Criminally Stupendous

by dudenotactive

Rock Out!

The train ride was silent, Fuchsia sat on her seat while her eyes scanned the empty car. There were no other ponies besides the one sitting behind her, and that was the stupendous thief himself. Roman Torchwick. It is important to note that he was not currently dressed, all his clothes were inside the suitcase he had with him. And his mane was slicked back to reveal a crimson eye beneath his bangs.

Fuchsia glanced over her shoulder but couldn't see the crimson orb that filled her with curiosity. The words "heterochromia iridum" came to mind as she tried to recall the first time she saw both of his eyes.

"Eyes forward Pinky."

Fuchsia snapped her face towards the other side of the car. She decided it was best to think of something else while she waited until they reach Canterlot. Her memories started to replay the moment Roman had shown up at her apartment, her saddlebags was on his back and a pouch of unknown contents in his teeth. Then there was that smile, he smiled twistedly as he marched into her apartment before he discarded the pouch back into the hallway. She did not question it all, and she will not question it now.

It was easy to piece it all together, Roman was there when she paid that debt collector. And all she could do was accept it. Though he was not facing her, Fuchsia could feel his stare, those green and red orbs eyeing her.

"You're curious about the eye aren't you?"

Fuchsia nearly yelped in surprise, her head nodded without looking over to the stallion.

"We can get to that after I give you your assignment." Before she could even ask, a book fell from the ceiling and landed next to her.

She stared at it for a second before taking it into her hooves. There were colorful page markers in the book. She flipped it open to one of the markers and saw a picture of a statue in the middle of a fountain. "What's this?" She asked.

"Read the notes when we get off the train. Anyways, this statue is one of Canterlot's landmarks. Rumored to be created by Starswirl The Bearded using a spell that pieced together the statue using scattered rocks and built it literally from the ground up. And of course it is a statue of his likeness."

"Why do you need me to learn about this?"

"We're being followed." He said ominously. "I don't know how, but ever since we entered the station back in Manehattan, I had this feeling of being watched. Someone unsavory is on this train right now and it would be best if we split up. This way they can't connect you to me."

"But how will I know where you are if we go different ways?"

"I've listed some time slots in the book, there are many locations on it that I will also visit, but not all of them. We will meet at lunch, so don't be late. Then we will sleep in the hotel Greeny booked us in, good thing she got two separate rooms for us." He explained.

The car became silent once more, allowing the noisy train to take the stage just for a few seconds.

"So..." Fuchsia tried not to sound rude. "What's up with your eye?" But it sounded as rude as she thought.

"It runs in the family, the only other person who's in the same boat as me is my grandma and sister. Back when I was still starting my criminal life, I used to cover my green one and let everyone around see the crimson red eye that reminded everybody of the Grimm. Helps scare my victims."

"Victims, such as my debt collector?"

Roman smirked. "Of course you'd be curious as to what had happened. Well, let's just say that they won't be bothering you anymore. And that they had the taste of how The Cyclops do things his way."

He laughed loudly while Fuchsia could only scoff at the thought.

"Should've seen their faces when a pegasus with a glowing red eye just crashed into their office. Screamed like a bunch of pansies." Once his laughter died down, he let out a few silent chuckles before wiping a tear away. "And let me tell you about how my eyes literally saved my life."

This earned a curious glance from Fuchsia. She stared at the back of his orange head and waited for what tale he would tell.

"It was a cold winter night in the city..."

---

The train came to a full stop, those who had business to do in this side of the country flooded out of the train. And a very interesting group had also come out as well, a young small drake, a lavender colored unicorn, and a pink earth pony. Together they took in the fresh air of Rockville.

Pinkie Pie bounced about the station excitedly. "I'm home! I'm home! I am hooooooome!"

Twilight could only smile and shake her head at her friend. Before she could even put a word in, she noticed two ponies walking towards them. One was an old stallion, grey mane and all. On his head was a hat and around his neck was a simple tie. The image of a hard working stallion.

The other pony was a mare with a grey coat while her mane is a lighter shade of grey. Both had what some would call a passive face, but Twilight noticed the slight hint of a scowl forming on the mare's face.

"Pa, sis'!" Pinkie waved at them enthusiastically. In a matter of seconds she cleared the gap faster than Rainbow Dash could and embraced the two ponies in a warm hug.

Both yelped painfully as they felt the air get pushed out of their lungs from the sudden hug attack, but the two managed and returned her gesture. "It is nice to see you again Pinkamena." Her father spoke as she released them both.

