Criminally Stupendous

by dudenotactive

Great And Powerful

"Are you sure of this, your highness?"

Luna glanced over to General Ironwood, he sat behind his desk and adopted a stone-faced look. His two most trusted Legionnaires flanked him, unlike the General, the two guards were flabbergasted. They were caught off guard by the information they had just received, but only Ironwood was the one who kept his composure. He showed no signs of weakness as if he is a cold heartless automaton.

"Yes, Roman Torchwick will strike soon and it is a chance that we must take. Or else he will be harder to find." Luna said calmly. "This is a mission that requires your full attention, General. If we are to succeed, I suggest that we make use of Twilight and her friends."

"If I recall correctly, only two have accepted Aura, though Twilight is simply just curious about this magic. Even so, Rainbow Dash and Applejack are trained to fight, not the others." Ironwood argued.

"Yes, but Twilight is still a talented mage, she could defeat Roman with the help of a few spells."

"I understand that Twilight Sparkle is a very powerful mare, she is indeed quite skilled with magic, but the rest are to be reconsidered." He said. "Fluttershy can communicate with the wildlife, a useful talent I admit, but she is not made to fight. Rarity seems like the kind of mare who doesn't wish to dirty their hooves. As for Pinkie Pie? From what Igneous has told me, she is quite the fighter. My only issue with her is that she is too much of a loose cannon and I fear that she will cause too much trouble. But I do hire her sometimes to help with morale, she is quite the party planner."

Luna smiled. "I understand your reason, General. But these mares have been through so much more than some thieves. They have fought for the peace of Equestria and went through countless hardships. And they all came out victorious. These mares are heroes, even with their flaws."

Ironwood hummed, he was deep in his thoughts. It was correct, despite being a group of civilians they had managed to defeat Nightmare Moon, a victory that kick-started their path towards their destiny. Whatever it may be. Ever since Luna's return, their lives changed forever. Twilight and her friends cannot escape their destiny, Ironwood knows how it feels, the weight of responsibility that comes with the title. Heroes, those who are selfless, it's something Ironwood liked about the mares.

He could still remember the first time he had ever learned their names, Ironwood was at his lowest, the Grimm attacked Ponyville and ravaged the streets. When all hope was lost, the Grimm vanished, and out of the Everfree came six mares and the two sisters, reunited to rule Equestria together.

"Very well," He finally said. "We will allow these mares to help with the plan. I shall call for them soon, but I must suggest that Fluttershy unlocks her Aura, for her sake."

Luna nodded. "Of course General, and thank you for allowing them to help. I promise you that they will do their best to catch Roman."

"And once we have him," Ironwood's expression darkened. "We will extract everything he knows about the Grimm. As much as I appreciate the White Fang, none of them are as knowledgeable as Torchwick."

"Yes," She turned away.

"Is something wrong your highness?"

"No, I just remembered that I have important business back in Canterlot. It was a pleasure speaking with you General, I will return to aid you with Roman."

"Goodbye you highness, I wish for safe travels."

"Thank you, I will see you soon General."

Luna stood up to her hooves to walk towards the door, once she was out of the room, a frown formed on her face. She turned to face a young guard that waited for her, there was a disturbing smile on this guard, Luna couldn't tell what this mare was even happy for. But what Luna could tell is that there was a dangerous aura enveloping the guard.

"I will go speak with Twilight Sparkle, and I ask that you behave while I am gone," Luna said as she walked past her.

The guard didn't move, she only smiled. Only when Luna turned the corner did the guard move, she turned to face the door of Ironwood's office, the smile shifted to one that could only be described as dangerous. Then it happened just for a second, her eyes flashed pink and brown.

---

Roman was sweating bullets, he sat quietly on his seat just next to the mare in black. Across him was the pony that claimed to be Ozpin, the supposedly old man who was too busy enjoying his coffee to even notice how uncomfortable Roman was. Though there was a knife pointed at his neck, none of the other patrons of the inn seemed to notice his situation.

