Magical Medicine

by yellowbastion

Chapter 3

You remember it like it was yesterday. You don't actually remember it yourself, you were told about it later. And it wasn't actually yesterday but nearly two months ago. But it wasn't something you were likely to forget.

You were discovered adrift in the ocean off the Western continent of Equestria by a pegasus training for marathon flight. Lucky for you, you were wearing your favorite sleeveless white muscle shirt at the time. Not so lucky because you could have just as easily drowned. And your muscle shirt somehow got torn. The important thing is that you were there, adrift, somehow rescued from sinking to the bottom of the ocean.

You don't remember being in the ocean, seeing as you were no better than a drowned rat at the time, but you sure remember how you ended up there: Twilight Sparkle.

All things wrong in this world seem to either come from or be drawn to the purple book nerd. You're sure that if she were to stick her nose in any random doorway, sure as you remember your own name, the poor souls beyond the threshold were bound to have french fried when the should have pizzaed; a bad time.

But you? Somehow, you get it the worst out of anyone. You’re always so close to the pony that is often cause makes you ground zero for Twilight’s latest big disaster. Case in point, two hours ago and your unexpected swimming lessons. But now, here you are, laying in a hospital bed in the port city of Al’ Salbaud. The quiet room giving you time to think back on all of the other times you ended up in similar situations brings a frown to your face. You could feel your frown. Your face all scrunched up, probably with a large purple vein on your forehead getting ready to burst. You were angry and you had every right to be.

That's when the door to your room opened. It was just a crack, but you noticed immediately because your hearing was absolutely the tip-top best. A soft knock followed, then a voice.

"Hey, uh, buddy. Are you awake?" the voice asked.

Whoever it was, you're pretty sure it was either a doctor or a nurse, probably wanted to check up on you. They didn't deserve your ire. That was reserved for Twilight. You thought to yourself that you had better make yourself appear more presentable. So you reached deep into your soul, taking all your rage and anger, buried it as deep as it could go, and repressed it. Doing that always calmed you and you're sure nothing bad will ever happen because of it. Deep breath in through your nose, then a trembling breath out through your mouth. The newly acquired bad feeling were burred along with all the rest. You felt a lot better now.

"Yeah, I'm up," you replied.

"’Kay. I'd like to come in and check your vitals. Make sure you're doing okay. Can I do that?" the voice in the hallway asked.

Your superior sense of reasoning lead you to think that them having to ask for your permission was a little out of place. They worked here, it was their job to check in on the patients. Maybe they wanted to preserve your privacy or something? Only one way to find out.

"Sure, you can come in."

The voice didn't reply that time. The door just swung all the way open and in stepped, uh, you're not really sure what it was.

Tall, very tall, like a minotaur but the face was all wrong. It was wearing a lab coat like you would see Twilight wear while she was conducting her crazy science experiments in the basement, but it was much longer as it was designed to cover the creature's upper body and most of it's legs, which were clothed in black pants. No hooves either, just the strangest, long shoes you've ever seen capped the end of it's legs. It was holding a clipboard in the crook of it's left arm and a pencil in it's right hand.

It waved the pencil hand at you.

"Hi, I'm nurse Anonymous and I'll be checking your vitals. Can I get your name?"

You wanted to reply. Really you did. It would have been the polite thing to do. It would have been the simplest thing in the world to say 'I'm Spike.' But that didn't happen, did it. Instead, you panicked. You did open your mouth but it wasn't to form words, there was just a whoosh of gas. Then there were only flames. That's when the screaming started.

---

“That little guy had pretty good aim. Saw me and, fwoosh, right to the face. He turned me into extra crispy chicken.”

Celestia, first of her name, Wielder of the Sun, the eldest of all alicorns, former ruler of Equestria, looked like she was about to vomit. She couldn’t though because horses like her lacked the necessary reflex, but it seemed to you that she was highly motivated.

Author's Note:

Fun Fact:
With this story, my aim is to not only make this story weird, but also surprising. I’ll write down a bunch of ideas then throw away the most obvious ones.
Al’ Salbaud is pronounced like it’s spelled, “All Sall baud”

Comments

[tsaukpaetra]

Certainly a defining moment.

[KvAT]

11329520
Truly one of the events of all time