• Published 2nd May 2021
  • 4,885 Views, 752 Comments

The Iron Chancellor - Radical Centrist



Otto Von Bismarck (Unifier of Germany) and Paul Mauser (Inventor of the standard issued rifle of Germany) are thrown into a post-Windigo Equestria as Griffons. How will the early-medieval civilisations change with these Victorian era imperialists?

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Always a neighbour

A squad of earth ponies were lazily perched atop a tree, scanning the horizons and borders for any hostile incursions. The lack of sleep, constant movement and fighting had completely exhausted and demoralised them; the recent purges of half the general staff merely acting as an accelerant. "At least we have a name..." They all thought, as they were no longer the 'Jacobins', but the Republicans, or for the traditionalists, the Equestrians.

"Pass me a joint will ya?" A soldier asked, getting a tossed joint in response. "Cheers." He began lighting it with a dagger and a piece of flint, scratching the sides and creating a spark.

"When's Garden coming? He's been gone for an hour now." He blew out, scanning the northern borders for any sign of a sweating pony.

"Poor sod, unlucky of him to be chosen for Crystal duty." Another soldier replied, as scouting the Crystal Empire's borders were terrible.

"Hey! I think I see him now!" The smoking soldier proclaimed, pointing at a shining speck appearing on the mountains. "...Why's he glowing?"

His squad squinted at the speck, as the sun's rays seemed to reflect off of it and directly into their eyes. If not for their dense lenses, they would've been blinded.

"...Probably his helmet..." A soldier muttered, leaning further in to better observe the speck.

"...I don't-" They all recoiled, as the speck was followed by a horde that materialised atop the mountain.

"CRYSTAL PONIES!" They all screamed, falling from the trees to roll and immediately gallop towards the nearest garrison.

In the distance, the Crystal Pony's army held a severed head; the decapitated head of Garden.


"Unicorns must still pay for the food, and any former serf or slave-owners must be imprisoned and trialled, else we won't sell any food." Little informed Starswirl from a script, written by the senate and his older brother to not incur the wrath of the Equestrian earth ponies. (Also because Green is still crying)

"I assume your witnesses will be exclusively earth ponies?" Starswirl presumed,

"Of course! Who else would know which unicorns are bad or not?" Little replied confidentially.

"...You are aware that they could lie?" Starswirl informed the clueless filly, as it was obvious why the 'radicals' had authorised this decision. "They plan on accusing all of us..." Starswirl thought.

"No way! Earth ponies can never lie!" Little argued, crossing her hooves in defiance.

"Puddinghead." Starswirl deadpanned.

"...oh..." Little realised.

Starswirl resisted the urge to face-hoof, and instead grabbed a quill and a letter from his saddlebag. He began writing. "...Will you be kind enough to present this to your brother?.." Starswirl folded the letter and passed it off to Little, who was still trying to fully understand her revelation. "The senate is a farse... It's depressingly obvious that the filly holds the power here..." Starswirl thought, "Who had engineered such a government? Where the leader holds all the power, whilst feigning a democracy?" Starswirl began to ponder who could've created such a masterfully treacherous government, as he correctly guessed that a mere filly couldn't have made it. "The leader holds half the votes... Whilst the senate argue amongst themselves... The leader brings up proposals... And can stop anypony from talking..." Starswirl twirled his beard. "A perfect recipe for a dictatorship... Starswirl finished. Little did he know, Bismarck had made it to make Wilhelm's reign look more democratic, whilst not affecting his power. Harold had just stolen it.

Starswirl refocused on Little, who was still thinking about Starswirl's comparison with Puddinghead; his letter still floating above Little's head. Starswirl cleared his throat loudly, breaking Little's thoughts.

"Please? Letter to Green?" Starswirl shook the letter, prompting Little to grab it in between her teeth.

"Mmph-khay!" Little spoke through clenched teeth, galloping straight toward's her home. Starswirl sighed in relief. He simply had to wait now.


