The Iron Chancellor

by Radical Centrist

Demand Concessions. No Punitive Expededitions

Paul and Bismarck sat nervously around a telephone; glaring at it as if it was a hapless prey; ready to lunge at it at any signs of movement.

To break the tension, Paul began to recount their positions. "We're running out of resources, and we lack workers for our factories." He chanted, "We can't make the children's work, else our education programs are for naught...."

"...I know," Bismarck muttered; his eyes still fixed on the telephone. He had also been thinking about their current conundrum; being the lack of labour forces and their unwillingness to trade nor hire the natives of their new lands. "If it wasn't for our policy of secrecy, we could've hired the natives..." He accusingly murmured.

Paul began to frown. "Our secrets are too valuable to simply 'give-away' to these unthinking savages." He maintained, "Their hooves and different anatomy would prevent them from operating our machines and tools anyways..." He sighed out.

Bismarck began to stroke his chin, removing his gaze from the telephone. "How about making the natives mine or farm? The British East Indies company had done the same thing to their Indian subjects."

Paul shook his head, "That may be, but their 'subjects' were human. Not an entirely different species." Paul reclined on his chair; also removing his gaze from the telephone. "And any prolonged exposure to modern tools would give them dangerous ideas..."

"Then just give them primitive tools, the Russians did it to their serfs, and look at them! Still stuck in the medieval ages!" Bismarck's expressions darkened, as he remembered the conditions of the Russian serfs during his time in the Russian Capital. "There was a reason why they didn't want you to leave the palaces..." He darkly thought.

Paul stroked his chin; deep in thought. "...I suppose that would work... But would it be morally right to expose the natives to such dangerous conditions when we have a better alternative?"

Bismarck snapped to Paul's thoughtful expressions in disbelief, "...Was it morally right when you forced my prisoners of war to create and fix roads?"

"...Touché..." Paul slowly acknowledged. "...So what? You are going to transport natives to our mines?"

"No, that would lay off our skilled labourers and decrease the efficiency significantly." Bismarck deduced, "I say we make them mine in our soon-to-be territories and transport them to our manufacturers."

Paul nodded with impressment, "But that still won't solve our demands for manufactured goods like steel, fuel, 'machine parts' (A generalisation for goods that are required for machines to work, such as engines.) Or consumer goods."

"...I thought you said the efficiency of production will increase over time? The theories of mass-production and worker's accumulated skill and what-not?" Bismarck raised a brow.

"Mmmmmm... Yes. They will. But I speculate it won't be enough..." Paul leaned forwards, "We will need to rely on our innovations and fully exploit the recent population boom to ensure our state's functions..." Paul deduced; somewhat frustrated that they did not have a global market to supplement their shortages.

Bismarck nodded sagely, "Yes, but we may also need to-"

*RING**RING**RING*

Bismarck immediately lunged at the phone; collapsing the desk and rolling across the floor whilst holding the telephone. He slammed it against his ears.

"Moshi Moshi?" Bismarck cooly phrased,

"What?" Paul muttered,

"Sorry, I was reminiscing my time writing to the Japanese..." Bismarck silently scolded himself; rubbing the back of his head.

"Hello? This is Admiral Marie of Moltke speaking." the speaker proudly stated; oblivious to the person he was talking to. Bismarck frowned at the impudence.

"And this is the emperor speaking," Bismarck responded, prompting the speaker to become filled with the noises of someone and something tripping or falling.

Paul shook his head disappointedly.

---

Moments before the call

Jean Marie tapped his foot impatiently at the delay of his troops transporting the telephone, whilst two foals who had claimed to be leaders of the entire race sat by nervously.

"Who do these ponies think we are, presenting two foals as their leaders?" Jean scoffed, "So cowardly that they sent babies instead of themselves to negotiate..." He thought.

"Will we be alright?" Little nervously whimpered; fearful of Jean for his impatient display. The latter didn't even notice the foal's concerns.

