• Published 17th May 2018
  • 3,497 Views, 209 Comments

It Turns Out They're Windmills - J Carp



Fluttershy has a new boyfriend, which is strange, because her pony counterpart is super gay. Meanwhile, that shy little gay pegasus deals with an unexpected threat to her new relationship.

  • ...
21
 209
 3,497

She's an Angel

Twilight giggled in that dreadfully dorky way that seemed to come upon her when she spent time with Moon Dancer. She used three of her feet to walk and used the fourth to rub her chin in thought. "So, it's a process, it's older than Nightmare Moon. It DOES have to do with nature..."

"Usually," Moon Dancer clarified.

"Usually has to do with nature. But it's social, it's not magic, and it's harmful. Right?"

"That's what you have so far," Moon Dancer said. She glanced at her friend slyly. "Want a hint?"

"No!" Twilight yelled, aghast. "I'll get it!" She furrowed her whole face in thought. "Is it an action performed by sentient beings?"

"Yes."

"Hm, but it's bad. Is it something ponies do by accident?"

"No. Well... the outcome is accidental. The action is deliberate."

Twilight thought to guess again, but she was interrupted by a call from above. She looked to see a familiar, cerulean form waving, then darting down towards the ground.

"Hi, Rainbow," she said, noting that Moon Dancer smiled genuinely and waved.

Rainbow Dash grinned at them. "Hey, girls, what's up?"

"Moon Dancer was showing me some plants she's studying in the Everfree," Twilight answered. "While we were walking back, we were playing twenty questions."

"Our games of twenty questions are pretty hardcore," Moon Dancer added, smirking.

Rainbow Dash blinked at this, then she just sighed and shook her head.

"We only have two rules," Moon Dancer clarified. "Twilight can't ask about any obscure magical theory..."

"...And Moon Dancer can't ask about any of those weird, artsy musicians or filmmakers she likes," Twilight finished.

Rainbow Dash seemed to be exhibiting an enormous amount of self-control by not just flying away.

"Oh, I thought of what I was going to ask!" Twilight said, turning to Moon Dancer. "Is it something one pony can do alone?"

"No," Moon Dancer said. "Absolutely never."

Twilight thought, then suddenly burst into a grin. "Oh! Oh! Is it the tragedy of the commons??"

"Yes!" Moon Dancer yelled, equally delighted. "It is the tragedy of the commons!" They both jumped up and down in glee.

Rainbow watched this, bemused. "Okayyy, so not sticking around for the nerd olympics, here. Twilight, Pinkie asked me to see if you could help her out with something this afternoon. Me and Applejack are doing it, too."

"Sure," Twilight said, still beaming.

"Can I come, too?" Moon Dancer asked.

Rainbow scratched the back of her head awkwardly. "Uh, no. Pinkie said you were specifically not invited, but she said to tell you that she still thinks you're..." Rainbow grimaced, "'super-dee-duper.'" At Moon dancer's vaguely hurt expression, she clarified: "Uh, I'm not supposed to say why you're not invited, but the reason rhymes with, um, 'Bluttershy's Birthday Party.'"

"Ohh," Twilight said, nodding. "Special Someponies of the birthday pony are guests of honor too, I guess. So Pinkie wouldn't want you to have to help with setting the party up."

"Yeah," Rainbow added. She gave Moon Dancer the Rainbow Dash version of a sly glance, which was a large, gawky grin. "And we all thought it'd be better to give you the time to actually get Fluttershy's birthday present."

Moon Dancer recoiled. "I'm getting closer! I've been making lists!"

Rainbow just stared, but Twilight, feeling a burst of energy, placed a hoof on Moon Dancer's shoulder. "I understand how you feel. I'd probably be doing the same thing."

"Thanks." Moon Dancer gave her a warm look, then turned up her nose at Rainbow. "See, Twilight gets me."

Rainbow rolled her eyes, but she was smiling too. "Big surprise. Okay, see you later, Twilight?"