"Yeah, nice to see you Pinkie." Her sister took a second to compose herself. "Please tell me you aren't bringing that lizard breath back home?"

"He has a name you know." Twilight said plainly.

"I can speak for myself Twilight." The young drake cleared his throat and raised a hand out to the two ponies, mainly towards Pinkie's sister. "The name's Spike. Short, sweet, rolls off the tongue, mares love it."

Twilight could only stare at her assistant with disbelief, not once in her life had she ever expected him to introduce himself in such a manner. Especially to a mare that isn't even Rarity.

Pinkie's father took a step between the drake and his daughter and scoffed. "And I am Igneous Rock. It would be better if you held your tongue, dragon. Especially when you address my daughter, Limestone Pie." Spike answered only with an awkward smirk as he backed off.

Limestone scoffed at Spike before facing her sister. "So what's up sis'? Why'd you called us out of work?"

"Oh, me and Twilight- this is Twilight by the way-" Pinkie gestured to the only unicorn around. "-are here to visit the Snow family!"

Pinkie's father was surprised to learn of their intention for visiting Rockville. "Now what do you all need from them? This better not be about those magic gems they started making. Honestly, first they cut ties with the Iron Legion, and now Rocky Snow started selling these unnatural crystals."

"Cut ties with the Iron Legion?" Twilight asked.

Igneous nodded. "Back before Rocky showed up, the Snow family mainly sold their rocks, gems, and other products to the Iron Legion. But after he married into the Snow family, he decided that they were better off selling to the Griffins instead. Leaving me no choice but to accept deals with General Ironwood."

"Wait, so your family supplies the Legion of ores, gems, and building materials?"

"Indeed we have, but like I have said, it used to be the Snows who worked with the Iron Legion."

Spike then raised his hand. "Wait, you said Ironwood and not Iron Hoof... does this mean you two are close?"

"Close? I have worked under him back in my days with the Legion, I was one of his trusted advisors and was the Captain of the Rockville outpost before I retired to raise my family."

"Wow, really?" Spike went star eyed as he saw Pinkie's father in a new light. "Do you have any cool and heroic stories!?"

"Yes. But we will have to speak of it another time." Spike adopted a look of dejection and slumped slightly after being denied any epic story.

But Pinkie thought of another way. "Don't worry Spike, I know somepony at the Snow family that was also a Legionnaire, I bet he has tons of stories to tell!"

At the mention of another retired guard, Igneous scoffed. "Forgive me Pinkamena, but I wish not to even take a step near that pony's home or his family, I shall leave Limestone to help you with whatever quest you have. And don't let that dragon near our farm, ever. Farewell." With that, Igneous started making his way back to the farm. Leaving his two daughters alone with a unicorn and a baby dragon.

"See ya pa! Tell Marble I said hi, and oh! Tell ma also!" Pinkie waved at her father as he leaves for home.

"What's his deal?" Spike asked as he climbed on top of Twilight's back.

"Pa just doesn't forget things so easily." Limestone answered. "And besides, there has been an increase of Shadow Dogs around here ever since the Snow family started growing those strange gems. So it is better if he stayed near the farm just in case one shows up."

"Shadow Dogs?"

"You know how Grimm comes in a variety of animals, right?" Twilight began her short lecture to Spike. "Well, there are also a kind of Grimm that resembles Diamond Dogs. But slightly taller than the usual ones, and covered in bone armor like any Grimm monsters. But these Shadow Dogs aren't attracted to any pony that comes their way. No, they are only attracted to gems, which is seen as their primary food source. Unlike other Grimm beasts that we know of. But it was easier to learn about the Shadow Dogs because of that, since they usually ignore any ponies that were too close as long as there were gems to feed on."

Limestone groaned for everyone to hear. "Can we cut the chit chat? Let's just get this whole thing over with so I can get back home. I'm not exactly fond of the Snows as well..."

Once Limestone was far enough, Twilight leaned closer to Pinkie to whisper. "Is there something I should know?"

"Nope!" Pinkie answered before bouncing after her sister.

Twilight sighed tiredly before following the Pie sisters with Spike on her back. Speaking of which. "What was that about anyways, the way you introduced yourself back there."

Spike only shrugged. "I read that rock farmers grow and sell gems, as we have just been told. Figured I could try and sweeten my way to some tasty snacks. Also I'm trying out my dragon charms to see how well my practice is going."

"You're practicing how to ask girls out?" She spoke with disbelief.

"Yup! And as you can tell, Limestone is attracted to my handsome features."

"I don't know Spike, she seems peeved off about you."

