• Published 5th Jan 2018
  • 6,178 Views, 91 Comments

Anon-a-Missed - chris the cynic



After Anon-a-Miss utterly fails to separate Sunset Shimmer from her friends, a video of the magic at the Fall Formal is released online for the entire world to see.

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Prologue: Your past will always find you; your past won't go away

Apple Bloom stormed into her room and kicked the door shut behind her. Somehow this was all Sunset Shimmer's fault. The fact that that didn't quite track didn't hinder the angry girl's assignment of blame at all. Sunset Shimmer was somehow responsible. Maybe the demon was protected by some kind of hex set up to bring misfortune on those who opposed her.

That had to be it.

How else could you explain Apple Bloom's master plan falling apart in less than a day when it when it wasn't even supposed to shift into gear until The Rainboom's next slumber party? She hadn't even recruited Sweetie Belle and and Scootaloo when it all came crashing down.

How else could one explain her phone just happening to slip out of her hand when she just happened to be logged into the Anon-a-Miss account for the only time since making it that morning? How else could you explain all that occurring right in front of Diamond Tiara, who had of course picked it up and seen things that weren’t her business.

How else could you explain how the phone, after Apple Bloom had tackled Diamond, managed to bounce and slide across the floor in such a way that it skidded to a halt directly at Applejack's feet?

Or the fact that all this happened to happen in the cafeteria: the one place in the entire school where her grandmother, instead of some teacher or other, would be the one to lecture her in front of the entire student body?

Yeah, this was definitely the result of some kind of demonic magic. It couldn't possibly be that Apple Bloom had brought any of this on herself.

Still . . . it was obviously some kind of passive magic. A charm or curse or something that brought misfortune on Sunset's enemies without notifying Sunset of who those enemies were. Sunset had shown precisely zero recognition that any of this was aimed at her. Like everyone else, Sunset believed that Apple Bloom had been playing a prank on Applejack, no connection to Sunset had been made, so Apple Bloom still had the element of surprise.

On the other hand, how could she use that element of surprise to her advantage when eldritch forces would turn luck itself against any plan she made? Things had been derailed so fast. The plan had been perfect, that much was clear.

All she'd meant to do today was plant the seed that it might be Sunset in Applejack's mind and let Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo in on the plan. They wouldn't be convinced yet, but they would have kept quiet and Sunset's own evil would have spelled her doom.

Sunset was making their sisters (honorary in Scootaloo's case, sure) ignore them at best and treat them badly as often, so when Rarity, under Sunset's influence, was dismissive or cruel to Sweetie Belle, which was sure to happen before or during the sleepover at Rarity's, that would ensure Sweetie Belle joined in. She'd have access to Sunset's phone once the girls were all asleep and would be able to get something --it didn't much matter what-- that would seem like it could only have come from Sunset.

That would be when things could really get moving. Sure the girls would think of some way to rationalize it away, but the doubt would be still there afterward: How had Anon-a-Miss gotten that whatever from Sunset's phone?

Sunset's influence meant that Rainbow Dash would inevitably mistreat Scootaloo, and then the crusade would be in full swing. With the three of them working together they could do what Apple Bloom could never do on her own: make sure that Sunset was the only single person that had been present for everything the account revealed.

Eventually Applejack and the others would have to accept that it was Sunset --back to her old ways. They'd all leave Sunset, with luck Sunset would leave, and after that everything would go back to the way things had been before Applejack made the mistake of befriending a literal demon.

The plan was perfect. There were absolutely no flaws.

So if the perfect plan couldn't take down Sunset, thanks to her stupid demon luck field, what would?

Maybe the solution was to avoid having a plan at all. Apple Bloom would just have to do everything in one fell swoop, then there would be no opportunity for the demonic magic to interfere. She needed something that was over as soon as it started. Something that couldn't be stopped by making her fumble a phone. Something that once unleashed could never, ever, be undone.

She had just the thing.

* * *

Apple Bloom did not, in fact, have a secret laptop in case her phone and regular laptop got taken away and Granny Smith unplugged the the ethernet cable that ran to Apple Bloom's room. She had a secret laptop because if any of the others knew about it they'd ask questions about where it had come from.

Explaining that she'd made friends with a couple of less than reputable older girls, one of whom did not-quite-legal things for fun, had never been a conversation Apple Bloom was particularly interested in having. Sure, she'd never been into that, and there were no attempts to convert her to the dark side, but the gift of a fully working computer would have seemed suspicious to the other Apples.

