It Turns Out They're Windmills

by J Carp

Why Did You Grow a Beard?

Apparently, when Pinkie hated someone, she developed a sixth-sense about them: she could just feel it when that person started to get close. It was such a rare, strange thing for her to actually feel contempt, it was like her body reacted involuntarily, like the person's mere proximity was a miasma that assaulted her immune system.

So when she suddenly clenched and spasmed, that was a sign that their pleasant hangout time was over. He was coming.

"Oh no," Sunset said. "Where is he?"

Pinkie thought for a moment, then her body seized and she crumpled to the ground. "Ack," she said. Her hand rose up and pointed off to the distance.

They looked, but they could not see him coming, yet. "Okay, we have a minute, at least," Sunset said. "The usual, right? Twilight does the talking?"

Twilight blushed. "You know, it's kind of weird for me to have to be the extroverted one."

"Sorry, Twilight, but we have no choice," Sunset said. "He just... he acts different with us than with you."

"I don't understand it," Twilight said, shaking her head in exasperation. "He's always totally pleasant to me. Well, except for that one time where he tried to reassure Timber Spruce by saying he wasn't going to 'move in on his territory.' That one didn't win him any points."

"Ugh," Sunset said, "that kid is the worst. Has he said anything lately? Any change? Any sign he knows about Fluttershy's, um, secret?"

Twilight blushed, as was her habit whenever anyone referenced Fluttershy's sexuality. Sunset knew she badly wanted to demonstrate only her acceptance and support, but she just couldn't help how embarrassing she found the whole thing to talk about. "No. All he's talked about for the past week has been the big, romantic gesture he has planned for her birthday."

Sunset grimaced. "A big romantic gesture. By Weeping Willow. For his girlfriend that he doesn't know is a lesbian. That's so much awkwardness, I think it would literally kill me."

"Um, are you still planning on intervening somehow?" Twilight asked uncertainly. At Sunset's terse nod, she frowned. "Why do you care so much? We want to help Fluttershy too, but... you seem really bothered."

Sunset looked away uncomfortably. She started to say something, hesitated, then finally spoke: "I just don't like that she doesn't feel like she can trust us. Doesn't she know we'd all accept her?"

"I'm not... sure it's really about that?" Twilight offered hesitantly. "I mean... she can know we'd accept her without really knowing it. If that makes sense.."

"I guess so." She started to say more but then cringed. "Here he comes," she said, nodding her head to the side. She grabbed her backpack and turned away. "It's no big," she called over her shoulder. "I'll come up with a plan, don't worry." She scampered off without waiting for a reply.

She had her back turned to them for a single second before her confident expression slipped. She had absolutely no clue how to come up with a plan.

She needed help. She could think of three people that might be able to help her. Three people with different insights, who might help her figure out what Fluttershy could possibly be thinking. But who should she ask?

---

Applejack crossed her arms across her chest and regarded Sunset with vague disapproval. "I don't really know what you're asking for," she said.

"Just what I said: Try to figure out what to do about Fluttershy."

"I thought we decided there was nothing we could do about it." Applejack glanced at her phone and swung her backpack over her shoulder.

"Yeah, but..." Sunset was oddly stuck for words. "That's why I'm talking to you. I thought we could come up with a plan or something."

"A plan to what? Out her?" Applejack could demonstrate a moralizing side sometimes, but now she actually seemed outright disgusted by Sunset's implications. "I'm not gonna do that."

Sunset felt herself shrinking under the obvious judgment. "But... look, no, of course I don't want to just out her. But she's with Weeping Willow."

"I know."

"She's not happy!"

"I know."

"Applejack!"

Applejack sighed. "Look, I just don't know what you want. I ain't happy about it, either. The girl's obviously gay as a gumball machine, but if she don't want to be out, she don't want to be out. That's all there is to it."

Sunset blinked. "....As gay as a gumball machine?"

"What?" Applejack stammered, taken aback. "No! That's not an insult or nothing, it's just a figure of speech!"

"I kind of... don't think it is."

Applejack looked back at Sunset defensively. "Sure it is. People say it all the time!"

"I have literally never in my life heard anyone else say 'as gay as a gumball machine.' How does that even make sense? Are gumball machines gay?"

"I don't know," Applejack said, looking around uncomfortably. "It's just a country saying. Like 'busier than a moth in a mitten.'"