"So," Roman began. "Who's short, dark, and ugly?"

"Hmm?" Ozpin hummed. "Oh, her? She's my stalker."

"I am not your stalker!" She snapped at Ozpin.

"You watch my every move, and you would always keep notes. Now, why wouldn't you be my stalker?" Ozpin asked smugly.

"I'm not a stalker, I'm a spy!"

"Well, there are many similarities between the two." Ozpin chuckled.

"No there isn't! The difference being one is a job and the other's a mental sickness!"

Roman slammed his hooves against the table, and yet the ponies around him still didn't notice. "Okay, I have no idea what's happening! How are you even Ozpin!? The guy is like, a thousand years old!"

"Young man, I am far older than that." Ozpin chuckled.

"What does that even mean!? You know what? I don't care!" Roman breathed heavily. "Prove it, prove to me that you really are Ozpin." He demanded evidence. It was just impossible that Ozpin would be sitting at the table with Roman, impossible indeed.

"Very well, Mr. Torchwick, I will." He cleared his throat. "Your transcript was forged, I confronted you about it on top of the school rooftop after a whole year. You tried to run but I stopped you from escaping, you asked me why I kept you in Beacon for so long even though I knew from the very beginning. Why didn't you boot me out yet? You asked me."

Roman stiffened, his eye widened and his skin paled. Slowly, he retreated back to his seat. "What did you say?"

Ozpin smiled warmly like a caring parent. "I didn't expel you because you are a talented young man, and we need that more than those who lived a life of comfort. It would be a waste to just throw you out, Mr. Torchwick."

Roman was shocked, no one else knew about his transcript, heck, no one even knew that he went to Beacon academy. Roman had done everything in his power to erase any traces of him, a task that only succeeded because of Ozpin. Even to this day, Roman couldn't understand Ozpin no matter how hard he tried.

"Ozpin..." Roman finally accepted the truth, the old man was actually here. How? He'll just have to find out.

"You must have dozens of questions, Torchwick. Allow me to answer a few of them." Ozpin took a moment to take a sip from his brew. "What's your favorite story?"

Roman arched a brow. "You asked me this before, my favorite story is Pinocchio."

"Ah yes, I remember now." He laughed softly. "Just wanted to get into the subject. Have you read the book about the man with two souls?"

Roman nearly choked on nothing, he easily understood what Ozpin was trying to say. "You have-"

"More than one," He answered gleefully. "And not just two, I have more than you can count, Mr. Torchwick."

"So I'm gonna believe you, just like that?" He was doubtful for obvious reasons.

"Roman, do you believe in gods?"

There was a pause. "Yes," Roman answered truthfully. "I met one just recently."

Ozpin's eyes glanced over to the left. There was a short second before he sighed softly, one second he scowled, the next he was back to his smiling self. It was an odd moment that stuck out to Roman, he was unsure as to why. "Then you know what he wishes for me to do?"

Roman nodded.

"Roman, you do not have to fear, I will not fulfill the task. Though if you force my hoof, then I will not hesitate." He said.

For the next few minutes, Ozpin spent his time drinking coffee while Roman was held at knifepoint. He looked around to check on the other patrons of the inn and noticed that they still had not given them a single glance. As if the picture of a pony in black holding a knife wasn't an odd scene. A few seconds more had passed before a pony came by and placed a couple of plates filled with hay right on their table.

Roman was unsure why Ozpin would even order hay with the fact that Ozpin was technically human. Though the thing that really disturbed Roman was that Ozpin didn't hesitate and began eating the hay that was served. It was so odd, he was more of a pony unlike Roman. He would have thought Ozpin would keep more semblance of his humanity. But there he was, eating hay like a farm animal.

Though something was running in Roman's mind, a simple question he was curious to see the answer to.

"Ozpin, why?"

The Doctor arched a brow, unsure what he meant.

"Something is bugging me, and I just want to understand. Why aren't you helping with the Grimm?"

