Equestria is an illiterate place...
"...and they destroyed the diamond dogs!" Little happily narrated, Opal and Graze listening intently.
"That's nice dear. But it's so nice to have you two back." Opal said, ruffling Littles' mane.
"We were so close to giving up hope... I'm glad we hadn't." Graze said emotionally, setting his hoof over Greens' shoulder.
"Thanks, dad..." Green replied slowly. "But what happened while we were gone?"
Opal and Graze closed their eyes sorrowly, trying to block the memories of their suffering. "...We tried to find you both for a day... We went nowhere..." Graze started,
"We had to move on... It was so hard to... But we had to survive... Please forgive us..." Opal muttered quietly.
Little and Green hugged them in response, calming them. "It's alright mom... We understand." Green assured, tightening his grip.
"It worked out in the end anyway, right?" Little loosened and looked up at her parents with an infectious smile.
"Aye... I guess it did." Graze hugged Little once more, running his hoof along his daughter's mane.
"Awww... How precious..." Albert chimed in, his head protruding from the divers' flap.
"Shhh! You're ruining their moment!" Nina scolded, her hatch lowered down to her head as if to be stealthy.
"Pffftt! Why would I care?! They're the reasons why I'm still here!" Albert complained, crossing his arms in the tank, whilst pouting outside.
"Don't be a dick just 'cause you don't have your coffee, Albert," Harold said, annoyed at Alberts' constant whining.
"I could've gotten my coffee if we didn't detour and help these ponies!" Albert accused the ponies, which made some around the tank shrink in embarrassment.
"Albert, if you don't shut up now coffee is going to be the least of your problem." Jill threatened, cracking a knuckle.
"Bring it on!" Albert replied undeterred, raising his claws to 'duke em' up, his head still popped outside the tank.
Jill simply approached the frailing griffon and jabbed the butt of her rifle in his ribs, making him exhale painfully outside and swerve the tank slightly.
"Do we really not have any stimulants?! I'm afraid this crazy griff is going to kill us all at this point!" Nina complained, bracing herself on the hatch as the tank shook.
"Stimulants?" A pony replied at the back, "Does somepony need any?" It quickly approached the tank and stopped following its pace.
"Wait... You ponies have stimulants?!" Nina enthusiastically asked, leaning dangerously close to the close pony.
"Uh... Yes... I got something right here," the pony reached into his pouch and pulled out a roll of leaves, covering a pink paste in the middle. "Pegasus use these to stay awake during watch duty, whilst the unicorns use them to stay awake to study.” the pony shook the joint in Ninas' face, showing every angle. "We rarely use them, so we primarily sell them. But I thought we should pack some because we might match during the night." The pony justified, grabbing several more from the pouch.
"How much do you want for them?" Nina asked, thinking she could trade food for some.
"For you griffons it's free, see this as our repayment." The pony smiled, gesturing to Nina to take them.
Nina grabbed one of the joints and inspected it carefully. "How effective is this?" She asked, grabbing a matchbox from her pockets.
"I don't know if it will even work on griffons, but it's able to keep a minotaur awake for 4 days without complications." The pony explained, "But your food intake will triple during its effect." The pony warned as Nina lit a match.
"Looks like a cigar..." Nina observed, and lit the joint and held it on her mouth, "Hopefully this won't kill me..." Nina thought, as the joint began to light. Albert meanwhile watched intently, ensuring that the joint wasn't harmful by watching Nina take it.
Nina breathed in deeply, not letting any of the pink smoke escape her lungs. Meanwhile, the pony watched worryingly, not sure if he had just doomed his fellow ponys' fate by killing their ally.
Nina coughed and exhaled the pink fume, puffs of pink escaping her nose and beak from every cough. "*cough* it's different... But at least it feels clean..." She flicked the scorching bud off, her chest quickly relaxing from the fume.
"Feel any different?" Albert asked expectantly,
"How do you feel?" The pony asked as well.
"Nothing yet- I don't think it works on griffffffffffffiii- HOLY SHIT!" Nina began boredly but then was immediately bombarded with sensations of euphoria and happiness. She felt like she could break the sound barrier and beyond, as she began to shake violently on top of the tank with glee. "EEEEEEEEEEE-!"