Spike waved a dismissive hand at his adoptive sister. "Nah, she's just playing hard to get! And if all goes well with my training, then Rarity will be swooned off her hooves by yours truly!"

Twilight only rolled her eyes at the young drake as they continued following the two Pies towards the Snow family rock farm.

---

"And I have been thanking god for making me this way. Anyways, I would have perished that day if it weren't for my eyes." Roman had just finished recounting his adventurous tale of danger and riches.

"I don't understand, honestly... Is this Neo character even... 'human'?" Fuchsia admitted.

Roman chuckled softly. "I know how you feel, and even after all this time, I still can't fully understand as well. I can barely read her at all, she is quite unpredictable, especially in a fight. Just to warn you, she's a bit of a sadist, likes to play with her food if you know what I mean."

"Oh I get it..." And just as she was about to ask another question, the train came to a full stop.

Roman hopped off his seat and stretched, his joints made a series of soft pops as he moved. "Welp! Here we are, I'll get off over there, you go the other way. Remember, just follow the markers I marked on the book, build an alibi. And don't get caught."

Roman stumbled a bit as he tried to take a few steps.

"Huh, did I forget my morning coffee? I feel kinda dizzy..."

"Probably train lag." Fuchsia offered her insight.

"Maybe..."

Roman wasted no time and ran off with his suitcase. Fuchsia could only nod her head before picking up her own luggage and make her way to the exit. But unbeknownst to her, a figure of a shady character was silently observing the mare as she leaves.

---

Roman stared at the building in front of him. It was a simple pizzeria called "Tommy's". This fine establishment before him was the place where the pony that took Lucky Spice's money and... whatever she was trying to sell. He was uninterested with the details, unless they are something that really catches his eyes.

He glanced over his shoulder to a coffee shop across the street, and inside was Fuchsia sitting on a table closest to the window. He gave her a nod and she returned the gesture. The plan was that she would act as lookout, keeping an eye for any guards that would come by. There was no way for the two to communicate, but if the guards do ever show up she would simply just fake a heart attack to distract anyone getting too close.

And if all goes well, she didn't need to attract unwanted attention to herself.

Roman then entered the pizzeria, he didn't waste time on checking the place out, he had walked monotonously towards the restroom. The cashier eyed him carefully, unsure why anyone would just go straight over to the restroom without asking. That was not most people would act, so the cashier knew there was something fishy going on.

And much to the cashier's horror, what came out of the restroom was not the pegasus from before, but the infamous Roman Torchwick himself. The thief simply busted through with Melodic Cudgel aimed at the pony manning the cash register. The patrons had no time to scream as Roman blasted the wall behind the cashier who nearly fainted from the power of the blast alone.

"Nobody move and keep quiet! Just enjoy your meals and I'll be out of your hairs in a second." He addressed the crowd before facing the cashier. "I'm not here for the cash register. Big Tomato, I was told that I could find him here."

"He's down in the basement. Can I take some money from the register and say you took it?"

"Knock yourself out buddy. As long as you don't call the cops. And that goes to everyone here! Keep quiet and none of you will have to pay a hospital bill!" With the information that he needed, Roman stormed off to the basement. He felt a lot better walking on two hooves, being on four was a bit natural to the thief.

He went through the pizzeria without a peep, the patrons behind him were fearful of the thief. None dared to scream or else they would suffer the punishment from the criminal.

Roman was quick to do business, he needed to finish as fast as possible so he could get more information about this mystery pony. He descended the steps down into the basement like a wraith. He was silent yet quick.

"Hey, what was all the noise!?" He heard someone speak as he hit the last step, there was an accent in his voice that sounded familiar to Roman. "Hey Stacks!? Hello!?"

There was a hallway and three doors, one was wide open and there was a source of light coming from it. It was also the same room the voice originated from. Roman dashed to the shadows and waited for a second. A smile found itself on his face once the words he expected were said.

"Hey Linguine, go check that noise out!"

"Sure thing boss!"

Roman heard a chair move, then the hooves of something big. Lo and behold, a stallion that was bigger than Applejack's brother went through the doorway. The giant shuffled towards the steps, his hooves almost shook the building as he walked. Roman was glad he decided to hide, something like this could've ruined his plans.

There's one thing fighting a mindless monster, fighting an obvious knucklehead was another. Roman knows his type, dumb but strong, might even take awhile to whack him with his cane until he's unconscious.