"Yes, but moths eat wool, and mittens are made of wool," Sunset argued. "But a gumball machine... it... it's just baffling."

"Sunset!" Applejack exclaimed, stomping her foot in frustration. "Now come on, this isn't really the point, is it?"

"It's actually the only thing I can think about right now." Sunset waved down a passing student. "Hey, Derpy, got a sec?"

Derpy stopped and waved happily. "Hi, Sunset! Hi, Applejack!"

Sunset nodded in greeting. "Derpy, I have a question. Have you ever heard the phrase 'as gay as a gumball machine?'"

Derpy looked back and forth between Sunset and Applejack for a moment, then looked at both of them at the same time. "Uhhhh," she said.

"I'll take that as a no, then?" Sunset asked.

Derpy scratched the back of her head. "Yeah. Uh, can I go? I feel kinda uncomfortable about this conversation, but I'm not sure why."

"Sure. See you in chemistry!" Sunset waved as Derpy walked away, then she turned to Applejack. "See?"

Applejack rolled her eyes. "Look, Granny says it. I don't know where she got it from."

"Who's she say it about?"

"Her gay friends! She's got a million of them. She met them at bingo."

Sunset felt a grin tugging at her cheeks. "Applejack, can I hang out with your grandmother and her gay bingo friends? I'm being completely serious; that sounds like a blast."

"Nope, that's not gonna happen. And I don't see what this has to do with anything! Fluttershy's gay as a whatever-you-want, but there's nothing we can do about it. And there's especially nothing you should do about it."

"What?" Sunset's face fell into a dismayed grimace. "Why me?"

"Oh, come on, Sunset, I have to spell it out?" Applejack pointed at Sunset's sternum. "The poor girl's so tensed up that everyone will learn her secrets, she's dating a low-down guy to throw folks off the track. Don't you think a particular little empathy superpower might be especially scary for her?"

Sunset clutched her gem. "Oh," she said, "I hadn't thought of that." She sighed. "Fluttershy's thoughts are usually too jumbled-up to read anyway, but it makes sense she'd be afraid that I know something." She looked up with an impassioned frown. "But we can't do nothing. We can't."

Applejack shrugged. "If anyone can think of a way to out her without outing her, it's you." Her eyes narrowed into an expression that made it clear her next words were both friendly advice and a warning: "Just be careful."

---

Rarity closed her locker and spun on Sunset in a move that was half a swoon and half a dance move. "Oh, darling!" she sang, "I'm so glad you decided to get my opinion on this. I understand Fluttershy's situation implicitly."

"You do?" Sunset asked, looking away. She had never pegged herself as someone who would ever get embarrassed talking so openly about sexuality... that was more Twilight's thing... but it was somehow different when it was her friends. It was very different when it was Fluttershy. "I mean... aren't you, like, super-straight?"

"Oh yes, of course, of course," Rarity said patiently. "I don't mean the details, I mean the design."

Sunset scratched her head. "Not following you."

"Walk with me, darling," Rarity said, not waiting for a response before she sashayed off down the hallway. Sunset walked after her, vaguely wishing she had thought of a different set of three people she could have talked to about this. Maybe Snips and Snails had some insight...?

"Just think about it," Rarity said. "It's tragic for everyone involved, of course, but just think about what a wonderfully romantic situation Fluttershy has constructed for herself."

"Romantic?" Sunset had a difficult time wrapping her head around the idea. "You mean... like literature? Fluttershy is Dr. Frankenstein, and her relationship with Weeping is the unnatural monstrosity she's constructed out of dead bodies?"

Rarity gave her a very slightly condescending glare. "You're closer to the truth than you realize," she said. "It is about the narrative of it all. Fluttershy is lost in a hopeless, dark trap. And what do we wish for when we're in hopeless, dark traps? rescue, darling."

"Are you saying Fluttershy is trying to set herself up as some kind of... damsel in distress? I dunno, Rarity, that doesn't sound like her."

"The damsel role is old-fashioned," Rarity explained, daintily stepping around a cluster of gossiping classmates. "How it goes these days is more about strength and agency. Fluttershy wants a hero to swoop in and give her the strength and support it would take to rescue herself." Stars flashed in Rarity's eyes. "Trapped in fear and self-deception, running away from something inside her that could make her happy. But suddenly: a beautiful princess appears, forcing her to confront that which she secretly yearns for. And then she has the power to take for herself what she wants."

