moment she sighed in defeat. “Okay, who is it? Griffonstone dignitary? Saddle Arabian sword swallowers?”

She quietly trudged over to the saloon door separating the kitchen from the seating area and looked out. Seeing nothing, leaned further out and poked her head around to the bar, nearly brushing an aethereal, starlit mane with her muzzle. Pulling away, she balked seeing the Princess of the Night sitting on a bar stool.

“We bid good evening to thee, fair...” Luna paused her greeting, running her eyes up and down Athena’s remarkably maintained fur, “...fluffy minotaur?” She pulled back her ethereal mane to reveal her full, immortal self.

Athena’s voice rose higher and higher into a tiny, frail cry. barely audible to pony ears as she slowly retreated backwards behind the kitchen doors

Fancy tilted his head in concern. “Miss Athen-AH!”

Athena tucked Fancy Pants under her arm like a hoofball and made a beeline for the storage cellar, leaving the very confused princess behind. Once they were safely inside, she slammed the door behind them and plopped Fancy on the ground.

“Athena!” Fancy shouted as he shakily put his monocle back on. “What in blazes are you doing?”

Athena jumped and did her best to hide behind a wine cask. She frantically pulled at her horns as she tried to make herself as small as possible. “You promised! You promised you’d never bring a princess!”

“‘The princess,’ I believe, was the wording, as in Princess Celestia. Before Princess Mi Amore Cadenza ascended or Princess Luna returned.”

“I thought you'd apply that to any princess!” she whined. “You said you were done with all this ambassador stuff!”

“That chapter of my life remains closed, I assure you. And I could’ve taken her anywhere, but I wholeheartedly believe this is the best place in all of Canterlot for her tonight.”

Athena’s pale blue eyes glistened with the temerity of a fragile puppy, but Fancy stood his ground. Her cute, sensitive exterior was only undermined by the fact he had seen her pile drive a very drunk and enraged Griffon soldier making a mess of her bar. Fancy knew she didn’t like surprise guests, but this was far more temerity than she’d ever shown. Finally, he relented and sighed, shaking his head. Nothing could be easy today.

“I do apologize for unintentionally breaking my promise, but I honestly never expected you to be so adamantly against it. I thought you were only frightened by Princess Celestia for whatever reason.”

“Of course I’d be scared!” Athena fidgeted with her fingers, trying to exercise the nerves out of her system “You know I serve meat dishes here, Fancy.”

“Meat substitute, Athena.” Fancy’s patience was wearing thin with the chef.

“Same difference!” she snapped back. “You could’ve at least brought her for the pony luncheon menu. If she’s here now, she might see the… other one.”

“If the selection was going to be a problem for ponies, I wouldn’t have helped you open a restaurant here in Canterlot in the first place.”

“I know, but this is totally different! She’s a princess and, I dunno…” the minotaur’s voice trailed into a pitiable whimper. “What if she thinks I’m grilling ponies like some kind of monster?”

Fancy Pant’s brow furrowed. “If you’re worried about that, the most offensive thing you’ve done to a princess so far is running away the moment you saw her.”

Athena flinched and curled even tighter at that cutting rebuke. However, Fancy wasn’t done. He trotted closer to the huddled minotaur and narrowed his gaze to meet her eye-to-eye on his level.

“Moreover, you’ve also greatly offended this pony, right here, by insinuating a good friend of mine is a monster!” He accented his point with a bitter stamp of his hoof.

Athena covered her mouth with both of her hands. “B-but I never called the princess a monster!”

Fancy kept pointing at her and it took another moment before the chosen direction of his ire dawned on her. “Now, I believe you owe somepony, and someone, in this establishment an apology.”

Athena bit her lip and her eyes fell away in shame. “Sorry, Fancy Pants. And thanks.” She smiled softly and righted herself from the ground, brushing her pants off. “I hope the princess is not too mad.”

“I don’t imagine she will be at all. If anything, you might find you have more in common with Princess Luna than you think.”

Athena tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

“You’ll find out once you get to know her. On that note, let’s not keep her highness waiting.”

