Old Iron
To say Edward was getting old was an understatement. His age, whilst not young, was not getting any younger, and as a result he frequently ran late. One day, James and Rarity were left waiting at Wellsworth station for him to arrive with a connecting train. Edward and Applejack did eventually arrive, but they were at least 10 minutes late.
“Late again?” James asked, fuming. He had been forced to wait for a while, and he did not like waiting for Edward one bit. Come to think of it (hey, it rhymes), he didn’t like waiting at all, but that’s besides the point.
“Honestly darling,” Rarity said. “I appreciate all you do on the railway Applejack, but you really need to get your watch fixed. 10 minutes late really is unacceptable on the modern railway.”
Applejack laughed. “Well, Southern Railway seem ta get away with it.”
Edward smiled at Applejack’s joke, whilst James just fumed and stormed away into the distance, producing steam and smoke like there would be no tomorrow.
Having completed their work for the day, James and Rarity went to Tidmouth Sheds, and there they went onto the turntable. The turntable rotated around to allow James to access the correct shed road, and he backed in, next to where Twilight and Pinkie Pie were busy rubbing down Thomas and Percy respectively after a long day’s work on the railway.
James was still in a bad mood. “Edward is impossible!” he snorted, loudly and not caring who heard. “He clanks about like a load of old iron, and makes us late because he runs so slow!”
Thomas was shocked. “Take that back!” he snapped. “He’s not slow at all. Why, he works harder than you do, and he was the only tender engine who didn’t participate in that silly strike of yours!”
“Besides,” Percy added, before James could get a word in edgeways, “Edward isn’t a load of old iron. He’s priceless, and an asset to the railway!”
“In fact,” Twilight added, suddenly going into nerd mode, “by my calculations, Edward has superior acceleration and a better weight to traction ratio than you do, which in turn means that he could run faster than you and beat you in a race any day!”
“You tell him Twilight!” Pinkie Pie added.
James snorted. “Really?” he asked. “I’d like to see him do it.” And he backed into the shed behind the doors before another word was spoken.
The very next day, James was working in the yards at Tidmouth when Rarity suddenly felt ill.
“Jamesy, I don’t feel so good,” she said to him, as she brought him to a stop outside the signal box. “Do you mind waiting here whilst I go and check in with the signalman?”
“Go ahead,” James replied. “I’m not going anywhere.” He had no idea how wrong he was.
Rarity uncoupled him from his trucks and went up into the signal box, her face pale. The signalman went to greet her.
“Hello!” he said. “You don’t look too well.”
“I have been better darling, I must admit,” Rarity replied. “Do you mind if I call Sir Toppham Hatt to-” Suddenly, there was a great gurgling noise, and she put her hand over her mouth, before sticking her head out of the window of the signal box and vomiting.
“Oi!” shouted a workman. “That’s my lunch you’ve ruined!”
“Sorry!” she replied, before pulling her head back in. “My apologies sir, that was most unladylike.”
The signalman nodded, before suddenly looking in shock. “Oi, you!” he shouted.
For there was James, running out of the yard at speed, and two boys were vanishing into the undergrowth. The signalman grabbed the radio and spoke into it.
“To all signal boxes on the system,” he radioed. “We have an unmanned locomotive in the section. Halt all traffic on the main line and all other lines. I repeat, we have an unmanned locomotive in the section. Halt all traffic on the main line and all other lines.”
“What happened?” Rarity asked.
“I’ll tell you what happened,” the signalman said. “Two boys jumped onto James’ footplate and started messing about with the controls. They jumped off when he started moving and I shouted at them, but now James is running without a driver or fireman.”
Rarity looked shocked. “James, running without a driver or fireman onto the mainline and into opposing traffic?” she cried. “This is the WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!”
Just then the telephone went, and the signalman answered it. “We’ve got a solution,” he said to Rarity. “Applejack is coming with Edward. She wants a lasso and a shunters pole.”
“Whatever for?” Rarity asked, confused. “This isn’t a cattle stampede!”
“I don’t know,” the signalman answered. “But I’d advise finding them quickly.”
Edward and Applejack arrived a few minutes later, and Rarity hopped up onto Edward’s footplate with the items requested by Applejack.
“Please, you two,” she asked. “Save James! No doubt he’s terrified out of his mind right now!”
Applejack smiled. “Now don’t ya worry Rares,” she replied. “We’ll stop him. It may take a little bit o’ wranglin’, but we can stop him.” She sounded Edward’s whistle, and they were off on their way.
“We’ll catch him! We’ll catch him!” exclaimed Edward.
Meanwhile, James was flying along the line at speed. “What a lark! What a lark!” he laughed as he flew along the line. He really thought he was being clever, but in reality, he was only moving because some boys had messed about with his controls. He soon realised his mistake.
For at that very moment, he realised that there was nobody on the footplate. He was going faster and faster, but he couldn’t stop. “What shall I do? I can’t stop!” he wailed, as he went faster and faster still, until everything was flying past as a blur. “Help! HELP!”
Further behind, Edward was racing up the track, steam pouring from his funnel and cylinders and his parts clanking like never before. “We’re coming! We’re coming!” he panted. But as he flew along, his age started to get to him, as a large portion of his cab floor collapsed, nearly taking Rarity with it.