"PRINCESS! PRINCESS! TERRIBLE NEWS!" Clover slammed into Platinum's room, intruding in during her make-up time. The sudden shake ruined her cosmetics, as her servant's magic flickered from the surprise, messing up her face in a hilarious fashion.

"...What?" Platinum dangerously turned, her face hard to not laugh at. But her growls ensured Clover's seriousness.

"The Crystal Ponies are invading! And they are advancing straight to Canterlot!" Clover worryingly informed, cartoonishly dashing out the room to roll in a presentation.

"...Straight to Canterlot?! What of the forts and castles in the way?!" Platinum objected,

"According to the fleeing nobles and battlemages, the Crystal Ponies are utilising a new weapon!" Clover flipped a page from the presentation, "They call it! The crystal bombards!" The presentation revealed a crystal crusted cylindrically siege engine:

(It's this, except it's entirely crystal and the outside layer is jagged and irregular)

"Crystal bombard? Are you implying that can explode?" Platinum asked awkwardly, as she knew of a unicorn spell that could cause an explosion; and in great quantities be called a 'bombardment'.

"Quite the contrary princess; the bombard can shoot crystal balls that can shatter walls, and break into shards to decimate the defenders!" Clover deliberated, as she flipped another page, demonstrating its range and capabilities through cartoonish figures.

"Oh, how horrible!" Platinum gasped, both due to the abhorrent drawing and the predicament she was in. "What about the earth ponies? Surely they stood against the crystal ponies?" Platinum bit her lips.

"They are retreating without a fight towards Canterlot, I believe they are planning to rally their soldiers to put up a better fight." Clover speculated as the earth ponies would not abandon their villagers to certain doom.

"How long until Amore's forces reach us?" Platinum bit her lips harder.

"It will take at least 3 weeks if they take out 2 of the forts along the way." Clover fliped to a map and pointed towards the two forts with a stick. "You wish to flee your highness?" Clover asked, refocusing her gaze towards her princess.

"No time servant! We must leave now!" Platinum ordered; somehow with her face completely restored and having packed all her belongings."We depart south! Where the crystal will never chase us!" Platinum deluded herself, believing the slightly hotter climate would deter the crustal ponies. Clover face-hoofed.

As Platinum hurriedly escaped the room, Clover was left to send a letter to Starswirl. She poured her magic into the princess's enchanted candle, turning the yellow flames into a brilliant green. She smiled tiredly as the inefficiency of flame magic took a toll on her magic reserves, but she quickly torched the letter requesting help to Starswirl before the green flame flickered off.

"MVP... Most valuable pony..." Clover thought, as the letter turned into nothingness. "Starswirl will have to carry us once again..."


"-There *hic* is no way- *hic* that unicorns can- *hic* be a witness." Green sniffled, his tears having smudged the area around his eyes. "They would probably *hic* -lie."

Starswirl frowned, "The same could be said about the earth ponies."

"We suffered from the unicorn's rule- *hic* did any of your unicorns suffer the same amount we did?" Green raised a brow in annoyance.

Starswirl began brushing his beard. "Actually... Yes, some have." Green's annoyance turned into surprise, "As you know, Ares's faction has faced prosecution and have been exiled." Green nodded slowly. "-Our battlemages are also abused and exploited by the elites to fight and die in their stead." Green nodded vigorously. "It's unlikely those unicorns would lie to save their master's lives," Starswirl concluded, making Green stare at the ground for thought.

"...I did hear about the battlemages once..." Green pondered loudly, rubbing his chin. "Fine. We'll let them, but as soon as we think they're lying, they're gonna get it!" Green bellowed as he lifted himself to place his hindhooves onto his wheelwagon.

"You mean, you think? Not we think?" Starswirl stared boredly at Green's struggle. He dared not to help, else Green snap at him for thinking he was weak.

Then, a letter appeared in a burst of green flames.