Fancy trotted out of the backroom with his friend in tow. Athena did her best, but she was still pulling at her arm, trying to fight her desire to run away. Stepping through the doors, Luna snapped back to attention from leaning over the bar, plastering an unreadable frown across her face. Her eyes pierced through Fancy Pants, exuding an indomitable, almost callous aura built over centuries of stalwart rule. While the aloofness was a little disconcerting, Celestia’s smiles were far more difficult to decipher. A frown always pressured and deflected with an assumed strength from the silence, but a smile could disarm while never revealing its true intentions.

“Sir Fancy Pants, we have considered your previous offer, and perhaps we should dine elsewhere this night,” Luna declared to the two. “It would appear the memory of Ragnar the Obvious still lives among the Minoans.”

“Who?” Athena asked quietly.

Fancy stepped between them. “Luna, please. I think there has been a misunderstanding.”

“Do not try to obfuscate a truth to which we witnessed with our eyes!” Fancy Pants and Athena winced at the princess’ accusatory volume that was teetering on yelling. Luna slammed a powerful hoof on the bar. “We do not wish to further frighten the cute, fluffy one!”

“C-cute?” Athena nearly froze at the unexpected compliment, but shook it off seeing Luna turn away. “Wait! I’m not… well I wasn’t really scared of you, your highness.”

“We know very well whom you fear,” Luna muttered from under her crestfallen mane.

“Oh no, you heard that?” Athena gasped, covering her mouth with her hand in shock.

Princess Luna bit her lip. “It is clear as day.”

“Luna…” Fancy started to say, but he wasn’t sure if there was anything that wouldn’t further upset the princess.

“I’m sorry that I’m scared of princesses!” Athena cried while pulling at her horns.

Luna’s ear flicked and her head popped up. “Did you say princesses?”

Athena threw herself at the mercy of the lunar diarch, bending down on her knees pleading. Her sudden movement caused the guards by the door to rush to Luna’s side. “I didn’t mean to offend you. I like living in Equestria! Please, give me another chance! I don’t want to go back to Minossos!”

“You.” Luna thrust her leg out, stopping their charge while silently ordering them to lower their wing-blades. “Are you not frightened by Nightmare Moon?”

“Isn’t that the pony from those stories that steals candy on Nightmare Night?”

Luna caught herself before she divulged anything more and simply nodded.

“No. She’d probably…” Her words died as she looked over her shoulder to Fancy Pants, who simply nodded reassuringly. With a sigh, she grabbed her arm and looked away from the princess. “She’d probably be one of my best customers if she actually eats kids.”

Fancy Pants mentally smacked his forehead at Athena’s poor word choice. Before Luna could ask, he took a menu from the bar and flipped through it. Not seeing his quarry, he sighed and returned it to the holder while grabbing the other from the kitchen. He scanned the selections, passing by gyros and salads until he ran into the “Authentic Style” offerings.

“I will say it again: I firmly believe there has been a misunderstanding.” Fancy hovered the menu in front of Luna which she took with her hooves.

Athena stood back up, nervously wringing her hands as the princess looked over the selection of various meat analogue dishes. Each was specially prepared, making use of carefully curated fungi and legumes in the shape of patties and steaks for the more carnivorous visitors to Canterlot. Fancy had never dared to try actual meat, but according to the various carnivores he brought to the Labyrithyum, it was as close as anyone could get in Equestria.

Luna quickly closed the menu and stood up from her seat, but curiously kept the page bookmarked with her magic. She took a trot around the restaurant, peering around partitions as if she was searching for something. Fancy looked back to Athena, who appeared to be on the verge of an anxiety attack as the princess sat back down at the bar. Luna gave one last look to her guards and nodded towards them. They saluted and exited the restaurant. A few moments later, the loud thud of a slab sliding closed boomed from the top of the stairs.

With their privacy assured, the princess cleared her throat. Her eyes darted between the menu and Fancy Pants, brimming with conflict as she wrestled with something in her mind. Finally, she took a calming breath through her nose and opened the menu back to the authentic offerings.

“We… I think I am ready to order.”

Author's Note:

If you find a simple mistake in the GSP (Grammar, Spelling, or Punctuation), please let me know through a private message rather than leaving it in the comment section. Thank you for reading!

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