"Will we be alright?" Green reiterated, causing Jean to snap to the little Green foal.

"Of course you are... But not the one's who sent you..." Jean assured, "...And it seems our communicator has finally arrived..." Jean turned towards the entrance of their tent, which was now blocked by a gasping griffon.

"Here *gasp* sir-," the griffon passed the telephone to the admiral, before passing out himself.

"Someone escort him outta here," Jean ordered, prompting two standing guards outside the tent to drag the unconscious griffon outside. "I swear... All of our deliverers are asthmatic or something... They always collapse after they do anything... Jean muttered under his breath.

"What's that?" Little curiously quipped, leaning towards the newly brought-in contraption.

"Something that will let me talk to an official." Jean dismissed the filly's inquiry, instead, focusing on getting the correct channel. "...Al-right! Ready to call!"

The two ponies sat and watched on silently as Jean placed a banana-shaped... Thing near his mouth and ears.

After a period of silence, they heard a faint noise, "Moshi Moshi?" The two ponies glanced at each other confusedly whilst Jean retracted to glare at the telephone.

"Hello? This is Admiral Marie of Moltke speaking." Jean puffed out his chest with pride; ready to scold the communicator for introducing himself unprofessionally.

"And this is the Emperor speaking," it boredly replied.

Jean's face immediately paled, and in a blink of a second, his legs collapsed, and the telephone slipped out of his hand, but before it even moved an inch in the air, he immediately realised his mistakes and snatched the telephone in the air, knocking over the tables and chairs in the process.

The two ponies yelped, as they were thrown off their chairs.

"PLEASE FORGIVE MY IMPUDENCE!" Jean pleaded to the telephone; shaking it wildly. The ponies meanwhile groaned with pain, as they picked themselves up from the mess.

"...I will look past it this time... But do you have their leaders with you?" The voice expectantly asked,

"YES! -yes! They are right here your highness!" Jean hurriedly approached the two groaning ponies, before stopping himself in realisation. "THEY'RE NOT THE REAL LEADERS!" Jean screamed in his head.

Green rubbed his eyes to halt the pain, and when he opened it, he was met with a pair of glaring eyes. "AHHH- mfff!" Green was silenced by the griffon.

"WHERE ARE YOUR ACTUAL LEADERS?!" Jean demanded; his claws covering the receiver of the telephone.

"Hello? Do you have the leaders or not?" The voice continued to inquire.

"What do you mean?! We are the real leaders!" Little annoyedly responded; rubbing her head to dampen the pain.

"NO YOU ARE NOT! YOU ARE BOTH FOALS!" Jean desperately growled, as sweat began to cover her.

"Speak to us this instant admiral! We can hear your claws covering the receiver!" The voice angrily demanded, causing Jean's legs to wobble and weaken from fear.

Jean looked around futilely and finally centred his gaze to the two ponies, at which point he swayed and collapsed from his panic. "I'm so screwed..." Jean muttered before his eyes rolled back, and he fell unconscious.

"Hello? We heard a thud, what happened?" The voice asked worriedly.

Green slowly began dragging himself to the telephone, cautiously observing the strange device once he got close. He leaned towards one of its sides and spoke, "...Hello?"

"Yes! Hello- wait. Is this a child speaking?" the voice asked hesitantly.

"You mean a foal? Yes. I am one." Green responded swiftly, whilst Little crawled beside him.

"...Why is a foal on our telephone admiral?"

"You mean the guy that just collapsed? -But we are also the leaders of our ponies." Green puffed his chest with pride.

"...A child emperor?" The voice rhetorically asked,

"No, not an emperor. More of a leader-type." Green corrected,

"I see... But what do you mean by 'we'?"

"That's me! Green's Littlest Little!" Little joyfully chimed in,

"She's my co-leader." Green elaborated.

"I see... And you call yourselves, not a paternal autocrat..." The voice sagely responded.