"See kids? This is why you don't take drugs." A pony mother told her filly, who nodded in worry.
"Your eyes are rainbows!" Albert shouted, pointing at Nina, but hitting his claws on the interior of the tank instead, as he still only had his head popping out. "Ouch!.. Is it any good?"
"YEEEESSSSS!" Nina sputtered, her wings suddenly beating wildly, which made her shoot up into the air.
"..." Albert watched as Nina quickly ascended into the skies, and quickly focused on the ponys' pouch, which made him squeak in surprise. "I'll take your entire stock!" Albert demanded, retreating from the flap to allow his claws to reach out and snatch the ponys' pouch. He then dumped the entire supply into his bag and threw the pouch back at the ponys' face, knocking him slightly backwards.
"Uh... You're welcome?" The pony replied hesitantly, slowing down to evaporate back into the group.
Albert immediately lit a joint, exhaling its fumes outside the tank through the flaps, where he saw Nina flying erratically in the air.
"Smoking those things are harmful y'know, especially ones' from an unknown source," Harold warned, which was quickly dismissed by Albert.
"Holy shit... This is fucking GOOD!" Albert cheered, his eyes visibly turning into a rainbow spiral and his expressions lightening. "Mmmmm..." Albert finally felt awake again, and he resisted the urge to fly aimlessly like Nina, as he was experienced in dealing with extreme stimulation.
"That's unhealthy..." Gelde stated, disgusted at Alberts' abuse of his own body.
"It isn't though!" A pony interjected, "It helps with healing, and many alchemists use them for cures!"
"See? Nothing to fear!" Albert laughed out, "I can literally feel my lungs clearing out!" He joked, but he could feel them lightening, some of the pain in his legs disappearing as well. "Try some!" Albert then passed them all a joint, which they eyes carefully, then lit. Albert rolled his eyes when Jill and Gelde shared the fire by kissing their joints together.
At first, they all stared at the ground waiting for its effects, until it finally hit them. "EEEEEEEEEEE-!"
They all screeched, as they began violently shaking in their seats.
The crew had finally calmed down after they had devoured an entire days' worth of food in mere minutes. But their high still hadn't died down, which annoyed everyone except Albert.
"How long does this even last for?!" Jill complained, as her senses were heightened to the point of disturbance.
"4 days from what I heard," Nina replied, now being able to scan the entire surrounding in 2 seconds.
"This is creepy..." Gelde said as he was dissembling and reassembling his gun in 30 seconds, despite having to do it in specific order to not be blown up.
"I concur," Harold said as he could now flip through his books with incredible speeds. "If our college students have these, tests are going to become a joke..."
"This might be the best knocked-unconscious-but-still-winning-moment in the world..." Albert giggled out, bouncing slightly in his seat.
"Hey, griffons? You there?" A filly asked, accompanied by a group behind him.
"Hmm?" Nina turned and raided herself to look at the gathered fillies, "yes we are here, do you want anything?" Nina asked.
"Umm... Could we..? See your tank?" The filly asked shyly, nearly stumbling on his hooves.
"You're already looking at it squirt." Nina cheekily replied, pointing at the tank.
"I mean go inside..." The filly corrected, bracing his stance.
"Sorry squirt... But it's a secret." Nina sadly replied, shrugging to convey her helplessness.
"But, Green and Little were allowed!" The fillies whined, visibly shrinking.
"Yes, because they had to be kept safe," Nina explained, which did not please the fillies.
"But we are in danger!" A filly complained,
"Danger of what? Not knowing what's inside?" Nina slapped the side of the tank.
"It's unfair!" Another said,
"As life is." Nina solemnly replied, shutting her eyes wisely.
The fillies all looked down in disappointment and whined, "We will never get our cutie marks..." they muttered, which raised Ninas' brow.
"Is that the reason? To get your cutie marks?" Nina asked, bewildered by their motives.
"Well... Yes, they told us that they got their cutie marks painting your 'tank'... So we thought we could find ours in the same place..." A filly revealed, which made the others nod in agreement.
