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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I don't think Orion is going to be able to scheme his way out of this one. My money is on him either fleeing from Equestria altogether or Daybreaker is going to intervene and start turning ponies into ash until all the charges against Orion are dropped.
Either way, I definitely can't wait for next week's chapter!
However, this land of ponies doesn't give so much crap that other countries are suffering and dying of hunger and poverty. Bang Celestia and this racist country of sweets. under a nice name it is literally a cesspool.
I have never hated your upload schedule more until now. I have to wait a WEEK to see how this unfolds!?!? UGH, I hate it lmao. Fantastic story so far, I can't wait to see how this plays out.
10709670
First few words had me shitting bricks. Like "oh no...what have I done."
Lmao thanks for the enthusiasm.
10709657
Hahaha seeing Dawnbreaker go nuclear would be amazing.
I'd like to see the church of sol try to justify mass starvation and in front of celestia. That would be entertaining.
This case doesn't make sense for a few reasons, for one there's a difference between selling nuke codes to a foreign nation and teaching some primitive folk how to farm.
Secondly if Orion was being shadowed the entire team how did Celestia not know it and didn't use said agents to retrieve Orion.
Lastly why wait with this for so long?
10709682
All will be revealed....next time on Orion Ball Z!
No?
Yeah that was lame.
He could just, leave, right?
10709712
If he were to leave. It would alert Celestia, and those she has watching for his magic signature, which would then mean they were hot on his trails.
1. He's not a spy, and he didn't acquire or sell knowledge of a military nature, so that should get thrown out the window. Teaching people how to make better metals/ tools doesn't exactly count even if it's armor and weapons for the simple fact such can be owned by civilians.
2. He taught them how to be self sufficient and settled a feud between the Dogs and Griffons, one of which doesn't exactly have a country to call it's own, held him against his will, and tried to rape him. He didn't give aid, he taught them how to survive and convinced them to work together.
3. Assuming the king will keep to his word (if he gets involved), will vouch for Orion's innocence.
4. Not even Celestia or Shining could keep track of him for long nor could they actually say he did help the Griffons. This means either someone in Griffonia sold him out, or someone from the Church of Sol was stalking him, which would essentially make a good portion of the evidence worthless unless they were legally granted permission by I would expect royalty, if not both nations, leaving Blueblood and the other guy.
5. Celestia may not have any power in this trial, but that doesn't mean she can't pardon him if he's proven guilty.
Great... Guess we just wait to see how corrupt the church is here. And that is it ”only ponies matter” or ”only mares work matters” sort or something like that. And how much they actually do the ”friendship and harmony” thing the country tends to preach about.
Oh and isn’t Orion still concidered a minor?
Funny thing is that I finished the previous chapter today, expecting to wait another month for another update. Only to have an update pop up on the same day. Noice.
10709744
I tend to try and post once a week
Kill Umbridge... I mean Backwater, she deserves to die.
Great chapter. I can imagine all sorts of fallout from this.
10709737
1. Orion did show them how to make high-carbon steel, which allows the manufacture of high quality weapons and armor. That easily fits under the kind of military secret the government doesn't want shared with foreign powers.
2. He personally bought supplies that he distributed in Avery. That alone is aid.
3. The king of the non-allied nation that lied to and mislead Equestrian military personnel while collaborating with the accused is a bad witness in an Equestrian court.
4. Orion has made a lot of enemies--nobles allied with Blueblood, the church of Sol, the Prench government, scorned potential herdmates, anyone wanting to steal Orion's pen patent or other inventions, allies of the killed pirates, and so on. Celestia and Shining Armor were only calling on a few ponies to go after Orion. These enemies have vast resources and motivation to go after Orion and make an example of him.
5. If "justice" acts swiftly enough, they can kill him, maim him, cast magic to turn him into a vegetable, and so on before Celestia gets a chance to act. But since they know that Celestia will likely know of the trial soon, they can adjust their sentence to something that serves both them and that Celestia won't concern herself with. It might even serve Celestia's interests to bind Orion closer to her if his other options are elliminated. Do you think she wants him to travel freely, live independently without a mare, go without court-ordered psychiatric checks, and so forth?
10709682
Please have someone find all of Backwater's and her organizations dirty laundry(horrible secrets) and air them out(reveal them) to the public.
10709789
the fallout will likely involve Backwater and her group being arrested after this backfires on them somehow, especially if they torture Orion with there version of 'reeducation' which would give him reason to be out of public eye when he eventually breaks out/gets broken out. Also all the torture will do is give him more physical and mental scars which Celestia will use as prime reasons for what she will do to Backwater and her cronies. If they don't get there hands on him, something will still happen to them that will get them life imprisonment or mysteriously immolated.