"-What's that now?" Little snapped towards the telephone; wanting to re-hear the last words.

"Nothing... But, all we need to know is, do you have any powers as leaders? And if you do, what are they?"

Green stroked his chin, "I-uhhhh... I guess I have the same powers as the nobles once had over the lands..." Green guessed, as he had no comparisons to meet his political power.

"...So you have jurisdiction over your nation's lands and subjects?"

Green and Little shrugged to each other, "I suppose we do," Green answered; not thinking too much about the questions.

"Perfect..." The voice ominously responded; the ponies meanwhile, being completely oblivious to their intentions.

---

Paul was literally jumping with giddy; "CHILD EMPERORS MEAN OPPORTUNITY!" He screamed in his head, whilst Bismarck wore a gigantic, maniacal smile.

"...Well speaking of your lands and subjects, I believe you've incurred a debt from us for our recent action against your enemies." Bismarck masterfully began, prompting Paul to nod furiously in agreement.

The ponies on the other side simply shrugged and nodded in Bismarck's evaluation. "I guess we do owe you one for saving us." They replied.

"Perfect..." "-Well I believe we could settle your debt easily right now- right here." Bismarck lured, "We simply ask for you to cede the entirety of your eastern lands and vow to never claim anything east of it ever in the future." Bismarck outrageously demanded.

Paul grinned at Bismarck's tactic; as a diligent student of history, he knew Bismarck would demand an outrageous term at the beginning to reach a deal he exactly wanted in the end.

Paul shook his head at Bismarck's unchanged nature; he was a master diplomat; seasoned in the art of the deal; for Little and Green would reject his first deal but come to agre-

"Okay. Is that all?

Paul blinked. Bismarck did as well.

Bismarck opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Paul raised a claw but immediately settled it down.

"Yes..." Bismarck finally mumbled out, before delicately setting down the telephone. He breathed in deeply.

"...Good?" Paul hesitantly offered.

Bismarck slowly turned to face Paul. His face looked like he was on the verge of crying.

"Years of experiences in diplomacy... Wasted..." He murmured, before face-planting onto the ground.

Paul carefully approached Bismarck and placed a claw on his shoulder.

"There, there. At least your experiences in the military and statesmanship came in handy!" Paul assured his friend.

It was going to be a looooong day...

Author's Note:

This is why you don't let children be diplomats.

Actually, just don't give any important jobs to a child.

There's another poll: https://xoyondo.com/ap/oFajKEnLGHcCbWC

Comments

[Radical Centrist]

Do this new poll for more characters: https://xoyondo.com/ap/oFajKEnLGHcCbWC

[Bronycommander]

interesting. was bismark speaking Japanese just randomly or something of a real fact?

[Radical Centrist]

10937478
Bismarck had written a letter to the Japanese during their modernisation to align them with Germany

[Bronycommander]

10937481
okay then

[Loganic]

I was gonna vote changeling but then I saw deer lol.

[Ponygamer12]

Huh that was surprisingly not smart of little and green to do, and I can't tell whether they did out of sheer ignorance, having no care of the lands or its the land where the most of the invaders and raiders occur and they see it as shoving the problem to Paul and bismarch.

[Pogmin]

Churchill and Roosevelt just tickles me, both of them coming in and trying to actually work together sounds fun.

[GoldR]

10937472
oh yeeeeees, oh YEEEEEES. Rommel changling. I can't wait for him to meet Bismarck and Mauser
ruskie zdut sukablyat

[reeboiiiii]

me personaly i would choose macarthur for defense, Einstein for tecnology, yamamoto for the navy, lincoln as the leader, and napoleon for offense, trotsky for morale, and rommel for spy network. because WHY NOT!

[reeboiiiii]

10933115
can you add Patton to accompany rommel? love to see them both argue about tanks.

[SonicDJM]

"Years of experiences in diplomacy... Wasted..."

I would honestly be terrified if Celestia and Luna learned politics from Bismarck.