Chapter Five
Medical Marvels
When Emma and Dan Granger opened the door to their house, they found it unusually quiet. They were just about to call out to Hermione and Sunset when Philomena came gliding down the corridor. She landed on Dan's shoulder, spreading her wings and pressing a primary feather over each of their lips. It was clear what she meant.
The two had long since accepted that, while she was unable to speak, Philomena was doubtlessly a highly intelligent being. As such they didn't ask questions when Philomena took off of Dan's shoulder and disappeared down the hallway and up the stairs, they simply took off their shoes and followed her up, seeing her waiting for them, hovering in mid-air next to the door to Hermione's room. With a quiet trill and a powerful flap of her wings, the phoenix flew into the room, Dan and Emma behind her.
They saw Hermione curled up on her bed, Sunset clutched to her chest. Their daughter's friend was once more in her native form, a bead of teal light at the tip of her horn. At a soft trill from Philomena she looked up and opened her eyes. When the phoenix, perched on one of the bed posts, rocked her head to the side, Sunset turned to the door.
When she turned to face them, they saw that where her left eye should have been, there was only an opaque teal glow. As they gasped, Sunset immediately made shushing motions, pointing a hoof to the girl behind her, before gesturing for them to come closer. The light faded, letting her eye shine through once more, only the bead on her horn remained.
"That was just a monitoring spell," she explained quietly. "Don't worry, I'm fine, and so will she."
"What happened?"
Sunset's eyes met Emma's and with a sigh, she began to explain.
When she finished, both parents were stunned silent for a moment. "How long?" Dan finally managed.
"About three and a half hours now. Give her another half an hour, give or take, and she'll be back on her feet. I've already canceled my sleeping spell, but she hasn't woken up yet. I don't think she'll be doing much thinking tonight, but she'll be all fine by tomorrow morning."
Emma looked over her daughter in worry. "Are you sure this is wise?"
Sunset nodded solemnly. "I've gone through it myself. It's painful, but it's worth it. I haven't come to regret it, and I doubt she will either. The restructuring is almost done. I'll keep watch. We'll be down in half an hour." With that her eye lit up once more and she turned back to Hermione, once more curling up against her.
Emma and Dan shared a nod and left the room. Careful to avoid any unnecessary noise, they left Sunset and Philomena to their silent vigil.
The soft warmth in her arms, told Hermione that Sunset was curled up in her arms. She wasn't quite sure what was going on, but she knew that her head felt sore. She cracked an eye open to a teal glow. The glow quickly faded and resolved into an image of Sunset's face.
"Good evening," the tiny unicorn greeted with a sly smirk. "I'd ask if you slept well, but I know that that would be a clear 'No', so I won't bother. If my nose isn't mistaken, I think your mom should have dinner ready any minute. Come."
With that she leapt off the bed, her hooves not making a noise on the floor, and quickly assumed her human form. Rubbing her eyes, Hermione followed, getting up out of bed, as her memory returned, helpfully supplying why she felt so terrible, and informing her that she had felt terrible earlier and what she felt now was but a minor discomfort in comparison.
Putting her shoes back on, she followed Sunset out the door and made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen. There she found her parents, both immediately asking how she felt. Once she had allayed their concerns, they both smiled.
"You look like you could use a coffee," Emma joked.
"She could, actually," Sunset pointed out from where she was leaning against a wall, reading yet another book. "At this point, it's one of the few things that help with the headache."
"Oh. I'll make some then." As Emma got to work, Sunset put down her book – a book on advanced medical magic, Hermione noted – and came over to hug the girl.
《You're doing great,》she quietly spoke in Equestrian. 《You're past the worst now. By tomorrow morning, you'll have only the benefits left to enjoy.》
Hermione returned the hug, answering in kind. 《That's good to know.》She held the hug for a few more moments, before she spoke again. 《Thank you ... sis.》
Sunset stiffened slightly at the word, but relaxed after only a moment. 《You're welcome. And ... thank you too ... sis.》 With that she released the hug, and sat down at the table. Hermione followed moments later.
