Sunset Flunkey
“Let’s see, who do we have this time?” Discord started, staring at the clipboard. He gave a wide smile as he realized who was next. “Well, isn’t this a first; a villain from that other world filled with those humans. Twilight told me many stories about those creatures with the gangly limbs, lack of magic, and creepy obsession with children's shows with cute doll lines...I might not be accurate with that last part.”
He then clapped twice as his door opened wide. “Oh well, no time to ponder. Lost villain, come on down!”
The faint voice of a teenage girl could be heard through the portal. In a few seconds, the girl stepped into the room, oblivious to her new environment. “I dunno Twilight, it’s been over a year since the Fall Formal and I just want to sit this one out. Yeah, I know I’ve done all this good for CHS, but I guess I don’t feel...comfortable attending it.”
After another few seconds, Sunset gave a sigh. “Look Twi, just go and spend time with the girls, no reason to have me sour the mood. No, I am not being ridiculous! How would you feel if we had another Friendship Games with Crystal Prep? Sorry...that was a low blow. Still...I can’t...just…huh?”
Sunset finally realized the change in setting, having gone from the calm city streets to a strange office with various random knick-knacks, which made her tense up and wonder what kind of Equestrian magic this was...until she saw the smiling new creature who was casually waving at her.
“Yeah Twilight? I’ll have to call you back, I’m going through a tunnel. A tunnel with surprisingly good reception...” Ignoring her friend’s pleas, she hung up the phone and placed it back in her pocket. She longingly stared back at the grinning draconequus. “The Lord of Chaos Discord, I presume?”
“You presume right Sunset Shimmer. I must start by commending you, you’re definitely the most calm guest I’ve had so far. Shouldn’t you be freaking out or cursing and incoherently screeching at the sight of me?”
She shook her head. “Maybe I should, but after dealing with enough powerful magical artifacts and high school drama, you sorta just get used to this kind of stuff. Plus Princess Twilight already gave me the rundown of your reformation, so I knew you weren't anything to really be scared of.”
Discord scoffed, “Well, I guess that’s another thing I can blame her for...” He then brought out his chair and another for Sunset. “Anyways, why don’t we talk for a minute or two? I’m sure you have some time to spare for a little interview.”
Sunset scratched her head. “An immortal deity of disharmony pulls a mere human into a pocket dimension just to chat? Well, it’s a first, but what is this even for? Are you a part-time therapist now?”
“Nope, I’m just your friendly neighborhood draconequus willing to hear out a former baddie. Though, if you’re looking for a therapist, I’m sure I can introduce you to this lovely wolf fellow in Ponyville. His voice is like a symphony for the soul.”
“A talking wolf in Ponyville? Sounds unlikely.”
“Really, that’s where you draw the line? Oh never mind,” he quickly pulled out a chair for Sunset and two cups of tea for themselves, “let’s get to know each other. Despite my immortal status, I do have a soft spot for redemption villains such as yourself. I see that something’s been troubling you for a while, and I see it as my sworn duty to listen to your woefully woes. So how about it, want to shimmy along Shimmer?”
Sunset wondered what this was all about. Twilight told her enough to know Discord was still a massive troll despite the reformation. Still, there was a part of her that felt that if he was willing to listen to her, maybe it’d be nice to vent. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt, right?
Discord nodded as he brought out a small clone of himself who rolled out a bigger tray of teapots and mugs. He poured tea in both cups before giving a bow and disappearing. “Not even a little bit,” he said, gesturing her to sit.
Sunset gave a small hum as she sat down and looked up to the reclining creature. “Well, if you really want to know, Canterlot High is having another Fall Formal, and my friends want me to go with them. Unfortunately for me, the Formal’s also the anniversary of when Princess Twilight stopped me from turning into a she-demon and...trying to take over the world. Still can’t believe I did all that.”
“Ah, yes,” Discord pondered as he pulled out a replica of Twilight’s Element of Magic, “your devilish Fire Princess cosplay when you took the crown, complete with hypnosis and your very own demon entourage. Not your best look, I must say.”
“Tell me about it...” She took the mug of tea and took a sip before continuing. “And now we’re having another one and my friends want me to join them. I’m all for having a good night with my friends, don’t get me wrong, and I know the school forgives me for what I did and would want me to attend, but…”
“You don’t want to go back to the place that reminds you of your past...is that right?”
Sunset looked up to the smiling creature in surprise. “Yeah, exactly. You seem to know a lot about my past, don’t you?”
“Well it’s not like your plan to become a princess and rule Equestria is a secret anymore. Or original,” he then snapped his fingers, and the crown he was holding turned into his remote. “However, the best part of being humbled by the Princess of Friendship is becoming the newest main character. Your own movies, music videos, and rabid fan base? You have a lot to be proud of!”
