Princess Celestia sends Twilight Sparkle and her friends to investiage dragon activity in the Smokey Mountains. There, they discover a human named Allen, who's ended up on their world by accident and needs their help to find a way home.
8887057 I agree, the dream seemed a bit rushed to the point where I had a hard time following it. Although, it was still a rather nice chapter and Fluttershy's apprehension seems interesting enough.
“Well, we could talk about magic in my world.” Twilight sighed. “Only, it’s a rather involved topic. And I’d really like to show you some of the marvels in Equestria’s night sky.” She softly bit her lower lip. “Could we discuss magic tomorrow?”
Allen nodded stiffly. “Yeah, how’d you do that? Your horn lit up…and then poof, the candle lit.” He blinked as he placed a hand along his chin. “It was almost like magic.”
Silly, that's because it is magic. *squee* And Pinkie is breaking the forth wall again.
All silliness aside nice one Jay. This chapter wasn't stiff like that last one. And it doesn't feel like it's fast paced either. Also dreams are such a pain to write for given their random nature.
True. But even though I have only seen through the season 5 opener, I have never heard of monkeys being mentioned in FiM.
If I understand you correctly, you're saying you've seen up to the season 5 opener, which means you've seen season 1. In Episode 26 - "The Best Night Ever", Fluttershy sees a "spider monkey" in the garden in front of the gala. And later on, when she tries to befriend the animals again she hopes to catch any of the birds or monkeys after they wonder into her trap. So, there is show proof that monkeys exist in FIM. Just an FYI, for you or anyone not aware of the fact.
8887788 Let me just make sure I understand your logic here. Basically, you're saying then, if anyone from a sapient species like Iron Will, Gilda, or Prince Rutherford are injured while in Ponyville, they should be taken to a vet, rather than the hospital?
8888308 Thank you, and while dreams can be a pain to write, I was trying to make this one confusing like those depicted in other works of fiction ie: movies, tv series and books.
8887057 & 8887085 The dream was as I intended it. From personal experience, I've had dreams that are random and choppy at times. The subconscious mind can be a curious thing. And like I mentioned in the reply to 8888308 above, I was trying to make this seem like one of those confusing dream sequences that are depicted in other works of fiction. I didn't want it to be easy to follow, so if you are confused from it, then it worked out perfectly.
Spike's cookies could kill a man, just by description alone I can tell they have plenty of sugar lol... Then again what do I know? I'm terrible at baking, cooking is where I am best at. You know I live to cook Jay
8888722 Given the rarity of these different species within Equestrian borders, I would be skeptical that most pony doctors have been taught and practiced medicine on non-ponies. Non-pony patients would likely receive a more accurate diagnosis and treatment by a trained veterinarian, than a pony doctor who hasn't been taught or practiced medicine on non-pony sapients. I could see pony doctors being taught to treat non-pony patients in major cities such as Canterlot, Manehattan, and Las Pegasus, but not in a predominantly pony population center like Ponyville.
Even if this story is set during the Season 8, with Twilight opening and operating her school of friendship, and the subsequent influx of non-pony immigrants and patrons into Ponyville, the current medical staff would require time to learn about the different non-pony biologies and the proper symptoms and methods to arrive at a proper diagnosis and treatment. So until the medical staff is properly trained to treat non-pony patients, then it would be better to have a proper medical professional who can properly diagnose and treat patients in the here and now, until the medical pony personnel has been trained to treat non-pony patients.
As with any service or trade, it isn't an overnight thing where someone can read a book for six hours, memorize the contents perfectly on the first read, and perfectly execute that trade or profession immediately afterwards. It requires review, practice, and gaining experience through the repetition of performing the trade or service being performed. ... Unless that individual is some super-elite who is capable of that, but they're generally the exception than someone commonly encountered in the everyday interactions.
So, to answer your question, yes. I do believe that non-pony patients ought to receive competent medical treatment by professionals who know how to diagnose and treat the patient seeking medical treatment/diagnosis.
