Disguised as a maid, Chrysalis sprinted through the halls of Canterlot Castle, desperate to find the last of her children before the enchanter arrived.
Since she heard of Alae’s death, she knew her plan had fallen to ruin. It was for the best to retreat and regroup, and, of course, protect her children from the demise that was approaching them. She could deal with Equestria later. She could get her revenge and break that enchanter’s mind until he was dead another time. Right now she had to prioritize her children.
Their numbers had dwindled over the years, making each and every one of their deaths a great blow to the collective hive. She could potentially produce more, but the process would be long and arduous. Not to mention the great amount of food required for such an endeavor.
She certainly had enough now, after draining Cadence for a week and a half, but she had a feeling a large portion of that would be used in protecting them all from pursuit. However, that wouldn’t matter if she could simply find where the last of her children had run off to.
As though it were planned, it was at this moment that one such child chose to sprint by the end of the hall she was traversing. The fact that she was able to recognize her so easily was an issue, because the changeling was entirely undisguised. Either she was an idiot, and Chrysalis doubted any of her spawn could possibly be described as such, or she was far too scared to be thinking straight. The latter was a much more convincing scenario, but in the end it all resulted in the same results.
Her child could do something incredibly dangerous, risking her life and the strength of the hive. A future she did not wish to pass.
As such, she wasted no time in picking up the pace and sprinting after the panicked child.
~-~
Ashwyn stepped through the halls, her nose in the air as she did her best to parse one scent from another. She had managed to sniff out the Alpha’s distinctive scent the moment she had entered through the main doors. The main issue was attempting to follow it.
The castle, no doubt, had a lot of foot traffic, and as a result, scents were in abundance here. Occasionally she would lose his scent and have to take a long moment to rediscover it. Progress was swift, but she had no doubt that the Alpha was faster.
If the castle was a smaller place, she probably wouldn’t be bothered with tracking him, but as it was, the castle was far too large to search through blindly.
She just had to hope she could catch up before he found his prey.
~-~
“Slow down, damnit!” She yelled out to the changeling she had been chasing, suspecting that she might have gone deaf at this point. Or she forgot the sound of her mother’s voice and decided to flee from any that she heard. In either scenario, Chrysalis was getting rather irritated.
Of course she attempted to simply grab her daughter in her magic, but the young bug had managed to slip around the corner just before she could on every attempt. Thankfully, however, this chase seemed to be coming to a conclusion as her daughter rammed through a set of double doors and into a room.
With a smile, Chrysalis let out a sigh of relief as she followed her child within. Finally the running would come to an end and she could bring her child back to the rest of the hive.
That sense of relief was swiftly evaporated as she entered what she hadn’t expected to be the throne room. The changeling she had been chasing sat in the center of the room, facing her with a devilish smirk, before vanishing in a puff of smoke. Taking a step back she watched the smoke float into the air for a moment, overcome with disbelief.
What had happened? She thought she was chasing one of her children, but…
Everything became clear to her when the doors slammed shut behind her. Fearing the worst, she found it to be true when she lifted her gaze to the ornate throne itself to find the creature she least wanted to be in the same room with.
The enchanter reclined on the throne, looking at her with a calm expression. She wasn’t fooled however. She could feel the anger boiling beneath the surface. What confused her, however, was that only a small portion of that rage was directed at her.
He said nothing, a tense silence developing between them as they stared each other down. One, however, was clearly dominant in that contest, as Chrysalis was desperately wracking her mind for a way to escape this confrontation.
She was not keen on facing him in battle again. She had been defeated by him before, only snatching victory from him with the trump card she readied beforehand. She had no trump card this time, and even if she did, she doubted he would be so foolish as to not be cautious of such a possibility.
No, even with her immense power, she would inevitably lose. He had proven himself superior in skill, as loathe as she was to admit it. She had to go about this another way.
A glance brought her to the windows in the chamber. The light shining through on what would normally be a beautiful sunny day. They weren’t too far away. She might be able to…
With a magically enhanced boost, her wings buzzed in the air and sent her hurtling towards the glass. She knew this would likely hurt the softer parts of her, but it would all be worth it if she could simply escape with her changelings. She knew she could not handle him right now, and she knew that Luna had broken from her hold based on the real Cadence being around somewhere.