"I'm sure you will find them through other ways," Nina assured, but the filled shook their heads.
"We tried every other way available though..." The fillies muttered,
"Well if all things fail, just wait for it?" Nina suggested,
"But we want it now!" The fillies whined, "If we don't find our cutie marks before 18, we will never get one!"
Nina looked around and saw no other ponies having cutie marks, and refocused on the fillies, "Why do you even want one though? No other adults have one." Nina shrugged indifferently.
The fillies looked at each other and looked back at Nina with similar thoughts. "It shows our destiny... What's the point without one?" A filly said.
Nina looked at the fillies with shock due to their surprising maturity and depressing topic. "Why would you want something to control your destiny?" Nina confusedly asked, "We don't have cutie marks, and we feel completely fulfilled."
"Maybe for griffons! But not for us!" The fillies whined. "We want to help. We want to do something. And without a talent... What can we do..?"
Nina was stumped at their analysis, as it mirrored their society, as griffons without talents were forced into menial or physical jobs, but they were never branded as such by a lack of a 'cutie mark'. But most griffons were able to find their talents, and do their jobs without announcing it with a cutie mark, but at the same time, they showed by what they wore, which made Nina think. "These ponies see their cutie marks like how we see our status..." Nina thought, feeling sympathy for the fillies.
"I understand fillies, but I'm afraid I still can't let you in..." Nina said with a frown, which made the fillies nod in disappointment.
"Nice rejection Nina! I would've just shooed them off, but destroying their will is also fun!" Albert cynically cheered, which made Harold bonk his head.
"Alright ponies! We will stop here for tonight! So find somewhere to shelter!" Copper announced, prompting the ponies to begin to scatter to collect kindling for fires and leaves to lie down on to sleep. Copper then turned to face Jaco and Forest who were approaching him.
"How goes the foragers we sent ahead to scavenge?" Copper asked them, causing them to lower their heads in shame.
"Many had turned back due to the hostile critters, whilst the rest could only find some poison berries..." Jaco relayed, causing the elder to frown and scrunch.
"... Are anypony in threat of starvation?" Copper hesitantly asked,
Jaco looked away in distress, whilst Forest stepped forward to answer, "Some are wounded and they haven't eaten for weeks... Based on their bare frames... They don't have much longer to live." He regrettably stated.
Copper cringed at the news, regretting not starving himself to save at least one of the starving ponies. He sighed deeply.
"Hello? Are you the elder?" Harold suddenly appeared between them, jumping all three of the ponies. "Oh! Sorry, did I startle you?" Harold stepped backwards.
"It's alright... But yes, I'm the elder of these ponies..." Copper told Harold,
"Perfect! Because I was going to ask if you have a problem feeding your pe- ponies." Harold said, whilst gesturing towards the starving ponies on wagons, "...because it seems like you need help."
"Will you be able to help?" Jaco hopefully asked, his mood lightened by the proposition.
"Well yes... But actually no." Harold scratched his head, "You see... There aren't many edible vegetations in the area, which means we can't help you forage any..." Harold led,
"Yes? And?" Jaco desperately asked,
"Well... Remember when one of us said Green and Little ate meat?" Harold implied, which made the three ponies raise their brows in realisation.
"You-... You want us to eat meat?!" Forest shouted as they did not wish to stoop that low.
"Of course not sentient! That would be cruel!" Harold went on damage control, as he distinctly remembered encountered wildlife during their trip that could speak... Somehow...
This achieved its purpose, as the three ponies visibly calmed down. But then began to think again, "Then what sort of meat are you offering?" Copper asked, still disturbed at referring to meat as if it was food.
"Can you ponies eat fish?" Harold asked,
"Fish? You mean there's a river nearby?" Jaco asked surprised, as their foragers had not reported sighting a river anywhere.
"Yup! But there's a ton of wolves strangely made up of wood on the way." Harold replied as he had seen them growling at him whilst flying over them.
"Timberwolves..." Copper muttered,
"Timberwolves? Is that what's it called?" Harold scoffed, "That's the most uninspired name ever..."
"Even if we get to the river, we got nothing to catch fishes with! Our nets that we got from the zebras have holes too big to catch anything properly." Forest explained as he pulled a ruined net out of nowhere.