"Sure! I have to write Sunset, but after that I'll be free." They waved goodbye as Rainbow darted off.

Twilight gave her friend a sly look. "You've been making lists, and you didn't tell me?"

Moon Dancer fiddled with her front hooves nervously. "Well... no. I kind of... exaggerated about that. I'm not quite to the list-making stage yet."

"Want some help?"

"Yes, very much."

Twilight grinned. "Can you believe some ponies don't think I'm very cool?"

Moon Dancer grinned back. "Not for a second."

They giggled like dorks.


Sunset frowned as she scanned the glowing writing in her journal. "Huh," she said.

Pinkie Pie balanced on one foot for no apparent reason but to enjoy how it felt to almost fall over. "Oo, did Princess Twilight respond?" she asked brightly. "What'd she write?"

"She... um." Sunset scratched the back of her head. "Actually, I'm not sure if I should say. It's kind of a secret, I think."

Rarity put her hand on her chest and gasped. "A secret? My goodness, is it dangerous?"

"Not really, it's just..." Sunset sighed. "I've got kind of an ethical dilemma, here. Applejack, can I ask your advice?"

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash jumped in her face, pointing angrily. "How come you're asking her??"

"Because your eyes glazed over when I said the phrase 'ethical dilemma,' because Rarity got way too excited when I mentioned it was a secret, because Twilight is programming and isn't even listening, and because Pinkie..." Sunset trailed off thoughtfully. "Hm, actually, I don't have a reason for Pinkie."

Pinkie fell over, giggling madly. "Whee!" she cheered.

Twilight looked up from her laptop. "What?"

Applejack sighed and stepped forward. "Okay, I'll weigh in," she said. "Lay it out for me, Sunset."

Sunset nodded. "All right, so Princess Twilight just told me something... really personal about one of the ponies she knows. It's something that might also be true about this pony's counterpart over here. If it is true, it's something they probably don't want anyone to know."

Applejack rubbed her chin in thought. "Is it something important?"

"Yeah. It'd be better in the long-run for people to know, but it feels unfair to find out because of a parallel dimension."

"Gosh." Applejack put her hands on her hips. "That's a tricky one."

"Okayyyyy," Rainbow broke in. "First of all, you do know that you told us earlier that you were writing to Princess Twilight about Fluttershy, right? So we all know who you're talking about already."

"Yes," Rarity added. "And we know it has something to do with..." her voice dropped into a growl of utter contempt... "Weeping Willow. Because what else would you be talking about?"

"And if it's something good, that means it's bad for him," Rainbow said. "Oh!" she looked up at Sunset excitedly. "Is pony Weeping Willow dead??"

"Rainbow!" Twilight admonished, "that's terrible!"

Rainbow shrugged. "I didn't mean he died violently or anything. Maybe just of old age. I don't know how magic horse world works."

"No no no," Rarity said. "Sunset told us that it was a secret that was true about a human here."

"Right!" Pinkie agreed. "And it's something they want to keep secret, even though it'd be good for people to know, and it's... about Fluttershy..." She suddenly sprang to her feet.

"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" She grabbed her head with both hands, hopping from foot to foot in alarm. "I figured it out! Sunset, I figured it out! But I can't tell anyone this! But it's so important! Applejack, what do I do??"

"I think... I think we gotta treat this like information given in confidence," Applejack said. "If Fluttershy doesn't want anyone to know, it feels wrong to find out this way."

"Aagh!!" Pinkie screamed. "I did something wrong? What do I do??" She dashed over to Twilight desperately. "Twilight! Hypnotize me to forget the secret, like how you made Sunset always forget when she hops around like a bunny!"

Sunset rolled her eyes. "I still don't understand why you guys are so amused by that," she muttered.

"Pinkie, calm down," Applejack said. "If you just figured it out on your own, then I don't think anyone did anything wrong..."

