The Iron Chancellor

by Radical Centrist

An Equestrian Congress

"...When shall thou forbear gorging?" Platinum chided the ravaging Puddinghead, who was stuffing food like a pig.

"When will you stop buying jewellery?" Puddinghead bluntly countered, expelling pieces of food from her gaping mouth all over their table. Platinum cringed in disgust.

"I know not how anyone could stand thou..." Platinum hissed, removing her hoof from the table to prevent any food bits from touching her.

Puffinghead shrugged indifferently, gesturing for the second round of meals to be brought in front of her. The servant groaned silently in response, leaving the room briefly to return with a mountain of food stacked on top of his back.

"When are the others? These chairs are too hard to sit on!" Puddinghead complained, snatching the food of the servants' back greedily, causing the servant to stumble slightly due to the force.

"Hast patience chancellor," Platinum scolded the whining Puddinghead, causing her to glare at her in response.

"Drop the dialect princess, you have nothing to be proud of." Puddinghead countered as the unicorns didn't have any prestige to uphold anymore.

"..." Platinum stayed silent, as she knew the unicorns had better days. She attempted to grasp onto a semblance of prestige with luxuries, but the starvation, intrigue and violence overshadowed it all.

The unsettling silence was broken by Hurricanes' entrance, flanked by his advisors and his guards. "Apologies to my tardiness, my thoughts had held me back," Hurricane explained, taking his seat accompanied by Pansy by his side.

"Why doth thou hast a private as thy advisor?" Platinum asked again, as she had inquired the same question throughout all the previous congresses. She had no idea why a lowly private would be an advisor for a commander.

"None of your business, also drop the dialect." Hurricane automatically replied, forbidding Platinum from asking again for the meeting. "Where are the rest? They are normally here first." Hurricane looked around to only see the two other leaders and their advisors, several seats on the table empty.

Then sounds of hooves trotting were heard from one of the closed doors, prompting everyponys' attention. "That must be it." Puddinghead figured, hearing the familiar two stallions' hooves and two fillys'.

The door opened to reveal the last two ponies, one being the head of Solari's faith, and the other being the greatest wizard in all of Equis history. Then there were the two fillies.

"Starswirl the great." Platinum smiled at the very icon of unicorns, Intelligent, prestigious, Noble and strong. But frowned at Starswirls' reaction,

"The title is Starswirl the bearded princess," Starswirl responded, and took his seat opposite her, prompting his students to sit beside him.

"Why doth thou hast those unnamed fillies as thy pupils? there are many more talented gentle unicorns more fit for thy status." Platinum proposed but was met with a firm shake of a hoof.

"This is why I don't take titles, and it's my decision to make, not yours." Starswirl dismissed confidently, causing the two fillies beside him to beam with admiration and thanks.

"Alright then, let's begin quickly! I have wasted enough time!" Puddinghead announced, finishing her last plate, prompting the tired servants to collect them.

"Very well, we shall skip the introductions except for the prayer." Father Ares replied but was refuted by Hurricane.

"Skip the prayer as well, it's obvious our God has abandoned us." Hurricane deadpanned, as the pegasuses and in connection, the army was secular.

"More the reason to pray and garner its favour back," Ares argued, but the three leaders disregarded him. There was once a time where every leader cowered and kissed the heads' hooves but after the windigos, their influence had diminished significantly. Ares signed helplessly.

"Mine nobles require more earth ponies for our mines, could thou send some in exchange for gold?" Platinum asked Puddinghead, as the last batch had died of starvation and ambushes.

"Drop the dialect, and it's free," Puddinghead replied boredly, getting annoyed at Platinums' stubbornness. "Collect them yourself from any nearby farm, just not all of them." Puddinghead waved uncaringly, which made Platinum nod.

"Why must the earth ponies continue to suffer teacher?" the alabaster filly whispered to Starswirl, being disgusted by the leaders' blatant talks of slavery.

"Why can't we do anything? Can't you tell them to stop?" the indigo filly whispered as well, horrified by the injustice.