Even Apple Bloom herself had been flummoxed, briefly wondering if she was being buttered up for some untoward proposal, when she was given a completely free fully functional computer. Then its origins had been explained to her.

While Cipher was a hacker in the usual sense, Puzzle was a hacker in a far more literal sense: breaking down equipment and then Frankensteining it back together in ways never intended by the manufacturer. She hacked things up and then soldered, screwed, and wired them into something new and different. The laptop had been practice for her, taking some obsolete tech from a handful of different systems and making them into a single cohesive whole. Once it was finished and tested, neither Puzzle nor Cipher had had any actual use for it. It was just a waste of space that they were more than happy to give away.

Add to that their abject horror at learning that Apple Bloom didn't have her own computer back then, and it really was a foregone conclusion that they'd give it to her.

Then time passed and things changed. While Granny Smith still spoke with awe about the transition between 300 bits per second to 1200 back in her day, she accepted that modern technology did have a place in the rest of the family’s life. When Sweet Apple Acres got hard line internet connections in most rooms, including most of the bedrooms, and Apple Bloom got her own desktop, most of the reason to use the ancient laptop had gone away. When Granny Smith gave Apple Bloom a laptop last Christmas, all of the reason to use the secret one was gone.

Because of that, Apple Bloom hadn't used the it in ages. She hadn't thought about it in ages. Now, though, it was exactly what she needed. An ancient laptop with both wireless and USB connections, when combined with a thumb drive she'd been keeping hidden for some time now, would mark the downfall of Sunset Shimmer.

Unless the ambient demon magic protecting Sunset stopped the computer from working.

After Apple Bloom excavated it, plugged it in, and turned it on, it seemed like demon magic might not be necessary. The oldness of the computer alone was probably one of the tortures of Hell in and of itself.

She was greeted by the symbol of a decade old operating system, a reminder that the laptop had been little more than a paperweight between when Puzzle was finished making it and when it was given to Apple Bloom. Her fingers danced across the keys, her password was entered, and she . . . waited an excruciatingly long time for the desktop to actually be ready to use.

Every step involved looking at a how her cursor transformed into a pixelated hourglass and everything told her “(not responding)” before eventually deciding to respond in a way that more resembled embracing sloth than it did actually working.

Her initial plan had been to do the whole thing in one go, without ever opening her door, in order to minimize the chances of being caught.

Her will to go through with that plan, though, had not merely been ground down. It had been sacked, hoisted, de-sacked, dropped through the hopper onto millstones, thoroughly ground down, resacked, sent through the whole process again (being routed to different millstones via automatic processes, of course), and finally exported for sale as ultra fine grain.

Shortly after getting a sandwich and bringing it back to her room, the internet chat program was actually up and running.

“Finally,” she said to no one in particular. “Ya better be online right now,” she muttered to someone who had no way to hear her. She scanned the list of friends and lucked out when she spotted a green check mark indicating someone was logged in. Unfortunately Apple Bloom didn’t know which someone because, Puzzle and Cipher had a habit of using whatever account was already open, regardless of which of them the account in question actually belonged to.

She opened a chat box, which automatically invited the other user to a private chat. Before she finished typing her message, one popped up from the other user:

<\...hello?> A glitched out icon appeared next to the message, Apple Bloom still had no idea if it was the actual avatar, being artistically glitched out, or if the glitching was a function of her laptop being constructed from literal garbage.

<That you, Cipher? Or is it Puzzle again?> Apple Bloom Typed.

<Been a while.>

<Hey! You call a user by their handle, no one cares about who used to be who or who's behind the curtain!> Apple Bloom could sense the pout. Cipher it was.

<... Well well, if it isn't PoisonApple27! Don't remember picking up necromancy.>

<I know I haven't been on in a long time.> Apple Bloom responded with a frown.

<Just call me AB.>

<Can't be bothered to wait five centiuries to change the name to something less middle-schooler-ish.>

<*centuries>

<Nice.>

<And, yeah, nearly a year now.>

<Can only assume you finally found a reason to go back out in the sun.>

<Hey, no hard feelings. I know how impersonal things can feel when it's just words on a screen and the like. The outernet just isn't for me.>

Apple Bloom rolled her eyes, then typed:

<Nice to see your sense of humor hasn't sensed that you fail at humor.>

<Ouch. Bitey. Mad.>

<Time to cash in that favor?>

<Darn tootin.>

<I'm sending a video file over.>

The moment that message had been sent out she started uploading a video from the thumb drive. It was the best her phone could manage, which meant that it was a low resolution mp4.