10709789
Still, if the charges are to be literal, what information of a "military nature" did he "sell"? They'd also have to prove he was a spy for the first charge to even have a base to prove his guilt. High carbon steel isn't strictly something of that nature, I'm sure, especially if it was taught and used for something other than military purposes at the time he taught it to them. Also doesn't help that the guards tend to use gold instead of iron and steel in most fics, including this one I think. If high carbon steel isn't even used by the Equestrian military, then this charge has even less ground to work with, you can't say it's of a military nature if it hasn't been used by the military.
As for distributing supplies/ aid, all he really did was give a bit of food to a handful of civilians and teach them farming and fishing. Where the supplies were made and obtained is also important, there aren't exactly any laws saying it's illegal to buy some food, make soup out of it, and giving it to others in the country. Now, I don't feel like rereading the chapters with specific forms of "aid", so I won't argue about this or the last one if any supplies he distributed were from Equestria.
The king would mostly just say "he had nothing to do with these". He can play stupid if he needs to.
As for Celestia, she would probably want him on a shorter leash, but when the charges are punishable by death or life imprisonment, that's going a little too far. He has made a lot of enemies, but they all know they have a lot more to lose than he does. It's a little too soon for the pirates to retaliate, the Church has wanted to "reeducate" him for years, but has been prevented, so this leaves Icy (whoever she's working for) and Blueblood.
Then there's how the information was obtained and how. If someone like Jet Set hired someone to stalk him, that's two crimes right there, and stalking someone across two countries (especially when the victim was in several areas that entry would be limited/ prohibited) is another problem of it's own. Depending on the laws regarding how information/ proof of these crimes was obtained and who ordered/ paid for it, any amount of the evidence could be made worthless on that alone.
Icy Rose is defo the church's spy
This is how I imagine Orion would plead, at least on the second charge. First one is bullshit
10709993
10709712
Oh, he could leave.
It would require a massive distraction.
What it looks like is the religious trial. I hope he wrecks the courtroom.
He won't though, it's not like him. If it were me, when I got out of this I would turn miss Icy flanks into a drooling vegetable.
There are very much fates worse than death.
The Monk
I think there is no better quote in my list, than Knight Breeze, for this entire situation.
“Not telling you too much about humanity's special power, but I can give you a big hint! It is pure, concentrated spite.” -Knight Breeze
10709737
This sounds like a religious trial, much like the inquisition. Espionage is like sex crimes, you have to prove your innocent much more than they have to prove your guilt. At least in the US. He really can't win that one and even if he does, he will be an outcast afterward. He might as well be a leaper.
I agree its humanitarian....Ponytarian? Aid. No one cares if it's painted with the "US VS Them" mentality that is fostered in racist equestria. Giving backward vicious people the ability to forge steel? Treason.
Fastest way to have Orion hung. Think about it like this. The British find a traitor during the Cold War. The head of the Soviet Union stands up and vouches for the traitors' innocence......... That would go over... juusssstttt fine. Sure it will.
Im betting it was the Church
Pardoning a traitor or spy would be like pardoning a rapist. No politician with any sense would touch that with a nine and a half foot pole.
No, He is kind of screwed. Personally I would run after causing a distraction. I have a distraction in mind that I would use. One that would be so massive that Orion could simply stroll out of Canterlot in view of everyone with no problems.
I think he is going to have to run.
The Monk
"Turning to the now gaping Shining Armor, “listen you little turd nugget, this is the holidays. A time in which no one is supposed to be a dick to another. So how about you pull on your big boy pants, and act like the adult you are supposed to be.” -Morgan83
10698949
Orion is a Gary Sue, because:
Its called a HIE story. Thats what they are as a genra, thats like complaining that a horror story is scary.
Its a problem when the main character is an idiot or dumb as a box of rocks. Personally I respect the character and would like him if I met him in person. I don't see a problem of others growing to respect him if he actually deserves it. The problem on this site that causes this issue is when Authors have complete morons who are completely unlikable being fawned over and chase for no real reason. I'm not seeing that here.
As for everyone falling in love with him, it's more like wanting to use him. Celestia, wants to use him as a political beard. Twilight wants access to his intellect much more than to get in his pants. The Gryphon want to use his intelligence as well. Apple family has legitimate reasons to like him and want him in the family. Flur wants to use his intellect. Fancy Pants considers him a friend for saving him from what basically amounts to a school bully. I'm not seeing anything other than a few real friends, love interests while most peoples interest is simply wanting to use him in some way.