Sunset gave a confused stare, “Wait, I have what now?”
“Still,” Discord lowered his voice to a saddened tone, ”it seems like you still hold some regrets after all the day-saving you’ve done.”
Sunset looked down. “I, uh…yeah, I do. As much as my friends want me to celebrate with them, it’s kinda hard for me to casually go to the party that reminds you how much of a bitch you were to the whole school.”
“Yes, yes, I suppose that would be the case. A redeemed villain like you would want to avoid any reminder of your past. All the jeering, pointing, and let’s not forget you own league of baddies who’re against your friends.”
“You got that right…”
Discord shook his head. “Well, I for one am proud of your achievements, as should you. In fact, I can prove to you that you have nothing to worry about when it comes to going to that Autumn Amusement. I just have one question.”
“I guess I could give it a try. What’s your question?”
“So all I want to know is...are you stupid?”
The two were just sat there, quietly, the only sound being the wind that somehow blew through the room. It wasn’t until after a long moment of thinking did she thought of the only eloquent response.
“WHAT THE HELL!?”
“What? It was just a question,” Discord responded, ignoring the outburst, “it’s a simple yes or no question: are you stupid?”
Sunset angrily stood up and pointed at the host. “Is this just some kind of joke? Of course I’m not!
“In my defense, you do make it rather difficult to tell. You see, I’ve spent all this time convincing myself that a blast from the Elements of Harmony can make those who regret their actions smarter, allowing them not to make the same mistakes twice.”
“Really?” Sunset asked, a little less pissed than before. “I’m sure Twilight would’ve told me something like that before.”
“It’s just a rumor, and the only excuse I have to justify you having the most idiotic, unorganized, and most baffling evil plan I’ve ever had the displeasure of witnessing. You must be the worst villain I’ve ever seen!”
“The worst?!”
“The WORST! You made those Shadowdolts and Not-So-Glorious look like genocidal dictators, and they had less screen time than you, so what’s your excuse?”
“Oh come on, I wasn’t that bad of a villain, and even though I’d rather not try to defend my bad past, I can say I was at least a threat.”
Discord shot forward to look directly at Sunset. “You wanna make that bet?”
The girl looked back and forth. “Uh...yeah?”
“Very bad choice!” Discord exclaimed, springing back into his own seat. “Well, well, how should we start. Oh but of course!” He clicked his remote and footage of Fluttershy getting hit in the head with the crown before picking it up. “You see, Princess Twilight was really adamant about stealing back her own magic macguffin and leaving the human world...you know, the standard goody-two-shoes stuff. You, on the other hand, had no reason as to not simply bust in the school late at night and steal the thing for yourself.”
Sunset crossed her arms, sitting back down in a huff. “Of course I had a reason! Not only did I not know exactly where it was, but I can’t exactly sneak around a school with janitors or security cameras all over.”
“Didn’t stop Twilight from turning the library into her dream bedroom,” he said, changing the picture.
Sunset could see Twilight and Spike sleeping on a bed made of books, much to her bewilderment. “Wow, really Princess? Ok fine, maybe I could’ve just taken the crown and leave, I’ll give you that, but that doesn't mean I didn’t give Twilight a harsh time.”
“You mean a bad time with your walking high school cliche of an attitude? Because that was some Grade A minor irritation.”
Sunset nearly stood back up in defiance. “My attitude!?”
“Yes, attitude!” He started to show various pictures of Sunset, showing her attacking Fluttershy, Snips and Snails, and just about anyone who got in her way. “What? Did you learn all your intimidation skills from those rich, stuck-up blondies with a mean streak in those teenage musicals? I’m surprised you didn’t wear pink, talk on your phone all day, and make daddy dearest solve your problems.”
Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Are you calling me a stereotype?”
“Well, if you are really curious, take a look at this,” he said, handing her a small document, “check the first trope on your list.”
Sunset took the paper and read it out loud. “Academic alpha bitch, chosen wannabe, your little dog too, bitch in sheep’s clothing, and etcetera etcetera....” She quickly skimmed down the list before throwing it back on the desk. “To be fair, I’m in High School. If I was to be taken serious back then, I had to act like a bully.”
“Aren't you like Twilight’s age? Aren’t you technically an adult?”
She gave a slow, unconvincing shrug. “It makes me more...evil?”
The draconequus raised a brow then pressed a button which activated a glowing sign above him that read, “NOPE!”
Sunset threw up her hands in defeat. “Fine, I guess I didn’t have to be a bully. That propaganda video was more of a low blow anyways. Still, what about everything else I was able to pull off? Destroying the gym and making photo edits to make it so Twilight did it?” She took a second to realize what she just said. “I should not be proud of that...but you get the idea.”