"Oh!" Pinkie shrieked, hurling herself around the group. "That just means you guys have to figure it out, too! Come on!" She danced from friend to friend, giving what she clearly believed, incorrectly, to be meaningful nudges and winks. "Think about it! Think about it! She likes caaaaaats?"

Sunset pinched the bridge of her nose. "Pinkie, I don't think that's going to..."

But Rarity gasped. "Oh my! That really explains so much..." She suddenly looked up at Pinkie crossly. "Hey, but that's not true about everyone who likes cats, though."

Sunset sighed. "Girls, I think it violates the spirit of 'figuring it out on your own' if you give each other hints."

"Aaagh!" Pinkie screeched. She pounced at Rarity, grabbing her friend's shoulders and shaking her. "No hints! No hints, Rarity!"

Applejack rolled her eyes. "I think we're too late," she said. She gestured over to Twilight, whose deep blush indicated she had figured out Fluttershy's secret, too. "No use complaining, I guess. We've all probably known for a while, in the back of our heads."

"Hey!" They looked over at Rainbow, who folded her arms over her chest crossly. "You guys are being subtle, and I hate subtle. Will someone let me know what's going on?"

Pinkie and Rarity looked at Applejack with helplessness. Applejack sighed, then she stood and walked over to Rainbow. She whispered in her friend's ear for a moment.

"Oh!" Rainbow said. "Well, duh. I knew that."

Sunset gawked. "Wait... if you knew, didn't you think the whole Weeping Willow thing was weird?"

"Why?"

"Because he's a boy."

"Yeah? So what?"

Sunset wondered idly if she was being pranked. "Um. Lesbians don't like boys."

Rainbow blinked, then squinted. "Oh well, okay, if you say it all together like that, then it's weird."

Pinkie gasped. "Fluttershy is a lesbian? Whoa, I was way wrong." She giggled. "But yay! Hooray for her!"

"No, Pinkie, not hooray for her!" Sunset argued. "If this is true, then she's afraid to tell anyone and is dating a guy!"

"Hold up," Applejack said. "We may not like it, but that don't matter. We can't do anything. Think about how embarrassed Fluttershy would be if she knew we knew."

Rainbow frowned. "Right." She kicked at the ground in frustration. "This sucks!"

"Oh!" Pinkie raised her index finger, a bright smile on her face. "Does pony Fluttershy have a girlfriend? Or a cute girl pony that she likes? Maybe if we introduce her to someone over here..."

"Oh right." Sunset turned to Twilight. "Does anyone know anyone named 'Moon Dancer?' Twilight, maybe at Crystal Prep?"

"I don't think so. Is that, um. Flutterhsy's..." Twilight thought for a moment. "Girlfriend? I'm sorry, my brain can't fully wrap itself around the fact that we're talking about sentient ponies who date one another."

"You get used to it," Sunset said. "And yeah, that's Fluttershy's girlfriend. Really serious, sounds like."

"Ohh, how wonderful," Rarity said, clasping her hands over her heart. She frowned. "Although, I am not sure I like the idea of any version of Fluttershy dating some strange mystery girl. I certainly hope my counterpart over there did her duty and confirmed she was up to the appropriate standards."

Twilight raised a hand as if she was asking a question in class. "Girls, hold on a second. Are we even sure about this? Ponies and people might be different. Fluttershy might not be..."

"Okay, option one," Rainbow interrupted, "Fluttershy's a lesbian and scared to tell anyone. Option two, she's not a lesbian and actually likes Weeping Willow. You're the one getting an A plus-plus in math, but I think I know which is more likely."

Twilight paused, then nodded softly. "That's a good point," she said. She turned her head to the side and quietly added, "And it's an A-plus-plus-plus-plus, four pluses, just to be accurate."

They all frowned. There was a depressing silence.

Pinkie pounded a fist into her hand. "We need cheering up!" She declared. "Hey SunShim, could you do us a favor?"

"Uh, sure?"

