• Published 25th Feb 2020
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On the Implications of Parallel Worlds - computerneek



Usually, first contact is made with just a few people. The latest civilization to be invited to Hogwarts begs to differ.

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Chapter 1

“Ready for a new year?” Professor Dumbledore asked cheerfully, once the last professor in the school had entered the staffroom, even the ones that didn’t normally come here. It was time for the annual school preparation meeting, before breakfast on the morning after the letters went out.

Professor Snape immediately looked at the empty seat that had held a different person each year for the last four decades. “I notice we’re still short a Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor.”

“Ahh, yes,” Dumbledore chuckled. “I thought you’d notice that. Professor Quirrell will be rejoining us this year as such- but he won’t be arriving at the school until early August.”

Professor McGonagall scowled in response. “Even though he has to know nobody ever holds that position long?”

Dumbledore shrugged. “I’m sure he, like all forty before him, believes he will be the one to change that. And it remains to be seen whether he actually will, does it not?”

A round of shrugs was the only response.

“I don’t suppose he told us when he wants his schedule, did he?” McGonagall asked.

Dumbledore smiled. “He tells me he’ll take whatever we have to offer. Lemon drop?”

McGonagall ignored the offer, though, and instead let out a sigh. “Good. That last one was a headache. Anyone have any new scheduling preferences?”

Heads shook.

She nodded in response. “Excellent. I’ll have the class schedules distributed two minutes after I get back to my office.”

The entire room seemed to heave a sigh of relief at those words. The prior year, the DADA instructor had been ridiculously particular with his class schedule- and had kept changing it on them, which had caused this meeting to stretch all the way through lunch.

Dumbledore chuckled. “Alright. We’ve also got our materials budget from the Ministry this year- and dear Quirinus has already opted out. We have forty-two galleons and eighteen knuts for general classroom supplies…” He looked up at Professor Snape. “And only sixty-three galleons, four sickles, and two knuts for potions supplies.”

Right as Snape wrinkled his nose, the door opened to admit the caretaker.

“Ahh, Argus,” Dumbledore greeted. “Glad you could join us. Anything to add?”

Filch glanced up at him, bearing a rather unusual expression. “Aside from the usual? Yeah… Anyone know where all the owls got to?”

Several people blinked.

“Come again?” Dumbledore asked.

Filch shrugged. “Not that I’m complaining- it’s been years since I could clean the place properly- but as near as I can tell, there’s not a single owl left in the castle. Where’d they all go?”

McGonagall scowled. “The letters should have been sent out to the students yesterday,” she supplied. “Wouldn’t that…?”

Filch shook his head. “No, that’s only ever two hundred and fifty letters or so, and we’ve got just over six hundred owls.”


“Shoo, bird. Trixie does not believe these stones need- Wait. Is that-? Is that a letter, addressed to Trixie?”

The massive bird nodded its head, gesturing with its wing for her to take the letters.

She accepted them in her magic. “T-Trixie could have sworn mail was delivered by pony, rather than by owl,” she commented, flicking through the envelopes to read the names and addresses.

After raising her eyebrow at the near-identical envelopes addressed to each and every pony presently on the rock farm, she ripped open the one with her name on it and scanned the missive. The bird, on the other hoof, waited patiently for something.

“Hog-warts?” she asked slowly. “What kind of a name is that…? Whatever- this is excellent news! Though… Trixie has no idea where this Eng-land is. And what do they mean, they await Trixie’s owl…?” She tilted her head slowly, and looked up at the owl. “Does it mean, they expect you to carry Trixie’s response?”

It bobbed its head in a nod.

“Trixie thanks you! Trixie will be right back!”


His uncle’s face went from red to green faster than a set of traffic lights, and didn’t stop there, letter held high above his head. “P-Petunia?”


“Oh hi, what would you- Oh, is that mail?”

The bird on the sales counter dropped the letters from its beak, giving a hoot.

