Nightmare Moron
“Now let’s see who’s our first...guest is...”
Discord brought out a clipboard and his glasses out off his desk. Looking intensely at his own hand-writing, he quickly realized how terrible it actually was. “Well, this is a bummer, I don’t even wear glasses. Time for plan B.” Throwing the objects haphazardly (which both exploded behind him), he snapped his fingers, allowing his first guest to walk in. “Alright lost villain, you may enter when ready.”
Entering stage left, Princess Luna walked inside the mysterious chambers, her eyes wondering about her new environment. “Where...am I? Last I remember, I just raised the moon and as I was about to enter my chambers I find myself here. I can certainly tell this is no kind of dream, and this familiar sort of magic feels like the work of…”
“Why hello there your majesty! I’m certainly happy to start off with a royal touch!” Discord exclaimed as he bowed. “Then again, you are the first baddie, so this could go either way really.”
“DISCORD?!” Luna readied her magic at the Spirit of Chaos, “Up to your old games again, are you? You best have a good reason to bring me into...wherever I am!”
“Oh don’t get your moon rocks all in a bunch my dear. You’re in my office, all within my little pocket dimension of chaos, and I can assure you that I have nothing but the best intentions this time.”
Luna analyzed her surroundings, looking at the strange environment before her. “Strange, you never showed me your...dimension. To be honest, I’m not very fond of your aesthetics.”
“To each their own I suppose,” he shrugged, “in any case, I brought you here for a great reason, your majesty; an opportunity to better the future of all Equestrians.” Luna’s ears perked up, which prompted him to continue. “You see, with you and Celestia retiring and Princess Twilight soon becoming ruler of Equestria, I took it as my civic duty to assist her in my own...special way. To make sure she’s prepared to take on everything that stands in her way.”
Luna raised her brow. "You want to better the future of Equestria? Considering your reputation, that sounds almost too good to be true. Tell me, how do you plan on bettering our future?”
Discord gave a snide smirk, which went unnoticed by the princess. “I’m glad you asked. I plan on helping our elemental friends by giving them advice on how to deal with future villains who’d pose a threat to Equestria. I know a lot on what makes a baddie tick, and I’ll personally make sure they learn all the old tricks. That way our heroines can easily defeat their would-be adversaries without a fight.”
Luna gave an astonished hum, realizing all the possibilities this could grant the Mane Six. “That...actually sounds wonderful Discord. With the knowledge of our old enemies in our hooves, we can assure a peaceful future. I must admit, I am rather impressed."
“You're very welcome Princess Rather Impressed!"
"...I'll ignore that comment."
Discord then pulled out two reclining chairs and sat down. He gestured his claw, prompting Luna to do the same. "Now then, let's get to the juicy part. I'll need full cooperation from you for the best results."
"Alright then, please tell me what I need to do."
"Oh, it's quite simple really. Tell me, and be honest, do you happen to remember your time as Nightmare Moon?”
Luna tensed up. The mention of “her” brought back memories she tried to repress. Discord immediately saw this. “Don’t worry, your moon majesty, there's no need for a traumatic flashback or any of that. My house is a judge-free home, so you’re welcome to let your memories run rampant.”
She turned away not to face him. She gave it a thought before she took a breath and hesitatingly spoke. “Well, if that’s the case, then of course I remember my time as Nightmare Moon. I remember every regrettable moment that led up to my transformation, and the events that happened when I returned after my thousand year prison.” She gave a small smile as she looked up. “But I remember all the good moments that led to my reformation thanks to those girls. Thanks to all their efforts, I’ve been able to face my own fears and finally have a good night’s sleep. Is that what you wanted to know?”
Discord casually shrugged. “Not really, but it’s helpful. What I was really wondering was if you remember how that terrible plan to stop those ponies went.”
It took a moment for Luna to notice what he just said. “My...my terrible plan?”
“Well of course, my moonlit monarch. Honestly, I’ve never seen a plan so lazily put together. You basically threw a wall in front of them and said, ‘Good luck’.”
