We knew we were there by the trees. On minute we were walking in a pleasant, thinly wooded area. The next the trees grew close together with barely enough room to squeeze through the. They were neither tall nor short and the trunks were black and twisted. “So uh....who wants to go first?” Stone asked.
“None of you are going.” Swirl replied. “Just Celestia, Luna, and I. It’s to risky to bring all of you.”
“What!? You aren’t gong to be able to defend yourselves in there!” Misty hollered.
“What she said.” Bullseye said in the background. I don’t think anyone heard him.
“At least take someone with you!” Misty yelled. Swirl looked at the ground for a moment.
“Fine. Nightwing, you’re coming too.” Yay? I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be happy or not. Misty looked a little upset at that.
“That’s it? Just him?”
“Well do you want to come as well!?” Swirl glared at her. “I can not risk you freezing up in there! I am risking as few lives as possible!” Lavender took this moment to intervene.
“Misty, while I’m sure you want to go with them, Starswirl is right. You would freeze up again. And we may only get in the way!” She sent a pity filled look at Misty. “I understand you want to help. Stay here and help me get a little clinic set up. With the amount of trouble these ponies get into, we may need a whole hospital when they get back.” She sent a good natured smile at us while Misty just looked at the ground in shame. “Please be careful in there. Enough lives have been lost recently.”
“Too many lives. While I don’t like it, I’ll stay here and wait. If any thing comes this way I’ll keep them safe.” Bullseye motioned at the ones staying behind.
“That’s my brothers way of saying be careful. And good luck.” Stoneslab smirked at Bullseye. “Show that thing what for, ya hear?”
“Indeed. And I’ll be here when you all need a pain spell. I’m sure you’ll be sore after this.” Healing added in. Silver stood off to the side a little and smiled at us.
“Be safe.” Was all he said. I noticed he looked at Celestia more than anyone else.
“Alright, we will try to be back by morning at the latest. If we are not back by then...it may be safer if you all left.” With that, Swirl turned and walked into the woods.
“See you soon!” Luna happily waved goodbye before hopping into the darkness. Celestia just looked at Silver before following.
“Chirp!” I started walking into the forest before something wrapped around my neck. I looked to the side to see Misty hugging me.
“Please be safe. I would rather keep all my friends alive.” With that she let go and backed away, trying to look like she didn’t just hug me. “So. Yeah. You better come back safe! All of you!” She looked at the ground for a moment. “I’m getting fire wood!” With that she flew away from the dark forest to grab some wood. I waved my wing at the remaining ponies and squeezed through the outer trees.
Once inside all light seemed to disappear. I could barely see Starswirl and the sisters ahead of me. I caught up to them and enjoyed the small area of light that Swirl's horn produced. The trees on either side of us were extremely close, leaving almost no room to walk. We won’t be flying out, that’s for sure. There was next to no underbrush, only thin, dead looking bushes. No small animals ran through the woods and it seemed the whole forest was dead. Especially when Swirl's horn went out.
“What!?” Swirl looked at his horn as It started flickering. “The darkness is to strong for me to use my magic here. This forest is full of dark magic.” He stopped for a second as his horn went out completely.
“Are you sure about this Starswirl?” Celestia asked. “Maybe we should go back and plan this better?”
“No, we need to finish this. This creature has been a scourge on the land for to long. We need to be rid of it as soon as possible.” Swirl tried to light his horn but it only shot out a few sparks. Then the breathing started. It wasn’t loud. It was almost as if the whole forest was breathing. A barely perceptible wave of air going into the heart of the forest, then a few seconds later coming back out. In and out. In and out. And yet it wasn’t air. None of the leaves moved and none of the bushes were disturbed. Oh man. This just got waaaaaay too creepy. “All that dark magic. You can physically feel it.” He shiver for a moment. “We need to hurry. If we stay to long the magic could start to effect us in...unpleasant ways.” Swirl started moving deeper into the forest with us close behind.
We stepped over dead logs laying in the path and deep holes here and there. There was no straight path through the dark. The dark wasn’t a problem for much longer however. As we went deeper a yellow light began to shine through the trees, or from the trees. I couldn’t tell. The light wasn’t much but it was enough to navigate by. And add to the creep factor. As we walked Swirl stumbled and dropped to his front knees.
“Starswirl!” Yelled Celestia.
“Are you ok!?” Asked Luna. I cringed and looked around after their loud yelling.
