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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Rock and roll dreams do come true.![:trollestia:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/trollestia.png)
Well... that was... stimulating.
No apostrophe - nibblings
Wrong word - peeking
Just a and sleep-crusted is hyphenated.
Adverb needed - uneventfully
11147935
thank you gold fur, i'll make those fixes!
what a nice chapter
ok so after binging this tale, i need to say something
how in the nine hells do you have so few stories here, if this one's so damn good?
the romance is properly built up, yet not so overbearing as to be mushy; the feels are well spaced, placed, and balanced; the characters are, well, in character(you'd be surprised how many fics miss that bar); the behaviours of the gryphons in this story are rather real and also well-thought out(seriously i swear you've some degree in animal studies); the therapist part of the second(?) arc was also surprisingly well done; hell, even the sex scenes are tasteful and palatable, even to my pretty-much-gay tastes; the only possible gripes i have are that the mystery isn't very mysterious, but that may just be me, as i'm used to deciphering riddles in the stories i read(a habit ingrained by reading a lot of Warriors and Redwall books), your strange insistence on shipping Gallus and Twilight together(but i'll admit that that's wholly personal), and that you've got a slight issue with spelling some words(but i still know what you mean to say and that's good enough for me)
al in all, solid 9.5/10 fic
honest to god, this fic is one of the greats
i'd put it up there with Dangerous Business and Metroid: Equis
11149338
Thank you so much!!
I'm working on the spelling and grammar.(gonna be a life long thing I feel xD) and I sought to make the gryphons...well gryphon like. As too many stories change/alter/mess up/ out right ignore, the natural traits of the characters. Too many gilda stories out there ARENT GILDA.
One reason I wrote this story in fact, is that I was tired of seeing gilda as something she wasn't. Gabby too. And there weren't really any gilda romances out there that I liked.
As for gallus x twilight, yeah thats just a preference. But the sequel to this story will ah...change that. Twilight isn't the ONLY female gallus likes...if you've seen the hints he's been giving. X3
And in terms of therapy/animal studies. Yes. I have historys and work experience with both ^^
11149338
Also "Dangerous business"
Can I have a link to that story?
11150224
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/182859/its-a-dangerous-business-going-out-your-door
Sorry for the delay, but I have arrived to peruse this wonderous chapter of an excellent story!
Though of course, even if others have taken the mantle of proofreading, nobody can catch everything, so here we go!
-BEGIN CORRECTIONS-
Capitalization errors:
liking what you see, my Rose?
truth be told she kind of liked the tale.
hmm this heart monitor does seem to be working after all,
- This part might do better with a comma after the "Hmm" as well.
Other Errors:
"Ew! That is so weird! Ew! Ew! Ew! She immediately sat down,
You didn't close off the quotation marks here
"I mean you said it, Gilda not me."
Misplaced Comma here, should be "...you said it Gilda, not..."
through the smoke haphazardly made music blared through for a moment,
This part of the sentence has two errors technically, the capitalization on the first word most obviously but also a bit of redundancy. It might flow a bit better if it was restructured just a touch, maybe "Haphazardly made music blared through the smoke for a moment," would work better? That's just my take.
trophy atop a awards stand
Should be changed to "an"
Before she could react, her world flipped around and she was holding a trophy atop a awards stand with two others, one was Twilight Sparkle, in third place, grumbling, and in second place was Gallus, staring past her with hearts for eyes, at Twilight.
In addition, this is kind of a run-on sentence and could use a period to break it up, as well as a few other small nitpicks of mine. I'll put my changes in bold to make it easier to spot out:
Before she could react, her world flipped around and she was holding a trophy atop a awards stand with two others. One was Twilight Sparkle in third place, grumbling, and in second place was Gallus, staring past her at Twilight with hearts for eyes.
1. The period to break up the sentence
2. Removal of an unneeded Comma
3. Restructuring to improve flow (personal opinion)
-END CORRECTIONS-
Loved this chapter, even if I had to take a few... -ahem- breaks while reading, the scenes were great! And the ending of the chapter was unexpected to say the least, but what else would I expect from the Lord of Chaos himself? He doesn't exactly announce himself after all, he just does what he wants.
Sorry it took me this long to get to it though, work has been a doozy lately and I've just not had much time to myself.
11204786
Eh, I know. It's just that between my work, and writing my stories and practicing drawing stuff... I wish I had more time to dedicate to reading more fanfiction here on the site. Especially this, since I can learn so much from it.
And when I read from people that are so much better at pulling at the heart strings or putting so much into the characters and the scenario to bring them alive I have to be careful I don't lose my motivation. You may be the best person in the site writing griffon stuff. And I don't mean this as empty praise.
well, just binged this again
not much has changed about my opinions on it, but i've decided to add this to my comfort fics
11150223
wait, he ALSO has feelings for Gabby?
i mean, Silverstream hasn't even been mentioned ONCE, so idk who else it could be
unless this ends up being polygamy, why you gotta keep doing my boy Gallus dirty?
11306959
polygamy aint dirty! sharing is caring XD
and it is someone close to gallus ^^ but i aint saying who!
11307264
i said UNLESS it ends up as polygamy
meaning that i'm ok with polygamy
also... wait, is it Gilda?
none f the other young 6 have been mentioned, so it can't be Sandbar, or any of the others for that matter
so if it ain't Gilda idk
aaaaa, I keep looking at this hoping for another chapter and there isn't one!
Patience sucks ;v;
11381305
Sorry birb
Life has taken a lot of nasty turns for me. Im in a bit of a work pile and fighting my way out of it. On top of this I've got medical conditions worrying me.
This story is not dead.
11384756
Sorry to hear that, hope things turn around for the better! Work can be knocked out of course, so don't let that worry you too terribly much, and as for the medical issues you can come out on top with the right attitude!
Hoping that you are feeling better so we’ll get a new chapter soon. This chapter was worth the wait. I had to take a lot of breaks as it got hot a lot of times. Also Discord getting beat up at the end was unexpected but very funny.