“I...I…WHAT!?” Luna didn’t know why, but she felt like her pride was being tarnished, and she didn't like that. “How...dare you draconequus. As Nightmare Moon, I did all I could to make sure those ponies wouldn’t reach the elements! The only reason they’ve won was because their friendship was far more powerful than I.”
Discord scoffed. “Really now? Did you really do all you could as a powerful Alicorn, capable of trapping your more powerful elder sister, incapacitating several guards without a thought, and bringing an endless night to stop six normal ponies who barely knew each other at the time?”
“Then what makes you think I didn’t?”
He gave a snide grin. “That’s where we get to the good part.”
Before Luna could ask, the lights suddenly turned off, making the princess jump out of her chair in a gasp. The lights came back on, and Luna found herself sitting in front of a large projection screen. “What is the meaning of…”
“Why don’t we have a look-see at this.” He suddenly had a remote control in his claw and pressed an arrow-shaped button. The screen then showed a picture of Twilight and her friends in the Everfree Forest, about to fall down a crumbling cliff. “Now I will start off with a complement, breaking a cliff and having your opponents fall to their doom is a great start. I’ll just ignore the fact that you probably forgot that two of them can fly and easily carry their friends.”
“I didn't forget they could fly…” Luna mumbled under her breath. “Wait, how are we looking at this? There was no way to record the events anywhere near the forest, and you were still trapped in stone.”
“Please Luna, I didn't make a pocket dimension where all time and space stopped, then kidnap you here without anyone knowing, to discuss how overpowered I am."
"Wait, what was that first part…?"
"ANYWAYS!” He quickly pressed the button again, skipping ahead to show slides of the girls fighting the manticore. “Now this right here is pretty good. Nothing says ‘Turn back if you know what's good for you’ like sicking an angry manticore on your enemy.”
Luna started to cringe a bit as she watched the Elements fight the manticore. She was surprised that they could hold their own even without the elements. “I guess...Nightmare was rather efficient when it came to crushing her enemies.”
“That’s what I thought too...until I saw this tiny, pathetic detail...” He showed the picture of Fluttershy removing a small thorn from the manticore’s paw. “A thorn...really?”
“Wha-...what’s so wrong about that? An angry manticore is nothing to scoff at. The moment they see their prey, they will destroy everything in their path to get what they want!” She crossed her hooves and glared at the host. “I say a thorn served its purpose well.”
“And here we come to your major villain flaw; you do half the job and get a full smile. You’re a lazy villain!”
“Lazy?!” Luna asked taken aback, “You dare insinuate that the princess of the night was lazy?!”
“I don’t dare insinuate, princess, I AM! Look at this.” He clicked again to show slides of Pinkie laughing at the trees of the Everfree, then of Rarity cutting her tail for the sea-serpent. “Did you seriously think that slightly evil-looking trees were going to scare them off, or a primadonna sea serpent with a terrible sense of facial features?”
Luna looked at the pictures and gave a weak scoff. “Well...obviously my judgement back then was rather...iffy. Besides any normal pony would run with their tails between their legs at the sight of the trees of the Everfree! Though, I will admit, I was hoping the serpent would be more aggro.”
“You couldn't put in a little more effort in your work? Maybe use that all-powerful Alicorn magic to make those trees attack those girls with those sharp branches, or aggravate that serpent to have gone wild on the first living thing it sees? Honestly, it feels like you lowballed your own powers.”
Luna raised an eyebrow in resentment. For some reason, she felt as if her own pride was being tarnished. “And I’m assuming you could’ve done better, huh? Nightmare Moon was feared throughout the land, her name alone strikes fear into the hearts of foals. Unlike you, I don’t need to rely on a wild and quirky gimmick to defeat my opponents.”
“Fine, fine, I guess that’s all understandable, but how about we get to my favorite part? He slid to the next slide, now showing Rainbow Dash confronting the Shadowbolts, trying to convince her to abandon her friends, only to fail. “As good of a plan it was to transform into these edgy pilots and convince Rainbow to join the dark side...I just have one, very minor question to ask.”