“Honestly!” Rarity exclaimed, holding on for dear life. “I knew Edward was old, but not the ‘falling to pieces’ type of old!”
“He’s still got a lot of life left in him,” Applejack replied. “So, he can do this, Ah know it.”
Suddenly, up ahead, James was visible. Edward panted loudly, as he put every last ounce of power and steam into his motion. Just up ahead, they drew level, nearly buffer to buffer.
“Steady Edward!” Applejack called, as Edward bounced over the points to a station yard. The motion combined with the age of his parts caused the steam injector handle to come flying off. It sailed through the cab window and landed on the ground nearby.
“Well, Ah suppose that part WAS necessary,” Applejack said.
“Necessary?” Rarity screeched. “This engine is a death trap!”
Applejack then climbed out of the side of the cab, holding the lasso and shunter’s pole. “Keep Eddie goin’ whilst Ah get the rope ready!” she shouted.
“OK!” Rarity called, climbing over to the driver’s position and taking control of the engine. She adjusted the regulator upward and reduced cut-off to stabilise the speed.
Applejack began to spin the lasso using a force of science that doesn’t even exist officially. She threw it forward, in an attempt to get it to catch on James’ buffer. But the first attempt failed.
Edward’s safety valve went off, loud and noisy. Rarity called up from the cab. “I have to reduce speed, or this engine will blow up!”
“One last attempt!” Applejack called, the coil of rope whirling around her head. She then cast it forward, and it caught on the buffer successfully. “Brakes! Shut off steam!” she shouted.
Rarity slammed the brakes on and closed the regulator, before moving over to the edge of the cab. Then, she jumped across to James’ cab and reduced steam, applying the brakes as she did so. They day had been saved, and the two engines rolled into the next station safe, but rather worse for wear.
“So, the old iron caught you after all,” chuckled Edward.
“Or rather what was left of the Old Iron,” Rarity said. “You left a considerable portion of yourself all over the track back there.”
“I’m sorry for what I said,” James said sadly. “Thank you for saving me. You were splendid.”
“Aw, thanks James,” Applejack replied.
“That’s quite alright James,” Edward said.
Sir Toppham Hatt arrived. “Bravo!” he said. “A fine piece of work. James, Rarity, you may rest and then take your train. Edward, you shall receive a full overhaul, and then return to work.”
I’m glad to say all ended happily. The police caught the boys, and their parents punished them appropriately-by making them work as models for Rarity’s boutique for the entire month.
And when Edward returned, the chorus of whistles and shouts was something to behold. Sir Toppham Hatt reckons he will be deaf for weeks!
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Things are going to get a bit narrower next.
Fun fact: This was the first volume narrated by Willie Rushton.
This was a great version of the story! Rarity being to help despite being sick, Applejack managing to lasso James, and Edward being able to catch up despite falling apart. That was a great action scene! And the boys getting punished that way was hilarious.
This was truly a fun story to read. The way had Applejack cowgirl lasso James was indeed a thing to look forward to, but just asking, if she can lasso with ease, what did she need the shunter's pole for?
Also which events were you referring to exactly?
10070603
I did not know that. That's actually very interesting.
10070873
I've always thought the punishment must fit the crime. And being used as Rarity's models is far more effective than what they get in the book (spanking).
10071044
To keep the rope taught.
The American incident occurred in Alton. Illinois. I can't give a definite date on the Flying Pig one, though, as I read of it in an interview in Steam Railway magazine.
10071080
Oh.
I'll have to look those events up
10071087
The amount of research Awdry did for the Railway Series was staggering. They have his and his brother George's original notes for the series, and it runs to several volumes!
10071077
That, and attitudes to discipline have changed a lot since 1954 - although the original line was kept in the BBC Audiobooks that came out around 2008.
10071143
Oh. I wasn't aware of that. Then again, I only had those as far as James the Red Engine.
10071112
Whoa!
10071165
Yes. The level of worldbuilding rivals that of Tolkein.
10071146
Can't really blame you, they were rather forgettable and came off as bog standard S10 episodes.
10071334
I recall one set that was narrated by Michael Angelis.
10071363
That's the one.
10071373
Oh. Dear lord, those were dire.
10071396
I remember reading an article in the long-defunct Railway World magazine about how Magic Railroad would have had Awdry rotating in his grave faster than the wheels on Mallard. Those audiobooks would have him rotating faster than the wheels on Smokey Joe.
10072029
So, about 400 miles per hour? (Based on Caledonia Work's Superpug.)
10072063
Exactly.
10072092
I need to write a story with Superpug.
No matter what though, be it Pony Rarity or Human Rarity: That will always be her signature line no matter what! X3
10076960
That it will.
As a tip, "factor of adhesion" is the correct terminology for how well a locomotive can apply its tractive effort
10150980
I also did not know this. Thanks.
Late trains are actually common in the US. Mainly with Amtrak as just about all their routes (except for the NEC) are shared with class 1 railroad, which is often why their trains can often be delayed.
Can't argue with that one.
Yep, I know a number of 4-4-0s that can be fast, especially for one that resides in the U.K.
Yeah, I think she needs to see a doctor.
Holy shit!
https://m.Me too.
Now it feels like hero of the rails all over again...
That death trap is Edward and he's not giving up on this!
Covers eyes.
I seriously think it would be better if someone else takes James train while Rarity gets some much needed rest.
Lmao, the perfect punishment.