I'm gonna be honest here—this is pretty disappointing.
It pains me to say it, as you've left positive feedback on one of my fics before, but your writing in this story comes off as wooden and unimaginative. It reads more like a script than a story in places. 'X did this, Y did that,' with bits of forced conversation in between. I practically had to force myself to read it, but I was adamant on finishing it so I could leave some feedback.
There are a noticeable amount of grammar errors and typos, and most of the story is so utterly clichéd that I'm still only half-convinced this isn't a late April fools joke. Most notably, these two:
- MC wakes up in hospital - MC makes friends with all of the mane six on the first day
I've seen many HiEs that overuse the shit out of these two ideas, and I honestly wasn't expecting you of all people to go ahead and use them in 2018. It just seems to me like you haven't put anywhere near as much effort into this as some of your other stories. Dude—you're better than this.
I really hope you put more effort into your Songbird fic.
I have a few points I'd like you to consider. First off, aside from a one-room school house, I have never seen any other educational facilities, least of all any colleges/universities or medical schools anywhere in Ponyville. Which would make me conclude that all of the staff from Ponyville General Hospital would have attended medical school in one of the major cities such as Baltimare, Fillydelphia, Manehatten, or Las Pegasus. Given the size of those cities and the volume of residents and increased chance of visitation and even residence from non-pony sapients, I'd also conclude that the medical schools in those cities would train all their students equally to handle just about any situation (within reason and available knowledge). In addition, I believe that the medical school graduates would go to local hospitals to do their internship and/or residency before gaining a position as an attending physician at any hospital they'd end up in like say in Ponyville General, just to site an example. With that in mind, you won't just have pony-only trained physicians in Ponyville General.
And second, while Ponyville is heavily populated with mostly ponies, given its importance as a hub town, not to mention the wide array of non-pony visitors it receives, which also include important ones like Prince Rutherford, the delegates from Saddle Arabia, Princess Celestia (on several occasions), Princess Luna and Princess Cadence and countless others (casual and important alike), I very much doubt that Ponyville General is going to be staffed with limited pony-specific doctors and nurses alone. Who's going to tell one of the princesses or visiting dignitaries that they have to go to another town or city to seek treatment when they are injured or sick, because they aren't properly skilled or up to the challenge? And even if the patient isn't a species known to the medical staff, it's not entirely unheard of for them to attempt treatment, at least in "fiction" anyway. Plus, sometimes doctors just don't know. Consider this example in fiction - Dr. Leonard McCoy from Star Trek VI - The Undiscovered Country. He tried to save a Klingon chancellor even though he didn't know his anatomy. Therefore the pony hospital staff treating a human isn't all that unrealistic. At least, not from a fictional standpoint or due to the rational and reasonably expected skill level of its staff, given Ponyville's apparent lack of educational facilities.
This big silence always a very bad sign... I can only hope this story is not ends like others- unfinished ones... Would be a real shame... Recently too many Twilight x human fic ends like that (on hiatus or worse scenario)
8936762 It's more that some things still need to be tuned up as it were. Jay also has his actual job get in the way sometimes because our offline lives will just do that.
8936762 Regrettably 8947372 was right. My job does tend to delay me at times, but I had some personal matters offline that have caused this unplanned delay to the story. I'll be elaborating in my next blog, which I will be posting within the hour. So, have no fear, this story will continue.
8952613 I didn't mean to be offensive or anything like that, if my question did feel like that, then I am sorry. It was more of a question of when, because I really like the premise and the first few chapters of this one and just seen lately too many unfinished & left without sign- Twilight &human stories, and didn't want it to be the case for this one. :) (also, sorry for my bad English, not my first language.) Conclusion: We are waiting for this till you have the time. ;)
8952638 Don't worry, no harm done. I just wanted to let you know why a little over a month has gone by with no update. Chapter 4 has been drafted, I just need to finish editing.
this chapter confuesed me a little mostly with the dream bit
8887057
I agree, the dream seemed a bit rushed to the point where I had a hard time following it. Although, it was still a rather nice chapter and Fluttershy's apprehension seems interesting enough.