<A video?>

<What, you hold me to this future deal and you just want me film a react video? -_->

<What?>

Apple Bloom huffed:

<No, shut up and lemme explain!>

<It's slow, you know that!>

She calmed down a bit:

<I'm in the process of doing it, don't be so impatient!>

<Welcome back to the internet, AB.>

<I told you to shut up.>

Cipher started typing.

<Now!>

It no longer said Cipher was typing.

<Here's the deal.>

Apple Bloom let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding in.

The video was only halfway through uploading. She had time to cancel the upload and reconsider. She thought about the risks. The fallout. There was still time . . .

Nope. This was the plan, it was perfect, and she was doing it. She typed out a paragraph in a hurry, gave it a glance over, fixed a couple mistakes, and sent it:

<Something really bad happened at my school a few months back. Got on the local news, but stopped there. Even then, it was only the aftermath. A broken gas pipe and a cigarette. Left a crater and everyone moved on after.>

<Read about that...>

<CHS? That's where you go?>

<My condolences for the other place.>

<Also, pipe?>

<What? That makes no sense.>

A link popped up.

<You looked up the schematics the moment you read my explanation, didn't you?>

<I find and spread information, AB. That's my thing.>

<Now, there's no pipe under that area of the school.>

<Exactly. The truth is right here.>

And the timing was perfect.

With a bing, the video was up, ready for Cipher to watch for herself.

Silence reigned in the chat for a few minutes, stretching on into several. All the while, Apple Bloom glared at the red figure in the thumbnail coldly. Despite the blazing inferno of hair frozen in a single moment of the video, she could still feel the heat on her skin from that night.

<What...the actual Hell?>

Applebloom raised an eyebrow:

<What, no joke about bad effects?>

<Look, your cinematography skills are kinda garbo, but its still 2013 as of this file's creation.>

<It was filmed on a smartphone from a fairly close distance.>

<This isn't Bigfoot footage. That, and if that's a special effect, you need to hook me up with your director friend, Cameron.>

<...I don't understand that joke.> Apple Bloom typed with a frown.

<The point is that if that's a fake, it's a very good fake that would at least have people talking about it.>

Apple Bloom grinned darkly,

<Good. Her name is Sunset Shimmer, she's a senior at Canterlot High School, and she's an alien.>

<...why are you telling me this, AB?>

<Find and spread information.>

<How many contacts do you have online?>

<More than you can count.>

<Why?>

<I sent you the video. You said it yourself. It would have people talking about it.>

<Even if the whole country doesn't believe its real, it would hit TV and websites all over the place. Canterlot though, that's the important place.>

Apple Bloom found herself wishing she could type faster, much faster.

<Sunset's known here. Weird stuff is known to happen here. A few students may have told their parents here and there, but there's a mixture of reasons why nothing ever came after. Lack of evidence, trying to incriminate with 'magic' as a claim, staff interference, and a lot of outspoken students kind of being compulsive liars in the first place.>

Adrenaline pumping, Apple Bloom started tapping her foot on the ground. She wanted this over quick. As soon as it was out of her hands there would be nothing left that could go wrong with this, she just had to pass it off.

It didn't really matter exactly what went down, just that the word got out. Whether shady people came wanting to experiment on Sunset or the response was limited to a slow but steady trickle of creepy true believers coming to find absolute proof, the attention could result in one thing and one thing only: Sunset would be forced to retreat through the portal to her home world because there would be nowhere in Canterlot, perhaps nowhere in the country, she could run to get away from whatever the result of all this ultimately turned out to be.

As for Apple Bloom, in ten minutes time she would wash her hands of everything and truly be done with the entire situation. After that she'd probably have dinner.

<AB...that's...>

<Well I can spread the video a bit, but doxxing her?>

<"doxxing"?>

<Spreading her identity.>

<There are moral and legal concerns.>

Cipher was typing, but Apple Bloom finished first:

<I don't care if it's illegal, just do it!>

<That psycho tried to kill my sister and everyone else I knew!>

<And now she's stealing her from me!>

Her hands were shaking, she was punching the keys so hard the tips of her fingers hurt, and her mouth was locked in a sharp frown.

The chat showed that Cipher had deleted whatever she'd been about to say, and hadn't started typing again.

Then fresh typing.

