Percy and the Trousers
It was a cold winter’s morning on the Island of Sodor, and the wind was bitter, whistling through the air with reckless abandon. The ground was hard as well, but one constant that could be heard was Thomas and Percy grumbling whilst Twilight and Pinkie Pie tried to keep themselves warm.
“All I want is my fire lighting quicker!” Thomas exclaimed. “It’s cold, and I’m cold. It takes so long to warm an engine up!”
“The cold woke us up early, that’s all,” Percy said. “Nothing to it, really.”
The cold air continued to blow and whirl around, blowing snow onto the two engines as it did so.
“How about we talk about something else?” suggested Percy.
“I know!” Pinkie Pie cried. “Why not sun and summer?” Just then, she launched into an impromptu musical number, complete with music coming from nowhere;
“Come on everybody smile, smile, smile!
Fill my heart up with sunshine, sunshine;
All I really need's a smile, smile, smile,
From these happy friends of mine!”
“Thank you, Pinkie,” said Thomas, “but I still think we’ll look ridiculous when our funnels become icicles.”
“They won't become icicles because that’s scientifically impossible,” Twilight replied. “Icicles, as the name suggests, are made of ice, which is frozen water. Funnels, on the other hand, are made of metal, so it won’t become an icicle.”
“It was a figure of speech,” Thomas sighed.
“Besides, talking about it won’t be productive,” Percy sighed. “I’m with Pinkie here; why not talk about warm things like summer sun, and steam, and-”
“Firelighters,” Thomas sighed.
Twilight gave him a glare. “Thomas, I have already lit your fire, and complaining about it is not going to make it heat up faster. Now please change the subject.”
“Scarves!” Percy suddenly exclaimed, quite out of character with the conversation that had just passed.
“Scarves?” asked Pinkie Pie.
“Scarves?” asked Twilight.
“Scarves?” asked Thomas. “That's what you need Percy; a nice woolly scarf around your smokebox!”
Percy didn’t realise that Thomas was joking, and so thought happily about that topic until his boiler had raised enough steam pressure that he could get on his way. And that scard occupied most of his thoughts from then on.
Meanwhile, Sir Toppham Hatt was enjoying his breakfast. This being winter, operations didn’t start as early, and as such he had time for a nice leisurely breakfast, today consisting of porridge and smoked salmon. It may seem like an odd combination, but it is a fairly standard practice to serve the two together in the UK, especially if the salmon has a small bit of lemon on it.
On the wall, his freshly dry-cleaned and pressed trousers were hung. He had a group of important visitors to show around the island, and as such he wanted to look his best at the right opportunity.
“I shall change into them when the photographs are taken,” he mentioned to his wife, Lady Hatt.
“Wouldn’t it be wiser to change into them before the photographs are taken?” Lady Hatt told her husband.
Sir Toppham Hatt nodded. “That I will.” He put them into his trunk, and picked it up by its handle, before he set off into the snow.
Meanwhile, Percy and Pinkie Pie rumbled along the line, going about their daily lives on the railway. However, it rapidly became apparent that something was up. Even though Percy’s fire was burning nice and warm, he was STILL thinking about scarves. The fact that everywhere he looked people were wearing scarves. Even Pinkie Pie was wearing a scarf, which didn’t help matters.
“My funnel’s cold, my funnel’s cold!” he grumbled, as he rolled up alongside Henry.
“How?” Henry asked. “You’ve been producing enough hot air to heat the Houses of Parliament!”
Fluttershy laughed at that. But then her face went serious. “Are you OK Percy? It sounds like you aren’t quite well today.”
“I want a scarf, I want a scarf!” Percy replied.
“Rubbish!” Henry replied. “Engines don’t wear scarves; we produce enough heat as it is.”
“Well,” Percy retorted, “engines with proper funnels do; you’ve only got a small one!”
“He doesn’t need a tall funnel!” Pinkie Pie explained. “He’s got a wider blastpipe than you do, so he doesn’t need a tall one to produce the same steam pressure!”
Before Henry could say anything, Percy simply vanished into the distance. Henry sighed. “Well, that was rude,” he said. He was meant to be pulling a special train, with special visitors. You could say it was... a special special?
I am sorry.
Meanwhile, it was nearly time for the photographs, and Sir Toppham Hatt stood on the platform, watching as the porters pulled a baggage trolley across the line. This trolley had his trunk on it, which contained his prize trousers for the photograph. They were walking backwards to see that nothing fell off it.