Another week passed, and Hermione often found Sunset carefully reading in the book on medical magic she had seen her with, usually with a thoughtful expression. On Friday evening, Sunset joined them in front of the TV. Emma and Dan didn't notice, but Hermione saw Sunset's eyes light up as she looked over her parents. She wanted to question it, but she trusted Sunset enough to not interrupt the movie. Watching TV, she forgot about it and didn't ask afterward either.
It was at breakfast the next morning, Saturday eight weeks after Sunset's arrival, when their magical guest finally revealed what she had been up to. She turned to Emma and Dan, sat across the table from her and Hermione, and asked a single question.
"Would you like to be able to use magic?"
They both stared at her for a few moments before Emma found her voice again. "I guess it would be nice, but we can't, so it isn't really worth worrying about, is it?"
"Well, maybe. But I may have a way to change that. I did some scans of you, from what I can tell, the reason you two can't channel magic is that your thaumic channels are blocked. I have a book on advanced Equestrian medical magic with me. It mentions that condition. It's called Void Star Syndrome, something that foals are occasionally born with in areas with low ambient magic.
"You see, the ambient magical field in Equestria is much stronger than the one here, but it isn't homogenous in either world, and there are places in Equestria where it's barely stronger than it is here. Genetics do play a role, but it is a proven fact that the ambient magic during prenatal development is a deciding factor in determining magical ability."
She took a bite of her jam toast to give the Grangers a moment to digest that information. "But that's neither here nor there. The important part is that there is a therapy that can correct this condition. And I've been reading up on how to do it. It's a long process. Weekly or biweekly sessions for half a year or so, but it can clear up the blockage."
Emma and Dan simply stared at her. Finally it was Hermione who spoke up. "So you're saying you could help them be able to use magic?"
"Essentially, yeah."
Finally Dan turned to his wife. "Well, I have to go take care of the clinic, but if you want, then go for it honey."
Emma looked to be lost in thought. Finally, she nodded. "Yeah, I've seen what you two can do with magic. That's just too great a chance to pass up. Let me just take care of the dishes first."
"Don't worry about it mum, I'll take care of them. You go ahead."
With a shaky nod, Emma followed Sunset out of the kitchen.
Hermione got to work, first placing the leftover food back in the fridge and the cupboards, then using a few quick spells to clean the dishes and levitating them back to where they belonged as well. Finally, a few more quick spells cleaned the table of any remaining breadcrumbs and returned the toaster to its place on the shelves.
While it only took a minute or so, the entire process did take longer than it normally would as Hermione kept getting distracted by pulses of power from the adjacent living room. Once she was done, she decided to investigate.
She was quite intrigued by the scene she saw. Her mother was sat in a comfortable armchair, while Sunset was sat on the table before her, once more a unicorn. Her eyes were faintly aglow with magic, focused onto a single spot on Emma's body. After a moment, her horn pulsed with power, then dimmed again, and her eyes moved onto the next spot. Every ten seconds or so a new pulse of power radiated from the little unicorn, every time, Emma scrunched up her face a little. From her expression, Hermione deduced that whatever Sunset was doing created a rather ticklish feeling.
Using a spell Sunset had recently taught her, Hermione set her own eyes alight with pale green magic. Immediately she saw a whole host of things that were normally hidden from her, patterns woven into the walls, the ceiling and floor, the windows, some of the furniture and even through the air in some places. Having seen them before, Hermione recognized them as the wards Sunset had placed around the house and property.
Not bothered by the wispy lines and symbols, Hermione refocused on her mother and Sunset, she recognized the spell in Sunset's eyes as a more advanced version of the one she was using herself. It was like comparing a simple microphone to a sonar system, Hermione was simply watching, whereas Sunset was actively sending waves of magic to map out her mother's thaumic pathways.
