now I know the real reason why the elements of harmony won't work for the sisters anymore, not because one of them became evil, its because they became the most shallow ponies in existence, like daaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmnnnnnnnnn
It's a little stupid that he doesn't take action now. If he has done something more earlier maybe even Granny would be alive. But nooooooo sitting and doing nothing after getting evidence of sisters plans will fix everything, hell he even got a tip before from Cadenza that something big will happen and what happens............ THEY SEND ASSASSINS He is literally waiting for another death (probably Applebloom) and I'm sure he will only move his ass when Applejack will be kidnapped for some reason.
If I was jack, I focus on watching out for the princesses' next move. And something tells me that they won't show mercy on the apple family from this point on. Its war now.⚔
Also, urge to put the "murder-princesses" in "the boat's"(Scaphism)-torture, rising ... Google it, it's a pretty hideous way to go... Thanks "WTF 101" ...
Please fix the grammar. Just shove the whole thing into grammarly or something, pretty please? I have been waiting for this story to get an editor to help, but that hasn't seemed to have happened yet. I feel the grammar would ruin the read and experience for me, so I have put off reading this for a while. Apologies. There is a group out there that is made especially for editors. Please take some time to find a suitable editor to clean up. It will save you time correcting issues and give us, the readers and potential readers, a better experience. Have a nice day.
I don't get why everyone is annoyed with Celestia and Luna in this. I've seen them act way worse in other stories. It sort of makes sense too. Only male alicorn, used to getting what they want, once in a life time chance, it sort of makes sense they would do this. My only suggestion is to elaborate on it a little more, but still. It's called a fanfic for a reason people!
Celestia and Luna are very out of character here. Going from 0 to 100 real damn fast to where they are ready to kill the Apple family just so they can bump uglies with Jack.
9732034 I'm glad someone can agree with me on two things here, seriously the royal sisters wouldn't try and kill people just to get in someone's pants... blueballs, did you influence them!?!
9732054 No i think it's a case of poor plot conscience. The mc and the rest are true to form but sisters are so wildly out of character with no actual legitimate reason for their actions nor anyone else reacting to their wild behavior
9688911 Because straight up murder is below them. And this maybe used in other stories but those don't do well. Everything points to near canon universe so imagine in canon sisters doing this.
9689105 Dude you really don't get it do you. The world you have here seems to be a bipedal version of canon Equestria with Jack being the wild card. And you are saying it is normal for two peaceful rulers with go for straight up murder and murder of a relative who is connected to the main line of defense!? That the country would ho hum such an act!
ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS!?
You have a good story but what you have done to the sisters is a severe blow to it and I am not the only stating this. You have not remotely given reason for such an OOC act by them.
9745080 And I loved this story till that point. It is literally breaking the story. I get them going semi crazy trying to get his hand but straight up murder crossed the line.
9745092 I agree. I have seen way worse, but you did make a good point on the story having a reason, or that their was at least a warning that the princesses would be more ooc.
9762546 More then one. I rather not have a canceled story but a rewrite and the rewrite solely on the sisters. How they act in this story is WAY out of character. Fix that and I am back to reading this easy.
9778677 No, I'm not rewriting, and I'm going to ask nicely that you stop with the hate. I can take criticism but that not what going on here with you. As they say there a method to my madness.
9779068 It's not hate. I wouldn't keep pressing if it was.
Pm me on what could make the sisters actively kill an innocent mare to get Jack and the town not responding to the murder of their last founding member. Because this is suck a sharp turn that it is causing quite a few readers to crash an burn
9778677 Do you know what fiction is. It is something you can make up. It does not have to fallow the show. If all fanfic did that then they all be the same.
maaaaannnnnn,
now I know the real reason why the elements of harmony won't work for the sisters anymore, not because one of them became evil, its because they became the most shallow ponies in existence, like daaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmnnnnnnnnn
This guy can't catch a break, I feel bad for him.
Also fuck you Luna and Celestia, let the man live his fucking life ya whores!
Celestia and luna You need to stop seducing jack for god sake stop it also more please
It's a little stupid that he doesn't take action now. If he has done something more earlier maybe even Granny would be alive.
But nooooooo sitting and doing nothing after getting evidence of sisters plans will fix everything, hell he even got a tip before from Cadenza that something big will happen and what happens............ THEY SEND ASSASSINS
He is literally waiting for another death (probably Applebloom) and I'm sure he will only move his ass when Applejack will be kidnapped for some reason.
anyone want to take bets how long til karma hits celestia and luna im betting 3 days tops
If I was jack, I focus on watching out for the princesses' next move. And something tells me that they won't show mercy on the apple family from this point on. Its war now.⚔
9673361
well ready the heavy artillery.
it's about to get serious
9673454
Ok, lets not get crazy. Besides, he only has a 44 revolver, and nothing else.
