Magical Medicine

by yellowbastion

Chapter 5 Part 4

Since you first arrived in pony world you have had some pretty epic battles. Being a novel creature, a human, has lead you into conflicts with many of the local fauna. Your first appearance in Equestria, when you washed ashore in the port city of Al’ Salbaud, you were the cause of a two-day long street brawl that ended in a dance contest. There was also the time when you fell into a cave lurker nest which ended up in an explosion and the subsequent collapse of a jade mine. And the time when you accidentally stumbled upon a bugbear hive where a troupe of Fillyscouts tried to rescue you by setting fire to the forest. But nothing even comes close to the situation you find yourself in now.

Since you moved to Ponyville you’ve found that defying the local tiny pony overlords is a good way to have fun, be they the local guard or contract workers for S.M.I.L.E.. Bonbon, also known as secret agent Sweetie Drops, had one heck of a time trying to capture you. Your mad dash through the back door of your house and sprint into Ponyville proper had her hot on your proverbial tail. You were quick, nimble, and clever. You ducked, juked, and dodged. You snuck, shimmied, and even swam at one point. But in the end you were no match for a highly skilled secret agent on her home turf with enough strength to lift the fruit stand you tried to hide under. Lyra was there, too, but she was too busy drinking a smoothie to be of any help.

But this is when things stopped being fun. When you were finally captured, your arms were bound with a rope. When you protested, you were gagged with a clean sock Lyra snatched from a clothes line. When you refused to walk, you were sat upon Lyra’s back and she carried you. You’ve never seen the little teal weirdo so happy. She kept making these squealing girly noises which, if you were to be frank, was the most embarrassing part of the whole ordeal.

Your two captors hauled you through town in broad daylight all the way to the big, spooky, crystal castle that looms over Ponyville. There you were greeted by the proprietor, a tiny purple space wizard. Being bound and gagged doesn’t even make it to your list of top five things to do on a Wednesday. That spot is reserved for laundry for reasons you’re too angry to remember at the moment.

Princess Twilight was sitting behind a grand office desk, tall and proud. She was pretending to be all regal and... you know what? Fuck all that gay noise. You didn’t want to come here. You were so against the idea of being at the castle today that you risked life and limb to flee from the local spy and her teal terror. You had things to do today and none of it involved being here. You’re here under protest.

The princess of mouth noises had a list. She always seemed to be making a list or reading from a list. She probably had a list of all her lists. It was like she had some sort of memory problem, or used lists as a coping mechanism for her neurosis. This time the list was a bill of damages that your jolly chase through town had somehow caused. You’re pretty sure most of it was a complete fabrication. You weren’t anywhere near the firework factory when it was sparked off. You’re certain the fire was intentional, probably for the insurance money. But no, you are being charged with its destruction anyway and hundreds of other similar things you had nothing to do with.

You’re currently kneeling on the floor being blamed for countless thing you didn’t do. On the inside you felt like you could scream in frustration. On the outside you couldn’t actually scream because your captors decided to gag you. Listening to the talkative purple nerd drone on about the supposed damages accrued during your chase was about as entertaining as it sounds and from out of Twilight’s mouth it sounded excruciating.

Luckily, several milliseconds of uninterrupted, rational, justifiable anger had worked wonders for your ability to appear remorseful. You quietly amused yourself by trying to calculate how far you could throw her mangled body through the plate glass window she sat in front of, and for a brief moment, your smile was genuine. Or it would have been if you hadn't been gagged.

Twilight was still prattling on about more imaginary trash off her garbage list but you still weren’t paying attention. You take a deep, shuttering breath through your broken nose, trying to suppress the rising urge to charge head-first across the room, hurtle yourself over the desk, and rugby-tackle the tiny horse, plummeting you both through the window to your, hopefully, mutual deaths.

After what seemed like hours, the princess of dubious heritage was finally done reading her list of made-up charges. She rolled the scroll back up and tucked it into a drawer in her desk.

“So, what do you have to say for yourself?”

“Murf furfffr.” You say through your sock gag.

“Oh, right. I should remove that.” She said and used her magic to slip the gag down your face. “Sorry. You were saying?”

“Mother fucker.”

“I’ll just add ‘verbally insulting royalty’ to your list of charges. Since you have nothing polite to say, your judgement will be passed without hearing your defence. I think you’ll find that I’m a benevolent ruler. You have been sentenced to twenty hours of community service and for the next three months your wages will be garnished or such time as you have paid for at least one-tenth of the damages caused by your actions which comes to four-hundred-twenty bits even. ” Twilight tells you.

Manual labour for no pay plus having your already meager salary garnished? Hard pass. “And if I refuse?”

“Then you get sent to the dungeon until you decide to cooperate.”

You’ve seen what passes for what they call ‘dungeons’ around here. They’re clean, warm, get fresh bedding when needed, three free meals per day, and some even have private washrooms. The only thing not to love is you don’t get to come and go as freely you please. It is a jail, after all. They could give a room at a Motel 8 a run for their money.

“Then I refuse.” Your righteous words of protest were now flowing out of you like someone had thrown an open can of alphabet soup down a flight of steps. “Further more, your haircut is stupid. Cadence is best princess. Celestia doesn't control the sun. The changeling invasion was an inside job. Lunar republic forever!"

Twilight uses her magic to slip the gag back over your mouth.

“Right, off you go then. Bonbon, please take him to holding cell one,” Twilight was looking at you now, her brow furrowed like she was trying to smell her own nose, “Where he will stay until his attitude improves.”

Your sham of a trial had concluded. Marching orders had been given. Secret agent Sweetie Drops tugged at the ropes still holding your hands and dragged you across the smooth crystal floor out of the chamber. You could walk but you don’t want to make it any easier for them. You don’t want to give them the satisfaction. You hear that doing regular exercise is good for you and you thought Bonbon could use the exercise. Walking is for suckers, anyway.

“So, we don’t get to keep him?” A soft, scratchy voice asks.

“No Lyra, you can’t keep him.”

“Awww…”

Author's Note:

Fun Fact:
Lyra and Bonbon were not originally supposed to be part of the story. I wanted to use OC’s so I wrote a journal post and linked it on all of my social media places. I waited several months and no one volunteered. I could have created my own but using more characters from the show seemed like a better idea, thus the SMILE agent and her teal terror.

Comments

[tsaukpaetra]

Shoulda just ascended!
Or wait, maybe he did....?

[ItsYaBoiSatan]

11395934
Eh, it's good enough for me, just knowing that I know the backstory of that particular instance is nice.