"I'm sorry students... But there's nothing I can do..." Starswirl whispered back with a frown, which made the two fillies droop their heads in sadness. "They own nothing to fight back with... And they have no advantages compared to the magical unicorns and flying pegasuses."

"When are your harvests coming? Our nobles are demanding a higher share." Platinum asked Puddinghead, as the recent droughts had frightened the nobles to stockpile more food to weather the current disaster.

"A higher share?! You'll starve the earth ponies! Who will plough the fields when they are all dead?!" Puddinghead angrily countered, licking a piece of food stuck on her tooth.

"They are willing to pay in gold." Platinum appealed, spilling a pouch of gold on the table. Everypony except Starswirl and the fillies stared at the coins.

"Deal." Puddinghead greedily lunged to grab the gold, putting it into her bag which was being held by her servant.

"Dumb mud ponies..." Platinum thought, "Those gold coins are impure..." Platinum thanked her rightfully-gained talent, as the unicorns' magic allowed them to easily locate valuable mines and minerals.

The two pony's giddiness was interrupted by Hurricanes' stomps on the table, catching everyponys' attention. "Attention everypony..." Hurricane muttered.

"What is it my colt?" Ares pursued calmly, undeterred by the stomps. Puddinghead and Platinum rolled their eyes in annoyance, not wanting to hear another boring news of invasion or battle. Starswirl and the fillies stared in silence.

Hurricane disregarded Ares and began, "It has come to my attention that the entire northeast sector of our confederation has stopped reporting in for two months."

"-and why is this important?" Puddinghead chimed in, assuming it was another notice for invasion.

Hurricane ignored Puddingheads' input and continued, "Our nearby garrisons had failed to spot an invading army, and the probability of a diamond dog invasion is unlikely due to the regions' poor gem count."

"-then what is it? Do you need our help again?" Platinum signed tiredly, the memories of noble unicorn spell casters fighting the crystal ponies fresh in her memory.

"Maybe... We aren't quite sure what it may be, and our recent reconnaissance mission failed to yield any valuable results," Hurricane assessed, "But I had sent another scout to inv-"

"COMMANDER HURRICANE!"
two pegasus guards exclaimed, bringing a near-dead pegasus into the congress room on a stretcher. All the ponies in the room except Hurricane and Starswirl cringed at the pegasus's injury.

"Commander Hurricane! scout Keen brings dire news from his mission..." The guard professed, lifting the dying pegasus's head to meet Hurricanes' eyes.

"What happened..." Hurricane barely muttered out, as the scout looked like a corpse at this point.

"Earth pony army... Marching towards Cloudian Fortress... Thousands of bolts and rocks... Keen gurgled out, and finally closed his eyes as the joints' effects wore off, finally stopping his abused heart.

"Earth pony... Army?" Platinum sputtered, slowly refocusing on Puddinghead.

Everyponys' eyes were focused on Puddinghead, who was now shrinking in their glares. "It wasn't me! You all know the earth ponies hate me!" She desperately defended,

"Is that what you want us to think mud pony?" Hurricane hissed, drawing a dagger from his wings. Seeing this, the two guards quickly exited the room bringing the dead Keen as well.

"Is this where all your gold goes? To fund an army to betray us?!" Platinum accused, internally licking her lips in the opportunity this opened up. "Such treachery is only possible by a mud pony..." Platinum continued, stoking the fire that Hurricane kindled.

"What?! No!" Puddinghead backed away from the murderous Hurricane, her unused legs feeling the stress of her weight. "You know that I use the gold for my luxuries! How do you think I got my new 'office'?!" Puddinghead reasoned.

"Everypony, please! Calm yourselves!" Ares desperately tried to diffuse the situation, however, Hurricanes' bloodlust seemed unstoppable.

Ares attempted to stop Hurricane by stepping in front of him, but Hurricane responded by pointing the dagger towards Ares's neck. "Step away Ares, a traitor must be punished..." Hurricane dangerously snarled, leaning the daggers' blunt side against Ares's neck. But Ares held his ground.