9673583
I can't remember does dynamite exist in the story?
Despite the typos, a decent story.
Also, urge to put the "murder-princesses" in "the boat's"(Scaphism)-torture, rising ... Google it, it's a pretty hideous way to go... Thanks "WTF 101" ...
I got super confused trying to read this it just seems like such a good story but the grammar ruined it for me
More please
That is a very good quote. I got a laugh out of that one!
It had potential, but you dropped the ball with how you played the princesses.
Please fix the grammar. Just shove the whole thing into grammarly or something, pretty please? I have been waiting for this story to get an editor to help, but that hasn't seemed to have happened yet. I feel the grammar would ruin the read and experience for me, so I have put off reading this for a while. Apologies. There is a group out there that is made especially for editors. Please take some time to find a suitable editor to clean up. It will save you time correcting issues and give us, the readers and potential readers, a better experience. Have a nice day.
Editor group: https://www.fimfiction.net/group/97/looking-for-editors
I don't get why everyone is annoyed with Celestia and Luna in this. I've seen them act way worse in other stories. It sort of makes sense too. Only male alicorn, used to getting what they want, once in a life time chance, it sort of makes sense they would do this. My only suggestion is to elaborate on it a little more, but still. It's called a fanfic for a reason people!
9688911
Thank you
9689105
No problem
9688911
And that is enough to turn them from benevolent rulers and protectors into remorseless murderers?
Come on
Celestia and Luna are very out of character here. Going from 0 to 100 real damn fast to where they are ready to kill the Apple family just so they can bump uglies with Jack.
grammar needs work, i could barely understand certain parts of the story but from what i got so far the story's pretty good
9712056
Honestly i like the mc but the portrayal of the sisters really brings my rating down on it along with the butchered grammer.
9732034
I'm glad someone can agree with me on two things here, seriously the royal sisters wouldn't try and kill people just to get in someone's pants... blueballs, did you influence them!?!
9732054
No i think it's a case of poor plot conscience. The mc and the rest are true to form but sisters are so wildly out of character with no actual legitimate reason for their actions nor anyone else reacting to their wild behavior
9685823
Hell the royals
9662964
Fuck the royals.
9688911
Because straight up murder is below them. And this maybe used in other stories but those don't do well. Everything points to near canon universe so imagine in canon sisters doing this.
9689105
Dude you really don't get it do you. The world you have here seems to be a bipedal version of canon Equestria with Jack being the wild card. And you are saying it is normal for two peaceful rulers with go for straight up murder and murder of a relative who is connected to the main line of defense!? That the country would ho hum such an act!
ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS!?
You have a good story but what you have done to the sisters is a severe blow to it and I am not the only stating this. You have not remotely given reason for such an OOC act by them.
9745040
Fair point
9745080
And I loved this story till that point. It is literally breaking the story. I get them going semi crazy trying to get his hand but straight up murder crossed the line.
9745092
I agree. I have seen way worse, but you did make a good point on the story having a reason, or that their was at least a warning that the princesses would be more ooc.
9745501
Exactly. Till an author stated in story otherwise we should assume canon events and thus personality.
This was too sudden and out of left field
dang i was really enjoying the story ...
WHY YOU CANCELED
U canceled just casue someone didnt like not everyone gona like so why bother bending to 1 persons will
9762546
I've been getting pm's too and, I'm sick of it! write this no that, do this no do that.
9762598
Continouse this storie how u originally were u done great so for if they keep it up get the page mod involved for harassment
9762598
If u have anyqeustion u can also contact me on xbox1 my gt is on my profile i have mic aswell
What the heck moonking?! I really liked your alicorn cowboy story!☹
9762546
More then one. I rather not have a canceled story but a rewrite and the rewrite solely on the sisters. How they act in this story is WAY out of character. Fix that and I am back to reading this easy.
9778677
No, I'm not rewriting, and I'm going to ask nicely that you stop with the hate. I can take criticism but that not what going on here with you. As they say there a method to my madness.
9779068
It's not hate. I wouldn't keep pressing if it was.
Pm me on what could make the sisters actively kill an innocent mare to get Jack and the town not responding to the murder of their last founding member. Because this is suck a sharp turn that it is causing quite a few readers to crash an burn
If you are not finishing it. Can you at least tell us for the reason of your madness of tia and Luna killing all the apples just to get in his pants?
I have read 2 stories where the main character meets Button Mash’s mom, and both of them meet her when she’s about to be raped.
9778677
Do you know what fiction is. It is something you can make up. It does not have to fallow the show. If all fanfic did that then they all be the same.
9970646
You Are Speaking The Truth My Friend
9673138
Sadly, the author did this on purpose.
Just one thing, nodding is typically a yes while shaking your head is no.