GigaDragonXV2
Joined 24th Jun, 2014 ·
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Why are you rewriting the story?
Happy to see the rewrite of the story finally, and it is very interesting how things turn out this time. I think you might be a little out of practice in your writing, with a few inconsistencies or lack of clarification, but I think you will pick it up again soon enough. I wonder what happened to shining Armor to be a griffin hen instead did Nightlight also screw up for him, I wonder how Gleaming's life turned out instead? I do like that it would take Dusk and the rest of the Mane 6 a mouth to reach the castle to find the Elements which should allow plenty of opportunity to screw up and and get his cover blown, I wonder how is friendship will be like if he is already engaged with Sunset, and how it would stay a good plutonic friendship will they try their best to keep his cover. I would guess it would also allow a few flashbacks to see how Dusk's education was like under Celestia's tutelage and what she had tried to put into his head, or was it scary for him. I would have like to see how he feels about having being stuck acting like a mare and how he was educated and trained to act like one, is he indifferent to it or does the fear that he becomes one in his nightmare. I would wonder why Dusk walks around with the magic of his amour off at time and walks around in public as a stallion guard, is he a registered guard thanks to Gleaming, what would happen if he encounters other guards or is ordered/roped into an operation by a superior? where did the armor come from, is it new or was it used by other ponies in the past? I wonder if Sunset in freeing the nightmare in the first place or that something if something horrible will happen with toying around with dark magic books? I wonder if a stallion with have a crush on 'Twilight' in the story and who it could be. Looking forward to see what happens in the next chapter.
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I'll look over the chapter again, I felt that a few parts were a bit rough, probably because I wrote them when I was sick but I'll give it another run through. It has been a while since I've last wrote anything and getting the rust out is a bit of a headache at times, I also need to stop taking such long breaks when writing but getting the lead out is the main issue there I think.
Good story so far. Would like to know if/when it gets updated.