Shorts of the Ponyville Blacksmith

by Parodyman64

Necronomicon

“I just wanted to say, none of this is my fault.”

Twilight turned her head away from the glowing, magical book that was erratically flipping through its pages on its own in front of her to glare at Parody. “Oh, don’t even pretend like you’re not enjoying this!”

“Oh, no, I’m having the time of my life!” Parody called out as he swung his weapon, what looked to be something like a double ended mechanical bardiche longer than he was tall, complete with little glowing lights, through the zombie in front of him. The two halves of the body collapsed into the dead dirt of the lifeless forest, pitch black save for the occasional burst of fire from Spike, who was desperately trying to stave off zombies on his own a little further away.

“I just wanted to point out that you can’t blame me for this! After all, I tried to warn you there’s an incantation you gotta say before you pick up the book! But did you listen? No~!” Parody slashed through another zombie before pulling back and placing a hand on his chest, speaking in falsetto, “‘I’m Twilight Sparkle! I’m the Princess of Magic! I don’t believe in incantations! What would you know?! You’re just a stupid human who’s pitiful understanding of magic could never compare to the majesty of my own!’”

Twilight jumped to her hooves, “That is not what I said!” before frantically throwing herself back to the ground, hooves slamming on top of the book to keep it from getting away.

“Well, it’s what you meant.”

Twilight turned again to retort, but held it back. ‘That’s not what I meant, either!’ Was that what she was going to say?

She hadn’t ignored his advice to be mean. She hadn’t done it because she thought herself better than him, or because she thought she knew more about magic than him either. She just…

…Didn’t believe him.

Was that not the same thing?

Twilight sighed and looked at Parody, who was slashing his way through the remaining zombies. There weren’t many left of the current wave, but as this was the third wave, Twilight knew that more would be coming soon.

Had she hurt him by ignoring his warning?

She couldn’t tell.

In all the time she had known him, Twilight had never once seen Parody truly hurt or offended. He greeted everything, good or bad, with that same twisted smirk that seemed to find amusement in all, even the worst, situations. She wasn’t even sure he could feel-

No.

Twilight shook her head. Whether or not her actions offended Parody didn’t matter. She owed him an apology.

“Parody,” She called out, her face apologetic, “You’re right. It was wrong of me to completely write off your warning like that, especially after you went out of your way for me. I’m sorry.” Her eyes began to tear up slightly as the book beneath her hooves began thrashing wildly, indicating another wave of undead was on the way. “Now will you please help me!”

Parody glanced over his shoulder before shrugging, “Eh, fine.” He quickly brought up his polearm and pointed the end at the last zombie. The end of the weapon began glowing blue, before firing a burst of plasma at the final zombie. The wave of heat reached even where Twilight was sitting, and she had to suppress the urge to gag as the smell of burnt fleshed wafted over from where the zombie collapsed.

Satisfied, Parody twirled his weapon and, with a flourish, tucked it away underneath his cape before turning around. “Well, it seems you’ve reflected enough.” He had that insufferable smirk on his face as he approached, gesturing with his hand for Twilight to back away from the book.

Frowning lightly at how Parody worded that, she stood up and took her hooves off the violent book.

Before it could get away, Parody stomped down on it, pining it in place with even more force than Twilight had been. Normally, Twilight would protest the rough treatment of any book, as they were all valuable wealth’s of knowledge, but she just couldn’t bring herself to care about this one for some reason.

Parody bent over at the waist to stare at the book, and spoke in a clear, enunciated voice, “Klaatu Verata Nikto!”

There was a flash as the book suddenly lit up bright enough to illuminate the withered forest for hundreds of feet in every direction, before a violent wind broke through, swirling around the book as magical power was sucked back into it from the surrounding area.

Distracted by the spectacle and the feel of such immense magic flowing through the air, Twilight didn’t notice Parody’s body shudder slightly after chanting the incantation.

Then, as quickly as it began, the light went out, the magic disappeared, and the book stilled.

It was over.

Parody crouched down and grabbed the book by the spine and lifted it up, snapping it shut with one hand before handing it to Twilight. “Here you go, Princess. One evil book, as requested.”

Twilight sat and took the book in her hooves and began inspecting it to make sure it wasn’t going to cause anymore mischief.

As Spike haggardly made his way over, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath, Parody crossed his arms, his head tilting to the side as he lost himself in thought.

“Hey, why’d you want that thing anyway?” He finally asked, “I didn’t think any of you ponies were in to necromancy. Figured you’d find that stuff the taboo of all taboos.”

Twilight froze. “… Necromancy?”

“Yeah,” Parody gestured at the book she held, “I mean, that’s the Necronomicon. The ‘Big Bad Book of the Undead’. I honestly can’t think of a reason you’d even wan-”

Twilight suddenly thrust the book away from her, even taking several steps back to get away from it as it bounced along the dirty, dusty ground. Such treatment of a book from Twilight was unthinkable to those who knew her, but Parody was gobsmacked for a different reason.

“Did you not know? How did you not know?!” He gestured at the carnage around them, “Was the book summoning hordes of zombies not a dead giveaway?!”

Twilight flinched back. To be honest, she’d been so focused on trying to get the book to stop its chaos that she hadn’t thought any further.

Even Spike grimaced a little as he look around and the piles of rotten flesh. “… It was pretty obvious.”

Parody pressed a hand to his head as he let out a heavy sigh. After a moment, he lowered his hand and began walking to where the book lay on the ground. “Well, anyway, if you don’t want it, I might as well-”

“Oh no,” Twilight stood up straight and pulled him back by the cape, “I may not want it, but I want you to have it even less.”

Parody turned, “What does that mean?”

Twilight met his amused gaze with a neutral expression. “I mean no offense by this; but if there’s a single person in the world that I’d trust with that book the least, it’s you.”

“Ouch.” He pressed his hands to his chest with an expression of feigned agony, before dropping them with a smirk. “Well, you’re probably right.” He shrugged and started to walk back down the path they came from. “So, what are you gonna do with it? Leave it here?”

Twilight shook her head. “No. I’ll bring it back and lock it away in the forbidden section where nopony can touch it.”

Parody scoffed, “Yeah, ‘cause that always works.”

Twilight shot him one final glare before picking the book up with her magic. Suddenly, the air filled with magic, and the ground began to tremble. Whispers of the damned filled their ears.

The book began to glow.

Parody turned around, his mouth open in shock as he stared at Twilight. “… Are you kidding me?!”

Twilight blinked at the book in front of her, before whirling around to face him. “I have to say it again?!”

“You have to say it every time!”

“That’s stupid!”

“THAT’S THE RULES!”

“THE RULES ARE STUPID!”

Author's Note:

Spike would later go on to say that he had never heard Twilight say that before.

Comments

[Changeling404]

*In dorky, cringy, but lovable accent*

WHERE'S THE BLACKSMITH!

[John bostock]

Keep up the good work!