Pinkie trotted closer and ginned mischievously. "Can I pleeeaaase say the word?"

Sunset rolled her eyes. "Really? Again?"

"It's... very amusing, Sunset," Rarity said. "We don't mean to embarrass you, but.."

"No no, it's fine," Sunset interrupted. "I just don't see what's so fascinating about it."

Rainbow Dash laughed. "Uh, it's Sunset Shimmer, who's like the smartest kid in school, hopping around like a bunny in her tough-girl leather jacket. It's like the funniest thing I've ever seen."

Sunset sighed again, though she could not keep a small smile from her face. It was a pretty funny image. "Okay, whatever," she said, "go for it."

Pinkie said something. Sunset blinked and suddenly she was a few meters away from where she had been standing, and her friends were all grinning. Her nose itched.

Sunset looked around, disoriented. "Uh."

Pinkie threw her arm around Sunset's shoulders. "Thanks! That allllways cheers me up, no matter how many times I see it!"

Sunset reeled as the world slowly came back into focus. "Um, well, I'm glad to help out."

Rainbow stretched. "It's too hot out here. Let's go get some juice, okay? We can't help Fluttershy by just sitting around and sweating."

Sunset felt herself being led away. "Sure," she said, still feeling a bit addled. "I guess I could go for a carrot smoothie."

Before she even finished speaking, she knew it was the wrong thing to say. Her friends exploded in laughter.


Twilight glanced over at Rainbow and Applejack, who both seemed equally confused. They all peered back at the poster sitting there on the easel, then at Pinkie, standing next to it, gazing back at them expectantly, a pen in her mouth and a note pad in her hoof. Then they glanced at each other, again.

"Uh, Pinkie?" Rainbow said finally. "Not sure what we're supposed to be looking at, here."

"It's up to you!" Pinkie said encouragingly.

They looked. "Well," Applejack said, "it looks like a bunch of pink and yellow splotches."

Pinkie nodded, taking frantic notes. "Okay. Anything else? Does it make you think of Fluttershy?"

Applejack blinked, apparently worried this was some sort of trick question. "Well... Fluttershy is pink and yellow, so... I guess it does?"

Pinkie mumbled to herself thoughtfully and took more notes. "Okay," she said, switching the poster out for another one, "what about this one?"

"That's just kind of dark orange," Rainbow said.

Pinkie nodded. "Does this one remind you of Fluttershy?"

Rainbow scratched her head. "Not really."

"So the first one reminded you more of Fluttershy?"

"You mean the one that was Fluttershy-colored? Yes." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Pinkie, why are we doing this?"

"It's science!" Pinkie declared, switching the poster out for a new one, black and green. "I've decided to use experiments to help me plan my party decorations."

"Uh, this... isn't really an experiment, though," Twilight offered as politely as she could. "Experiments use tightly controlled conditions and randomized assignment."

Pinkie glared, unamused. "New result," she announced around her pen as she took notes, "black and green makes subjects into meanies."

"Pinkie..."

Pinkie switched out the green and black for a new poster, grey and brown. "Does this remind you of Fluttershy?" she interrupted sternly.

"No, it doesn't," Rainbow said. "It's like, the opposite of Fluttershy."

"It... kinda reminds me of Rarity, though," Applejack said.

"Rarity?" Rainbow asked, gaping at her. "Grey and brown?"

"Well, she's always talking about weird colors, I dunno."

"Oh, come on," Rainbow said. "What are you, colorblind? That's not like Rarity at all."

Pinkie dropped her pen as her mouth fell open. "What?! Ponies can be colorblind? They're blind to colors??" She brought her front hooves up to her chest and squeezed with despair. "How are they alive??"

Twilight grinned awkwardly. "Um, it doesn't really mean what you think. It just means they can't tell the difference between..."

"This changes everything!" Pinkie wailed, stomping in little circles. "How can I make the decorations just right for Fluttershy's birthday party when some ponies might not even be able to see them??"