Roman waited for the large idiot to climb the stairs, and just as he was almost to the top Roman sprung into action. The handle of Melodic Cudgel launched itself towards the large pony. It hooked itself on his right foreleg and Roman pulled with all he's got. The results were as expected, the giant slipped and slammed hard against the stairs and his weight plus momentum brought him back down to the floor. His chin bounced on every step as he slid down.

Once he reached his final destination, Roman made sure that he would never wake up for a while.

"Linguine, did you slip on the stairs again!?"

"I'm afraid Linguine is unable to answer right now," Roman stepped out of the shadows and into the light. His cane planted down with a loud thump as the three other ponies in the room gasped. "but I will be happy to do so in his place."

The room was lit up by a single light bulb, under it was a table occupied by three stallions. To Roman's right was a tall but lanky looking pegasus, his coat was brown and his mane was black with a yellow streak. On the left was an earth pony with an average build, his coat was blue but his mane was orange.

Lastly was the one across the table, Roman knew it was Big Tomato due to the fact his coat was bright red and his mane was lime colored. What really surprised Roman was that BT was bigger than Linguine back at the steps. His shoulders were broad, and his chin was chiseled. He wore a white tracksuit jacket stained with grease. His teeth were clenched around a cigar.

It looked like Roman had disrupted their poker game, each had cards in their hooves and there were some poker chips on four sides. It was worth noting that one seat was vacant, must have been Linguine's. "You all wouldn't mind if I just join in on your game, right?" Roman grinned.

BT grinned back. "Roman Torchwick! Never thought I would ever meet a stallion such as you."

"Well, guess my reputation precedes me."

"That's right, and I'm guessin' that it was you who made all that racket up top. So what, you robbin' honest business ponies now? Thought a stallion like you would be more interested in makin' a big show out of it!"

"Oh don't worry Tommy, I'm just here to take back what isn't yours."

The two stallions on the sides of the table stood up. BT cocked back a brow and sighed. "Roman, Roman buddy. I can tell that Lucky Spice was not happy about my... decision. The only pony that comes to mind with the guts to even come after me is her. And let me tell you buddy, I can pay you double for what she's paying." Under all that muscle was some brains after all, he was quick to connect the dots and he understood why Roman was even here.

BT then smiled devilishly and awaited an answer, but Roman only answered him with a loud and very unnerving cackle. It was short, but BT knew that Roman had already made up his mind on the offer.

"Sorry, but for these kinds of jobs I don't take money as a reward. No, it's a job for a job."

"So what you sayin' is that you and that old hag are doin' a 'scratch my back' kind of deal? What do you need with her?" BT chuckled. "How 'bout you and I make a deal of our own. I have seen you work Roman, a guy like you could really help my business. And whatever you ask, I can give it."

Roman only pretended to think about his offer. He had a job to do, but no one said anything about having a little fun. "Well, let me hear about it first."

"There's this gal, wearing the prettiest gems around her pretty neck. She lives in the villa west from here. You get what I'm sayin'? Nab that for me, and you can ask anything you want in return."

"Sounds too simple."

"It ain't as easy as it sounds. The villa is right next to a Royal Guard checkpoint and trust me buddy, they don't take kindly to those who don't belong. Not even me."

Roman hummed as he approached the table. The two goons tensed up as he moved. "Well, that sounds fun. But what is so important about this necklace?"

BT smiled even wider. "I knew you'd ask, this necklace was said to be owned by princess Celestia herself from hundreds of years ago. She even confirmed it herself when it resurfaced, but she didn't take it back, instead it went to the daughter of the one who found it. That necklace would certainly give us a good sum of bits in the black market."

Roman had heard enough, with two swift swings, he knocked the two goons out without breaking a sweat. BT gritted his teeth and stood up on his hooves, he was certainly tall, but Roman could easily bring him down. "Sorry Big Tomato, but I wasn't even planning on accepting, but I'll certainly check this necklace out for myself after I finish here."

"B-but I haven't even given you a name you idiot!"

"I have connections, and there is a good chance that the story about the necklace would be in a tabloid or a newspaper. So thanks for giving me my next project." His expression darkened. "Now back to business. Where's Spice's products and her money?"

"Hey, I got thems fair and square! They're mine now, and I won't let some pumpkin head take it from me!" BT cracked his neck with a loud pop. "I'm 'bout to show you how my family takes out the trash."

The thief felt a very imposing presence looming over him from behind. "This guy giving you a problem, boss?" Linguine spoke as he towered over Roman.

Roman sighed. "Guess I'll have to break something more than someone's pride today... Let's go."

Author's Note:

Establishing, establishing, establishing...

Comments

[Hexan Tronic]

NEXT! Let's see how Roman deals with them this time.