Ozpin looked away, guilt flashed in his eyes. The mare besides Roman glared at the thief as if he had just insulted her mother.

Roman continued. "They still called them Shadow Beasts when I found out the existence of Grimm in this world. If you are here, then why aren't you doing anything? I mean, a guy like you should be teaching stuff, I'm just curious, that's all."

The mare didn't waste a single second and smacked the back of Roman's head, a bit too hard to be honest, could've given Roman a concussion if he didn't have Aura.

"Hey!" He whined.

"Roman," The thief stopped before he could attack the mare. "I'm retired." That was his reason.

"What?"

Before Roman could even ask another question, a dejected look formed on Ozpin as he faced Roman once again. "I have died more times than you could ever count, every life cycle I am plagued by my past. So much that even to this day I could barely ignore my decisions. And Roman, I've made more mistakes than any man, woman, and child on Remnant."

Roman had not seen Ozpin like this, he looked so disappointed, not at Roman but himself.

"I have lived on Remnant far longer than anyone, I remembered something only I and another could... the beauty of the moon. Long before your ancestors have ever taken a step on land, there was a world of magic, both good and bad. I believe the Brother of Darkness had told you of this world, am I correct?"

"Yes, a land that is definitely better than what Remnant is now."

Ozpin sighed softly. "You are free to try and understand my reason. Roman, I am tired." His shoulders slumped and his head dipped, his image was no longer a confident man. His eyes developed a thousand-yard look as if his sins had caught up to him. In a way, it technically did in the form of Roman. Ozpin thought about it as he eyed the thief carefully, there was a time when Roman would seek his wisdom, for Roman's personal gain of course. Ozpin knew that, he knew Roman would end up like this. He just thought maybe some powerful words would knock some sense into Roman.

Ozpin tried, but in the end, he failed to reach out to him.

"As I have said, I have lived and died many times before. And yet... I have not truly lived." Another sigh escaped his lips. "My first death was when I was still at my prime, I fell ill and became too weak to recover. It was over before I could even achieve something greater than myself. The only time I would say that I "lived" is with my first reincarnation. When I met her again..."

Her? Roman asked himself. But just as he questioned, the answer was quick to enlighten the thief. The widow...

A small smile formed on Ozpin's face as he stared blankly at his hooves. "I had four beautiful daughters... They were everything I had ever wanted..."

Ozpin became silent, no words were spoken for a minute. The mare kept her weapon pointed at the thief, but Roman could tell that she was not paying him attention, she was too focused on Ozpin. And perhaps, Roman could escape while he has the chance. But something compelled him to stay, something about seeing his old headmaster in such a state made Roman think twice. Ozpin looked vulnerable, anyone could try and strike him down, but that wasn't what Roman was thinking. He thought more about how he felt sympathy for the old man. Though it was short, Roman could already understand the hardship Ozpin had gone through.

Roman's shoulders sagged, he was unsure of what to do.

"I met another god, one that I have not known of." Ozpin suddenly spoke, breaking the silence. "He offered me a chance, one that I was not expecting. I was ready to cross over to the afterlife, I was finally done, I was free from my curse. I wanted to see my daughters again, the only descendants of my bloodline. But he offered me one last chance... to finally live a real life."

"So that's your reason?" Roman scoffed, the mare in black turned towards him with a purpose to maim written behind the mask.

Ozpin was surprised, to say the least, he expected him to run during the summary of his life. But yet Roman stayed to listen, and for that Ozpin felt some gratitude.

"The great and powerful wizard of Oz, so much for that title." Roman stood, the knife still pointed at his neck. "You know, all my life everyone was always out to get me. People who would stab me in the back the moment I show just a little bit of weakness. Except you, you were the kind of guy who wants his students to do their best even if it's a crummy day. If I'm being honest right now, though I had talked trash behind your back, I respected you."

That was what caught Ozpin off guard, never would he have expected these words from a man like Torchwick. Though you can argue that the thief was simply lying, Ozpin could easily see that there was no deception in Roman's words.