The spell in her horn was a totally different beast. It was little more than a carefully focused release of arcane energy, walking up behind Sunset, Hermione saw the pathways in her mother's body herself, lines of a pale teal, flooded with Sunset's magic. But they were interrupted, dark spots broke up the flowing lines, hundreds, maybe thousands of them all throughout Emma's body, every time Sunset's horn pulsed, one of them lit up a bright teal.
Focusing more closely on one of the glowing blockages, Hermione saw that Sunset's magic was slowly seeping into it, like water into a sponge.
For nearly half an hour, she watched as Sunset focused on point after point after point, setting them aglow with her magic one by one. Finally she jumped off the table and walked around the table from several directions, looking to see if there was a blockage she had missed. She jumped back onto the table, her horn pulsed one more time, a final point lit up, then the glow faded from both her eyes and her horn and she layed down and curled up, resting her head on her tail.
"There," she said tiredly, "done. We'll let that work its way in for a few days, then we'll do this again." With an adorable yawn she closed her eyes and soon began to snore softly.
Emma got up and chuckled slightly, scooping Sunset up from the hardwood table and placing her down on the much softer couch. "With how adult she always acts, I sometimes forget how young she really is." She smiled softly and turned to her daughter, taking note of her glowing eyes. "You watched all this, didn't you?"
Hermione followed her mother out of the room. "Yeah, quite impressive really. I understand why she got so tired. That took a lot of magic and mental focus. I can see why that would take a lot out of her."
"What exactly did she do?"
"She pushed her magic into the blockages in your thaumic pathways, I think it's supposed to act like a solvent. Y'know, to soften them up, a little more every time, until they melt away completely and your magic can flow freely."
"She really is something."
"That she is."
Emma watched as her daughter sat down and closed her eyes. It was clear that she was reading one of the books she had memorized earlier. She saw that a gentle smile graced her lips.
The day the little pony had tumbled out of the bathroom mirror, their lives had been turned upside down. Their daughter used magic now, she had found a friend, a sister in all but blood, one who was happy to both teach her and learn from her.
The two elder Grangers didn't spend nearly as much time with Sunset as Hermione did, but they too had grown close to her. With her help, Emma might be able to use magic before long. That alone was immense. The little unicorn had, quite literally, brought magic to their lives. Emma was only waiting to see how she would next surprise them.
From a window in one of the towers of Castle Hogwarts, Minerva McGonagall watched the train snake its way out of Hogsmeade station. There it was, the students were out on their Easter holidays. With that done, the time had come for her to start her little investigation. Albus and Filius had promised to cover for her, taking care of her duties while she was observing the mysterious new student.
Half an hour later, the Transfiguration professor stepped through the large gates in the walls surrounding the castle, pulling them closed behind her.
"Now then, to see what's the matter with our mysterious new student. Where did you come from, Sunset Shimmer?"
With a quiet 'plop', the witch disappeared.
I really like this story. I love sunset shimmer at hogwarts stories like this because there's so much juicy potential for character exploration, growth, and action.
There does seem to be something missing from this story so far. And I know that you said you've already written through the sorting and may not be able to/want to change things, but I wanted to bring to your attention that Sunset Shimmer is not very challenged by her situation:
These may not be, and probably are not, the case as you envisioned her, but there seems to be relatively little focus on the conflict or struggle compared to the focus on the solution.
For example, in this chapter, Sunset begins therapy to remove the blocks on Emma's magic. She seems pretty confident her treatment will work, and I have a hunch it will. We are told that she did a week of research in her book and one experiment to determine if her research applied.
I like to research, and reading about the success of researchers, but I also like to see how researchers arrive at a conclusion when reading a story about them. An initial observation that triggers Sunset's research into the blockages. Sunset formulating her hypothesis and performing the experiment. An "aha" moment where Sunset's confidence in the treatment peaks. Interactions between Hermione and Sunset could reveal these moments.