“I am fine. But the magic is already effecting me. I suspect you have longer due to your more durable bodies. We need to hurry.” Swirl stood back up and pushed forward once more. I moved to follow but snapped my head to the left to look through the trees. But nothing was there. This place is terrifying. I followed the others quickly so I didn’t get left behind.
An hour later something changed. The air got three times heavier and the yellow light blinked out of existence. Silence filled our group as we quit walking. A shuffle sounded to the right and our heads snapped over to look. Another shuffle to the left. Another ahead of us. “Its right by us Starswirl.” Celestia whispered to him.
“I know. Here.” He handed them the elements and they grabbed them in their hooves. They both touched them to their horns and the Elements changed into rings that they slipped onto their horns. Three for each sister.
Luna slipped the Elements for Loyalty, Laugher, and Honesty. While Celestia put on Kindness, Generosity, and Magic. Just in time for the rustling to stop. Giant jaws leapt out of the brush to try and latch onto my neck. Suffice to say they missed.
I spun around the teeth and hit the beast on the back of the head with a wing. Then I slashed at him with my new blades. It jumped up just in time to dodge my attack. It grabbed me with it’s mouth and threw me into a nearby tree. It stalked forward to finish me off and I noticed he wasn’t missing a leg anymore.
Suddenly bolt of white magic hit it in the back of its head. “Foul beast!! To the grave with you!!” Again a bolt of white magic hit the creature causing him to stumble and growl. He decided that Starswirl was more important than revenge at the moment. He kept at Swirl and slapped him into the woods, out of sight. Then it leapt with open jaws at Luna.
“Never!” Celestia shouted and jumped in front of her sister. She threw up a shield that the creature face planted into. “Take that!” It did take it. Very well in fact. It almost seemed to grin as it bit into her shield. Then it made a pulling motion with it’s head. “Aaah! You foul creature! It’s draining my magic!”
Celestia’s shield grew dimmer while the shadows leaking from the creature started whipping around with energy. Finally the shield cracked and shattered. The creature almost seemed to laugh as it’s eyes began to glow a dark yellow. Celestia, to weak to evade, was hit by the giant foot of the creature. It walked up to a shivering Luna and opened up its mouth. NOOO!! “KEEEEEAR!!” I shrieked as I managed to stand up and throw myself at the beast. But I was too slow. The jaws closed around Luna’s neck, getting ever closer to the skin. Until a dark blur smacked into its side.
“Squuueak!!” A high pitched bat like sound came from the blur. “Have at thee creature of darkness!!” A female voice also came from the blur. Wait. Bat sounds? Is that a-? A dark colored pegasus stood up from on top of the beast. Except it had bat wings instead of feathered ones. The batpony pulled a sword from a sheath on its side and stabbed it into the creature. “HA!! Take that!!” The beast threw her off and lunged for her. I intercepted it much to its irritation. How about round two buddy?
“KEEEEAAAR!!” I shrieked at it before I bit into its neck with my sharp beak. The area around the bite turned black with frostbite.
“RAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!!!” The beast roared in pain. I continued my onslaught by dragging my claws through his flesh as I swung onto his back. I saw Celestia emerge from the woods and run to Luna. Get ready you two! I flashed my feathers green at them and continued fighting the beast onto the ground. I wrapped myself around it’s legs as best I could. From the corner of my eye I saw a bright light building. I was kind of preoccupied by the teeth snapping an inch from my face. Well, he’s already mad. Yolo. I quickly reached forward and bit into the underside of his jaw.
“Night! Move!” Celestia yelled. Aaaand that’s my cue. I released myself from the beast and threw myself away as the light reached maximum level behind me. But the creature wasn’t going down without a fight. It grabbed my leg and pulled me back onto the ground. I landed on my back so I could see the Rainbow headed for us both. Yep. I shouldn’t have expected anything else. Then the laser hit.
Chapter 1, I started reading and it's already two mistakes. He left closest light on and crinkly? What? And I think you meant not "sense", but "since".
Dude, you might want to find an editor to comb through your story.
8974966
The ground was crinkly. Not the light lol. And yes I know I have many errors. My auto correct can be over active at times. I’m fixing them as I go.
Best birthday present ever!
8974970
But the construction of paragraph suggests that it's the light that was crinkly, because it's previous noun.