There was no hope other than a retreat.
That hope, seemed to be dashed, when, instead of breaking through the glass and flying off into the sky, something else happened entirely. She slammed into the window, feeling as though she had just dive bombed onto stone. She could feel her chitin crack and break from the sheer force of the impact, and before she could pull herself away, pain shot through her from head to tail. Electricity pumped through her veins with such intensity that she was pretty sure she felt her blood boiling.
She tried to scream, shout, or anything of the sort as the pain wracked her body, but it didn’t come. All this happened in the matter of a second, as after that, she was flung from the window to land on the hard ground of the throne room.
She couldn’t move even if she wanted to. Her legs failed to respond, merely twitching slightly as she felt static running across her broken chitin. Her mind was in a daze, recovering slowly from the immense pain she felt, but she recognized a sound all the same. Heavy steps closed in on her, until she could make out the shape of the enchanter in her blurry vision.
“You shouldn’t have put me in a pod.” He informed her as simply as if he was reminding her of something on her calendar. The grinding of stone met her ears with such intensity that she had to fold them in order to relieve herself of more pain. What she saw with her blurry vision told her that it was a futile effort.
The enchanter lifted a foot, and if she was right, it was covered in glowing marble. She didn’t get a very good look at it before that foot descended upon her. At that moment, Chrysalis was sure she would die. Expecting that foot to crush her in an instant, and in the end, she couldn’t face it.
Her eyes closed and her face tensed, she awaited her demise, hoping that whatever god saw fit to look down on her would grant her the mercy of a painless passing.
This did not come, as a sickening crack filled the air and pain the likes of which she had never felt before filled her head. Her body flailed, not of her own volition, and she wasn’t sure if it was still because of the shock or the new pain. She thrashed wildly, the pain in her forehead feeling as though someone had taken a poker made of magma and started slowly pressing it into her skull until it met her brain.
This time, however, she was granted the small mercy of being able to scream in agony.
She had no idea how much time passed as she cried out, tears streaming down her face in an unrelenting torrent as the pain consumed her. When she the pain finally died down enough for her to focus on something else, she saw the enchanter standing close inspecting a jagged rock in his hand.
It took her a long moment to realize exactly what it was he held, and the moment she did, a panicked hoof reaching up to her skull. This caused the pain to spike once more, but in the end, that was nothing compared to the pit in her stomach as her greatest fear became realized.
Her horn was gone. Gone. How could… This can’t…
The tears were renewed as she curled up into a ball, quietly sobbing. Even as pain continued to tear at her mind.
Why did life have to be like this? She just wanted to survive. To help her children survive. So what if she kidnapped ponies? So what if a few were killed to be replaced? So what if she dominated the minds of the royalty? She did it in to survive. It was all to survive.
It was cruel. It was unfair. It was wrong.
She couldn’t accept that this was all her life amounted to. No. She wouldn’t let this continue on. She might not have her magic, but she could still break a limb if she could reach it. If her legs would respond. If she could drive past the pain. It was possible…
So, determined to make that possibility a reality, she moved. Of course, it all went wrong. Her legs shakily lifted her, but the pain made her dizzy. Her loss of balance resulted in her front legs giving out on her, making her lurch forwards.
She was stopped before she hit the ground, however. She couldn’t discern what it was that caught her, however, as all she could see was a shifting mass of blue.
~-~
Ashwyn followed the scent as swiftly as she could. Moving through halls and down corridors on quick paws. Despite the speed at which she performed, she couldn’t help but feel it was for naught.
The Alpha had too large of a head start.
As though to prove her point, her ears picked up a noise she had not been hoping to hear. A scream. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she realized the Alpha had already found his prey.
Her wings took her into the air, dispersing the mixture of scents around her as she darted off in the direction she heard the noise. It wasn’t difficult to follow, as the scream went on for a while.
As she flew, she noticed all the ponies she passed were on the floor, unconscious. They didn’t seem to be injured, but she was flying too fast to really inspect them. She simply hoped it was because Chrysalis’ control over them had ended.
Eventually, she managed to follow the noise to the source, and she was surprised to find herself in front of the throne room. She didn’t waste any time, however, as she rushed the doors, forcing them open and giving her a view of what resided within.
