Chapter 1: The Night of Spice~ [REMASTERED]
The streets of Canterlot were a different scene at night, depending on where you went. Down one road, clubs shook the ground with their beats and their flashing lights lit up the night. Down another, homes sat with their porch lights turned off, their inhabitants mostly off into Luna's embrace.
On this particular road not a pony was to be seen. The road, Restaurant Row, was well over a mile of nothing but the best of Canterlot Cuisine. All the shops windows were dark, no service this late in the night, the street itself was only lit by the spaced street lamps. It was enough light for anypony out in this late of the night to find their way.
"Swoosh!" Crash! "Awwh… miss-hic-ed…"
Standing in the empty street was one Prince Blueblood the eighth. His pure white coat was stained with bits and pieces of dirt and wine. His one lovely, well kept blonde mane was now ragged and knotted. It was a well known fact that, after Princess Twilight assumed control of Canterlot once princesses Luna and Celestia retired, the lifestyle of the prince had changed dramatically. He coasted his whole life on his Aunt's allowance and his nobility.
Under Princess Twilight, said allowance was removed, and his nobility was just a title with no crown backing unless he contributed to society. A task so simple and basic that even a goal could do it. Sadly, Blueblood's pride, and ego, made the concept of actual work seem on par with sword fighting a shark on a raft.
As such, Blueblood spent his days pissing what savings he had away into booze, food, and his usual extravagant tastes.
To put it shortly, all his wealth and money now could fill a small bit pouch, much like the one in his saddle bags, the few hundred or so bits inside were all that remains of what was once a wealth of millions. In no time at all it was expected for the prince to become broke, and homeless.
“Fuck Twilight…” Blueblood slurred to himself. “I *hic*...I should be at home...enjoying life at my leazure…” He grumbled, his stomach growling at him to distract him from his possible drunken ramblings.
Stumbling, Blueblood used a good, his mind too intoxicated by his drunken state to use magic, and pulled weakly upon the door, the lock stopping his efforts as he pulled three times before his head thud against the glass of the door, his eyes trying to peer into the lightless, closed restaurant.
“Why can’t...things be open?” Blueblood whined to himself, not having a single clue what time it is in his booze addled mind.
Door by door down the street the prince tried and failed to enter all the closed restaurants. At some point, the Prince began mindlessly knocking upon the door of a closed establishment, trying in vain to revive an answer.
“Please...anyone…” Blueblood muttered, his intoxicated mind making him face the fact that no one was around and he was well and truly alone.
At some point the Prince took seat against the door, a few years glowing as he reflected upon his life. When did all this even start? He couldn't remember. When did he let wealth and fame guide his actions and choices? He doubted even Celestia remembered.
How did he even become a Prince? He didn't know. Fact is many didn't, only Celestia did and she never said anything aside that it was his birthright.
“Why…” Blueblood questioned silently.
As the tears began to dry and his body processed the booze, leaving him drunk but coherent enough to think and speak proper enough, he sighed and pondered even returning home. As is he was basically mooching off Twilight's good faith but it's not as deep a well as his aunt's. For a while the Prince began to ponder either taking residents on the streets, they would be his 'home' soon anyway, or perhaps a train to elsewhere?
He shook his head at that. He'd only ever left Canterlot once in his life and… it was unpleasant memories.
Standing, the Prince, in title alone, walked down the streets and found an alleyway of sorts. It was larger than most but only one building seemed to be at its end. A rather unique, exotic shop it seemed, not at all like the Classic Canterlot designs many buildings shared. With a sigh he sat against the nearby wall, scanning his surroundings. Cold cobblestone walls and floors, but it kept the chill of the nightly winds away, though rain would be an issue.
He chuckled to himself.
“Faust must be laughing at me…” Blueblood shook his head.
With a sigh, Blueblood stared blankly at the walls of the alleyway, pondering his future, or lack thereof. He didn't know how to do much if anything. All he'd ever had was his aunt's money, now gone, his looks, which now we're ragged and save for his cutie mark, comparing his present self to his past self was like looking at two different stallions, and his charisma, which he only used for either getting out of trouble or causing it for others.
“I’m completely useless…” Blueblood muttered to himself.