Meanwhile, Percy rolled around a bend and into the station at Tidmouth. Pinkie Pie had already shut off steam outside the statiuon, as was her custom, but Percy tried to roll in as quietly as he could to surprise the coaches.
But the porters didn’t hear him either, as Percy was almost on toip of them when it was too late.
“LOOK OUT!” Pinkie Pie yelled, and the porters ran for their lives as Percy crashed into the luggage trolley, smashing it to pieces as he did so. The boxes, and bags, and Sir Toppham Hatt’s trunk all burst open and produce flew into the air. The trousers flew through the air, but before that a massive box filled with jam exploded in mid-air, causing fruit preservative to rain down upon the passengers, and then Percy and Pinkie Pie.
“Oh dear,” Percy said, worried.
Pinkie Pie, in the meantime, simply licked the jam off of her face. “Hmm, yummy!” she said with a smile. Then her face fell. “Though why rasberry? Surely they know I prefer strawberry jelly...”
“Jelly?” Percy asked.
“It’s what we call Jam in America.”
“Oh.”
Everyone looked very silly, especially as a top hat suddenly landed on one of Percy’s lamp irons, and a pair of trousers were coiled around his funnel like a scarf.
“Oh, the irony,” said a disembodied voice.
“What?” said Sir Toppham Hatt, looking around. But nobody was to be seen. So, he went over to Percy, looking very cross.
He picked up the Top Hat. “Mine!” he bellowed. “Percy, Pinkie Pie, have you seen this mess you have made?”
“Yes sir,” Percy said sadly. Pinkie’s hair deflated and hung around her shoulders.
“The passengers have ruined clothes, so we must pay them for that. You two have caused confusion and delay...not to mention ruined my trousers! So, until the passengers are fully reimbursed, Pinkie Pie, you shall work for nothing. And don’t think you can weasel your way out of this by resigning!”
There was no way out. “Sorry, sir,” both Percy and Pinkie Pie said at once. And they backed out of the station, looking very silly and utterly sorry for themselves.
On their way, they passed James and Rarity. “Hello!” laughed James. “So, you’ve found your scarf, I take it?”
“It does look most unfashionable,” Rarity said. “Hold on a second, those are...a pair of trousers I made for Sir Toppham Hatt!”
“Yes,” Percy said sadly. “I collided with a baggage trolley.”
Rarity sighed. “Well, I suppose I’ll be getting another order ready,” she sighed.
James was not done yet. “You do know ghat legs go in trousers, and not funnels, right?” and he sped off to tell Henry the news.
Pinkie sighed. “We won’t be forgetting this one for a while,” she said.
That evening, Percy and Thomas were back at the shed. Percy had been cleaned up by Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy had come by to apologise for Henry’s rudeness that afternoon. Percy had in turn apologised for his remarks about funnels.
“Twilight’s promised to light me up nice and early tomorrow,” Thomas said, with a smile on his face. Just then, Henry arrived. After earlier, he had felt awful for what he’d said to Percy. Nonetheless, they’d been able to salvage the day by taking the passengers on a trip around the island.
“The weather will be warmer tomorrow, according to the forecast,” he said.
“I won’t need a scarf then,” Percy said.
“All engines need is a warm boiler!” Pinkie Pie said. And everyone laughed.
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I don't know what part of the UK you've been too, but we don't eat salmon for breakfast.
10046861
The original accident was based on the Abbots Ripton Railway Disaster, in which the Flying Scotsman Express, piloted by a Stirling Single plowed into a shunting coal train and another express plowed into the wreckage.
10048905
Thank you for clarifying that.
10049110
No Problem
10048849
I'm British. It's a joke relating to bed and breakfast establishments.
10048905
10049110
Really? I'd always thought it was based on Lichfield.
10050160
Snow forced the signal down at Abbott's Ripton.
BOOOOOO! GET SHARON MILLER OFF THE STAGE!
10063828
I do delight in taking the piss out of her writing.
I just want to point out that jam is not the same as jelly is not the same as fruit preserves is not the same as marmalade in the US. They're all different, and generally relate to how much solid fruit remains in the spread...with jelly having the least, and marmalade and preserves having the most.
10160649
That's part of the joke.
No your not, don’t pretend otherwise
11092915
You're.
And I thought seeing people eat steak for breakfast was odd.
Plus, your warm boiler might light it on fire, not sure if it's possible but it's just a thought. 🤔
There it is again.
that*
11320947
1. Smoked salmon for breakfast is very common in the north of England, especially in coastal communities.
2. There's a reason loco crews have to wait for an engine to cool down before going on the boiler...
3. Yes.
4. Corrected.
11320978
I see