"Trust me, you will only need to worry about eating the fish. We will do it all for you." Harold explained, which made the ponies shrink in embarrassment, ad they were relying more on the griffons. "But is there any specific way to kill these 'timberwolves’? Or do they die like fleshed individuals?"
"They will reform if you break them, so you can only kill them with fire." Jaco immediately replied, trying to redeem at least some of their pride.
"Then gather as many wagons as you can and meet us at the east, we will join you there," Harold ordered and flew away, prompting the three to follow the griffon's orders. Thoughts against eating meat secondary, as they had a clear objective to fulfil.
"...what are you wearing?" Jaco asked Albert, who was practically giggling being able to use the flamethrower.
"A gasmask to stop the smoke," Albert answered, guessing the next question and answering accordingly.
"What are you holding?" Forest asked, pointing at the steel rod which Albert was holding, which connected to two tanks on his back.
"It's a flamethrower, so stop asking questions before I turn you into soup," Albert warned by flickering the fire on the end of the barrel.
The two ponies looked away and refocused forward, slowing themselves down to retreat to the back. Of all the griffons, they feared Albert the most, as they thought he was a narcissist and psychopath and was glad that his crew thought of him the same way.
"Come out... Come out... Wherever you are~" Albert leered, as he pointed at every bush he saw.
"Albert... We aren't trying to lure them here, else they snatch a pony away." Harold said, which made the ponies shiver with sudden paranoia. "Not that they would..." Harold retracted.
They continued marching, the griffons hovering over them scouting the surroundings. Soon, they reached the river without any complications.
"Alright ponies, get ready to collect!" Gelde flew down and dropped a bag, retrieving a bundle of grenades wrapped up to destroy tanks, but for this case dynamite fishing.
The ponies glared at the mysterious bundle of sticks wearily, as Gelde began to unscrew the grenade's caps one by one, revealing several small strings which he gathered into one large string.
"Give me that!" Albert greedily snatched Geldes' grenade, which nearly ignited the last grenade, but Gelde lunged at the last second to loosen the string. "Oops... Sorry," Albert chucked, as Gelde glared at him.
Albert then flew over the river, hovering in the centre of it and pulling the strings. After they had all clicked, he dropped it and quickly dived down back towards the ponies to not be splattered by the explosion.
"You might want to shut your ears," Nina told the ponies, who were staring at where the grenades had dropped on the river. They quickly broke their gaze and covered their ears with their hooves, unsure as to why, but doing it nevertheless.
A giant explosion rang out, making the ponies stumble slightly due to the vibrations, and ears split due to the noise, despite them covering it. Water and fish were thrown to great heights and plummeted just as quickly onto the ground, some hitting the wide-eyed ponies in their open mouths and eyes. As the last airborne water droplets hit the ground, several dead fish surfaced on the river, already beginning to be pulled downstream due to the currents.
"Head's up!" Albert shouted as he chucked a dead fish onto Forests' face, breaking his shock.
"-Argh! What the?!" Forest recoiled, stumbling backwards and spitting several bits of fish that had entered his mouth.
"Put them on the wagons!" Albert shouted, throwing several more fish directly onto Forests' face, causing them to pile on his head.
Forest shivered as the cold fish slithered down his snout and to the ground, which he quickly caught with his hooves, and deposited on the wagon. "-Alright, what next-" Forest was then bombarded with an ungodly amount of fishes, which knocked him back until the final one hit his head, which caused him to cartoonishly flip and crash onto the ground.
"MORE FISH!" Albert continued to throw the fishes onto Forest, burrowing him in slimy goodness, as Albert hovered above the river, picking up any fish that surfaced and throwing the decapitated carcass into the pile. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Harold threw a fish into the cackling griffons' face, but Albert simply turned and snapped the fish in his beak and spewed it out. "You're forgetting we are all high." Albert deadpanned, continually hurling fish at the downed pony.
Jaco quickly began digging Forest out of the pile, flinging the fishes on his wagon while doing so. He stopped when he finally reached a hoof. "Forest! You okay in there?!" Jaco held onto his friends' hoof, which was now slimy and cold.