“And what would that be…?”
“So...Nightmare Moon had the power to transform into three separate ponies for an extended period of time, right?”
“Correct...her powers allowed me to transform into whatever I wanted. What are you going on about?”
Discord pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Why didn’t you turn into a manticore?”
“I…” Luna paused for a moment as her thoughts rolled back to that moment. “Wait...what?”
“I’m sure you could’ve easily transformed into a manticore or some other big, scary creature, but no you turned into a measly thorn and just hoped that would be enough to tear them apart. INSTEAD OF DOING IT YOURSELF?!?”
“Well, you see, I…” She looked as if she was doing some sort of impossible equation in her mind. Her eyes shifted all over as she attempted her best to find the answer to this conundrum. Then gave up. “That is a good point...”
“You think!?” Discord annoyingly shouted. “Honestly, you practically gave them a bread crumb trail to the elements. If Nightmare Moon actually got off her lazy flank and DID something instead of expecting it, she probably would’ve won!”
Luna looked at Discord confused. “But, isn’t that a good thing? Because Nightmare never used her powers to the fullest extent, Twilight and her friends were able to defeat her and save Equestria.” Luna gave a prideful smile. “Besides, if Nightmare wasn’t able to stop six ponies, then she was never meant to rule in the first place.”
“Mmh, I guess you're right. After all, a good evil ruler should take care of her pests by herself, and not rely on some thorn to do her job.”
“Er...sure Discord. In any case, if we are done here, I’d like to get back to the castle. I have night court soon and I don’t want to be late.”
“Of course. Thanks for your time Princess, I’m sure this information will be very useful.”
“You’re welcome, but before I go, I must make sure of one thing.”
“What is it?”
Luna gave him an accusing glare. “You ARE using this knowledge to assist Princess Twilight Sparkle and further better Equestria’s future, and not just summoning previous criminals just for your own amusement, are you?”
Discord gave a totally-not-over-dramatic scoff. “For my own amusement? Perish the thought.” He snapped his fingers as a spotlight shone on him, and a single violin played a sad tune in the background. “This time, my heart and actions are utterly unclouded; they are all those of justice! For once in my immortal life, I want to make sure Twilight and all of Equestria can finally live in harmony, once and for all!”
Discord glanced back at Luna, hoping that performance all worked. The blank, unamused stare gave him the answer. “You don’t believe me, do you?”
“If it weren't for that obviously fake speech, I probably would’ve been convinced.”
“Fair enough. Oh well, guess it doesn't matter in the long run.”
Luna sighed. “Could you at least make sure you don’t destroy Equestria and find some sort of lesson from all those villains?”
“Well, at least that’s something I can provide with each guest. Probably.”
Luna rolled her eyes as her horn started to spark. “Just don’t make me get my sister down here. We’re done here, Luna out!” With that, she was gone, leaving the draconequus to his lonesome.
Discord shrugged. “Well, at least I have the green light. Time to mess with some social outcasts!”
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Hmmm, I like where this is going. Will follow.
Ok im hooked past villains coming up for a chat with discord to essentially get roasted at being villains fun idea. Niiiccce
A) Teleport the Element rocks to, I dunno, Zebra-land or Griffonstone or that rundown movie place with the talking cat guy (whatever it's called), so they can never be found. Preferably send each stone to a different place.
B) Teleport each mare to a different location, far from Ponyville. You don't give a shit whether their lives are destroyed or not, after all.
C) Send a whole squadron of manticores, hydras, chimeras, ursa majors, etc. to slaughter the mares. At least one of each happens to live around Ponyville, so it wouldn't be too much of a hassle.
D) Put them to sleep, then shred their psyches with horrific nightmares they cannot wake up from. I mean, you do control dreams, don't you? Be like freakin' Darkrai.
E) Use cockatrices, then shatter the statues.
F) Turn them all into oranges or whatever, like Twilight did to that frog (that I don't think she ever turned back...huh), then squish them. Or eat them. Or have their family members unknowingly eat them.