"It's not very common," Twilight said, hovering over and placing her hoof on Pinkie's shoulder. "I don't think you need to worry about it. I don't think anypony we're inviting is colorblind."

Pinkie sniffled. "They're not? But what about those poor ponies..."

"Most colorblind ponies still see a range of colors," Twilight said as kindly as she could. "They just don't see what we see. I promise, they still appreciate colorful party decorations."

Pinkie regarded her with terrified eyes for a moment, then she slowly relaxed. "Thanks, Twilight." She grinned. "Spectrum-stential crisis averted!"

"Hey," Rainbow said, amused, "lucky for Twilight that Fluttershy isn't colorblind, right? That'd be awkward." She laughed, and Applejack and Pinkie joined her.

Twilight laughed too, but she quickly stopped and looked around in confusion. "Wait, what?"

"You know," Rainbow said. "Because of Moon Dancer."

Twilight scratched the back of her head. "I don't get it."

The other three ponies gaped at each other. There was an short silence, which Rainbow broke by chuckling. "Hold on," she said. "Hold on. Are you saying that you've seriously never noticed?"

"Noticed what?"

"Oh man," Rainbow laughed. "Oh man, how could you possibly never have noticed?"

Twilight glared. "Um, you mind letting me in on the joke, here?"

"Twilight, you and Moon Dancer look a lot alike," Applejack explained. "Shoot, you're pretty much twins, except for your colors."

"What? That's not true."

"Oh, it's tooottttally true," Pinkie said brightly. "I kinda thought you were magic clones when I first met her."

"....really?" Twilight frowned. She quickly conjured a small mirror and a photograph of Moon Dancer. She held them both out in front of her and looked back and forth between them. "Oh, my... we do look a lot alike!" She gasped. "Does Fluttershy know?"

Rainbow gave her a confused squint. "What do you mean, 'does Fluttershy know?' She's got eyes, so I think she's probably figured it out."

"Right." Twilight popped the mirror and photo away. She hung her head and looked at the ground. "Right. But... we don't act at all alike though, right?"

Rainbow fell over onto the ground laughing, and even Applejack seemed to have trouble keeping from breaking into a chuckle. Twilight regarded them with dismay. "...we do act alike?"

"Uh, I dunno," Rainbow said. "Let me check the Big Book of Ponies That Are Totally The Same. Oh wait, I can't, because Twilight and Moon Dancer are fighting over who gets to read it."

Applejack leaned forward. "We don't mean to laugh at you, Twilight. This is just something that's been pretty obvious to everypony since we met Moon Dancer, so it's funny you wouldn't have noticed."

"Girls!" Pinkie called, waving her hooves in alarm. "Colors!" She pointed meaningfully at the new poster she had put up. "This one is chartreuse. What do you think?"

They ignored her. Applejack leaned forward. "Twilight?"

Twilight looked up, frowning. "Um, Pinkie, I don't think I can look at your colors anymore, I'm sorry."

Applejack took a step towards her, concerned. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know." Twilight sighed and spread her wings. "I'm not feeling great. I think I'll go lie down."

Pinkie gasped. "Oh no! Is chartreuse..." she paused with terror, "...the color of despair??"

"Yeah, Pinkie." Twilight lifted off, tears beginning to fill her eyes. "Chartreuse is the color of despair. The chartreuse got to me. Sorry." She soared into the sky, leaving three confused ponies behind.


"...How could you not have noticed that the two of you look alike?"

"I just didn't," Twilight grumbled.

"Didn't you go to school together? In all that time..."

"Rarity!" Twilight stomped her hoof in irritation. "This isn't really the point."

"All right, fine, fine." Rarity levitated the mug of tea over to her friend. "Chamomile, darling, it will help you calm down." She took her own mug and stood across from Twilight, looking at her with concern. "All right, so what is the point?"

