Chapter Thirteen
Baggage
Hermione wasn't exactly surprised to see her sister fading into the living room with a slight wavering of the air. The melancholy expression she wore was less expected. "Sunset! Are you alright?"
"Huh? Oh yeah, I'm okay. I just remembered some things, learned some others." She looked Hermione dead in the eye and her expression changed into one of determination. "We'll have to be good friends to Harry." She sighed. "He doesn't have anyone else."
"But, his relatives -"
"Are treating him like a parasite!" Sunset sighed again and collapsed on the couch. "He barely gets anything to eat, they told him that his parents, who, by the way, were murdered by the darkest wizard in recorded history, died in a car crash." She snorted. "As if you could get that kind of scar from a car crash. They kept his magic a secret from him all his life, blamed anything that went wrong on him."
Seeing how distraught Sunset was, Hermione wrapped her into a gentle hug. "Why didn't he tell us?"
"He didn't want to. He has, admittedly, good reason to distrust people in general. He only told me when I asked him directly. I saw the signs. I've seen them before. Did you see how small he was, how thin?"
"Malnourishment, of course! How did I not see that?"
"Don't blame yourself, a normal person doesn't consider that. I only recognized it because I've seen this kinda thing before. Child abuse, well, foal abuse isn't a common thing in Equestria. Less than half a case a year, in fact, but every few years it happens, and when it does, it goes straight to Princess Celestia. She's the highest judicial authority. And in cases like that, it falls to her to lay down the law, and to do that she has to look at the evidence. And her student is right there with her. It's one of the hidden downsides of the position."
"Oh Sunset, I didn't know."
"Don't worry about it. If it lets me recognize that kinda thing and put a stop to it ... Well, then I guess it's worth it, isn't it?" She sighed again. "Well, at least we can stay in contact. She reached into her bag and pulled out something Hermione recognized as one of the journals she bought.
"What do you mean?"
"Harry has the other one. I enchanted them on the train ride over. If you write something in one, it appears in the other as well. I have another like it to communicate with Princess Celestia. I'm actually gonna write her later. But we should probably unpack our new stuff first, shouldn't we? I guess you want to check out Flourish and Blot’s tomorrow. And I at least don't want to lug all that stuff around. At least not until I can figure out that featherweight charm. Equestria has nothing like it."
The basic undetectable expansion charm on their student trunks, it seemed, manifested in the form of the trunk having three buckles on the locking plate in the center. Each opened a different compartment, each of which was in turn as wide and tall as the trunk itself, but twice as deep. Not to mention that they shared the same space.
Sunset found this make up mildly confusing as the Equestrian variant of the same charms, provided much less space with the same power but would never need this level of compartmentalization. One could simply reach in and think of what ever they wanted to retrieve and the next moment they would have it in their hand. Or hoof, as it were.
Hermione, used to the same utility from the bag Sunset had enchanted for her, was only slightly less confused. The shrinking and featherweight charms were intriguing to say the least, but difficult to reverse engineer from seeing the enchantments alone. Once the trunks were back to their original size, they began packaging the things they wouldn't need until school directly into them. Their school robes, their potions equipment, and their telescopes were quickly stored in the trunks. The books on Herbology, Potions and magical creatures provisionally followed. Philomena watched from her perch.
Once they had finished, Sunset decided to check in on Harry. Sunset levitated her journal over along with a pen.
Hi Harry.
It only took a few seconds for Harry to answer.
Hey Sunset.
How are you?
I'm fine. Hermione's here too.
How are you doing? Did your relatives treat
you alright?
Oh, I don't know yet, they're a little preoccupied
with Dudley's newest addition right now.
Addition?
Yeah funny that.
Apparently it's a bad idea to insult out Headmaster
where Hagrid can hear. After Uncle Vernon did that,
he gave him a pig tail. He said he wanted to turn him
into a pig, but that didn't quite work. I think they're
kinda freaking out about it. I can hear them up here.
Hermione and Sunset shared a laugh over the mental image.
Funny thing is I could probably fix it in
a few seconds, but they probably wouldn't let me.
Oh they absolutely wouldn't. Hi Hermione by the way.
They just sent me up here once they came home.
I think they're scared of me now. Oh the irony.
Hi Harry, quite the reversal of roles that.
Sunset told me what happened with your family.
I'm so sorry I didn't notice.
It's okay. Nobody does. Ever. I'm still surprised
Sunset did to be honest.
She explained it to me. She'll probably explain it to you too,
but I'll let her decide that. Anyway we really just kinda wanted
to check in on you.
Good night, Harry.
Yes, good night.
Good night to the two of you as well.
See you around.
After looking at the page for a moment longer, Sunset packed the journal back into her bag.
