After an accident involving Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash, a confused mare wakes up in an Equestria she doesn't recognize. Set on finding out what happened after the failed experiment, she plunges herself into the grim streets of Canterlot.
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Looks like the foods arrived and the star ingredient is exposition! This chapter dealt the hugest whammies in terms of answers. Although, as with any truth, came as a double edge sword. The biggest one that plagued my mind, the fate of the remaining main 6, was answered. It traded my insatiable curiosity for a deep rooted sadness. There is a great grievance in knowing a majority of the mane 6 is dead as door nails considering I would hope there would be more to reunite with Twilight. On another note, a week has passed, tensions are rising, and Twilight had the unfortunate timing to end up right at the climax. What will happen to our cast? What they hay was that about Luna? When will Twilight get a break? All this, and a coffee break PLUS MORE will be revealed... in the next chapter!
Now on to the survey!
I had initially come this story on the grimdark premise and dystopian world. It’s personally one of my favorite types of stories to read. Following through with that promise, I got a really dark tale. It hit every note I wanted, a rich world filled with incredible detail and endearing characters who are all stuck in the worst scenarios. With its fair share of blood and gore (but most importantly not overwhelming) this story feels almost too real. Yet, there’s one small thing. I feel like some things should be left unexplained BUT (and this is a big but) should be explained in side stories. A mixture of mystery and intrigue in the main story but if you go looking for it... the answers. Furthermore, when I say ‘explained’ I mean to actually live through the story of what needs explaining. The best example would be Spike’s condition. Instead of being told “X happened then Y” I’d rather have the character have no clue how it happened (or be unable to articulate the story) but then be addressed as a mini story in the side stories. This only applies though if plans aren’t already made for the character where explaining the story drives the plot. I don’t want to come off though as needy, I love the direction the story is going. I’m perfectly content in following however the story is written. If I want exactly what I want I’d just write my own! But I love this stories premise, it’s writing, the character, just all of it.
Also, English isn’t your native language? Honestly could not tell, I can tell you it’s well written though.
This is ungodly long...
Keep up that good stuff!
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First of all, before answering to each part of the comment I want to say my huge thanks for taking you time to write all of this.
As for the chapter itself, I'm glad that you enjoyed it and that it left you both satisfied and curious, that was the purpose - to answer some questions only to create more. And as for lack of reunions - it was meant to be this way due to the premise - we are talking about five centuries, so not many ponies Twilight should be alive or even remembered by that moment. I would be glad to include many characters from the show, but it would make no sense.
As for the survey - I'm happy to know that I've reached one of my primary goals - to create a living world of pony cyberpunk. Also, it is good to know that amount of gore is not too much, I had my fears that sometimes I added a bit more than was necessary.
And as for that thing you mentioned - another huge thanks for pointing that. Things must have explantion, so I will know what I'm working with and how to connect characteres and events to each other to drive the plot. But you are totally right - it doesn't always need an explantion to be told to readers or if it needs, that should be done through the storytelling and not through just a 'question-answer' way. So, more mistique in the future.
And as for the English not being my native language, it must be most noticable in my comments or blog post since they are not proofread, unlike the story. That said your praise should go to the editing team.
Thanks again for commenting!
Really enjoying the story so far. Thanks for writing.
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All thanks to you.
As much as I hate to admit it, and I know I really shouldn’t do stuff like that, but the cover art was the first thing to catch my attention. My first thought was, “huh, that’s cool looking, but not currently within the scope of my interests at the moment.” So I left it alone and continued browsing. But, from that point, I assumed the production of the work would be something of notable quality.
“Don’t judge a book by its cover, Andromidus!” I know, I know. But sometimes stuff like that is indicative of what’s inside, which sucks, because that sometimes means I’ve ignored some really good stories.
But enough digressing. I revisited this after I realized how much I liked the cyberpunk genre, and I’m currently binging through what I can. And so far, from what I’ve read, this is pretty good, and written by someone who isn’t natively an English speaker? I would never have noticed had you never pointed it out! (And I just read your previous comment, so kudos to those editors!) Of course, I caught some stuff that bled through in the earlier chapters, what with the janky syntax and all, but that was an overall minor thing and barely subtracted from the experience.
And I guess the only thing that really bothered me were some uber-long paragraphs, walls of text can be off-putting for me, but, really, no worries, that’s just me.
Keep up the good work, I eagerly look forward to more.
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Thank you! I really appreaciate the time and effort you put into that comment.
The earlier chapters are going to undergo some additional editing later on.
And as for the walls of text... well, it's my style it seems. I do try to not delve into poitless descriptions too much, but sometimes I can't avoid it or, rather, can't convey my thought any other way.
Thanks again for leaving a comment, I'm glad you are enjoying the story and I hope I won't disappoint with the future chapters.
“Ow, fuck!” The goat tore his headphones off, blindly pawing the keyboard for his sights. “I can’t believe you’ve done this.”
I see what you did there.
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