Twilight hung her head. The smell of the tea was actually helping her relax a little. "Fluttershy," she mumbled.

"Fluttershy? Why would... oh." Rarity closed her mouth, then opened it, then closed it again. "Darling," she said finally, "I can think of several things you might mean by that, so could you please be more specific?"

"It's just... I got a thought in my head and I couldn't get rid of it," Twilight said. "But it makes me feel like a bad pony."

"Twilight, you are not a bad pony, and I know Fluttershy would say the same, no matter what this thought of yours is."

"Yeah." Twilight sipped her tea, though it was still too hot to drink any more than the slightest bit. "I mean... if Moon Dancer and I look alike, and if Fluttershy likes Moon Dancer, then..." She looked up at Rarity with hollow eyes. "See what I mean?"

"Oh, darling." Rarity nodded at her with sympathy. "Yes, that's a perfectly natural thing to think. You and Fluttershy are very dear friends; it's just reasonable that she might have at some point... become confused about the nature of her feelings for you."

"It is?"

"Of course!" Rarity sighed dramatically. "Why, the poor dear had quite a strong attraction for me at one point."

"Really?"

"Yes. A long time ago." Rarity gazed out a nearby window with pensive intensity. "Alas, I am of course completely heterosexual, so it would have been absolutely impossible for me to reciprocate her feelings. We could only soldier on. Tragic and beautiful." She looked back at Twilight, eyes sparkling with unshed tears. "But in time, her feelings faded. If anything, our friendship grew stronger."

"Hmm." Twilight stared into her teacup, relieved for the pause it allowed her. "Okay, but that's not all I'm worried about. Because... what about Moon Dancer?"

"What about her?"

"Um... what if the only reason Fluttershy liked Moon Dancer was because, um... she looks like me?"

Rarity blinked in surprise. "Oh." She took a sip of tea and regained her composure. "So, you worry Moon Dancer is... a replacement... for you?"

Twilight cringed. "It sounds really bad when you say it like that."

"No, it's entirely understandable, if a bit... overthought." Rarity stirred her tea smartly. "Well. Twilight, surely you agree that Fluttershy and I are very close, yes?"

"Yeah."

"And you understand that Fluttershy is very open with me about her attractions? The one directed at myself excluded, of course."

"...I guess."

Rarity nodded smartly. "Well then, you can believe me when I say this: Fluttershy has absolutely never, at any time, found you the least bit attractive. Not even a small amount. I'm absolutely certain that you are a completely unromantic, nonsexual presence in her life." She smiled proudly. "Now, do you feel better?"

Twilight stared back at her. "....no."

Rarity nearly dropped the tea she was self-congratulatingly sipping. "No?"

"No. I feel worse."

Rarity trotted closer, frowning. "Oh Twilight, I'm sorry. I certainly never meant to make you feel worse."

Tears stung Twilight's eyes, which she found more bewildering than anything else. She sniffled.

"Twilight!" Rarity ran up to her in alarm, pressing her neck against Twilight's in a hug. "I've put my hoof in my mouth. I'm sorry."

"No, no Rarity, it's all right," Twilight said, wiping her tears away with a foreleg. "I don't even know why I'm feeling like this. I just..." She hung her head in shame. "I'm jealous of Moon Dancer."

The room felt sere and wispy from her realization. Twilight stared with hollow eyes. "Why am I jealous of Moon Dancer? Rarity, why would I be jealous of Moon Dancer??"

Rarity pulled back and fixed her with a serious gaze. "Naturally, I want to help you, but I may not be the best pony to talk to about... this particular kind of issue. But, there's someone you know with the perfect expertise to help with this sort of thing."

Twilight looked back blankly. "...Spike?"

"No, dear. Your sister-in-law."

"Cadence? But she..." Twilight gasped. "This is a love problem?"

Rarity grinned back at her, not even bothering to hide her excitement. "This is a love problem!"

Author's Note:

These things happen to other people. They don't happen at all, in fact.