"AH! MAGIC PAPER!" Green recoiled, knocking over his wheelwagon. Starswirl simply grabbed the letter with his magic and unfolded it.

"..." Starswirl scanned the letter; leaving the confused Green to stare at the letter. "Not good..." Starswirl mumbled, as he grabbed a quill, paper and candle from his saddlebag to reply.

"What's up?" Green asked, flipping himself over to his forehooves. Green watched intently as Starswirl hurriedly scrambled with the note; finishing with a fold. Green flinched when Starswirl lit the candle with green flames.

"...The crystal empire is invading..." Starswirl muttered as he placed the letter over the candle; the green flame quickly consuming the paper into a vacuum. "The nobles have already fled..."

"Hah! Cowards!" Green teased, puffing his chest on pride.

"The earth ponies have also fled..." Green immediately shrunk.

"...Wait a minute! Why am I taking this from a unicorn?" Green braced himself, pointing accusingly at Starswirl.

Suddenly, the room's door bursted open as two generals lunged and rolled across the floor; being stopped by Starswirl's magic when they were about to overshoot their targets. "Thanks..." A general smiled awkwardly at Starswirl.

The other general immediately saluted Green, even as he was held upside down. "Sir! The crystal ponies are invading from the north! And they seem to be heading straight for Canterlot; the unicorn's capital!" The general continued, not letting Green interject. "We have been pushed back by overwhelming numbers, and the crystal ponies are better armed than we are; they are using a sort of bombard that can annihilate our armour!"

"WHAT?!" Green frailed madly; his brain refusing to process the information.

"We have captured one from a lost squad, and they seem to propel a large crystal shard from igniting a crushed magic crystal." The general explained, pulling a sketch of the bombard out of nowhere. "Horrible inaccurate, but when one hits, it's extremely deadly." The general pointed to the sketch of a crystal shard; displaying its irregular shape which made the projectile inaccurate.

"...Could I have a closer look at your sketches?" Starswirl asked, immediately snatching the sketches with his magic at the slightest nod from the general. "...You say this is operated with magic?" Starswirl stared at the sketches intently, twisting them periodically to gain a better view.

"No, the entire thing is magic, run by their crystals." The general pulled out another sketch, except it was a badly drawn picture of a crystal unicorn. Green still had a 404 error in his brain.

"...And you say our battlemages all fled?" Starswirl tried not to cringe at the doodled crystal unicorn.

"Ah! I see what you mean! Yes, the battlemages were able to shield or disable the bombards with some sort of spell, but they got destroyed by the crystal pony infantry." The general shrugged.

"What were your soldiers doing when our battlemages fought?" Starswirl raised a brow,

"It's not that simple, we don't have an integrated command, we have no communication, and the nobles in the castles and forts wants us nowhere near them." The general began to squint at Starswirl, "-and what makes you think that we'll help the unicorns so easily?" He pointed accusingly at Starswirl, as the other general glared at him.

"General, gather all our soldiers in our internal garrisons." Green snapped out, as he woke from his thoughts.

"What..?" The general stared at Green, dumbfounded at the order.

"The battlemages have been exploited like us, they'll be easy to cooperate with," Green explained, "Incorporate them into our army and make sure to 'convince' the nobles who object." Green winked at the general, who vigorously nodded and dashed out the room.

The other general pointed at himself awkwardly for any orders.

Green pointed at the last general, "You gather a battalion and escort Starswirl to Canterlot, I'll be close behind with a division." The general nodded.

"...You will be fighting as well..?" Starswirl asked quite surprised, even as he reminded himself of Green's injury; which implied his experience in battle.

Green dismissed him, as he began wheeling towards the exit; the doors wide open as the generals were in too much of a hurry to close them. "Just don't tell my sister."

Little did he know, Little had been listening in the entire time

Author's Note:

Rushed the last bit cause the sleep demon was tryna kill me.



Also glorious holidays.

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