Sunset looked sideways at her friend. "That kinda seems more like something you'd want than something Fluttershy would want."

"We all want it at least a little, darling," Rarity said. "These stories are all around us." At Sunset's dismayed expression, she waved her hand reassuringly. "Oh, I'm not saying it's good, necessarily, but it doesn't help to lie to ourselves about what the world teaches us, does it?"

Sunset grimaced. "Are you serious?"

"Deadly serious." Rarity fixed her with an intense, piercing look. "I'm very connected to these things; this is what I want to do. When a designer makes a beautiful piece of clothing, they're making a character, a story the person wants to live out, deep down inside. If I'm going to make clothes, it's my duty to help people be their own heroes, so I have to know the stories that move them. I take it very seriously."

This all sounded pretty stupid to Sunset, but she felt bad about the idea of saying so. But Rarity continued: "Think about it this way. Picture a poor, shy girl, standing alone, wishing for a princess to come show an interest in her. And, magically, a brash, confident, young princess takes notice. There's something garish and creepy if the princess simply scoops her up and rides away. But instead, imagine this: heartened, the shy girl has the strength to claim the princess as her own, and they live together in love, as equals. Isn't there something about that which makes you feel warm? Something that just feels perfect?"

Sunset nodded grudglingly. "I guess so. But what's the point? What do we do?"

"Oh darling, I have no idea," Rarity replied lightly, stopping outside her math classroom. "But I am confident Fluttershy wants us to do something." She wiggled her fingers in farewell. "Ciao!" Then she disappeared into her classroom.

---

Trixie spun in a circle and flung her hand up into the air. Confetti drifted down upon her as she posed with an enormous smile. "Why Sunset," she said, "how very unsurprising that you would ask for my help."

In the few seconds it took for this to happen, Sunset went through a range of emotions, most saliently regret and apprehension. "This was a bad idea, wasn't it?"

"Oh, tut tut," Trixie said, blowing at a piece of confetti that had stuck to her nose. "Tell me what you need and I'll do my best to help my friend."

Sunset calmed slightly at the proud way Trixie said the word "friend." She was ridiculous, but she also seemed to want to be helpful so badly. "Okay..." Sunset said. "I'm not going to name names, but just in case, you can't tell anyone what we're talking about. Do you promise?"

"Trixie is a steel vault!"

"Okay." Habitually, Sunset checked the door to the classroom to make sure it was closed, and she glanced around the room to make sure no particularly subtle or easy-to-ignore introverts were listening in. Satisfied, she turned back to the magician. "So, I have a friend who I really think is gay and very closeted. I want to help her, but I know I can't just expose her secret. What should I do?"

"Oh, Sunset," Trixie giggled coyly. "So, you finally noticed about Fluttershy?"

Sunset's mouth hung open. "What? How did you know?"

Trixie put her hands on her hips and glared. "I swear, it's like you don't even pay attention when I say 'great and powerful.'" She recovered from the insult instantly, grinning again and tilting her head in curiosity. "So, why would you ask Trixie about this?" She gasped and her smile became sly. "Oh, I get it! You want me to seduce her! Gladly."

"No!!" Sunset's horror was blinding for a moment. "No, I do not want you to do that at all."

"Why not?" Trixie seemed offended again. "That's the easiest way to fix the problem, right? Am I not good enough for her? Do you not trust me to be able to do it?"

"That's not it!" Sunset argued, though in fact there were fewer things in the world she trusted less than Trixie's seduction skills. "It's just... first of all, think about it. It's Fluttershy. You'd want to come on strong, but that would just scare her."

"Trixie can be subtle! Trixie can be the subtlest!"

Sunset sighed. "You literally just pulled out a lit sparkler when you said the word 'subtlest.'"

"But..."

"No, Trixie, look. I appreciate you wanting to help, really, but this isn't why I asked you."

Trixie blew out her sparkler poutily. "Why did you ask me?"

Sunset scratched her head, suddenly embarrassed. "I mean... you know why."

"No, I don't. The Great and Powerful Trixie knows all!, but she doesn't know what you're talking about right now."

Sunset's face was reddening. "You're... not... straight, right?"