I like this story. It has captured my interest and I am excited to see it grow as a story. I hope that you find this critique well.
9514560
Outside of the fact that you, like many I might add, don't seem to quite understand what a mary sue is (for which I would like to refer you to this video), I thank you for this critique. However, Sunset didn't really do research in this chapter, she read a book and found a nearby situation to match one of the ones described in said book. She thusly identified it as a medical condition and moved to apply the respective treatment.
I would like to point out that the story thus far, and, in fact, the story as far as I have it currently written, has found relatively little actual adversity. That will change as the story and characters develop, but for the time being the stakes are relatively low. I did say this story was slow to start.
I should perhaps also mention that this story will still be relatively close to Harry Potter book one (which is in part why it shares the same name), but later stories, particularly part three and onward, will go significantly further off the rails.
Well done,
Now I have three HP cross overs that I'm following.
Oh well.
As for the story so far, very well done. A well deserved thumbs up and new follower for you.
The Monk
9514688
Yes, Sunset is Sunburst's younger sister. As for the guardianship, that is part of her position as Student of the Sun.
Sunset can "fix" squibs?!? Ok, on top of giving eidetic memory to people can can make Squibs into full witches and wizards... if any of this gets out she is going to be hunted by EVERYONE for her power and spells!
Why do I get the sinking feeling that Fudge, if he ever finds out about just what she really is, is going to try to control her as a magic "animal" and not a person?
9514800
I cannot deny that that absolutely sounds like something he would try to do.
9514935
Would he? I know Fudge can be a bit of an ass but he wasn't that bad.
9515015
Let's consider a few things. First, he has been shown to be incredibly opportunistic, especially in the later books. This early, I suspect a disapproving glare from Dumbledore would likely be enough to get him to back down, but later?
Second, he employs Dolores Umbridge, nuff said.
Third, the wizarding world at large is incredibly backwards in that regard, just look at the way they treat, goblins, centaurs, house elves and the like. All sentient beings with magic of their own, yet they treat them like second class beings. (I will admit, most of them have the same superiority complex but that is beside the point.)
9515015
He would if it made himself look good. Add the fact that Lucius Malfoy would be whispering in his ear, Fudge would not think twice about doing so.
Then there's the fact that Sunset's default form is that of a unicorn, a magical "animal". And the wizarding world takes a dim view on anything that isn't human.
nice work.
9515023
9515033
I'm just saying he's not evil. At worse he's a spineless politician and he never does anything nearly as bad as the death eaters. I just think it's silly that he'd be okay with enslaving anyone he just isn't that malicious. At worst he might be used by those who do want her.
Keep in mind he only wound up using Umbridge because she, like others, took advantage of his paranoia and insecurities to get what she wanted.
While Fudge isn't the best person he certainly isn't as bad as some make him out to be.
Also don't forget that unicorns are one of the few magical creatures greatly respected by wizards.
9515055
Greatly respected, yes, for their beauty and grace, but not considered equal to wizards.
Fudge is spineless, greedy, opportunistic and complacent, in effect, he combines the worst traits of the stereotypical politician with a good helping of bumbling fool. He isn't much of a threat on his own, but with others interfering ... And Malfoy and Umbridge are there.
Regardless, we'll see
9515081
Fudge is all about being popular most wizards won't be okay with any harm coming to a unicorn and Fudge will never do anything he knows will make him unpopular.
9514587
I did some research and I found that you are correct. I edited my comment accordingly.
9515084
That, I cannot deny.
9515084
Who said anything about harm? But this Unicorn can "fix" squibs. It doesn't hurt her, only makes her tired, and it's not like she needs anything, it's only an animal after all.
With the spin job they tried on Harry, you can't tell me they wouldn't try that on Sunset. Keep the press from saying anything about her being able to speak, and use memory charms on her clients so they don't remember.
Would it work? I doubt it, but I wouldn't put it past Fudge and his government to try as magical nonhumans don't seem to have near as many rights.