Blueblood was unsure of how long he spent mindlessly staring at the wall, his state of blankness snapped away by the sound of an opened door. Looking, Blueblood spotted a mare. She was thin and tall, her slim figure was exotic and different, not quite the frame he has seen on Flur, but not without its own charm. Her coat was a bright orange shade and her hair a poofy maroon color held back by a headband across her forehead and kept her horn from being concealed within it. Her cutie mark seemed to be a bluish purple flower with a red Pistil. Her magic was levitating a bag containing what can only be assumed to be trash.
As she tossed the waste into the trash can, she yelped, finally taking notice of Blueblood. “Oh my, you startled me.” She chuckled, her smile was… so pure. It belonged to a mare who was living a good, honest life. Something Blueblood could never understand.
“I’m...I’m sorry…” Blueblood muttered, trying to have some decency and speak clearly enough...only for his stomach to growl and not let him have that decency.
To his surprise, the mare smiled at that. “Hungry I take it?” She asked. Before he could reply, she turned to the building. “Come.” She motioned.
Blueblood was so shocked by this open display of basic pony decency he couldn’t do anything besides follow after the strange pure beauty in front of him. ”Th-thank you…”
“I hope you don’t mind, they're leftovers, we made extra of the weekly special and there was some left over.” She spoke. Entering the building, Prince Bluelood was met by a sight out of his storybooks, an exotic, large space filled with tables meant to be shared by dozens of ponies at once. Pillows replaced chairs and the decoration was nothing he’d ever dreamed before. Taking seat at the nearest table, he noticed the center decore was in fact a candle, now burned out and yet still gave off the faint smell of Oranges, oddly enough.
After a bit, the mare returned, carrying in her magic a bowl of some dish he’d never seen before. Chunks of potato, carrots, turnips and even radish could be seen all drenched in such a rich blend of spices within the sauce, all atop rice. “One Special, Mule Kick Curry.” She smiled as the spoon floated from her to Blueblood.
“Th-thank you.” He said, managing the wherewithal to take the spoon in his magic and dip it into the curry. “I’ve...never had...curry before.” He managed to say, having heard from his fellow ‘nobles’ that Curry was actually really good, as he gently and carefully lifted it up and ate the spoon full.
“Many still have not, it’s a common meal back in my homelands, but here it’s considered an exotic delicacy.” She laughed. The flavor hit Blueblood like a rush of pleasure. Such rich and complex flavors all blended and complementing, and the spice was strong but not overwhelming. It was nothing like the dishes of Canterlot nobility he’d had before, where flavor was all either barely detectable or focused on one trate over others.
As he ate, he thought back to times before, when he’d scoff and spit on such meals. He remembered the Gala event with Rarity, and despite Applejack’s food tasting genuinely good, his pride and ‘standards’ had him spit the pastry out and treat it like eating dirt.
In no time at all, the plate was cleaned, the mare smiling as she gave Blueblood a cup with water. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
“This…” Blueblood teared up. “This...thank you…” He said, not sure what to say besides that simple phrase.
Her smile faltered a little, moving the plates aside as she took a seat next to him. “You sound like the world has been against you lately?” She asked. “I remember feeling like that once before.”
“More like…” Blueblood tried to find the right words in his slowly clearing mind. “The world fell apart around me…”
“Hm… I’m sure a lot of ponies are feeling like that. New Princess, Celestia and Luna retiring, immigration across multiple nations is reaching an all time high. The world is changing, and not everypony thinks they can change with it.”
“Too...too true…” Blueblood sighed out, the mare not knowing how on the nose she was about his predicament.
“Tell me, what about this change has sent your world crashing down?”
Blueblood thought. The list of what wasn’t crashing because of the change was easier to answer, still, this mare seemed honest, though part of his mind nagged and yelled. No names, no extra details. After all, he needed an ear, and knowing who he was… As far as he was concerned right now, he wasn’t Prince Blueblood, he was just a Canterlot Bum.
“I thought things would have stayed the same for me...just enjoying wonders of life without a care in the world...but just like all Greek Tragedies, Hubris came knocking on my door with a bat labeled ‘reality’...” He sighed out. “I thought things would stay the same as things changed...and it all just crumbled around me…”
“Job?”