"You spent your life doing nothing about the Grimm knowing how much of a threat they are. You and I both understand that because of our lives back on Remnant. They are a force of destruction, and I'm surprised that these ponies lasted so long. Maybe it's because of magic, who knows. But what I do know is that someone like you should do something about the Grimm."

Ozpin slammed his hooves against the table, and yet no curious eyes went their way. "I am retired Mr. Torchwick. Of course, you wouldn't understand the troubles I had gone through. I want nothing to do with anything from Remnant, Equestria is my home now and I am happy to be a simple nobody among the crowd. You should consider doing the same, Mr. Torchwick, this world is a chance for a second life."

Roman scowled. "Unlike you, I don't just forget who I am. I'm bucking Roman Torchwick, kingpin of Vale's underworld. And I'm aiming for a bigger title right here on Equestria."

"I see," Ozpin sighed. "This is not about the money, but simply a way of life of yours."

Grinning mischievously, Roman chuckled loudly with delight. "I was just sending a message, Oz, telling the world that I mean serious business."

"If I can't change your mind then you are free to leave."

"What!?" The mare exclaimed, Roman noticed an odd shimmer around him just for a second. "But Doc, this guy is dangerous, we can't just let him go like that! We should just turn him in to the authorities, and as an agent of SMILE, I must uphold the peace of our country."

"I would like to see you try agent Black." Roman growled.

Ozpin raised a hoof. "I said. Let him go." He ordered the mare to stand down, and though he was simply a civilian, she had complied. Knowing who Ozpin is, Roman understood that the old man was not someone to be trifled with. "Feel free to leave Roman, I will not stop you or any future guest of yours because it does not concern me, yet."

"Hmph, I wish I hadn't come to this stinking inn in the first place." With that, Roman walked away, he had nothing more to say knowing he had the final word, for now. He knew that they'll see each other again in the future, they would meet again. Roman just hoped that it would not end in bloodshed.

But the thief noticed something else, every eye in the inn started to watch him as he walked away from Ozpin. One last glance towards the professor told Roman everything. There was no sight of the mare in black, only the old man in pony skin. A semblance perhaps? There was no time to think about it, his spectators started to catch on and his name left some of their lips. It would be bad if someone called the guards, so Roman wasted no time and bolted out the door with nothing but a look of frustration on his face.

"You can't be serious!" The mare snapped at Ozpin.

"Bon Bon please, calm yourself." He said just before he took a sip from his coffee. "You are free to do as you please next time. For now, I just wish to wait out this storm so I can visit my friend."

Ozpin sighed.

"And you," He faced towards his left with a scowl. "I want nothing to do with you of all people."

"Ozma, I will send a thousand warriors to correct the mistake of this universe. I fear that this world will be in danger all because you do not act."

"Never again." Ozpin said as he rose to his hooves. He continued to glare at God for another minute before he retreated to his room. This is not his fight, he has the right to live his life with ignorance and bliss. Ozpin is no puppet to be used, he was not a slave of any sort, he was human. And nothing will ever change that.

Comments

[RDDash]

I don't really understand this "I am not truly lived", he lived more than enough. And instead of just going into afterlife that God fooled Ozpin to live his new pony life in the world where they still have creatures of Grim. If he's tired of living he should just die.

[dudenotactive]

11107840
Did he really "lived"? Or did he slaved himself away for the mistakes of the gods? Dying over and over again, the only time he could say he was alive was when he finally had a family. But that itself was ruined because of a god's decision to punish a grieving widow who was corrupted.

All of his pain and suffering could have been avoided if the gods had a shred of humanity. Also probably if Salem hadn't lied to to Darkness about being her first god to speak with about the death of Ozma, though she might do something just as drastic as rallying humanity against their makers

If a man is offered one last chance, after it all, meeting friends and enemies alike. One would surely take the chance for some sort of closure, to feel human, not an immortal burdened by guilt and a mission he was unable to do alone. But if he was satisfied, perhaps maybe he could finally rest