"W-wet... Cold... S-so cold..." Forest stuttered, his voice being muffled by the mountain of fish, some even going into his mouth during his talk.
"Hang in there! I'm getting you out!" Jaco sped up, clearing the pile until Forests' barrel was visible. "Nearly there!" Jaco continued, not knowing the shadow that was now looming over him.
"FISH JENGA!" Albert exclaimed, pulling out a fish from the pile which caused it to collapse on the two ponies.
"NOOOOO!" Jaco retracted, holding his hoof out to block the incoming wave of fish. Albert simply laughed as the ponys' screams were muffled by the fish.
"I can still smell it..." Jaco complained, the stink of the fish still lingering on their fur.
"I'm going to kill that griffon..." Forest growled. The ponies around distancing themselves with the two ponies.
"I'm sorry? What was that?" Albert leaned between the two, his gasmask still on. "Ewww... You two still stink!" Albert leaned back, cringing at the smell.
"Yeah. Thanks." Jaco growled, barely restraining himself from throwing a fish at Albert.
"Awww... Cheer up! We're nearly back at camp!" Albert tried to nudge Jacos' barrel, but immediately backed up once realising its filthiness.
"Nopony is going to eat these..." Forest sighed, "The smell is already intoxicating."
"We just have to fry and spice them." Harold approached with his gas mask fastened, but still cringing inside due to the smell.
"That's not the biggest problem," Jaco complained, "...It's taboo for our ponies to eat meat... Even if we are starving." Jaco shook, remembering some ponies who were desperate enough to eat meat, resulting in their exile.
"Isn't that only for intelligent meat? Fish isn't intelligent though." Harold justified, which made Jaco and Forest shake their heads slowly.
"We still don't... Our bodies are suited for meat anyway." Forest tried to dismiss the issue, but Harold continued to press it.
"Green and Little ate fish, and they were fine. They even said it tasted good!" Harold argued,
"We aren't all fillies." Jaco muttered, "Most of us have been taught our entire lives to not eat meat."
Harold hesitated. He knew how much traditions and taboos could influence people, as the griffons had murdered any cannibals during the warlord era. He determined that the ponies saw cannibals and carnivores the same, which made him think about a solution.
"I'm starving, and even I wouldn't eat the fish," Forest affirmed, "I can't speak for everypony, but they would probably agree with me."
"...What if it wasn't meat?" Harold began to formulate an idea,
"Seriously..?" Forest faced Harold as if the Griffin was braindead. "Of course we would eat it!"
"You have been told to not eat meat correct?" Harold asked,
"Yes?" Forest raised a brow.
"...because it would be cruel and immoral?" Harold led on,
"Aye, it's been drilled in our mind." Forest nodded.
"Cruel because they can talk?" Harold grinned, which was hidden by his mask.
"Y-," Forest stopped and faced the griffon with a glare. "We will never eat meat." He dug his metaphoric hoof into the ground.
"Good, then we agree." Harold nodded, which made Forest tilt in confusement.
"But we won't eat the meat!" Forest asked in confusion.
"Exactly! You won't be eating meat!" Harold smiled under his mask.
"But... We have nothing green!" Forests' head began to hurt,
"Yes we do, we have these!" Harold grabbed a fish, "Presenting! Sea greens!" Harold nearly face-clawed for creating such an uninspired name.
"THAT'S MEAT!" Forest angrily growled,
"Oh yeah? What meat cannot talk?" Harold countered,
"Bu- ho- wha-?!" Forest desperately tried to find his words but gave up and violently shook his head, "It still can die! It can breathe!" Forest reasoned,
"So can plants." Harold shrugged,
"They can't breath!" Forest deliberated,
"They can," Harold grinned, "Their leaves 'breathe' in the air you exhale and breath out the air you inhale," Harold explained,
"Lies!" Forest stubbornly ignored,
"Oh really? Have you ever seen plants grow without air?" Harold crossed his arms,
Forest stopped to think, "The plants in the sea!" He figured.
"The plants breathe the air in the water." Harold explained, "How do you think fish breathe?" He smiled.