“If by ‘job’, you mean helping make sure my aunt didn’t have to deal with more...undesirables…” He started, which was technically true since he did help Celestia deal with Day Court a number of occasions. “But besides that...I don’t have a job...and kind of didn’t need it.”
“Family? You just said you used to help your aunt?”
“Not anymore, she retired a while ago.” He shook his head. “Thought I could have coasted on by just like normal...but as you can clearly see…” He motioned to his disheveled self as he took a careful drink of water.
“Heh. Well, what did you do exactly when helping your aunt? Shurley you have skills that can still be applied to somewhere?”
Blueblood thought that over. His charisma and cunning did remove a lot of the lesser liked nobles from Celestia’s court. Twilight helped her with it like he had but dealing with it solo would be another beast. Does such a job even exist? Were it Celestia, she’d invent it for him… Twilight though…
“I don’t know if the new person in charge of my aunt’s position would still be in need of a…” Blueblood started. “Bailiff? No that’s for legal court…” Blueblood started, trying to figure out the right word to describe what he can do. “I’m just...good enough with words to tell people to piss off kindly.”
“A skill I wish I had.” She laughed. “Most stubborn or rude customers I curse out. “It’s too spicy’, so why did you order the spicy curry?” She huffed. “Honestly, if you order spicy food you should expect spicy food.”
“True.” Blueblood chuckled, just...enjoying listening to this mare talk so much, and he wasn’t sure if it was the booze mentally talking to him or something else.
“If there’s one thing I learned living in Canterlot is that not all change is bad. Sometimes change hurts us at first, but as things change we can learn to adapt to it and grow. I’m sure you have lots of skills. Or maybe you can learn some new ones still.”
Blueblood chuckled. New skills? Maybe. Current Skills? Well, he knew all about proper edikit, manors, could taste alcohol ingredients and the such… Then, there was his Cutie Mark. Travel. Navigation to be exact, something he earned once and never acted on again...
“Well...I could try doing what my cutie mark means…” Blueblood started. “But...I’m broke as can be…”
“Hm, well, what about other skills?”
“I’ve beaten a minotaur in a drinking contest once.” Blueblood said honestly.
“Is that so? In beer or something stronger? I hear Minotaur Scotch is some of the best bits can buy.”
“I know that fully well.” Blueblood said with a fond remembrance.
“So, is your talent related to fine drinks?”
“No...one would call me an alcoholic...an experienced alcoholic.” He said simply.
She laughed. “Well Mister 'Experienced Alcoholic’ Here’s a test for you.” She quickly ran back to the kitchen, some clattering of plates and after about ten minutes she walked back out with a small bowl of Curry, a small bowl of soup, and a large bottle of some wine with the label ripped off. “First, tell me what type of alcoholic beverage is this made with?” She asked, giving him the curry.
The disheveled stallion shrugged as he took a bite of the curry, taking careful bites to find it’s taste.
There was a rich taste of Potato, Celery, Onions, fried onions… fried in… Whisk- no, Bourbon, fried in Bourbon. Aged ten years.
“Ten year aged Bourbon, nice choice.” He said honestly.
Her eyebrows went up in surprise. “Wow. Alright then, how about this?” She gave the soup to him.
Taking a sip from the bowl, The rich broth of green beans, olive oil… Sesame seed oil, and Rice Wine, ages two years with cranberries.
“Cranberry Rice Wine, nice touch to add to this delicious soup.” He said, his mental faculties coming back to him in spades with the delicious food.
“Wow. You are good. Alright, final test.” She said, pouring some of the wine into the glass. The red liquid filled half the cup as she gave it to him. “I bet you can’t tell me what brand this wine is.”
“I might not, this might be just as exotic as the food.” He said honestly, taking the glass carefully and taking a sip of it, wanting to savor some wine in good company rather than self pity.
“It’s from here in Canterlot, so you might.”
Nodding, Blueblood recognized the flavor instantly. Maple Berry Red Grape Wine. He smiled, taking another long sip of the drink. This brand held sentimental value to Blueblood. It was the first wine he and Celestia shared when he was old enough, his first purchase of alcohol, and it was served at his first Gala Attendance. He never got the chance to meet the owner of the Winery, but always wished to.