8813464
There are aliens all around the world. They all live outside of the nation in which I live.
Changeling!!!!!!!
You just had to go and make me even more invested than I already was.
Silly, that's because it is magic. *squee* And Pinkie is breaking the forth wall again.
All silliness aside nice one Jay. This chapter wasn't stiff like that last one. And it doesn't feel like it's fast paced either. Also dreams are such a pain to write for given their random nature.
8888462
If I understand you correctly, you're saying you've seen up to the season 5 opener, which means you've seen season 1. In Episode 26 - "The Best Night Ever", Fluttershy sees a "spider monkey" in the garden in front of the gala. And later on, when she tries to befriend the animals again she hopes to catch any of the birds or monkeys after they wonder into her trap. So, there is show proof that monkeys exist in FIM. Just an FYI, for you or anyone not aware of the fact.
8887788
Let me just make sure I understand your logic here. Basically, you're saying then, if anyone from a sapient species like Iron Will, Gilda, or Prince Rutherford are injured while in Ponyville, they should be taken to a vet, rather than the hospital?
8888308
Thank you, and while dreams can be a pain to write, I was trying to make this one confusing like those depicted in other works of fiction ie: movies, tv series and books.
8887057 & 8887085
The dream was as I intended it. From personal experience, I've had dreams that are random and choppy at times. The subconscious mind can be a curious thing. And like I mentioned in the reply to 8888308 above, I was trying to make this seem like one of those confusing dream sequences that are depicted in other works of fiction. I didn't want it to be easy to follow, so if you are confused from it, then it worked out perfectly.
8888738
if you say so
8888738
Okay, that's understandable. And it does make a bit of sense when you think about it.
Spike's cookies could kill a man, just by description alone I can tell they have plenty of sugar lol... Then again what do I know? I'm terrible at baking, cooking is where I am best at. You know I live to cook Jay
8888722
Given the rarity of these different species within Equestrian borders, I would be skeptical that most pony doctors have been taught and practiced medicine on non-ponies. Non-pony patients would likely receive a more accurate diagnosis and treatment by a trained veterinarian, than a pony doctor who hasn't been taught or practiced medicine on non-pony sapients. I could see pony doctors being taught to treat non-pony patients in major cities such as Canterlot, Manehattan, and Las Pegasus, but not in a predominantly pony population center like Ponyville.
Even if this story is set during the Season 8, with Twilight opening and operating her school of friendship, and the subsequent influx of non-pony immigrants and patrons into Ponyville, the current medical staff would require time to learn about the different non-pony biologies and the proper symptoms and methods to arrive at a proper diagnosis and treatment. So until the medical staff is properly trained to treat non-pony patients, then it would be better to have a proper medical professional who can properly diagnose and treat patients in the here and now, until the medical pony personnel has been trained to treat non-pony patients.
As with any service or trade, it isn't an overnight thing where someone can read a book for six hours, memorize the contents perfectly on the first read, and perfectly execute that trade or profession immediately afterwards. It requires review, practice, and gaining experience through the repetition of performing the trade or service being performed. ... Unless that individual is some super-elite who is capable of that, but they're generally the exception than someone commonly encountered in the everyday interactions.
So, to answer your question, yes. I do believe that non-pony patients ought to receive competent medical treatment by professionals who know how to diagnose and treat the patient seeking medical treatment/diagnosis.
8888738
Well I'd say you succeeded. That was confusing Jay.
I'm gonna be honest here—this is pretty disappointing.
It pains me to say it, as you've left positive feedback on one of my fics before, but your writing in this story comes off as wooden and unimaginative. It reads more like a script than a story in places. 'X did this, Y did that,' with bits of forced conversation in between. I practically had to force myself to read it, but I was adamant on finishing it so I could leave some feedback.