While Hermione went downstairs to check on dinner, Sunset pulled a second journal out of her bag, the symbol on its cover matching that on the flap of the bag. Blowing a bit of dust off the larger, silk bound tome, Sunset flapped it open, turning to the last written page. A bit of guilt stung at her heart when she saw several unanswered messages in a fine, flowing script, some slightly run apart from tears dripping onto them.
Dear Sunset,
Are you there? I hope you're getting this. I can't find you or Philomena,
but I didn't find your journal either, so I'm hoping you took it with you,
wherever you went. Are you two alright?
I'm sorry for what I said, I know I should have worded it better. I'm sorry.
I know I can't just turn back time and undo what I said,
I just got so angry. I shouldn't have snapped like that.
I truly am sorry.
Your loving mentor,
Celestia
Dear Sunset, dear Philomena,
You've been gone a week now, I don't know where you
went, but I hope you're alright.
Sunburst came by today and asked if you were alright.
I couldn't tell him. I know he deserves the truth, but I just couldn't.
I hope I can find you soon. I was hoping it was just another
foalnapping, we're used to those by now.
Sunset couldn't help but chuckle at that. They were indeed. Over the years seventeen separate groups of foalnappers had tried to hold her for ransom. Eight of them she had handily beaten herself and left for the Royal Guard to pick up. The rest had learned that 'The Princess will come for me' was a lot more than an empty threat coming from the Princess' personal Student.
I have no idea where you might be, my student. I know there is
little in Equestria that could become a serious threat to your
safety. But I also know that you won't be found if you don't
want to be. I can only hope that you will come back one day,
my Little Sun.
Love,
Celestia
Tears dropped to the table as Sunset realized just how much pain she had caused her mentor.
Dear Sunset,
It's been nearly a month now. I have a new student. It feels
wrong. It feels like I'm replacing you. I suspect she is bound
to one of the elements. There was an explosion of magic near
Cloudsdale and when it reached Canterlot, her magic surged.
She managed to hatch a dragon egg, grow the infant dragon
to adulthood in seconds, creating a hole in the testing hall in
the process, and turn her parents into cacti before I managed
to curb the surge.
I have some of my guard researching the explosion to see
where it came from and if others were affected similarly. If we
manage a full set of six, we'll know that the elements are
reawakening. I only hope they do before Luna returns
to Equestria.
The filly is a bit older than you are, but she is quite lovely.
Her name is Twilight Sparkle, from the House of the Stars.
Her older brother is a lieutenant in the Guard.
What pains me most is that I have to train her into a weapon
to recover my sister.
I only hope she will forgive me when the time comes.
As I hope you will forgive me, my Little Sun.
Celestia
Dear Sunset,
Three months. That's how long I've been without you.
I've called off the search. I should have done so sooner.
There never was a point, really.
Twilight is coming along nicely. She is a very diligent
little filly and she has a love for books. Well more of an
unhealthy obsession, really. I might have to curb that a
little if it gets too pronounced. Thankfully she is taking
good care of the dragon hatchling. She named him Spike.
Surprisingly he only set the castle on fire twice so far.
His flame control is excellent. For an infant.
I do so wish you would return to us. Cadence misses
you too, you know? And Twilight and you could be
great friends. I only hope you will come back one day,
my Little Sun.
Celestia
Sunset was actually crying now. She hadn't realized how badly she had hurt her mentor. And she wasn't even the only one. There were others that had cared about her. They hadn't been the loving, caring family she had always wanted, but they had cared for her deeply none the less. Having heard her sobs, Hermione came rushing into the room, before she could ask what had happened, Sunset silently pointed at the book. Following her gaze, Sunset watched as she read the messages one by one, until she arrived at the last one. That one they read together.
Dear Sunset,
It's been four and a half months now. Twilight managed
to teleport today. It was short range, granted, but still she
managed from one end of the castle to the other.
The two looked at each other, both sharing the same thought, having mentally done the math and come to the same conclusion. This latest entry couldn't be more than a few days old. And this Twilight had managed to learn teleportation just as fast as Hermione had, faster even. Skilled and diligent indeed.
I don't know if you will ever read these messages. I don't
know if you will ever receive them or even if you are still alive.
But I am convinced that you are. Anything else is too painful
to consider. Given that she has taken your place at my side,
I feel it only fair that I keep you updated on her progress.
I've told Sunburst the truth now. He didn't like it at all.
He wasn't happy with me. I can't blame him. Neither am I.
If you ever read these messages, I hope you find it within
yourself to forgive me. Know that whatever you may have done,
I have forgiven long ago. I only want to see you again.
To know that you're alright.
I hope to hear from you, my Little Sun.
Whatever you may have done, I shall forgive,
If only you will forgive me in turn.
I miss you.