In response, Trixie waved her arms around and a rainbow-colored scarf suddenly appeared in her hands. She held it up proudly.

Sunset blinked. "Do you just carry that thing in your sleeve all the time?"

"I pulled it out of thin air," Trixie said, stuffing the scarf back into her sleeve. "It's magic."

Sunset shook her head, trying to get back on track. "Listen, I just wanted to get advice from you about that. You don't talk about it all the time, but people know. How are you so fearless about it?"

"The performer's life is about spontaneity," Trixie replied, shrugging. "I don't really ever think very much about what I do before I do it. If I see a girl I want to flirt with, I flirt with her. If she doesn't like it, then she's obviously intimidated by Trixie's beauty and couldn't keep up with her anyway."

"Yeah, but... does anyone give you trouble? Have you ever been bullied about it?"

Trixie looked at Sunset blankly. Her eyes slowly narrowed.

Sunset froze. "....I did?"

"You don't even remember?"

Sunset sat down in an empty seat. She raised her hand to her forehead, which felt dry and cool. "I don't. I was horrible to everybody, but I didn't think..." She looked up, feeling tears stinging her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Trixie."

"Trixie just assumed you were expressing latent, aching feelings for her in a maladaptive way."

"Um." Sunset blushed, looking away. "I'm really only attracted to magic, talking ponies, so..."

"Oh, please," Trixie said, waving her hand dismissively. "I'm not going to get a big complex just because I'm similar enough to a magic talking pony that you get a crush on me."

Sunset started to argue but realized she absolutely did not want to. "You are pretty good at magic. Like a unicorn."

Trixie laughed triumphantly. "Indeed I am!" She gave a halfhearted frown. "But I should let you know, the Great and Powerful Trixie has quite high standards, you understand. So I'm sorry to say, you and I will have to remain only friends."

"I'll... deal with it somehow. But, this doesn't really help with Fluttershy. All I've learned is, if she had an entirely different personality, then she'd be open about being gay. But of course she's shy about it, she's... shy."

Trixie began to reply, but an extremely soft cough interrupted her. They looked over and saw, standing in the corner of the room, a freckly girl with wavy, green hair.

Sunset gawked. "Wallflower Blush! How long have you..."

"Um, the whole time," Wallflower replied.

"But how?! I checked specifically for you and you weren't there!"

Wallflower hugged herself and looked off to the side. "I guess I'm just that unremarkable," she said. She held a sad expression for two more full seconds, then it shattered into a grin. She brought her hands up to her mouth, spewing giggles through the room. "I'm just kidding! I came in a minute ago."

Sunset put a palm to her chest in relief. "Oh, thank goodness. Um... but did you overhear what we were talking about?"

"I did," Wallflower said, nodding. "I'm sorry... I didn't know it was such a personal conversation until I was already listening, and then I thought it'd be weird to try to sneak back out of the room. But don't worry, I'm very good at keeping secrets!"

"It's okay," Sunset said. She suddenly blinked. "Um, but I feel like I should explain about the pony thing...?"

But Trixie was already sashaying across the room and draping her arm around Wallflower's shoulder. "Hey, dearie, Sunset here thinks cute, shy girls don't like it when Trixie comes on too strong. What do you think?"

Wallflower's body locked up like a broken gearshift. "What?" she asked very quietly.

With a small burst of silver light, a daffodil appeared in Trixie's hand. She passed it over to Wallflower, who took it dumbly. "You don't think I'm being too aggressive, do you?"

Wallflower held the stem of the daffodil so tightly, it broke in her hand. The yellow head fell to the floor. "Are you... hitting on me?" she wheezed.

Trixie took a confused step back. "Um, yes?"

"But..." Wallflower's voice trembled almost as much as her body. "But you just said Sunset wasn't up to your standards. But then... you hit on me?"

Trixie seemed to shrink in uncharacteristic abashment and confusion. "Well... yeah. Trixie thinks you're cute. She doesn't think that about Sunset." She began to pale. "Don't... make this into some huge deal, Trixie is just trying to prove how charming she is."

Out of equal parts compassion and vicarious embarrassment, Sunset took a step forward. "Hey, Wallflower," she said, "I don't mean to put you on the spot any more than you already are, but I'm not sure what to do, here. If you want, I can get Trixie to knock it off. But if you're interested, I can go, so you guys can talk."