Discord leaned back into his chair as he placed his hands together and took a real deep breath, then exhaled. “Ah yes, that. The crème de la crème of evil schemes. Here have some of this.”
Sunset’s mug suddenly grew got bigger and was instantly filled with more tea. “What’s this for?”
“Because we’re going to be here for a while,” Discord said as he chugged his mug down in an instance. He carefully set it back on the desk then clapped his hands. “Ok, so, let’s break this down a bit. Your evil plan involved you making these photo edits to make it look like Twilight ruined the Fall Formal right?”
“Yeah?” She said taking a sip. “Go on…”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong, it’s a barbaric yet effective set up. I’d ask how you do it, but I’m not one to go into the logistics of photo editing in the human world. Plus it’s not the how that matters, it’s the what that matters.”
Sunset took the mug in her hands. “The what?”
“As in, WHAT were you thinking!?” Discord burst out in rage as his head literally blew up. The room shook as the books from the shelves fell down, as well as the many objects from the walls.
Sunset dropped her mug to cover her own head. She looked up to see the host drink another sip, his head having returned, before continuing. “You mean to tell me that a smart cookie like you thought that printing out pictures from a phone, then doing some arts ‘n’ crafts to make some bad incriminating photos, then destroy the whole gym without a SINGLE person noticing, which is the only impressive thing about this fiasco, mind you. THEN you hand them to a vice-principal who must’ve conveniently forgotten everything you’ve ever did, so Twilight can be disqualified and you can win the crown by default, was the best idea you could come up with? All that overly complicated effort just to be ruined by some Chad who found your evidence in a trash can. YOU PUT THE EVIDENCE IN A TRASH CAN!”
He quickly drank more before continuing, “But the worst part is that even if that did work, what would you do? No Fall Formal means no contest for the crown, which means you might as well just STEAL THE CROWN!”
Sunset, for her part, was thinking about how confident she was in that scheme for Twilight. She did remember telling Snips and Snails that they should’ve restrained themselves when it came to trashing the gym. She almost wondered if she was just really lucky, or everyone were really dumb. “Ok fine, you got me. My plan was shit and I’m bad at planning evil schemes.”
“Yeah I mean, you’ve been there for a few years, and you honestly mean to tell me that you misunderstood what it meant to Cut and Paste when editing a photo? I live in a magical fantasy world and even I know how to Photoshop.”
She rolled her eyes as she reached down to retrieve the mug, which was surprisingly still intact. “I guess I was more focused on humiliating Twilight and getting the crown...but what about when I finally got the crown?”
Sunset looked up and suddenly noticed Discord’s excited grin, and it was at this moment that Sunset knew, she fucked up. “Wait, can we skip that...?”
“Don’t touch that dial kids, because Sunny with a chance of bacon is here with the worst final boss we’ve ever seen!”
Sunset was about to get up and leave, before a desk and a plate of bacon fell in front of her, stopping her in her place. She gave the draconequus an irritated glare. “Come on Discord, do we really need to go over that? You’re starting to sound like I have some sort of...phase or something....” She looked to see a disgusted stare. “What?”
He only responded by forming scrapbook in his claws, opening it and pulling out a picture before throwing it at Sunset’s face.
“Hey!” Was Sunset’s response. She took the picture and saw that it was the form she took when she put on the crown. She gave a repulsed grimace. “Bleh, actually forgot I looked like that.”
“I know, you look like a safe for work succubus...or Halloween costume from the 80s...at least that raccoon angel was a slight step up.” He took back the picture and burned it up in his hands. "Questionable design choices aside, that’s the least of your worries. It’s true that all that power had gone to your head, because it also took out any semblance of that clever and conniving trait you established. Let’s talk about your coveted teenage army,” he paused for a moment to give her the stink-eye, “I repeat, your TEENAGE army.”
Sunset gave a nervous cough as she tried to smile. “Well you know...when life gives you evil demon powers, make evil demon zombies?” She gave up her smile as Discord gave her a bigger scowl. “Well it felt like a good idea....”
“The ONLY time the words ‘teenage army’ should ever be used in a villainous sentence is if the words in between were ‘mutant’ and ‘ninja’...along with whatever animal that won’t get you in trouble with copyrights.”
“But-”
“BUT,” Discord interrupted once more, “let’s just say, for the sake of argument, that your plan did work and our heroines died in a blaze of glory. Sunset wins, ‘Fatality’, Equestria is all yours for the taking. Guess all that’s left is for you to travel through the portal, face off against the royal guards, the rest of the main six, and the other Alicorn Princesses, including a peeved-off Mama Alicorn who thinks you deserve a good spanking. You basically would have lost after you won.”
Sunset felt utterly stunned at this revelation. “That...was something I didn’t think of…”
“Also did you really think a teenager could destroy a statue with a sledgehammer?”