Celestia
"I have to write her." Tears fled as determination burned bright. Hermione simply nodded, floating over a pen in her pale green aura. Sunset took it in her own, shaky teal aura only to grab it with her hand when she couldn't keep it stable. "Here we go. Been a while since I've written these words. Far too long really."
Dear Princess Celestia,
Heavy man, real heavy. Mayhap we can get Celestia's side of the story for this next bit? C'mon, you know you want to...
heh.... what a note to end this chapter on. we'll make an artist outta you yet
Congrats on the feature! Is this the first time?
9530125
The second actually. And thanks.
Question about the timeline here. Is this set in the standard HP timeline of being in the 90's? Because if it is I don't see how Vernon would have a cell phone.
9530155
What gave you the indication that they did?
9530169
This right here.
Edit: I did look it up though and they did in fact have cellphones back in 91' so my point is rather moot anyway.
Heartfelt moment there. Interesting how it comes across, even with those small messages, that Celestia only started teaching Twilight because she needs, in her words, a weapon against her sister. And how she seems to consider Sunset like a daughter.
9530182
To be fair, I did check in chapter 13, where FimFiction logged your comment, I didn't think to check chapter twelve.
9530187
I just thought about asking, we got to discussing it a bit in one of my discord chats. So I thought I would ask. So we can assume it is the regular timeline then?
9530193
It is. Specifically, chapters nine through fourteen are set on the thirty-first of July nineteen-ninety-one.
9529835 wrote : "The first one isn't wrong as it is"
I'm pretty sure "Statue" needs capitalizing. Like you would capitalize "Chicago". It's the name of something/somewhere important.
---
9529862 wrote : "The first one is fine as is"
First one: "Minerva McGonnagall had just finished teaching her least class of the day."
So McGonnagal doesn't think very much of the subject she teaches? Wow. Kinda makes her a lousy teacher, doesn't it?
9530565
I didn't notice that part, I only saw the change from 'Castle Hogwarts' to 'Hogwarts castle'.
9530572
Actually, what Sunset does here, is neither Equestrian transformative magic, nor a true animagus. It is similar to both, but it isn't truly like either.
Both of those things involve assuming a shape that is unfamiliar to you, the animagus especially becomes much easier after first assuming the alternate shape, something that Sunset did when she went through the mirror, she was changing pack to a shape that she was used to for years. Beyond that, her ability to change like this is, in fact, a side effect of the dimensional travel as you shall see in due time.
Just finished reading the whole thing. Alright. Here's some more corrections now.
@@@
Chapter 4
A determination to conquer every challenge this world could trow at her.
should be
"A determination to conquer every challenge this world could throw at her."
---
It was the sly expression that meant that Sunset knew something, and the she was about to teach.
should be
"It was the sly expression that meant that Sunset knew something, and that she was about to teach it."
---
Sunset cast quick spell on her hooves
should be
"Sunset cast a quick spell on her hooves"
---
Chapter 5
when Philomena took of off Dan's shoulder
should be
"when Philomena took herself off of Dan's shoulder"
---
pointing a hood to the girl behind her
should be
"pointing a hoof to the girl behind her"
Unless Sunset somehow has the power to scoop up an entire neighborhood and point it.^_^
---
That was just a monitoring spell," she explained quietly, "don't worry, I'm fine, and so will she.
should be
"That was just a monitoring spell," she explained quietly. "Don't worry, I'm fine. And she'll be fine too."
---
Minerva McGonnagall watched the train snake its way out of Hogsmeade station.
should be
"Minerva McGonnagall watched the train make its way out of Hogsmeade station."
---
Chapter 7
Emma and Dan went to work the clinic.
should be
"Emma and Dan went to work at the clinic."
---
Guess I was awake too late tonight.
should be
"Guess I was awake too late last night."
or
"Guess I stayed awake too late last night."
or
"Guess I was up too late last night."
or
"Guess I stayed up too late last night."
---
Chapter 10
the Emma and Dan proceeded to load five galleons
should be
"then Emma and Dan proceeded to load five galleons"
---
Chapter 11
Well, I can put a whole host of rune charms on them, but I can add the four basic ones for a gallon per trunk.
should be
"Well, I can't put a whole host of rune charms on them, but I can add the four basic ones for a galleon per trunk."
---
The shop was small and empty safe for a small, spindly chair that didn't look entirely stable and rows upon rows of shelves.
should be
"The shop was small and empty, save for a small and spindly chair that didn't look entirely stable. and rows upon rows of shelves."
---
The entirety of the walls, safe for two doors was covered in shelves as well, stacked to the ceiling with long, narrow boxes.
should be
"The entirety of the walls, save for two doors, was covered in shelves as well. And stacked to the ceiling with long, narrow boxes."
---
Chapter 12
And he offered me to carry her and let him lug around the books
should be
"And he offered to let me carry her, and let him lug around the books," Dan added while looking a little sheepish.