“Okie dokie lokie! Let’s see…” Pinkie had caught the letters the moment they were released, and had hers opened and in front of her less than a second later. “Huh. I’ve got a funny feeling Twilight’s gonna say yes, so that. But what will the Cakes say?” She vanished into the backroom for a minute before reappearing, a single, new letter held in her hoof. “Alright, here’s our answer- and would you like a treat before you go?” She offered an owl-sized cupcake in her other hoof.

“Hoo.”


“There’s another one!”


“Huh-? I didn’t know you carried mail, Owlow- Wait. You’re not Owlowiscious.” She blinked at the owl. “Somepony have you carrying their mail?”

“Hoo.”

Blink. “You know, I have no clue how, but I understood that. Um…” She turned her attention to the already opened letter. “Um…” She looked back up at the owl. “Are you serious?”

“Hoo.”

Facehoof. “I should’ve seen that coming. Are they serious, I guess. Inviting me to magic school.”

“Hoo.”

“... Huh. You know what, that sounds like something Discord would love. And… Hang on. These ponies aren’t unicorns, are they?”


“What the hay-?”

The owl dropped the two letters on the counter in front of it. “Hoo.”

Blink, blink. “Uh, okay.” A golden magic aura then opened one of the letters, and she started reading it, before looking up sharply. “Wait. You’re from the other side of the Gate, aren’t you?”

The owl nodded.

“Oh, that makes so much more sense. Um…” Her horn glowed briefly. “... Yeah, I’m in trouble alright. Do you want to ride, or fly? I need to see Twilight about this, before I reply.” She glanced at the other letter. “Er, before we reply.”

“Hoo.”

A cream-colored mare walked into the room, and spoke irately. “What do you need to see Twilight about?” Immediately, a sealed letter was stuffed in her face.

Both unicorn and owl waited patiently for her to read it.

“... Okay. Where did this come from…?”

“Remember my Gate project? I opened the gate about a week ago. And now, these came through it. About eighteen hundred such letters have already made it into Equestria, and there’s more on the way. Pretty sure this ‘Hogwarts’ has no clue just who they’re inviting- these letters feel spell-generated, not handwritten.”

“Ahh, then yes, we definitely need to go see Twilight.”


“You see, if they can’t deliver them, they’ll just give up,” his uncle spoke, while trying to hammer in a nail with a piece of fruitcake.


“...aren’t unicorns, are they?”

The doors exploded open right as soon as Twilight finished speaking. “No, they’re not,” Lyra said, galloping in with Bonbon right behind her and an owl on her back. “A week ago, I opened an interdimensional portal in my backyard. Now, all of the sudden, these have started coming through- about eighteen hundred have already made it to Equestria. Until now, I didn’t know magic even existed on the other side- it’s even emptier than Pedestria, magically speaking! So, whatever magic this ‘Hogwarts’ wants to teach, it’s likely very different from ours- and, possibly, even conflicting.

“It’s also a whole ‘nother nation, that isn’t nearly so happy-go-lucky as we are here in Equestria- and I’m the only one that’s crossed the Gate so far. I think I’ve worked out the spells to give us similar ‘human’ forms when we cross, rather than Pedestrian forms, but you’ll probably want to check that over before we emplace them.

“And of course, there’s the other option: We announce that these letters were sent without permission, send all the owls back through, and seal the Gate.”

Twilight blinked. “So, this is first contact for them, right?”

“Uhh… Yes, it would be.”

“Then let’s not cut them off, that wouldn’t be very friendly. How hard would it be to educate everypony on the proper etiquette of that world before we send them through?”

“Not… too hard, at least. It’s kinda similar to Pedestria, just a little less flexible, absolutely no magic, and skin color is much more limited: Peach-ish, with an optional brownish darkening to almost black. I have been able to acquire a few books on the topic- and they aren’t that lengthy, so you should be able to finish them in under an hour if you want to. They also don’t summarize very well, so we could probably cover everything important in a… oh, five-minute crash course, and serve some twenty or thirty ponies at once.”

“Alright. Do you want to go through with that, or…?”

