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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Thanks for the early chapter!
It looks like Orion is going to have to contend with some new demons now. Poor guy, his old ones are giving him enough trouble as it is. Something tells me that Twilight (with some more subtle manipulations from Celestia) is going to be playing a big part in Orion's recovery from this ordeal.
And of course, let's not forget Pinkie's little appearance at the end. Her warning about sea monsters definitely has me intrigued. I wonder how long it'll take her to befriend Orion when they actually meet. I can't see it happening easily with his personality.
Is Daybreaker´s mental influence the reason Celestia doesn´t recognize the hypocrisy here, or just her own ego?
Ha! Pinkie will be Pinkie. Also, a hint for the next adventure near the sea.
Turns out it was Celestia.
Perfect introduction of Pinkie into the story
I can't wait to see Celestia’s reaction when her plans fail.
And I'm wondering when Cadence and Orion will meet, cause so far I haven't seen anything about it.
So, He went full evisor and now- they want to give him therapy...
10696774
It is the land of Rainbows and Sunshine. What did you expect when he gets violent?
Hey all. I just wanted to let you know that I love to see your comments. Y'all are great. But I wanted to apologise to many of you. You folks have a lot of questions and I am hesitant to answer because I don't think I can answer without revealing a lot of the timeline.
So if I don't answer, don't think I am ignoring you. It's just you guys often get ahead of me in the story and I can't help but smile and feel bad that I can't answer at the same time.
I freakin' love you guys. Thank you. Thank you for reading.
Another great read!
I enjoy this story but I don't find this story dark but I do enjoy the humor
10697068
It's getting there. It's all fun and games for when we are young. But I thank you for reading!
Orion is color-inverted Tia? ;P
I finished the story in 1 day and maybe 7hours
10697522
I am both happy and sad that you did. Happy that you enjoyed the story. Sad that I don't have more to give you atm. Don't worry. I am already writing the next chapter.
10697537 no rush take ur time
Orion is such a gary sue.
10697626
How so?
10697626
The correct term is “Gary Stu” but he is far from that, every skill he has, he worked for.
10697537
I am honestly liking how to you the Celestia/Daybreaker situation, I am also honestly curious how you will take it to its completion. I honestly hope it’s not the stereotypical “she is evil and thus must be defeated at any cost” route, though the more you show the less likely I see it happening. Celestia and Daybreaker seem to have latched onto Orion in a semi-mother style of overprotectiveness.
Eugenics plan aside, they almost seem in Harmony over one person.
At this point, I think if Celestia wants Orion to get therapy she'll need to be sneaky about it and send in the undercover therapist. Mrs. White could always use more help at the orphanage.
10697966
Orion is a Gary Sue, because:
- He's from unique species for no real reason. If he was a regular unicorn story would be just as good, but author insisted on making him extra special.
- Everyone seems to fall in love with him (including much older people and completely different species)
- He's a first enchanter in hundreds of years just because he tried learning it. Ponies in this story know how valuable and prestigious enchanting is and yet nobody bothered to learn it. It looks like this whole kind of magic is just a poorly thought out plot device to make Orion more unique and powerful.
- He's the first one to break nullifying ring, just because he kept trying. Just as with enchanting, he was the only one desperate enough to attempt this and to actually succeed, which is ridiculous.
- It looks like Orion will be the seventh element of harmony. I don't think I have to even comment on that one.
- Almost always when story focuses on other characters (like Celestia or Twilight) it's to show that they're thinking about Orion or talking about him. Because of that it looks like everything is about him.
- He has no flaws; his swearing just makes him more endearing, his scars are a way to make him more roguish and handsome looking, whenever he's angry its very clearly righteous anger.
- People around him seem to be incompetent just to make him look better: his battle plans are better than the ones coming from trained professionals (like Shining Armor), he was the one to teach griffons about preserving food with salt (technique which in real world predated written records - writer seriously dumbed them down just to give Orion another chance to show off) and so on.
In short: Orion is an overly idealized character made just for the sake of wish-fulfillment. A Gary Sue.
10698168
Double check your facts before trying to correct others.
10698949
Hey, it's okay to have your opinions. You don't have to like Orion. But don't go attacking others and be snarky. Its okay to not like something, it's another thing to be rude to others.
10699053
Just ignore or block the dude, he’s just trying to start drama.
Trolls like him pop up every now and again, he wants a rise and has determined the best way is to nitpick the story.
10699084
I know but I hate when people go and attack others. I don't care if you have criticism of me or what I write, but don't go attacking those that do like my work.
10699104
Nah, it’s fine. I knew what would happen if I poked the troll.
I could smash each his points if I wanted, but you know what they say “Don’t Feed the Troll” and I would rather not gum up your comments section.
10699108
I appreciate that. But thank you for making the effort!
I've been thinking about the gender ratio in this story. Ponies live to be 180 on average, so losing a lot of males over a thousand years ago when Luna also ruled shouldn't be the sole factor. If each generation is 50 years apart, that happened a good 20 generations ago. The first 'x' foals born after should fit the typical probabilities for pony genders.
There are many factors that can affect the gender balance, such as sperm carrying the male chromosome being sprinters compared their marathon-racing counterparts. Certain genetic traits or mating practices (or magic) can influence the odds of a foal being born a colt or a filly. But while the exact cause may not be known, the mere loss of many stallions long ago as the sole cause should be ruled out as one.
If there is a spell that allows two mares to conceive a filly, and only a filly, it may* not matter that much. The odds of male offspring being born comes from the male's genetic half. All things being equal, if x% conceive using this spell while (100-x)% conceive traditionally, then you get a new generation that is x% all-mare to conceive using the spell, and (100-x)% mixed gender to conceive naturally.
* Unless by allowing mares to breed who wouldn't be able to breed as easily with a male, you get more mares born carrying genes that favor spell-based over traditional reproduction.
10699268
Lmao getting ahead of me. I do have that written down and I have alluded to a problem with colts and stallions in the society.
I promise I do have notes written down somewhere....I think the cats took it.
Anyways I do have more details being leaked in later chapters...the dragons are coming... hopefully someone got that game of thrones reference.
Still I am actually glad folks are paying attention.
10699488
On a scale of 1 to 10 how dark is this story?
10704286
It is going to build, in all honesty I can't give an accurate assessment as I am writing it. My view may not be your view. I can tell you that the happy go lucky events up till now will not last.
Consequences have a way of catching up to someone even if they are cautious. So as the story continues on, or protagonist will suffer for his actions and lack of actions. As well as those around him.
10704297
Would this story still be the same if u wrote it without the dark tag in place of the adventure tag?
10704297
I hope o Ryan lives in the end
10704328
You know it likely might....huh...
He is going to blow a fuse, when he meets the Pink Ponk.
MORE!! I NEED MORE!!! GIVE ME MORE!!!! *Addict noises* Really love your story and can't get enough of it.
Awesome chapter, your version of Pinkie has definitely caught my attention. Your version seems to be more in tune with her sense
Did Pinkie Pie burn down a bakery? Holy shit. Pink horse is hard core.
Nice introduction of the Pink Eldritch Abomination.
I hope the rewrite keeps the introduction at least more or less intact