“Now this...my very first alcohol purchase with my aunt when I was old enough.” He smiled softly. “Maple Berry Red Grape Wine, will always remember the special occasions when I brought this out.”
She whistled, nodding as she poured her own glass and refilled Blueblood’s. “You are good at that. Heh, and here I thought that kind of talent was only found in cheesy romance novels.”
“When you have to deal with people who think cheesy romance novels are true to life, you have to be prepared.” The stallion shrugged.
As the two drank, the mare told a few stories of her foalhood. How her mother passed at a young age, Moving to Canterlot to cook, their hardships with Zesty and how it was all overcome. She has been through a lot, and here she is, owning one of the more renowned restaurants in Canterlot. Post Zesty.
“Good thing Zesty finally got put down a peg, while I can respect a critic, you’d have to be stupid to not enjoy your delicious cooking.” Blueblood said honestly, wincing as he tasted his own hypocrisy.
“Psst, yeah…” The mare slurred, while only half the wine had been drunk, she was clearly not a regular drinker. “I haven’t heard… what sheeesss been doing…”
Blueblood chuckled. He liked this mare, her charm and personality were so… unique.
“You know...outside of my aunt’s and cousin...you're the nicest mare I’ve met.” Blueblood said softly.
"Hehehe. Dawww… you're sweet." She slurred, patting his cheek. "And… c… cute! Hehehe. All scruffy and rough like a jungle stallion."
Blueblood had flirted and been flirted on by and with mares many times, but this was the first time he ever blushed at it. Though whether that was the wine or his own reactions he didn’t know.
“Well...thank you.” He said sheepishly. “Still would rather be more...clean then this…” He said sheepishly.
"Pssshhh but you pull it offff. Yooou look so rugged and stoic and… and *hic* fuzzy~"
He chuckled. Fuzzy was definitely a new one.
“Well, thank you ma’am. It means a lot to hear such compliments from such an exotic beauty as yourself.” He flirted with a smile.
"Hehehehehe… exotic. Meee? Nooooo… I'm, I'm average, back home, all, all these sexy round and… sexy. I'm, I'm just a mare, running a restaurant with my *hic* father and… that- that's about it… nothing much else going on fer me…"
“Now that’s a lie.” He stated simply. “You’re kind, sweet, beautiful, an amazing cook...and every moment I spend with you is the best moment of my life.”
"Dawww…" She giggled. "You're, you're a charmer. Yo-your special some pony is so… soooooooooo lucky~"
“I...I don’t have one…” The stallion sighed out sadly. “I’ve...never met anyone to make me feel happy...no matter the race.”
"Whaaaaaat? No, no, that's, that is unacceptable. You- you're so good looking and nice." She said, suddenly grabbing both hooves around Blueblood's neck. "I bet you're a really good kisser tooo~"
“W-well...I have been told that a time or two.” He said sheepishly, even if he was drinking more wine, he still had enough self awareness to try and not take advantage of a drunk mare...even one as beautiful as her.
"Hehehe, don't be so shy~ here, liquid courage!" She said, popping the bottle into his mouth. Startled, Blueblood did nothing but drink the remaining wine until the bottle was removed. "Now pucker up!"
The rest of the night faded into hazy memories of pleasure, lip locking and orange and maroon.
Waking up, Blueblood didn't even remember how he arrived home, just an aching headache, and a sensation of… sexual afterglow and heavy… longing.
“Faust damn it…” He muttered to himself bitterly. “Now how in Tartarus did I get home?”
"That'd be me."
"Ah!"
Blueblood yelped, falling off his bed and looking up. He saw a Theatrical Night Guard, hovering near his bed. "Wow, Princess Twilight was right about you being jumpy."
“Where did you come from?” Blueblood asked quickly. “And what are you doing in...someone else’s house?” Blueblood asked, sadly remembering he lost his home a while ago.
"Names Hopper." He said, dropping to the ground. "Princess Twilight appointed me as your Manny. And, wait where is that scroll…" He said, digging through his saddle bags and pulling out a scroll and giving it over to Blueblood who raised an eyebrow.
