- Member Since 1st Mar, 2020
- offline last seen 4 hours ago
Cameron D Monkee
A fan of horror, sci-fi, punk music, Monkees, and Ponees.
Cameron D Monkee
Joined 1st Mar, 2020 ·
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It's incomplete
10129478
Yes, it is incomplete. That's why the story is marked as such. I'm currently still working on it and I hope to have the next chapter out in the next 1-2 weeks. I'm a bit of a slow writer. I would still like to thank you for commenting on my work. You're first to ever do so.
10129617
No, your first chapter is incomplete.
10130760
You were right. It's all fixed now. That's what I get for working on this after staying up for two days. Sorry!
Something's missing here.
Also. Lil tip: When changing scenes it's a good idea to properly set the ambience and engage the setting change prior to jumping into the proceeding events.
Paragraph separation is key.
Also, ya second part of the chapter switches from present to past tense at random intervals. I'd recommend going all past tense.
No narration ever sounds good in present tense, with very few exceptions.
Daunting paragraphs and rapid advancement in terms of charcater interactions. This feels oddly rushed.
10165203
Thank you for your constructive criticism! Every other person who ever read my work when I showed it to them just said it was garbage. IT's very refreshing to hear criticism who seems like they actually want to help instead of hinder. This is the first story that I haven't scrapped, and I usually write it around 1 or 2 a.m. Because of that I'm grateful for when you or others point this stuff out to me. I's stuff like this that helps me to become a better writer. So, once again, thank you!
The story as a whole is probably rushed because my thoughts come and go at a rapid pace 24/7, so I'm lucky that it's even coherent. Sorry about that. Though, it might also be from the many Ripper stories I've been readint to prepare for this. A lot of them were pretty rushed, and the interaction between characters seemed almost as forced as a Hallmark romance movie. However, there were some winners that I've been trying to draw inspiration from, including "The Lodger" by MArie Belloc Lowndes, "Yours Truly, Jack the Ripper" and "A Toy for Juliette" by Robert Bloch, and "The Prowler in the City at the Edge of the World" by Harlan Ellison. If you want to read a truly good Ripper story, then go read those ones instead of reading my lackluster one.
As for the setting and ambience thing, I won;t change the previous chapters because I believe they'll serve as a reflection to show how far I've come. I will fix that in later chapters though. I've also fixed the problem with the tenses in chapter 2 (at least, I hope I did; if not, I'm an idiot). As always, thank you again for the help. I'm sure this must seem like a droll and abysmal read, but hopefully you've helped me make it just a little better. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
10168127
Your humans aren't wussies and you aren't pushing a strange pro-horsehentai agenda. Hence, I have nothing but constructive criticism. Though I'll be harsh regardless. I'll be back in about 2 hours to properly list the wrongs so far.
Fair warning though, the story is trash, it's just that it's much better than the majority of trash on this site which makes up roughly 50-80% of all stories.
Grammar is decent, pacing is rushed and characters have the same problem. You also suck at flow.
Again. I will be back.
Also, if you want to read webnovels of a somewhat decent quality. Go to Royal Road.
10168210
I never claimed to be anything more than trash, so this ain't news to me. Also, thanks for the honesty and for still being nicer than most people in my life. I'll look over that list when you write it and do what I can to improve myself.
I look forward to the next chapter!
10439926
Well, I'm working on the last third. Don't know how long, but it shouldn't take more than a month or two. I'm a slow writer.