It doesn't say that anywhere. It simply says Enchanters are killed very quickly by other countries and that Equestria has killed Enchanters that tried profecting the craft in other countries. Basically Dabbling in enchanting is a death sentence. Also remember that Celestia is very Chinese. Meaning "History starts with her rule and is highly edited. Her sister was removed from most records, and what remained had her portrayed as a child eating cannibal. Yeah this is a person who would leave the history of enchanting alone.
Most of the patents from Dupont was made by a guy with no college degrees.
Saran wrap was invented by a chemist when he poured a mistake/failed experiment down the sink.
Post-it notes were invented by a guy at 3M who found a old recipe for a failed glue in the company archives. A glue that was moth balled because they thought it was useless.
Gorilla glass was also a mothballed project that Corning thought was a pointless product with no use. It sat in their archives for years when Auto manufacturers wouldn't use it for windshield glass.
God I hope not. Author Don't do this.
Have you heard of the Bechdel–Wallace test? The test To pass, a film or book must satisfy the following requirements:
The movie has to have at least two women in it,
who talk to each other,
about something other than a man.
Few books and movies pass this test, why be upset that this one also fails it. Its inline with 75% of main stream writing. Your holding the Author to a standard 90% of professional Authors can not pass.
Are we talking about the same story? The man is full of flaws. He is paranoid, distrustful to the point it causes him problems, and in the story, his scars are often referred as disfiguring him and harming his chances at finding a wife. While he does have legit reasons to be angry at points, his anger management issues or for little or no reason most of the time.
- People around him seem to be incompetent just to make him look better: his battle plans are better than the ones coming from trained professionals (like Shining Armor),
Have you walked outside and talked to people in the real world? Less than 30% are competent. I work in tech support and the level of stupidity I deal with on a daily basis would curl your hair.
I'll admit your right on the salt thing and I would remind ALL AUTHORS to stop and ask themselves if their character would do this in the real world, or if a professional would do it. Pushing aside a doctor to perform a medical procedure rather than going to a doctor, Smiting metal, rather than go to a smith, etc. This is very sadly common. Orion does use an actual smith, and does allow the Gryphon guilds to read the books rather than showing them personally how to do everything. This Author has made minor mistakes in this area, but over all does a better job than most at avoiding it.
You do realize this is a work of fiction about small pastel ponies with technicolor hair and magic with rainbows, right? Please do keep things in perspective. He isn't writing "Hunt for Red October"
The Monk
“Her hands were still bound with rope, she debated an escape before all the stupidity gave her an aneurysm.” -Scarheart
Damn, i wonder where this story will be going...
I only guess Three option here:
1. Run away
2. Hiding
3. Fight to dead
Or maybe,
Undercover with that illusion/shape shifting spell..
Damn not so much option here..
Wait one more, find good ally or lawyer...
So... They worship Celestia... But because she favors Orion she can't preside or overrule the order... But since they worship Celestia shouldn't Celestia be the final judge on whether or not Orion gets tried?
Not a very good church, are they...
I REALLY hope he takes this opportunity to jump ship though I doubt he will. Sounds like the church of Sol finally tipped their hand. I'm interested to see how their political power ranks against Celestia's.
This looks like it is intended to be a kangaroo court, but Orion has enough sway to make this a genuine and interesting trial. And while I'm sure Orion has solid allies, I worry that Mr. Falls will be his own worst enemy as his greatest nightmare plays out once more.
Tactical fish inbound! Also who is BlackWater again?
10710448
Back in the first couple of chapters Backwater was the individual who wanted to.... reeducate Orion.
She not a good pony.
10710563
Which would explain why she wants him gone. How the hell did she find out about his deals and works?
10710956
Well, in the next two chapters I will be discussing, or more accurately, laying out the scenario that started this whole mess.
Don't worry the answers, are coming.
10709746
Double noice
10709671
Don't sweat what people say in comments. You're story is getting popular enough to get the attention of haters --- which are people (often with horribly downvoted stories of their own) who are looking to pick apart and attack stories more popular/better than their own. They'll say anything to put you on the back foot or make you second guess your story decisions, in ways that will derail your story. Keep up the good story-writing, the vast majority of us support you.
10710171
[Regarding the art of story-writing] - This is not a criticism of Morgan83 as I trust he can very well manage the character development in his own story. He's done an excellent job of it so far.
While I do not think Orion has reached the level of Gary Stu / Gary Sue, he is definitely in danger of getting there. Granted, he has shortcomings; like he is unable to manifest high amounts of magic without the aid of his enchanted arm band. But those flaws and failures are getting to be very few and far between, almost unrealistically so. For example, consider the kidnapping situation. He managed to kill all the kidnappers, save all the students, and pull off basically the perfect rescue with no substantial challenges, surprises, or repercussions. The only major negative consequence being his guilt over having to kill. But that guilt, which he handles so easy its basically a non-issue, actually shows off his internal virtue and moral standards.