“Wonder why she cares…” Blueblood muttered to himself as he opened the scroll magically, thankful that he’s gotten so used to using magic during a hangover.
Dear Prince Blueblood
This letter is to inform you of my new program, No Nobility Left Behind. Like yourself many nobles find themselves no longer receiving a crown allowance under my rule. Therefore, you and several others shall be receiving classes and be observed of your talents to determine the best employment under the crown and keep your title as Nobility.
-Princess Twilight Sparkle
“Huh...that’s...actually a smart idea.” Blueblood said honestly.
“Yeah, definitely gonna be a unique rule under her.” Hopper chuckled. “And so, as your Manny I’m here to, if need be, kick your ass into the classroom kicking and screaming if need be.”
Blueblood was willing to bet that was his Aunt Luna’s suggestion.
“Well...that’s good to know.” He nodded. “By the way...where did you find me last night?”
“Hm? Oh, heh, funny enough dancing up along the business district.” He chuckled.
Dancing? Blueblood thought.
“Heh, was the funniest thing, you wreaked of wine and was trying, and failing, to sing something but you were so sloshed it just came out as mostly gurgles. Little bit after that you danced yourself into a mailbox and was out cold after."
The Business district… I know I was last on Restaurant Row… then… agh… shit, can’t remember a thing? And how in Aunt Celestia’s sun did I get from Restaurant Row to the Business District? There're on the complete opposite ends of Canterlot?
“That...makes absolutely no sense but sure.” Blueblood stated. “Now how am I at my house? I thought I lost it due to...obvious reasons?”
"Princess is putting some good faith in you to accomplish this program, so you'll keep the house for now but no allowance, until you start earning your own bits your meals will be the basic stuff for you till you can live on your own hooves. Course I'll be around even after to ensure you don't fall off the bandwagon."
“Goodie…” Blueblood sighed out, looking to the side of his bigger bed and feeling a sense of longing from there not being that beautiful mare there.
"Well, best head off into the shower then, Princess's program starts in two hours, get showered and get eating, oatmeal is in the kitchen."
“Alright alright…” Blueblood said, hearing anything about food and all he could think of was that mares delicious cooking last night...if only he could remember more about last night.
"And that wraps up another day in court." Princess Twilight said with a sigh, the remaining nobles all got up and left, save for one.
Three years, a lot had happened in three years. Blueblood kept his once long mane short, his fur was well kept but not up to the standards his old life had. Still, he kept busy. Turns out a smooth tongued talker can earn a well respected place as her majesty's royal advisor. Well, one of them.
"Glad there wasn't anything fishy this time huh Blueblood?" Princess Twilight asked. In three years, she was now taller than him, her form reaching that of Princess Luna's size. Her mane wasn't flowing just yet, but many were betting in the near future that would change.
“It’s most certainly a surprise, your highness.” Blueblood admitted, an honest but welcomed surprise was how smoothly and easy it seemed for Twilight and day court.
"Please, just call me Twilight." She sighed, but laughed. Of all the nobles her little program helped, Blueblood was definitely the best to emerge from the courses. He now earned more than enough, actually earning the money, to pay for his needs and the needs of his manor and staff. He also didn't treat his staff terribly, granted he didn't make their lives paradise either. Many under his employment said it was basic work and that was that. "So, are you going out tonight again?"
“Yes I am.” He nodded. “I...I still need to look…” He sighed out bitterly. “The only mare to make me feel joy...if only I asked her name…”
“I’m honestly surprised, three years and you haven't found her. If she owns a shop on Restaurant Row, then there’s only so many buildings to search.” Twilight nodded, she and Blueblood walking down the castle halls. “You sure you were on Restaurant Row that night? Hopper did find you in the business district and you were rather… intoxicated.”
“I’d never forget the taste of curry.” He shook his head. “Best food I had...ever to be honest.”
“Hmm, curry. Not too many places make them, heh, then again after my rule began, immigration skyrocketed, so hard to tell given the timeframe…” She sighed.