“Definitely. I opened that gate because I wanted to learn about other universes- and, assuming all goes well, this sounds like a great way to do that. If all doesn’t go well, the Gate is only tethered on this end- we’ll have only to get our ponies back home and seal the Gate, and they’ll never see us again. I imagine we can add an emergency teleport to the Gate transformation spell, to force everypony back to this side the instant I start closing it, no matter where they are?”

“Sounds good, let’s do it.” Twilight looked up at her owl, then down at the second letter it had delivered, before calling out to the hallway. “Spike? You’ve got mail!”

The named dragon’s response echoed down the passage, confused. “What? When did that happen?”


Petunia shredded two dozen letters in her food processor.


“Well now, this is interesting. Hey, Lulu?”

“Mm?”

“Before you go, you might want to check your mail.”

“Mail? I have mail?”

“Yep.”

“Oh.” She then opened her letter, read it, and facehooved. “Well, this is insulting. Somepony thinks I’m so far behind the times I need to go to magic school.”

Chuckle. “You know, they’ve invited me too.”

All traces of sleepiness disappeared in an instant. “What?”

Nod. “It’s making me curious what cave they crawled out of.”

Right at that moment, a scroll appeared in a blaze of green fire.


“Alright, that’s it,” his uncle declared, pulling tufts out of his mustache.


“Huh?” She left her sister’s letter on her desk, and opened her own.

“Hoo?”

“She’s in the bathroom. Um… What the hay is Hogwarts? Um…” She galloped to the door, and opened it as soon as she reached it. “Gah! Oh, I was about to look for you!”

“Huh? Wait, did you two get letters from Hogwarts too?”

“Yep!”

“Yep! So, we saying yes, or no?”

Heads nodded.

“Cutie Mark Crusaders Witches!”


“I got about an ‘undred of these at the front desk.”


“Wha-? I have mail? Delivered by owl? I’ll have to admit, that’s new.”

“Hoo.” The letter floated slowly away from the owl’s beak.

“Right. Thank you.” He took the letter, and dropped it into the blender on the side of his vanilla-pudding-filled hot tub. “Would you like a treat while you’re here?”

“Hoo.”

“Ahh, no biggie. Anyways.” The letter then finished shredding itself despite the lack of a blade in the blender, which he then poured into a nice tall cup, which he swirled the purple drink with for a second before downing it in one gulp. Then he took the fragments of the letter, mixed them with the drink, squoze them into a cloth, and tied it around his head like a headband, which he then discarded into the chocolate-pudding-filled swimming pool next door. “Oh, I see. Yes, that’ll be quite interesting.” He then drew a normal, but completely clean, letter out of the mud puddle next to his hot tub to hand it to the owl. “Here’s my answer, thank you. Have a nice trip!”


“I mighta sat on it at some point, but it’ll taste alright.”


A series of professors sat in stunned silence, staring at the veritable mountain of letters of varying shapes and sizes that the owls had just delivered to their table.

“It’s… a good thing we already ate,” Professor Sprout stated.

Professor McGonagall drew her wand, separated the letters into two floating stacks with a quick spell, and sighed. “This is going to be a busy year,” she stated.

Professor Snape raised an eyebrow at her. “Lots of students?”

She nodded, and pointed at the first stack. “That is two hundred ninety-seven letters from new students accepting their place here,” she stated, before pointing to the second stack. “And that is six hundred thirty seven letters turning down the same.” She heaved a sigh, allowing her arm to fall back to the table. “And the letters only went out yesterday.”

“Well,” Professor Dumbledore nodded cheerfully, “we found the owls!” He paused dramatically, but only Professor Sprout smiled, so he continued. “I’ll go write a few letters to the proprietors of a few shops in Diagon Alley- they might need to stock extra, and fast. Then we’ll have to see just how quickly we can find the owls again, eh?”

Author's Note:

Apologies, I meant to publish it at noon today... but got sidetracked.

On the other hand, there's one thing that's remained constant. And that is...

... I still need money. Patreon, Ko-Fi?