<...well there's no need to shout.>

<At least you didn't go ALL CAPS.>

<Okay.>

<Fine.>

<Only because I owe you, but after I spread this, I'm not touching it again.>

<I don't like it.>

<Fine. Thanks.>

<Dunno if we'll talk again soon or anything, but consider the favor repaid.>

<Best if we don't talk for awhile.>

<Dunno what you're goin' through, AB...but I don't want any part of it. Bye.>

A moment later the account logged off.

Apple Bloom smirked as she shut the laptop. It would power down automatically, so she didn't have to wait before rehiding it. After that she sat on her bed, leaning back against the headboard, and let her fingers tap out a rhythm as she sang to herself:

Ya don' know what your future holds,
So hear me when ah say:
Yer past will always bind you;
Yeah your past is here to stay.

The setting sun cast a shadow over the young girl's face, her eyes narrowing as her frown turned upwards into a cold smirk.

Yer past will always find you,
'Cause yer past won't go away.

Author's Note:

Ok, this is so important that I actually considered sticking it in the story's long description even though it doesn't belong there. Fortunately I came to my senses.

It's about Apple Bloom.

In the source material Apple Bloom's motive is incredibly shaky. The other crusaders don't have this problem. Sweetie Belle is shown having an understandable reason for doing what she does*; in contrast Scootaloo is barely present in the comic so we can't really judge the same way we can with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.

So, here's the problem:

Apple Bloom is the ring leader of the entire operation and she is trying to trick Sunset's friends into ostracizing her. (This is, quite literally, her stated goal.) She didn't understand the consequences it would have with the rest of the school, and so was unprepared when she saw the extent to which Sunset was suffering in her post-friend life, but she was seriously setting out to make Sunset's friends ditch her.

That's a pretty strong reaction, and you'd expect it would have a pretty strong cause. Unfortunately it doesn't.

At the time Apple Bloom initiates Anon-a-Miss (which is actually the night before she creates the account) she has exactly as much reason to target Sunset in the comic as she had to target pony Twilight Sparkle in the movie Rainbow Rocks. That reason: Applejack wasn't at home with her because there was an impromptu sleep over at Pinkie Pie's house. In Rainbow Rocks it was because of Twilight, in the Holiday Special comic it was because of Sunset. In both cases that was the whole of what happened.

The difference, of course, is that in Rainbow Rocks Apple Bloom was under the sirens' spell and therefore magically compelled to be hateful, vindictive, and mean. Yet she didn't target Twilight, while she did go after Sunset with figurative guns blazing.

To make sense of this, I've given Apple Bloom a reason. It's not a good reason, but it is a reason. Without some reason we'd have to asking why she Anon-a-Miss various other characters, with pony Twilight Sparkle being at the top of the list. Yes, I used "Anon-a-Miss" as a verb.


With the long and annoying side track about Apple Bloom out of the way, I did want to make some notes on the major departures from the draft version written and shared by Uria.

In Uria's version "Puzzle" and "Cipher" are one person, and Apple Bloom's question about "Puzzle" and "Cipher" is about changing screen names. There's no implication that this single character does anything hardware related. Apple Bloom thinks of the character as "he" but doesn't actually know. Further, the "ancient laptop" has no connection to Puzzle/Cipher.

Thus "Puzzle" and "Cipher" being two older girls, one of whom is a hardware hacker that gave Apple Bloom the laptop, is entirely my invention. On the "older" bit, picture them as Applejack-aged. Or don't picture them at all, as they're just names on a screen right now.

Also my own invention is Apple Bloom inventing theories about Sunset Shimmer having some kind of protective demonic luck field.

I completely dropped how Apple Bloom explained away Anon-a-Miss beyond "Prank on Applejack." This explanation, by the way, works because the account only had time to release Applejack's nickname before everything fell apart.

In Uria's version it isn't clear whether or not the other crusaders were involved yet. (They do end up getting blamed.) In mine they explicitly weren't. It isn't stated, but the reason that Apple Bloom had logged back into the account was because she was about to show them and explain her plan.

-

Mostly I shared the above because I like record keeping, but there is another reason for drawing attention to differences. "Your Past Is Here To Stay" is in development, and if you want the first chapter of it to stick closer to Uria's original draft than this does (in any area), you should say something at the forum thread where the draft exists.


Finally: yes, Apple Bloom has a shady internet contact that owes her a favor.


* Sweetie Belle saw her sister treat her in an extremely rude, patronizing, and infantilizing manner because of Sunset (though it wasn't Sunset's fault, it was Rarity's own) so you can at least understand how she became angry enough to do what she did.