Beyond the Express
written by ScarFox9700
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dropbox.com/s/fe58n8kbl4p6xbb/um3.png?raw=1
8736217
Hello again Starscribe,
And yes, there are "um"s, HOWEVER, I did this on purpose! Think about it for a second. This is Fluttershy, a shy, and nervous mare. I stated in the chapter that Todd was the same way. This was done on purpose, just to show how shy and nervous that they were. Nothing more. This chapter is the ONLY one where I still put "ums" into it, and even then, it was just to prove a point!
8736269
I feel this relationship went way too damn fast. If you added in about how they kept in contact all throughout the war it might not be as rushed. Also just some extra constructive criticism, work on your In-characher writing. Flutters wouldn't outright kiss someone she didn't know very well. Even in current seasons she's still too shy for that.
8827206
Hello ShadowLight96,
And poor Todd, all he did was what most of the other Battleship Express crew did, but alas, it seems that something went wrong for him. And yes, I kinda see where I goofed up characters a bit. This wasn't intentional, but I'll be more careful about it in the future.