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Ponyville Downhill Derby

The Ponyville derby is today. It's acting as both a qualifier for the Canterlot Derby and as a normal derby. Few racers are actually racing competitively. Most actually just race for fun whenever a race comes to their town. I'm one of the few true competitors. I've raced in all the races. And I'm this close to winning the season. This race just needs to go well.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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Nitro Indigo

Nitro Indigo #1 · May 19th, 2020 · 1 · ·

I like that you began this at the beginning of the race, because it makes the fanfic more atmospheric and characterises the narrator as an attention-seeker. Unfortunately, the actual race is boring to read because there’s an abundance of single-clause sentences that begin with the same words. Also, why are there limestone cliffs near Ponyville?

Seral

Seral #2 · May 20th, 2020 · · ·

10241658
I greatly appreciate your feedback. I'm inexperienced in writing stories and this is my first story written outside of an academic environment. I guess my writing follows a kind of formula learned in school and limits me somewhat. As for the cliffs, I like cliffs.

Gundam2018B