Also, in the 1st chapter, he just go and kill the rabbit? Without second thought? I'd believe it if he'd be predator bird for a couple of months, but right after transformation, while his mind is still human and not adapted to new body and lifestyle? Disbelief strike. Hard.
everyonce in a while there are a few grammar mistakes but all in all, pretty good story 10/10 prolly gonna reread.
And that's not even the end of it hopefully. Many writers on this website walk out on their great stories.
Next chapter see Nightwing in technicolor.
YAY, I HATE CLIFFHANGERS
Yes! Another chapter! Love what you got so far. I’m sure you’ll get around to fixing the minor errors when you have time. I look forward to the next update!
Cue. The word your thinking of here is Cue. You got closer to it than some people I've seen (queue is an actual word,) but you're wrong.
A queue is a line of people. A cue is something that signals someone to act.
8974985
You also got to remember that with his new avian body come new instincts, just because his "mind" is still human doesn't mean he is immune too the effects of his new biology. I'd also like to point out that he has human MEMORIES and a biologically avian brain. I hope this helps with you "Disbelief strike". Also fucking autocorrect was fighting me.
8974985
You will find out why in the next chapter!!
8975357
Thank you! I couldnt figure out how to spell the Cue i wanted. Ill fix that quickly.
8975415
Yeeeeeeessssssssss. Someone understands!!
So, more about how Night ended up in equestria next chapter. And other things.....
8975400
very very true. it also reminds me of final fantasy. the ice swords. but then i remembered fairy tail, and grays ice blade that causes ice build up on the enemy he slashes
8975449
So I was correct. Kewl.
I'm guessing he gets turned to stone and later freed from it around the time Luna escapes the Moon?
8975692
That would be to easy. You’ll see next chapter. Although I will say one thing, He does NOT get stoned.
"I grabbed me with it’s mouth"
Wut.
8975790
Fixed
8975741
I simply observed many stories use this so-called "plot twist" to make the story "progress". But if he doesn't get stoned, he won't need rehab, so that's a bonus...
pleasant read so far.
8975276
aayyy another tenno!
and I concur!
8975415
Instincts are urges, I don't speak about them. I speak about mind's self-image, "I'm civilized human, not some savage brute", "I'm not cruel, I don't want to hurt other living creatures" and other things we all learn in childhood.
8976074
Um, its not cruelty when you hunt deer, or other animals. It not like he tortured the poor thing to death. And instincts in animals are different than in humans. And he has had bird instincts added to his human conscience. Instincts in animals are a lot stronger than in humans, and are generally followed very closely by the animal. He’s not going to be ruled by instincts if that’s what your worried about. But they will affect certain things, like hunting small animals for food.
8976074
He probably gave into the instincts
8976074
You have to remember that he literally woke up in a random forest as a giant bird, he might not of been in the right mind, so he fell back on instincts.
Edit: The sudden species change coulda also fucked with his "Self-image".
8976177
8976016
Double yes
Bat pone? Please say it's bat time.
Boi I have enough cliffhangers in my life already also what is his level of knowledge of mlp?
8976177
Not cruelity? Then imagine: you have bunny on your table. Living bunny, fluffy, funny, floppy-eared, bright-eyed, curious about everything. And you're hungry. Would you kill little one without second thought?
About instincts. It's not about the power of instincts in animals or humans. Power is the same. But human brain have some additional things in it, and much more developed cortex. So humans have much more willpower and mind than animals, and can hold back their instincts better.
8976258
How could I explain it... Imagine: you wake up in a different place as a tentacled monster. And you see little girl gathering flowers, and feel the urge to fuck her. Would you give in instantly? Or you'd be disgusted, terrified and hate yourself for even wanting such things?
Sees cliffhanger...
SHAUN!
SHAUNNN!
SHAUN!
CHAPTER!
8976836
To the first question, if I was starving and had nothing else to eat? I may feel a little bad about killing the bunny, but I would still kill it. Also, the animals aren't as smart as they are in the show. Not yet anyways.
8976716
Eh. Lets say to the point twilight becomes an alicorn. And he knows about EQG and Rainbow rocks. Although his knowledge is a ittle patchy. (This is my knowledge level so yeah, lol.)
8976836
First off HE WOULDN'T HAVE A HUMAN BRAIN IN A AVIAN BODY.
SECOND OFF yes, I've heard rabbit is quite tasty, but I wouldn't because i don't know how too prepare hare.
THIRD OFF DO NOT LIKING CHILD RAPE WITH THE INSTINCT TO EAT!