“It was such an exotic place…” He sighed out. “I...I think I remember something about a food critic...Faust damn my old drinking habits…” Blueblood growled.
The princess chuckled. “At least you were able to keep your drinking to social and simple levels. And hey, you and Heavenly Brew ended up good friends.”
Blueblood nodded. He finally got to meet the owner of his favorite wine brand. She was a lovely mare, slightly older than himself. The two talked business and expansion but nothing aside from a professional relationship came from their meetings.
“Still happy to meet the one that makes my favorite wine.” He said honestly.
“And I am glad to have tried it. I had no idea wine could be so flavorful as a drink, before I’d only ever used it for cooking.” Twilight chuckled. “So, how’s Hopper been? Still playing buttler?”
“Being a total ass half the time yes.” Blueblood said simply. “But...well he’s helped me through all of this.”
"Heh, yeah. Still can't believe he's having that much fun. Most of the other guards positioned with reeducated nobles all work as normal."
“He’s a special case.” He nodded. “But...I have to go out and check again...seriously, how in Celestia’s horn did I get from the Restaurant Row to the complete otherside of the city!?” He asked incredulously, still finding that little fact astonishing and close to impossible if he was completely blacked out.
"Magic surge is my best guess." Twilight shrugged. "Some adult unicorns do get them, mostly under stress or, well, if heavenly intoxicated."
"Which I...apparently was…" He sighed out. The best night I've ever had and still can't remember any of it...it sucks."
"Would explain the splitting headache you had too. Magic surge teleportation on top of being drunk, I'm amazed you could function."
"Still amazes me too honestly." Blueblood shrugged. "But I still have to try…"
"Heh. Well, hopefully you find something this time. Do you think she remembers you after three years?"
“I hope so…” Blueblood said. “Cause uh...even if it is a blur...we had an unforgettable night to put it bluntly.” Blueblood blushed at the vague memory of her warmth against his.
"Yes, Hopper told me in his own words…"
Blueblood chuckled, making a mental note to murder his guard/butler later.
"Alright, I should get going then." Blueblood nodded, ready to start his search once again.
"Uh, pardon me Prince Blueblood." Turning, the Princess and Prince spotted a familiar face. Raven. Formerly she was Princess Celestia and Luna's assistant, though now she worked under Princess Twilight. "There seems to be an issue at the courtroom front desk."
“What’s wrong?” Blueblood inquired. “And why me specifically?”
"Well, there's somepony asking for you specifically. Has been since court started."
“That’s strange…” Blueblood said. “Who would be looking for me of all people?” He asked as he started to trot towards the courtroom front desk.
"No idea. She says her name is Saffron Masala. Apparently she has some information for you?"
“That’s...curious…” He said, continuing his way to the front desk, wondering who this Saffron Masala was and why a name he has never heard of made his heart flutter.
As he walked to the front, something kept making his heart beat faster, his ears hot red and as he opened the door to see… her.
She was just how he remembered, down to the headband and earrings. She turned to see him, eyes widening for a moment. "Uh, Blueblood?" She asked.
Blueblood stood there, completely wide eyed. “You…” Blueblood shook softly, trying to keep himself from just rushing over to her and hugging her.
"Heh… wow, you look nice… all cleaned up." She chuckled. "Hard to believe I thought you were some bum for so long…"
“Y-y-yeah...I do take my looks seriously.” Blueblood slightly stammered. “And you…” Blueblood stepped towards the mare. “You’re still as beautiful as the day I met you.”
"Heh, I'm told I kept my figure well after…" She shook her head. "So, heh, I hope you've been well. I was hoping to tell you something, about, heh, that night…"
"I've...I've been looking for you...for three years." Blueblood said, taking another step towards her. "Is...if this is a dream, Luna better not wake me up." The stallion said, hoping beyond hope this was real.
Saffron chuckled, a light blush hitting her cheeks. "It's very much real Blueblood. Um… how do I say this… you uh, left something with me that night."