What she found was a sight that made her heart drop.
The Alpha stood to the side of the room, with Chrysalis’s upper half suspended in the air. It was being held aloft by a familiar spectral hand that encompassed her head. What she did next came as a surprise, even to her.
She anticipated hesitation in her actions. What she hadn’t anticipated, was to hurl herself at the Alpha. She slammed into his chest with enough force to expel the breath from his lungs. A look of shock and pain crossed his face as he was flung back, his spell fading without his concentration. Allowing the changeling queen to fall to the floor once more.
Sparing the bug mare a glance, Ashwyn was horrified by the sight of her.
Her hard, black carapace had been shattered across her face and chest, revealing the gooey flesh beneath, along with a flow of blood that was surprisingly tame for the extent of the wound. What wasn’t shattered, had been cracked, thin lines running across the changeling’s entire body. The flesh that had shown itself looked in bad condition as well. Looking as though it were burned. Her mane and tail stood on end, and as Ashwyn looked at her, she could see sparks of electricity traveling between the strands of hair. And, of course, her horn was missing, leaving a small jagged protrusion to indicate where it once resided.
Ashwyn couldn’t stand it. This changeling was supposed to be the villain, but when Ashwyn saw her like this, she couldn’t help but feel pity for the bug. She deserved to be jailed, but this… this was too far.
It looked like she had been tortured. No. Ashwyn was sure she had been. She knew the Alpha could have killed this changeling. She had been screaming for so long before Ashwyn arrived that there was plenty of time to do so. Yet he didn’t.
He let her scream her lungs out, knowing he could end it at any time. She didn’t believe he would do something like that, but she couldn’t help but feel that it was true.
A lump formed in her throat as her mind compared the Alpha’s actions to him. A thought that sent a shiver down her spine.
“Ash.” A growl brought her out of her thoughts as her attention returned to the Alpha. He slowly rose to his feet, hunched over as he held his chest with a hand. “What are you doing?”
“Stop this!” She pleaded, hoping that she could talk him out of continuing his cruelty.
“Stop?” He asked, seemingly surprised by the request, just before his anger rose to the surface. “Stop!? What, did she ensorcel you too?” Ashwyn was taken aback by this. Was he that consumed by rage that he couldn’t see the truth?
“No! You’re taking this too far!” Ashwyn tried to tell him, but he didn’t seem to listen, as his legs slowly moved him forwards.
“She needs to die, and you need to get out of the way.” He told her darkly, making her take an instinctive step back.
For the first time, with his large form lumbering towards her, she was genuinely afraid of him. A fact that caused no end of pain in her heart. This was the one she had loved. The one she spent so many wonderful nights with. Now, she could hardly recognize him.
“Alpha, stop… please.” She tried to beg him to desist once more, but he wasn’t hearing it, his approach continuing. “Aurick!” Invoking his name made him pause before her, the anger on his face subsiding to a look of sadness. For the briefest moment, a faint glimmer of hope was brought to life in Ashwyn’s heart. Hope that she had broken through to him.
That all shattered when he spoke.
“Move aside.” The voice was pleading, but the hand that reached towards her was all she was focused on. Eyes wide, she watched as it moved towards her. Her blood ran cold as images of a certain changeling’s head popping like a grape came to mind. As well as the thought of her own head doing the same.
She was terrified, and in that instant, instincts took over.
Within the blink of an eye, her paw had raised, and her claws dug into the flesh of his arm. She pulled him closer and swiftly snaked behind him, her other claws lashing out and slashing through the flesh behind his knees. They gave out instantly, but she wasn’t safe yet. He was unable to move his legs, but he could still cast magic.
Without hesitation, she reared up, her claws digging into his shoulders to catch him before he hit the ground, and sank her teeth into his neck, injecting him with a paralyzing neurotoxin.
Stepping back, she watched as he fell to the floor, unable to do anything… and swiftly realized exactly what she had just done.
She quickly moved closer to make sure he was alright. She froze, however, when she got close enough to see him staring at her. It was extremely difficult to discern what he was feeling, as she mostly went by his face and mouth, but she could guess. That didn’t stop the spike of fear running through her when her gaze met his, however. Once more she took a step back, and she saw him let out a sigh and move his eyes away from her.