“ALRIGHT, I GET IT!” Sunset yelled in an rage-fueled outburst. She could feel a headache coming around as she sat back in her chair. She took a deep sigh as she looked down towards the floor. “For Celestia’s sake, you must’ve been waiting moons to chastise me like that. Though, I can’t help but feel like I deserve it for all the trouble I pulled, and the idiotic plan I somehow thought was good.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say that...” Discord made everything return to normal in an instant, going back to the chaotic office. “Sure, you’re villainous career was as mediocre and petty as jealous revenge schemes can get, but maybe it’s for the best.”
The now calm girl looked up. “Huh?”
“Sunset Shimmer, silencer of sirens, savior of nerdy counterparts, and the unrequited perfect wife of men and women everywhere. Saving the day from Equestrian magic is no small feat, and your compared to your villain career the hero business is booming. Shame there’s no profit in this.”
Sunset nodded. “Thanks, but me being good doesn't really excuse what I did...wait, what was that about wif-”
“Au contraire, my dear,” Discord snapped his fingers, cutting Sunset off before she could finish her question, as a radio appeared on his desk and a somber acoustic guitar tune started playing. “Sunset, some of us aren’t meant to steal crowns, rule schools, or transform into snaggle-toothed baddies. Some are just troubled souls who need a friend to talk to. Ponies who really aren't doing this for nefarious motives, but to fight back against a world that treated them unfairly.”
“...I used to think Celestia was holding me back from my potential,” she said with a sigh, “that I needed that power to prove myself…”
“Sunset,” Discord solemnly said, “you never needed to be a princess or have a better status symbol, because you have proven yourself to be better than that. You’re a great friend, and an even greater hero, and believe when I say, that’s a better power than any magic crown could’ve ever given you.”
The fiery-haired girl smiled, feeling a tear stroke down her eye before wiping it away. Before she could say anything else, Sunset felt something on her thigh vibrate. She reached into her pocket to pull out her phone, seeing that Twilight was calling her. “What the…”
“Seems you’re friends have impeccable timing don’t you think?” Discord pointed out with a wink. “I don’t suppose you know what to do.”
Sunset hesitated before finally answering the phone and putting it on speaker. “Hello?”
“Oh, finally you answered!” Twilight immediately started. “I’ve been trying to call you back ever since you suddenly hung up. Is everything alright?”
Sunset glanced up at Discord, who just nodded before looking at her phone. “Yeah Twi, really sorry about the sudden hang up, got caught up in the middle of something.”
“Oh, alright then,” there was a quiet pause before Twilight continued.,“well, me and the girls were just about to head to Rarity’s to pick out our outfits. I know you don’t want to go to the formal, but we’d still like it if you came.”
Sunset chuckled. “Actually Twilight, think you could tell Rarity to fix me up a new dress? I think I’ll need it.”
She heard Twilight gasp. “You mean you’re really going?”
“Yup,” Sunset stated proudly, “guess I’ve been overreacting for no reason. Sorry about that.”
“No worries Sunset, we understand. I’m so glad you’ll be going! See you at Rarity’s!”
“You too Twi.” She hung up the phone then looked up to see Discord give out a small applause. “I guess I should thank you Discord. Without you, I’d never have it in me to go to the Fall Formal. Could’ve gone without the sass though.”
Discord started reclining in the air. “That’s called tough love my dear. I’m not the spirit of kindness.”
“True,” the girl stood up from her seat and gathered her things, before walking towards the exit, “well, I better head out so I can get to Rarity’s on time. If I come back to Equestria, I’ll be sure to stop by your place .”
“Thanks, but before you go there’s something missing from all this.”
“What’s that?”
“I need to end on a joke at your expense,” he responded, snapping his fingers as suddenly Sunset found herself covered up to her head in a big glob of ketchup and mustard. “Honestly, I never got the bacon hair thing. That’s clearly the condiment style you’re rocking.”
Disgusted at first, Sunset immediately started laughing as she dug her way out the pile. “I guess at least this’ll make for an interesting story with the girls.” She opened the door and stepped out to the void. “Later, Mr. Therapist.”
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Discord carried out that last joke,
With Relish.
Let me guess... a horny red centaur
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MY MAN!
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And that horny red centaur has a BONE to pick with us
Am I hearing things? Because I'm pretty sure that's a shout to the great Dr. Wolf........ Awesome!
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You heard right!
Thanks for noticing
Funny i thought he would say" be a great hero , cause your bad at the villain business tata." As the joke but this was a pleasently funny at the hair
No but he knows such a pony...who has also learned how to employ tough love.
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Goodnight, everybody!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Platypi! They have poisonous spurs!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Cookaburras!