Now that I've read it, kinda sad that there's nothing to fap to. :/ But the story looks great tho, like nice start off. Recommend getting an editor to fix up some stuff in your chapter. Heck, I'm an experienced writer that can even help you out for free if you want with this.
I know this story is on hold due to life reasons, but I have to wonder: anyone bet which chapter is gonna be the one where Spike succumbs to Stellar Flare's charms?? I mean she's a divorcee, pent up, and now a very handsome (and SINGLE ) male dragon metaphorically falls into her lap. Some of the story seems write itself.
Even better, what would happen if Sunburst discovers that he's gonna have a step-sibling after Spike has a claw on Stellar? (or more plausibly, vice versa) ??
I hope you don't mind some writing advice. You really don't have to give details about characters like what kind of pony they are and their colors. Readers already know those things, or at least they should, and I doubt that many don't. If it's an alternate universe thing and their class and appearance has been changed, then you could give that detail. Since this is anthro, giving body descriptions is fine.
Noticed a few minor errors, nothing major, just rogue letters in the words
A male voiced shouted from across the hallway
that’s an unnecessary d
She also possessed a slime hourglass figure with nicely shaped breasts and hips.
unnecessary e there
And those are just the first 2 I spotted. The rest of the chapter is peppered with similar errors
“I’m not going to Sire’s Hollow just so you can avoid your mom’s obsession with “modernizing” the town.” Starlight said with an annoyed tone in her vo
Also, a common mistake with quoting in quotations is here. When you’re putting something in quotations within quotations you use apostrophes in place of the quotation marks, it’s a common mistake you made and is marginally forgivable.
Well now, this seems interesting lets see where it goes.
Oooh boy, I can't wait to masterbate.
Now that I've read it, kinda sad that there's nothing to fap to. :/ But the story looks great tho, like nice start off. Recommend getting an editor to fix up some stuff in your chapter. Heck, I'm an experienced writer that can even help you out for free if you want with this.
Other than that, I'm tracking this!
Spike is about to be MILFed.
Great work
Starlight has no idea... Also I knew someone was going to write this.
9184540
It was only a matter of time. XD
9184445
Thanks, I’ll think about. It would certainly speed up production of the chapters.
is there an upload schedule or is it a *whenever i have time thing*?
9184876
It’s become a more when I have time thing, unfortunately.
I'm a simple man. I see giant milf tits, I read.
I know this story is on hold due to life reasons, but I have to wonder: anyone bet which chapter is gonna be the one where Spike succumbs to Stellar Flare's charms?? I mean she's a divorcee, pent up, and now a very handsome (and SINGLE ) male dragon metaphorically falls into her lap. Some of the story seems write itself.
Even better, what would happen if Sunburst discovers that he's gonna have a step-sibling after Spike has a claw on Stellar? (or more plausibly, vice versa) ??
I'll see where this goes.
Stellar Flare is about to feel the double dragons.
Ever though of shipping Spike with Gabby?
9187032
Spike only has one dragon that Stellar is going to feel.
I hope you don't mind some writing advice. You really don't have to give details about characters like what kind of pony they are and their colors. Readers already know those things, or at least they should, and I doubt that many don't. If it's an alternate universe thing and their class and appearance has been changed, then you could give that detail. Since this is anthro, giving body descriptions is fine.
Can't wait to see more of this.
Noticed a few minor errors, nothing major, just rogue letters in the words
that’s an unnecessary d
unnecessary e there
And those are just the first 2 I spotted. The rest of the chapter is peppered with similar errors
Also, a common mistake with quoting in quotations is here. When you’re putting something in quotations within quotations you use apostrophes in place of the quotation marks, it’s a common mistake you made and is marginally forgivable.
Starlight's afraid to share her boo Spike, with anyone else. CX