Looking back over the pair that were on the floor, she couldn’t help but feel a deep sadness in her chest. Everything had gone wrong in ways she didn’t think possible, and now, she was left with the broken remains of her hopes.
With a heavy sigh, she stepped up to the changeling queen who was quietly sobbing to herself on the ground. Ashwyn didn’t think she could, but she didn’t want the changeling to escape. So, as gently as she could, she bit the bug, paralyzing her.
Both of them incapable of moving, Ashwyn exited the room in search of someone that could handle the situation better than her.
9688748
Very insightful. Thank you.
9688759
Maybe they felt this chapter was just ducky?
.....so.....let's just say that this chapter....felt different and to be fair I liked it. I felt something deep in my soul with this chapter. Now for my changling soul I'm absolutely filled with fear
9688772
I don't know whether I should be honored or afraid you'll attract a flock of ducks to my story.
excellent, i really feel this chapter works really well
9688785
Definitely that last thing. Have you seen what a flock of ducks can leave in a lawn?!
9688748
Honk
9688748
9688891
Bark
Hoo boy...
Aurick, don't do anything rash...
Need more.
Interesting, really interesting. Specially in how Auric being the most violent part shows how idyllic equestria is compared to his world when even the villain doesn't kill anybody.
Honestly? I kinda expect the sisters to be appalled with his actions and consider the torture (maiming if horns can't be regenerated or reattached through magic without permanent damage, if at all) he submitted Chrysalis to as punishment enough and actually help her with whatever she wanted with the invasion.
And for Auric to face some hard times for a while. The sisters might just know something about his past, but senseless killing is NOT something equestria tolerates. Specially when the enemy is not doing it either.
But yeah, it was an excellent chapter, Chrysalis more human side helped a lot with the drama of it all.
This chapter was fucking awesome. Thank you
9688995
Random fact! Popular culture holds that the first rubber-soled shoes were devised by English police and detectives during their pursuit of Jack the Ripper. The idea was that the muffled footfalls and extra traction would give them that elusive edge they needed. So, since ponies have never had to deal with such a menace, they've obviously never thought of putting rubber on shoes.
Yes, this makes perfect sense. That's my theory and I'm sticking with it!
She diverted an elf from his vengeance. She doesn't realize how enormous that is. He really loves her, even if he's not conscious of it.
In scared for canterlot. Bad things happen when powerful earth magic users get angry and it rests on a mountain...EVACUATE THE CIITTTYY!
9689356
One minute a mountain city, the next a floating city above a pile of rubble, then a city cracked open like an egg on said rubble.
9689354
I'm still pretty sure his rampage is due in no small part to the positive-emotion drain while in a pod (that and it's fairly obvious he didn't react too well to the mind-manipulation part of it either). I think the biggest fireworks are still to come when the fallout of his brutality comes to light. If there's any pony faction that doesn't like Aurick, this is all the fuel they need to further their own agenda against him and Ashwyn.
As an aside, the pods remind me a lot of the devices in the Memory Den of Fallout 4. Allowing one to relive past memories, for a fee, for better or worse. If an entrepreneuring pony (or changeling) could control how the memory recall features work... and do it without a bath in goo. Well, that could make the Flim Flam brothers stupidrich in no time at all, memory-reliving-addicted clients be damned, heh.
9576307
Funny how that turned out...
Idea, now hear me out, what if his "no doubt intent to damage it beyond repair" came in the form of enchanting the mountain in a Herculean feat if rage, rather than simply taking shots at it.
9689008
I mean, Tea does basically the same thing, just with less of an impact.
I'll be honest here: I don't like this.
I'm glad Ash stopped him from torture; But leaving Chrysalis alive is a mistake.
Now you've got to deal with her forever or until she kills you.
Well, you ruined it. Not only did you leave her alive because a pretty girl said "plz" but you had to add that "driving away" cliche.
Seriously, this has been overdone so many times. Do something new and don't be stupid.
He could place seals and enchantments that would forcefully stop chrysalis from doing anything he didn't want, and if she did it would result in pain, then failure of an organ, or if she did something bad a third time. Immediate death.