---
Chapter 13
little sun
should be
Little Sun
(It's Celestia's nickname for Sunset. You always capitalize nicknames y'know. It's a Name. Not capitalizing "Little Sun" would be like Shining saying "Hey there, twily.")
@@@
Hope that that helps you in your fic. I'm really enjoying your fic so far.^_^ Is Sunburst going to get in touch with Starlight Glimmer before she goes villain? Because that would be a nice butterfly there.^_^ What with all the butterflies that are happening right now.^_^
The only part of your fic I don't like right now is that you didn't make Sunset Celestia's biological daughter.
Well, there are other fics to read for that.
9530618
Okay, I've applied all the corrections where your assessments were correct, now let me point out those were they weren't, for future reference, in case you want to come back to do more of this.
'that she was about to teach' doesn't need an 'it'. It can easily just refer to the act of teaching without a specific subject, and I find it sounds better witout it.
I did indeed get off and of mixed up there, but Philomena didn't take herself of off dan's shoulder than a plane takes itself of off the runway, 'to take of' is a phrase.
I did indeed mean hoof and not hood, but hood could just as well mean the piece of clothing
'and so will she' is perfectly okay, especially in dialogue, it get's the same point across and it's far less clunky
It actually is 'can put a whole host of rune charms' he is implying that he can do it, but it would cost more
As far as the rest goes,
Perhaps he will, perhaps he won't, he'd have to meet back up with Sunset again, first of all.
And no, Celestia isn't Sunset's biological mother. Though I do know of a fic where Sunset is the daughter of Celestia and Philomena ...
9530650
Link to that fic please?
9530681
Careful though, it's a long one ... and has a bit of a different tone than this one ...
here you go ...
9530684
Thank you now!^_^
9530690
Have fun ...
The feels, so many feels.
9527506
Read it and laughed and laughed.
9530125
It didn't get featured again. The first seven spots on the featured list are for newly featured stories. The last three are for stories that were featured already but have been updated.
9530754 wrote:
The feels, so many feels.
---
I agree, totally.
That provoked feels from me. I felt that. I almost cried.
I may be soulless, but I'm not heartless y'know.
9531407
What about when you don't have a soul though?
9531433
Then there’s nothing to fit to, and you begin to fall apart. Classic example: Undead. Specifically, Zombies. Granted the lore has ways to prevent “falling apart” a la Lich, but it involves making something that takes the place of the soul, or contains it a la Phylactery.
In any of these cases, changing becomes extremely difficult, because there’s nothing to return to, nothing to remember, and because you’re no longer as ”malleable” per se.
This is a good story, one of the better ones of it’s kind. I’m eager to read more!
9531510
Well ... more is coming in about three hours ...
9531541
Yay~!
9531541
Is that a repeat offset of 24hrs? Or just for the next chapter
9531653
I attempt to publish new chapters daily at 6PM CET.
I just realised Sunset can now spy on Harry - which means the boy has no privacy whatsoever, especially since it seems he cannot tell when Sunset's doing so.
That's just...weird, unethical, and (should be) illegal. Don't people have a right to privacy? Sure, it'd be good if Vernon or Dudley were to beat Harry up in the house (...at least as long as it can be admitted as evidence, which is doubtful), but the invasion of privacy aspect is worrying.
They ended up flash-fried?
9537756
No No Nononono!!!
They only got roasted
(I'm not apologizing)
9543412
They should just be glad she didn't say "Mr. Black is coming for me." Far more concerning. The last time someone incurred his wrath the coroner had to collect them with a mop. He was in there for 2 to 5 minutes. Even that is child's play compared to what he did to Atlantis.
Those letters from Celestia are heart-breaking. I'm really glad that Sunset decided to check the journal.
I think the reason I'm so comfortable about Sunset being so powerful is that she is set up perfectly to be a mentor to other students, like a version of Celestia.
While hopefully dealing with her own problems, of course.
9684974
Yeah, everyone talks about “How powerful Sunset is” You forget, she started her training at age 4, so she’s already HAD 7 years of school. Unlike her fellow students, she didn’t start at age 11. She ought to be compared to graduates not the beginners.
9766029
The problem is that being OP is the only thing Sunset has going for her as a character, she doesn't really have any kind of personality, defining character traits or even a compelling arc within her own story (outside of a brief one in the first act) to speak of, she's just the OP character. At least if you made her more average you could write about her struggling to learn unfamiliar magic and dealing with not being the best at magic for the first time in her life but instead, you just have her being the best at everything which hardly makes for an interesting character.
9768012
She has a personality, it’s just subtle
It was interesting to read Celestia's messages and I believe that sadly Sunburst's concern won't sit well with Starlight if she's aware of it since she would claim that she needs Sunburst far more than anypony.