Also are you a vegetarian? If so than don't try to force your morals on other people please.
I understand you don't like the idea of people eating meat, I'm ok with that you do you, but not everyone sees it the same way. Also PLEASE don't use CHILD RAPE as an a example against eating meat, it's a little fucked up.
8977135
Nightwing was starving? Then you failed to deliver it. It looked like "suddenly feel a little peckish, ran after rabbit, peck-peck, done". Growling stomach is not really a sign of _great_ hunger.
8977204
I'm not vegan, duh, so I allowed to force my morals to others =) But joking aside.
1. His thoughts and actions are distinctly human-ish, so the brain of this "moon phoenix" (or whatever his species is called) must be as complex as human or pony. If not, he'd be significantly dumber and much more impulsive.
2. If you'd know how to cook hare, would you do it? Without second thoughts and emotions?
3. Child rapists have wrong set of instincts. Brain defect makes them sexually like children instead of adults. And if a pedophile is not also sociopath or maniac, they're never gonna act on that urges and will live in a great emotional pain, hating themselves till the end of their days for wanting such terrible things.
I eat meat. But I don't kill, I buy it in the store. It's the way of civilization - people have more empathy this days, less aggression and assertiveness, and the only way to bring yourself to kill an animal is either desperation/affect, or training, like being trained to work on farm or slaughterhouse or to be professional survivalist.
I didn't use child rape as an example against eating meat, I used it as an example of thing that, when you feel the urge to do - you feel revulsion and terror. It's easier to imagine than the urge to eat a living creature, that concept is too alien to civilized humans.
8977541
Ok, the starving I was using as an example, and I have killed deer before. I haven’t had special training. I wasn’t starving or desperate. And I’m pretty sure I’m mentally stable. Our family wanted deer meat, so I went hunting for deer. And no, I didn’t feel bad about killing said deer. I was jumping in excitement because I got a deer the first time I even shot a gun that big. Now, I will admit I couldn’t watch the deer get skinned. I just couldn’t handle that. But Night didn’t skin the rabbit. He basically ate an uncooked chicken leg. The only difference is that it was a rabbit not a chicken, and it had fur.
8977204
And number TWO!!!! I wrote this story to have fun and give others a good story to read. So PLEASE remember, ITS JUST A STORY!!! So while were discussing human brains/souls in a bird and instincts not making him do things because it doesn’t make sense, let’s ALSO discuss the fact that this is taking place in a land full of PASTEL, TALKING PONIES. THAT MOVE THE SUN AND MOON!!! Let’s not lose ourselves to arguing ok?
And three. Please don’t cuss a lot. Or at all. There’s simply no need for that.
8976836
While the analogy is funny, I don't think raping a small child and killing an animal are on the same level of morality (or lack thereof).
8977900
But there's no excitement of hunt in text either. There's nothing. That's what caused disbelief strike. Maybe if you'd make his background clearer from the beginning, and make him experienced hunter it'd be believable that hunting is so casual for him that hardly cause any emotions anymore, but right now it's empty.
Yes, I remember that it's work of fiction, but to be believable, to immerse reader, it have to have s certain level of fine details reader could relate to. Character's feelings and thoughts have to be plausible, given the described situation.
And, also, about details. In your comment you mentioned fur. You may want to mention it in text, and describe how it feels in mouth. That would be good detail that will seriously rise believability of that fragment.
Don't imagine characters as just pictures on the screen. They are flesh and bones. You write what does they see and occasionally hear, but there's also smell, touch, and taste when they eat. Use that too. For example, when he eats rabbit, there's smell of blood, squishy texture of flesh under his beak, crunch of little bones, and texture of fur on his tongue. Also, taste. Blood, meat and shit (I highly doubt he'd be so dexterous with his talons and beak the first time he use them so he'd not cut some guts open). Use details, they will make your fic so much better and deeply immersible!
8978689
You raise a good point. And you will find out WHY we haven't learned much of his past in the next chapter. There is a reason.
hey good chapter hope to see more soon
AHH! It's so good it's hard to contain my excitement!
Why with the huge cliffhanger
9000076
Thanks! I’ve been busy lately so thats why i haven't updated.
9000263
Congratulations! You’ve named a mountain! That was supposed to say ‘That Mountain.’ But hey, why not give it a name?
That’s supposed to be like that.
Thanks for the help!
The TWIN SISTERS used FRIENDSHIP LASER! It was super effective!