But to illustrate the point: Imagine a run-away cart rolling down a hill that is going to crash into and kill a bunch of children. Which hero do people admire more? Super-Man, who flies in front of the cart and stops it, knowing that his godly powers and invulnerability will keep him perfectly safe while he stops the cart; or a regular guy who throws himself in front of the cart, knowing that the cart will kill him, yet that his sacrifice will save the children? In context: Orion Super-Manned the F**K out of that hostage rescue; so much so that one of the few godlike beings (Celestia) upon witnessing the rescue basically said that he could be her own son, if not the spitting image of herself. Those readers want to admire Orion, and handily the not-superman hero is more realistic.
It would be less... 'gary-stu-esque,' and a lot darker, if Orion didn't care that he had killed so ruthlessly. It would have even been more interesting if Twilight had confronted him about his lack of guilt. (Definitely would have firmed up the foundation of their relationship if he actually changed because of her... but hey, the story is NOT tagged romance.)
10711385
I thank you for the support my dude. And you are correct, Orion does occasionally skirt the edge of Gary Stu status. I have seen it myself. But the actions he took in the rescue was grounded in the fact he was confident of the back ups of Fancy and Shining. Shining being able to protect the students the way he had allowed both Orion and Fancy to fight freely, without the need to protect.
The long term effects on Orion's mental state will show up again and again throughout the story. More so when it comes to death of other characters for whatever reason, whether by his hand or someone else's. I also don't plan to make him good at everything either. There will be a limit to what he can do, and it will begin to become more prevalent as the story goes on.
Also, to assure everyone. There is no way in HELL he is ever gonna be an element bearer in any fashion.
Maybe a Bearer of Bullshit. That does not come with a fancy necklace.
10711385
I agree with many of your points with a few caveats.
Your right in that a good balance of strengths, weaknesses, and real world vs fantasy is a difficult thing to balance. Te Author really has his hands full keeping the story both interesting and believable. As a hobbiest writer rather than a professional, I think he is doing a fantastic job.
The hostage fight scene would have been better if the (again the bad habit of making the MC do everything.) Author spread the fight out to supporting cast more. A few more taken out by Fancy, and having Shiny Hiney actually engage with (in character) stunning spells rather than lethal.
As for the son (SUN?) comment by Sun-But, I honestly believe she was referring to the mechanical ruthlessness and "Kill em all, let god sort em out" mentality. I don't think she in any way considers him anywhere near her in power.
Now for the comment above, that I highlighted. OH GOD NO!
What you describe is a virus that is just as poisonous as "chuckled" "Is all" and the "gary stu (GSIE)."
What you want is the JAIE story . Jack Ass in Equestria. We seriously do not need any more of those and with a few notable exceptions, i think most of those should be purged from the site. (along side any story that uses "Chuckled" or "is all", more than 40 times a chapter, or more than three times a paragraph.
Other than that I agree with your post.
The Monk
“To say that Twilight Sparkle went bugfuck would be like saying the Incredible Hulk had some mild anger management issues.” -DustTraveller
10712076
Huh? You can be apathetic and uncaring toward killing other individuals without being a jack ass about it. For example: John Wick, James Bond, The Punisher, Captain America (when he was fighting/killing Nazi's during WW2), etc. Meanwhile, you can also be a Jack Ass while disliking having to kill others, such as Orion Falls. I'm not a proponent of JAIE stories, but they are necessary. - I'd be a Jack-Ass too if I had to relive high school and puberty in a pony body; all the while being talked to as a child because I had been reborn in a pony body.
10711385
He is trying to handle it on his own since he doesn't want people poking into his past and possibly finding out he is not from their world. Also it has been implied that Orion will eventually be unable to bear it any longer with many things to come added on and he will be forced to go through therapy.
With the saving all the students thing, he said it ages ago that he would improve himself physical, mentally, and magically incase he needs to fight or survive in any situation. So in stands to reason he could take on those pirates without serious injure. Also, Shining is known to have excellent shields so the students would be safe. Finally, given the pirates real mission, I don't think they would be all that effective since it would be obvious they would be betrayed and kill in the end to cover there employer's tracks so don't want them too tough.
10712201
don't forget being thought of as weaker for being male.
Hey folks go read my blog to give me your opinion!
Ah, I was wondering how long it would take before Chrysalis sent some infiltrator after Orion.
10710258
Typical hypocrisy from fanatics.
Also, not sure how the legal system works in Equestria, but shouldn't the accused have more than a day to prepare his case and seeking legal council?