"That still doesn't prove anything!" Forest argued, "Everypony knows plants grow from water and sun!" He concluded.
"And they grow breathing air like every living thing." Harold wisely remarked, "Everything that lives, breathes pony." He finished, happy in his success, as Forest and the ponies around them began to think about his evaluation.
"But... They can eat." A random pony stated.
"So can plants, eating water and the suns' rays," Harold answered,
"Their eyes can see and move.” another pony said.
"As much as the roots can see and move towards the water," Harold replied,
"Fish can reproduce." A pony muttered,
"Trees sprout seeds which can grow into a sapling," Harold finished. The ponies around him nodded at the newly introduced information.
They never had the luxury nor time to discuss such topics, but their idleness during their travel back to camp had given them time to think. Especially with the injection of an intellectual in their discussion, their thinking had accelerated past their era.
"Does this mean... We can eat fish?" Forest hesitated,
"Yep, it won't even be wrong!" Harold confirmed, lightening everypony's mood. "Emperor Bismarck was right! It's super easy convincing illiterate barbarians!" Harold thought, remembering a quote from his beloved Emperor.
Suddenly, all the griffons except Harold (who was already on the ground) dived to the ground, surrounding the ponies and wagons and facing towards the bushes around them.
"What's going on?" Harold asked the battle-ready griffons, who all wore serious expressions, except Albert who was grinning madly.
"Timberwolves." Jill pointed at a normal bush, which violently shook and revealed two timberwolves growling and slowly approaching.
"They must've smelled our stench!" Jaco realised, retreating slowly backwards as their wagons weighted them down too much to fight.
Nina realised the ponies panicking, so quickly tried to calm them down, "Calm down everypony! Just stay behind us!" The ponies heeded and tightened their formation within the griffons' protection. "Male sure t-,"
"-HAHAHA BURN! BABY BURN!" Albert cackled maniacally, as he sprayed the surrounding bushes with jets of fires, turning the timberwolves into ash and goo instantaneously. He then turned the barrel on the entire area, forcing the ponies and griffons to duck to avoid the jets of flames, its heat radiating to their heads.
"LEAVE A GAP, YOU MORON! WE NEED A PLACE TO ESCAPE!" Gelde screamed out but was drowned out by Alberts' cackling.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA! THE FIRE KNOWS THE TRUE MASTER! ME! I SHALL BRING JUDGEMENT TO THESE KI-" The flames suddenly stopped, causing Albert to shut his beak.
Harold held the pipe which fed the hose fuel, stopping the flames by shutting the valve. "You had enough fun, it's time to move." Harold deadpanned.
Albert leaned on Harolds' face, his eyes bloodshot in anger, and his expressions darkened. His beak twitched with murderous intent and his eyes glared deep into Harolds' own, down to his soul. "YO-"
Harold slapped Albert, causing him to whimper. "Let's go." He confirmed as the smoke and fire around him was beginning to rage uncontrollably.
"Fucking pyromaniac..." The griffons muttered, which made Albert whimper more. The ponies simply shrugged, glad that they were safe.
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nice work, as always!
Given that Bismark is from the 19th century, back when everything was fair game and there weren't any if those moral crusades done "for the children", I wonder what Germany's policy on drug use is.
(The times were you could buy heroine and cocaine at the store).
Given that the Griffons here called them "stimulants" rather than drugs, they seem to have a dependency on the stuff, and they are still allowed to serve as a tank crew, I bet that the policy isn't very restrictive.
I'm imagining a policy similar to that of the Turians were everything is legal as long as it doesn't stop you from doing your job.
I managed to binge-read the whole thing and I can say that this is actually good considering that this is a fanfic written on a smartphone. My only gripe for the story comes from the fact that all the dialogue in one chapter looks like they have the letters of the characters at the end of the dialogue. But I do like how the paragraphs aren't huge blocks.
It would be interesting to see an AU where the earth ponies secceeded from Equestria and became part of New Germany. (Or Gryphonia as ponies would call it.)
Zer ist but van vrase.
"Hans, get ze flammenwherfer"
"I have a Flammenwherfer, it wherfs flammen."
10823815
NUF Pyro TF2
Fish Janga