At the word 'interested,' both Wallflower and Trixie's faces burst into enormous blushes. Trixie took another step back. "Um. You don't have to..." But Wallflower reached out and grabbed the hem of her sleeve. They stood silently, red-faced and looking off at nothing.

Sunset could not help but smile. "Okay, then. I'll see you guys later." She picked up her backpack and walked to the door.

"Wait, Sunset." Sunset turned to see Wallflower looking back at her, still holding on to Trixie's sleeve. "I... um... about Fluttershy? Is it okay if I say something?"

Sunset raised an eyebrow. "Sure, go for it."

Wallflower looked down at the floor as she spoke, but her voice was steady. "I think, if she's shy, she might be afraid of people finding out, but not so much of people knowing. I feel like that sometimes. I focus on this big, horrible moment where I feel exposed, but I don't care at all about the thing that's getting exposed. Does... does that make sense?"

Sunset considered this, then nodded. "I think that's really helpful. Thanks, Wallflower." She looked back at the bizarre scene in front of her, Wallflower smiling gratefully, Trixie still looking gobsmacked. "I'll see you guys later." Before either one had a chance to change their mind, she slipped out of the room.

Author's Note:

Animals rule this land. Animals rule this land.

Comments

[Texus]

I like that shipping, If it was who I think it was then I like it. I also liked the situation, I mean how Trixie appareantly accidently got herself a date.

[Linksta]

Trixie's as gay as a gumball machine.

[nemryn]

Oh Applejack, you and your ridiculous country sayings.

[Natedogg2006]

That entire last scene with Trixie was pure gold. It almost made me regret writing a more subdued Trixie, now I kinda want to do a full on great and powerful scene in my story.
Also I'm with sunset, never thought of it before but hanging out with a bunch of old lesbians sounds freaking awesome.

[Ri2]

8971490
Wait, so, does that mean Granny is...but then how did she have Bright Mac,..

[PresentPerfect]

The "gay as a gumball machine" scene is one of many conversations that were copy-pasted to me via email and which, ultimately, got me to read these stories. :)

So I have to ask the same question I did back then: When do we get the story about Sunset hanging out with Granny Smith's gay bingo friends? :V

[Butterscotch Moonglow]

Trixie spun in a circle and flung her hand up into the air. Confetti drifted down upon her as she posed with an enormous smile. "Why Sunset," she said, "how very unsurprising that you would ask for my help."

You know, I was just going to comment some quick little line like, "Yeah, that's my wife!" and then...

Sunset's face was reddening. "You're... not... straight, right?"

In response, Trixie waved her arms around and a rainbow-colored scarf suddenly appeared in her hands. She held it up proudly.

Sunset blinked. "Do you just carry that thing in your sleeve all the time?"

"I pulled it out of thin air," Trixie said, stuffing the scarf back into her sleeve. "It's magic."

HECK YEAH, THAT'S MY WIFE.

[Butterscotch Moonglow]

8974227

Hanging out with old lesbians, especially some of Granny Smith's friends, does seem kind of awesome. Especially those who coin phrases like "gay as a gumball machine."

However, having queer friends doesn't necessarily make you queer! It's entirely possible that Granny Smith is still a 100% heterosexual (or bi, or pan,if that's how you want to slice it), and just loves her friends a lot for who they are regardless of whom they like!

[Ponywonyowo]

Sunset froze. "....I did?"

"Did I do that?" -sunset urkle, 2018

[Cold Bolt]

I think this might be my favorite Trixie ever. Flamboyantly and unabashedly gay, hits on Wally just to prove a point, then is completely thrown off when she gets a genuine response. I love it.

[Dewdrops on the Grass]

I love your take on Trixie. I especially love the way she swooped in and gave a big ol' ego boost to Wallflower. Poor Wallflower needs it.

As for gay as a gumball machine, that just makes me think about how interestingly bizarre countryisms get. It's not one I've heard, but I'd BELIEVE it existed.

Applejack's right though. Outing someone? Not good to do. Even if you're trying to help them. Especially if you're trying to help them.

[Venlinelle]

"Um." Sunset blushed, looking away. "I'm really only attracted to magic, talking ponies, so..."

You know, that must be very difficult. Someone get Sunset a trip to Equestria to… deal with some things.