9690093
I don't disagree with the fact that it's a bit cliche, but after a lot of thinking, I realized that killing Chrysalis wouldn't be conducive to the story I was trying to tell. The repurcussions of the act would be far worse than I need them to be.
At it's heart, this is a story about Aurick and Ashwyn's relationship. Everything else is secondary, and if I need to be a little cliche to make it work, then so be it.
With all these commotions, Celestia and the Mane 6 are mysteriously absent.
Damaging the mountain? Really bad idea.
9690205
Ohhhhhhhh, it's that kind of story. My bad. Also, it's not just a bit cliche, I have literally seen that line--or a variation of it--10 times on this site... 10/1000, so 1% of stories that I have read on this site alone. I'm primarily a romance reader but I do enjoy a bit of adventure here or there so this story came off to me as mostly adventure with a romantic side-plot. It never got too heavy with character building as proper romance stories typically do. From my experience, If a story is romance first then we usually see a lot of how the characters work together and every little problem they have gets dissected and analyzed. It also has a couple of moments where the relationship would break apart but "love is strong like horse" and all that jazz. Also, dealing with jealousy is also an issue that is covered--and not the teen jealousy where one is caught looking at someone else but more of envy mixed with jealousy. It needs to be really complex or the story becomes closer to an anime with quick one episode resolutions.
After seeing how utterly cowardly Chrysalis is when facing death the whole thing with what's her face being experimented on and turned into whatever she is, seems so unlikely. You need to be a certain kind of scientist to do something like that and death shouldn't be anything new. Also, Chrysalis shouldn't so terrified of losing her children when she is supposed to be a Queen that was starving. She should be a lot colder. Then again I want to see how well you can pull off the culture shock between changelings and ponies, they will obviously have different beliefs and what is important to one might not be important to the other. Though I will say that you started off weak-ish--and I am not talking about how awfully the mc was done--but what I do know is that that kind of experience is something very few people have and even fewer that can pull it off successfully. I've only read three or so stories on this site that manage to do it to a passable degree. Good luck.
9690881
Thank you. I'll admit, there are many aspects of this story I'm not happy with, but it shouldn't really come as much surprise. Take a look at how far the other stories I've posted have gotten in terms of length. This is the single longest piece of media I have created and the fact that anyone likes it is still strange.
That's why I'm always asking people for feedback, so I can improve and one day create content that could please a wider audience.
9690946
One thing you might want to work on is length. Each chapter feels short and insubstantial. It is a good thing that each chapter has a clear purpose but the message of each chapter is too clear. It makes it feel a bit childish. Though, one thing that newbies mess up at is when they write a lot, they tend to add a lot of filler. When writing ask yourself after every paragraph, what's the point in this paragraph? Does it make something clearer? Or purposely obscure it? Does it emphasis a point prior? Does it show thing new about a character, etc? Everything should have meaning including the words you use. One thing the more experienced readers enjoy is heavy introspection that leads to insight on a bigger conflict in the story. Sadly there is not a lot of that on this site but one source of good work that you should read through is Mr Stargazer's collection. He is one of the best writers on this site, young (27 pretty sure) but has great potential.
It doesn't matter how bad your other stories are, what's important is that you are learning. I mean the two stories I have on this site are so bad that I can't get past the first sentence anymore. They are the very definition of what not to do in writing, but they also remind me of what I knew back then. They also showed me that I like to critic stories and edit them rather than write. After 200 million words that I have read in these five years, I have a slight understanding of what makes a story. I still think I am utter trash at pointing out mistakes in stories but I am comparing myself to my professors in English.
If you want better feedback on your stories this site just won't cut it. The people on this site are far too young for any proper critic. One site that I am currently enjoying is royalroad.com. There are many there that actually know what they are doing. The reviews that are left behind are meaningful and usually in-depth.
9691095
I'll be sure to look into that site. There has certainly been some non-mlp content I've thought about but haven't had a place to put them.
Thanks for all the feedback.
I think it turned out fine. You lack confidence in yourself but it worked out pretty well in the end.
I like this story.
Also, Ashwyn's behavior reminds me of a cat if cats were of human-level intelligence. Not sure why. It probably shouldn't, but it does anyway.
9761857
Still, I think I found a hole in the atmosphere of chapter#1.
