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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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so is Orion the reason why Rover became the new alpha and they moved near ponyville?
10608850
Different Rover. Perhaps I should change his name to avoid confusion?
hmmm this is a good chance to get the king on board. If he comes and sees the beginning results he could be very interested and would definitely help cover it up. Stupid dog is Stupid. Really curious how the fuck he got hold of a null ring though. those things are supposed to be rare.
10608917
nah, it's fine. Let it be a common DD name
Thanks for another awesome chapter!
So Orion was able to talk his way back into Screaming's good graces after she figured his real reason for visiting her. It's a good thing he did, because I'm pretty sure she's and her guards are going to have to rescue him from those dogs.
Also, will Orion and Screaming get to visit Neighbon and enjoy some time together before Bloodbeak or Shining catches up with them?
i.imgur.com/9mWXwLt.jpg
She sent that dumbass?
10609875
Yes, she did.
I really do think this is a great story, keep up the good work sir!
10610100
Thank you very much for the vote of confidence!
I've finally caught up, and I'm enjoying the story a lot. There are, however, a couple of minor grammar things that keep jumping out at me. The use cases of to and too, as well as your and you're, are sometimes the wrong way around. There are other minor grammatical mistakes and misspellings, such as grainaries instead of granaries, and seemingly random capitalisations. I didn't say all that to be mean, just I'd like to offer help as an editor. If you want, send me a DM and I'll give an email you can contact me by to send chapters before uploading them, and I'll proofread them for you.
Also, at some point in the story you changed from describing hooves to describing hands, and even fingers, leaving me puzzled as to whether the characters are all anthros, or as they are in the show.
10610357
Oh bud I am more then aware my grammar is absolutely atrocious. I blame my twenty year absence of writing in general. I hopefully have a better handle on it now. Though that bit about granaries, I type it as google has told me. Only because my own spelling of it has been shown to be wrong. If google docs is lying to me I wish to smack the creators.
As far as hooves to hands, they have always been anthropomorphic. They have hooves for feet, and regular ass hands, though they are missing a digit, the pinkie.
Honestly I haven't given much thought to an actual editor at this point in time. Mostly because I am still building my style of writing so to speak. My concern is the horror stories of others attempting to get the writer to direct the story to another path. Instead of following the vision of the writer, the writer ends up chasing the vision of the editor.
That and I know absolutely no one in this community. XD
Still thank you very much for offering. I do appreciate it.
10610370
Fair enough, but to assuage your fears I'm less interested in telling you how direct your own story and more just fixing the wording of whatever you write. Editor in the publishing sense has from my experience drifted to mean proofreader when on the subject of fanfics. Still, the offer is open if you ever want to send me a message at some point in the future :)
10610386
I will keep that in mind. Thank you very much in your interest!
10609966
I hope that Orion comes back on his own. So that I can see that idiot seething with rage.
Aww yeah, that's the good stuff. Read this from start to current in one sitting and loved every minute of it. One thing to point out is there are a good number of area's where the second "o" in "too" in missing. I should have pointed them out but was too engrossed with the story to pay it more than a passing thought. It has so far been well structured and very inviting to read.
Laughed more than I should have with the whole "beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker" part, how you view the use of magic like a muscle is done well in context, I like how it isn't "Magic solves everything cause fuck logic" is nice, wish i had a better word for it but it's 5 am almost, Orion uses the fact that he will constantly be looked down upon so well it's scary, the way you had him scare off the suitors was such madness I couldn't help but be impressed, how he is choosing to integrate his knowledge elsewhere first is wonderful but I feel will ultimately cause problems down the line. Hiding things in the corner under the floor boards is going to bite him in the ass so hard unless he does something else with it if spell recording works how I think it does; the battle recording comes to mind if they really wanted to know what he was doing, I don't really understand why Twilight fell in love with him but I chalk that up to me as a human being.
It's nice to see a story that takes place before the show and I look forward to what is on the horizon. I don't know if any of this means anything to you but you have something truly wonderful here and I hope that it reaches the end. Have a wonderful 2021.