There are a noticeable amount of grammar errors and typos, and most of the story is so utterly clichéd that I'm still only half-convinced this isn't a late April fools joke. Most notably, these two:
- MC wakes up in hospital
- MC makes friends with all of the mane six on the first day
I've seen many HiEs that overuse the shit out of these two ideas, and I honestly wasn't expecting you of all people to go ahead and use them in 2018. It just seems to me like you haven't put anywhere near as much effort into this as some of your other stories. Dude—you're better than this.
I really hope you put more effort into your Songbird fic.
8889104
I have a few points I'd like you to consider. First off, aside from a one-room school house, I have never seen any other educational facilities, least of all any colleges/universities or medical schools anywhere in Ponyville. Which would make me conclude that all of the staff from Ponyville General Hospital would have attended medical school in one of the major cities such as Baltimare, Fillydelphia, Manehatten, or Las Pegasus. Given the size of those cities and the volume of residents and increased chance of visitation and even residence from non-pony sapients, I'd also conclude that the medical schools in those cities would train all their students equally to handle just about any situation (within reason and available knowledge). In addition, I believe that the medical school graduates would go to local hospitals to do their internship and/or residency before gaining a position as an attending physician at any hospital they'd end up in like say in Ponyville General, just to site an example. With that in mind, you won't just have pony-only trained physicians in Ponyville General.
And second, while Ponyville is heavily populated with mostly ponies, given its importance as a hub town, not to mention the wide array of non-pony visitors it receives, which also include important ones like Prince Rutherford, the delegates from Saddle Arabia, Princess Celestia (on several occasions), Princess Luna and Princess Cadence and countless others (casual and important alike), I very much doubt that Ponyville General is going to be staffed with limited pony-specific doctors and nurses alone. Who's going to tell one of the princesses or visiting dignitaries that they have to go to another town or city to seek treatment when they are injured or sick, because they aren't properly skilled or up to the challenge? And even if the patient isn't a species known to the medical staff, it's not entirely unheard of for them to attempt treatment, at least in "fiction" anyway. Plus, sometimes doctors just don't know. Consider this example in fiction - Dr. Leonard McCoy from Star Trek VI - The Undiscovered Country. He tried to save a Klingon chancellor even though he didn't know his anatomy. Therefore the pony hospital staff treating a human isn't all that unrealistic. At least, not from a fictional standpoint or due to the rational and reasonably expected skill level of its staff, given Ponyville's apparent lack of educational facilities.
8888824
I know you love to cook, my friend. And I think you may be right, Spike's cookies do sound incredible sweet.
8889268
Perfect!
8888022
That's the general idea. These three chapters barely scratch the surface of this story.
This big silence always a very bad sign... I can only hope this story is not ends like others- unfinished ones... Would be a real shame... Recently too many Twilight x human fic ends like that (on hiatus or worse scenario)
8936762
It's more that some things still need to be tuned up as it were. Jay also has his actual job get in the way sometimes because our offline lives will just do that.
8936762
Regrettably 8947372 was right. My job does tend to delay me at times, but I had some personal matters offline that have caused this unplanned delay to the story. I'll be elaborating in my next blog, which I will be posting within the hour. So, have no fear, this story will continue.
8952613
I didn't mean to be offensive or anything like that, if my question did feel like that, then I am sorry. It was more of a question of when, because I really like the premise and the first few chapters of this one and just seen lately too many unfinished & left without sign- Twilight &human stories, and didn't want it to be the case for this one. :)
(also, sorry for my bad English, not my first language.)
Conclusion: We are waiting for this till you have the time. ;)
8952638
Don't worry, no harm done. I just wanted to let you know why a little over a month has gone by with no update. Chapter 4 has been drafted, I just need to finish editing.
8952613
Ouch Jay. That never helps does it?
Methinks Fluttershy is developing a crush. Or perhaps I'm just reading too much into things. But that would be interesting if that were the case.
This is a good story, but you need to fix this chapter, mostly I saw lefts misspelled.
If I remember correctly, Quintus is "fifth" in Ancient Greek. It could have been the 5th planet discovered? Maybe that's why?