As I stated before in your blog, Celestia went all over the preparation to even have guards and summoned the Elements. But then, instead of waiting for the Bearers to arrive (had to blame the slow convoy) to provide a magical backup, she rashly went out and approach the unknown entity herself. And I haven't seen even a glimpse of them at the end of the chapter.
9761875
There was a mention of them towards the end. About how Fluttershy wanted to go with the field medics to help him.
Though I get where your coming from. I probably should have done more with them in that chapter. What was going through my mind was, Celestia and Luna are extremely powerful entities that could easily shield themselves or survive blows that would be fatal for their ponies. As such, they risk their own safety instead of their underlings getting potentially killed by a powerful foe revealing himself.
9762274
The entire situation gets ignored anyways, but I will still defend my point with actualy facts we know from the Show, which this story is based on.
First off, yes. It would take Twilight a very long time to Grasp the basic concept cause she doesn't understand his form of magic, how it works, and thus how Enchanting works with said Magic System. However, she DID learn the Basics. Twilight is one of, if not THE most smartest ponies in the ENTIRE Show when it comes to Science, Magic, and Trial and Error. Knowing the Basics, she could master everything else through Trial and Error MUCH faster than Aulic had learn in his ENTIRE lifetime up to that point.
As for Twilight's Nature being too kind, I would agree, but disagree on the result of that Kindness. As shown in the show, if someone ask's Twilight a question, or wants something, or wants twilight to try something, unless there is a pony RIGHT THERE next to her that's better suited, she just smiles, agrees, and does it on her own. Very rarely will a situation come up and she would divert the person to someone better suited. She almost always tries it on her own first. This is ESPECIALLY more so, when it comes to her friends. We've seen her friends ask her to do things she isn't suited to, and she will point that out, but STILL does what they request first before telling them it's better to see someone else better suited.
As for 'Redirecting', that is something we've never seen in the entire show, and infact goes against the entire concept of the 'Big Cities' like Manehatten where everyone is for themselves, and the entire Fashion Industry and Market, where Rarity has ALWAYS pushed for herself to be seen as the better shop, even when she gets overwhelmed or out of ideas. She will, at most, ask others to help her, but never send them to others instead. And I would like to point out that in Ponyville, there are no 2 shops even close to being 'Simular' enough to Compete against each other. So they wouldn't be used to sharing or redirecting. They would just see someone else taking their consumers from them. You know, like the Flim Flam Brothers did and the Apple Family fought back against them pretty damn hard.
There is just more evidence, looking at the show's concept, characters, and past actions and events, that doesn't support Twilight learning Enchanting would be anything but a net lose over the long term.
9762235
Now that I know there's a rewrite I might consider starting to read from the beginning again. Thanks.
9762846
It's mostly just the first and latest 4 chapters. The rest is primarily the same.
Please tell me you're not planning on leaving this "on hiatus" on that cliffhanger.
9764379
Nah, hiatus is almost over. Another week or two at the most. Besides, before the hiatus, the arc was finished, just took down some chapters for rewriting purposes.
9764509
Glad to hear. I hate cliffhangers without knowing when the next one is going to be up! :D
9763608
There is nothing wrong with a soap opera. I just don't enjoy them, and don't like when the story I am reading becomes one when it was something else.
Romance is fine, I don't care if it's there, but I don't like romance stories, and I don't like it when the story I'm reading turns into one, when it wasn't one to begin with.
The comment you replied to was a little old, and I have not read this story since I wrote it, so things might be different now. I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I don't enjoy anything that is focused entirely on emotions. I don't understand them at the best of times, so most emotional conflict goes unappreciated by me.
If you are enjoying the story, by all means, please do! If I don't enjoy something, I will go find something I will enjoy, not everyone needs to agree with me.
9762857
Oh my how lewd
An excellent tale! I like the characters and the alternate storyline you have created! Keep up the excellent word smithing!
Much better!
I like this version far more.
A fine rewrite, it establishes the same situation with far more character development. In the last go around everyone was somewhat two-dimensional. Aurick was the merciless revenant, Chrysalis was the curb-stomped villain, and Ashwyn was the terrified damsel.
Now things are a bit more complex.
A bit of a mess honestly, but oh well.
9688786
Quack.
Kill the Chimera and the bug.