"Mind...being specific?" Blueblood asked carefully. "Please tell me it wasn't something gross? I was very drunk…"
"Heh, well that's more or less up to interpretation really… I was rather drunk as well… so, it's no surprise what happened, happened…" At that moment, the large poof of her mane wiggles and moved, soon, peaking out of her mane pokes the head of a small white coated colt. His eyes the same color as Blueblood's own, but his mane was the maroon color of Saffron's, just shorter and lacking the signature poof. "Heh, Blueblood… meet Blue Spice… your son…"
“Ah...yes…” Blueblood started. “My...son…” He said slowly and carefully as he was trying to figure out if he should pass out by the news or not.
THUD
"Princess Twilight?!" Raven yelled.
Turning, the two saw Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Equestria… fainted, with a panicked Raven trying to wake her up.
“Well...at least it wasn’t me.” Blueblood said sheepishly.
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8373838
Agreed.
I'm going to be gentle and assume English isn't your first language. As such I was barely able to get past the fourth...lets call it a paragraph for context's sake. Maybe next time, find a proofreader or editor in one of the groups on the site to lend a hand.
8373838
Do you need to specify that you won't vote on it, having not read it? Are you telling me that there are people who'll vote based on descriptions, etc, alone?
8373838
Mocha, you gotta try it. Just trust me. You won't believe it.
Author, more chapters, please.
8373908
On your advice I read it.
I can tell the author has an understanding of what he wants conveyed and gets it across very roughly.
A few months of writing regularly and they'll be able to look back at this chapter and groan asst how they were.
So, just to be clear. Blueblood gets chewed out by Rarity and not one mare wants to give him the time of day, unless it's to be beat him upside the head with their watch, since? That's BS. Now, afterwards he becomes a drunk because he has no purpose or other desires in life, because no mare wants to talk to him? One night, he meets the one mare that was not only willing to have a conversation with him, but also sleeps with him that very same night? Now, two years later, the woman shows up with their child and now she and her child are royalty?
How soon after Saffron meeting Rarity and Pinkie does Saffron meet Blueblood?
Is Rarity going to show up? What will be her reaction to all this?
Has Blueblood changed at all since he met Saffron?
BTW, I will be tracking this.
8373997
...your comment scares me...
Ok, THIS is interesting! Iv'e been looking for a deviate story for a while, and now I have found one! Keep this up! I expect great things!
8373906
Yes. In general I don't but I thought this was a troll fic at first and almost thumbed down immediately. I didn't and now I know this is someone either fairly new to writing or whose first language isn't English - at least from the comments that's what I'm getting.
And I have read a description so terrible that the only thing I could do was to thumb it down. This description is bad but not so bad to get a reactive thumb like that. Overall, the description is the author trying to sell the story and if you can't get the description right, there's little chance for the story to be readable.
TO THE AUTHOR
8374055
Remember, white space is your friend. Most prefer a double carriage return a la above but tab stops are used by those trying for a more professional (and in my opinion, less readable but still better) look. Split paragraphs either where a complete thought has ended OR when someone different starts speaking. Search the writing FAQ for more info and good luck.
8374055
Why?
Hmmm...I see potential so I'm tracking this for now.
8374199
No idea
8373997
I'm rather shocked at how it took her two years to contact him again. He keeps dreaming of her and seems so taken with her, I doubt he did something like sneak out at night while she slept and vanish. Could be wrong, of course. Still she had the boy and only now the father gets to learn he has a son running about?
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The part where people criticise the description is unfortunately very valid. The short description right now has as its fist sentence: "Blueblood was drink" and the third one "He found a nice restraint". You probably meant "drunk" and "restaurant".
8374840 Well, as far as I recall, it takes eleven months to give birth, so that accounts for one year. Judging by her reaction to suddenly finding herself married, she wasn't looking for anything from Blueblood other than him and his son knowing who they are. That might be why it took her two years to confront Blueblood.
Actually I wish… you did a lot of chapters about Blueblood improving himself then jumping 3 years later. I think it would have really been cool story I do love your writing
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While I think that would have made a good mini arc, I was just remastering this chapter since I'm giving this whole story an overhaul. Figured I'd keep it close to the original but with a better... everything.
Okay. New rewrite... New comment.
This is definitely an improvement. On all fronts. I
Twilight's reaction though. On to the next chapter.
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Thanks. Figured when I came back to this is needed a... whole reconstruction from the ground up.