"My child, you must listen to reason before acting foolishly," Ares informed the fuming pegasus, the cold dagger still touching his neck. "Please..." He mumbled.

"..." Hurricanes' expressions began to soften, making Ares sign internally in relief. Hurricane sheathed his dagger back into his wings and stepped back, "You have 30 seconds mud pony." He demanded.

Puddinghead sighed in relief, whilst Platinum snarled quietly. Starswirl meanwhile watched on with disgust with the display, whilst the fillies were horrified by the quick escalation to violence.

"I'm the tax collector, nopony likes me you moron!" Puddinghead scolded, causing Hurricane to face-hoof in realisation.

"Of course... No mud ponies would support her..." Hurricane couldn't believe he forgot that Puddinghead was more hated than the unicorns and pegasus by the mud ponies. "She would've bribed a pegasus army then train a new mud pony one..." Hurricane concluded, refocusing on the scheming Platinum.

Platinum rubbed her hoof in guilt as Hurricane glared at her for stoking his anger. "I presume you will assist me destroying this rebellion?" He asked, knowing that Platinum could not decline.

"O-of course! Our noble mage will rally with your army!" Platinum stammered, not wanting to suffer the pegasuses' wrath.

"Good. Our 10,000 strong garrison will head towards the marching mud ponies." Hurricane decided, "They should make quick work on those farmers." Hurricane began to leave, implying the end of the congress.

As the ponies began to leave, Ares slowly approached Starswirl with a frown. "I worry what will happen next, my friend..." He began, which got Starswirls' attention.

"What troubles you, friend?" Starswirl leaned down to meet Ares's downtrodden face.

Ares looked up to recall a memory. "A dream has been plaguing my mind for months..." Ares continued, "A dream of retribution and freedom..." Ares shivered, "But also blood and death..."

"It's probably nothing friend," Starswirl assured, "Everything is going to be the same..."

Author's Note:

I don't know if Platinum should be a Karen or a 100 intrigue character.

I don't know if Puddinghead should be a trixxter or a braindead idiot.

Comments

[Bronycommander]

how about a mix of both?

[HB_DS2013]

This is proof that the current leaders should be introduced to the guillotine. Puddinghead's a moron, Hurricane's a despot and Platinum's a manipulative daughter of a diamond dog in snake scales.

[Umbra Animo]

So am I the only one getting French Revolution vipes?

[kaiser0kolovos]

Looks like Starswirl and his pupils, filly Luna and Celestia, don't like any of the three founders. These are very interesting times for two alicorns to grow up in.

I'm honestly exited to see what the Jacobins mean when they say that they "thrive in open combat". Ten thousand soldiers, pesagi and unicorns alike, all dying to an Earth Pony army would shatter their pride.

[kaiser0kolovos]

10821995

The Earth Ponies literally call themselves the Jacobins. Granted it's because their leader is named Jacobin, but they have the right spirit.

By the end of this, I definitely could see Puddinghead getting her head cleaved off in a state execution.

I just hope that the name and mannerisms don't scare Bismark into doing something drastic. This is a good opportunity to gain a friendly buffer state between Germany and (what's left of) Equestria.

[Lunar Walker]

Looks interesting. I will read it later.

_{sorry, I have a really long backlog so it might take a while.}

[TheArbiter1]

Celestia and Luna have front-row lessons on how to not lead Equestria. Wander what influence will Bismarck and his policies have on the future monarchs.

[kaiser0kolovos]

10822439

That's if there's a place for them to be monarchs of in the first place.

The idea of Equestria is dead with the Earth Ponies seceding and basically forming the French Republic while the Pegasi and Unicorns have no food security and their forces are rushing head first into a meat grinder.

But yeah, Bismark and Mauser have shown themselves as cornerstones of stability compared to Equestria.

Industrialism, Capitalism, Militarism, and Cultural Hegemony has work for them, "why not try it for ourselves?"

[Noxillificus]

Story went from "haha guns go brr" to "You didnt have to cut me off" lmao

pls get the meme

[HB_DS2013]

10822469
That's because the unicorns and pegasi have been abusing their food security.