It's short sited, but that's Fudge, and his deatheater money backed policy. Sunset might be able to teach them how to do it as the hospital, but the healers might not have he power to pull it off...
9515668
They might look down on Non-humans but they don't actively screw them over they know better than that after the goblin rebellions. Seriously people blow the wizard's prejudice way out of proportion it's more like how people treated minorities back then. And again Fudge was never that bad (ignoring book five which was when he was at his most paranoid and desperate), he never seeks out to be actively cruel or malicious and while others might try to manipulate him I don't see Fudge doing anything bad towards a child especially a unicorn. If anything he would treat her like he did Harry, attempt to get in her good graces so he can use her to boost his own popularity.
Besides it's not like they'd ever find out she's non-human anyways they'd just assume she was a skilled Animagus.
So, should we be looking forward to a slightly less grouchy Filch?
Off to a decent start so far. It's moving along at a decent clip, and I'll be interested to see what McGonnagall finds, and how Sunset reacts to the existence of Hogwarts. That said, there are two issues that are causing me some concern.
Everyone is extraordinarily passive in this story, to the point that their personalities are kind of flat. Especially Emma and Dan. When they came home to find that Sunset, who despite her intelligence is still 11 years old, was essentially operating on their daughter's head while they were gone, there needed to be more than mild concern. It makes them feel like non-entities in the story when they should be key characters in the pre-Hogwarts narrative.
And then there's Sunset, whose I'm finding more than a little OP with regards to MLP, much less HP. It's easy enough to compare her to Twilight or to herself in EQG and see some major discrepancies, but setting that aside her spells and abilities are still a bit hard to swallow. An obscure spell that gives someone a photographic memory? Where did she find it and how is it obscure? That's the kind of thing that wouldn't just go away unless there was something seriously wrong with it. Teleportation spells that span thousands of miles? I can think of a few times something like that would have been useful, especially if an magic-anemic adolescent can cast it. Not to mention all of the perception-altering spells that she's throwing everywhere.
She's not a Mary Sue, but she also doesn't really fit in either of the two worlds that make up this story, and I finding myself wondering if she won't tread in Mary Sue's shoes later on in the story.
I'm surprised the kids didn't get in trouble with the parents for essentially performing brain surgery without permission. Despite the benefits, most responsible parents would ground them or something at the very least. They might be happy for their daughter, but still set some rules going forward.
9825984
Yeah well, the general rule of this fic seems to be that Sunset can do whatever she wants without consequence.
a-and this got straight into Mary Sue territory. Being overpowered and being Mary Sue are two different things, and this is the latter.
9868964
Not really, from what I can tell this is common Equestrian knowledge that any pony doctor would know so it's more poneis are OP beyond OP.
9875490
Not necessarily, it feels like a case of different effects of circumstances changing perspectives. There are a few key differences between the world here and this version of Equestria, namely ponies but more importantly magic. Equestria's magic field is described as much much stronger then the Harry Potter worlds. Thus changing how life itself developes. Instead of some creatures showing magic, and those that don't being accepted as meant that way. While on the other end we have everything showing magic in some form, and those that don't being rare enough to have been seen as anomalous and eventually curable. It’s really all in the eye of the beholder as previously stated.
9868964
It is actually weaker than the source inspiration. The author specifically called out the fanfic "Magic School Days" as one of his inspirations for this fic, and the whole "muggles just need their magic cleaned out to use it" is a plot point currently waiting for the other shoe to drop in that fic. Unlike this fic however in "Magic School Days" the fix is so easy that Twilight and Princess Celestia have done it without even considering it anything worth noting, not the months long and power intensive medical procedure that it is in this fic.
9515055
He may not be evil himself in isolation. But he’s bought and payed for by those with evil intentions (namely Malfoy)
10314086
That's what I said, at worst he's an easily manipulated pawn but he wouldn't do anything actively malicious outside of when he was at his most paranoid in book 5.