There was no raisins on his raisin toast, much to Sumac’s dismay. It was, for all intents and purposes, just cinnamon toast, sans raisins. He didn’t even care for raisins very much, but something about all of this left him grumpy. Or maybe, everything else had left him grumpy and this just made everything want to come out. Somewhere, in the depths, a tantrum lurked. Sumac could feel it, and he feared it.
“There’s no raisins in my raisin toast,” Sumac said to the three mares having breakfast with him. “Just cinnamon and butter.”
Twinkleshine, leaning forward, narrowed her eyes while looking right at Sumac. “Now I have to punish you.”
“What?” Sumac blinked. “Why? What’d I do?”
“Because, I need practice being a mom. It’s time I punished you for no raisin.”
“Twinkleshine!” Trixie’s voice was shrill and her nostrils flared while she turned to give her breakfast companion a baleful glare. “That was awful!” With a snarl, Trixie hurled her half-eaten toast to punish the punster, and of course, it landed butter side down, right on Twinkleshine’s snoot.
“I think I found all of Sumac’s raisins,” Twinkleshine said as she went cross eyed to get a better look at the toast sticking to her muzzle. “Why are you looking at me like that, Lemon? I thought we were friends!”
Sumac laughed, and down in the deep, dark places within himself, the temper tantrum fizzled out with a promise to return later, when conditions were more favourable. He watched as Twinkleshine pulled the toast off of her nose and began eating it, all while Trixie began buttering up another slice of raisin toast for herself.
Sighing, the colt strained against his bonds, hating them. He was tied to his chair, there was no other way of putting it, he was secured in place with straps to keep him from falling over. While he couldn’t move, at least he had magic, and his magic was getting stronger from constant use. His head was tilted off to one side, the corner of his jaw resting against the cushioned neck brace that held him up. He hated wearing it, and only had to wear it while eating. Fighting against it was making him stronger though, so it wasn’t all bad.
With his eyes, he looked over at Trixie and Sumac said, “Lemon Hearts told me that you are asexual.”
“Lemon!” Trixie paused her buttering to look at the yellow mare sitting across the table. “How could you?”
Looking just a little ashamed, Lemon’s ears pinned back against her skull. “I told you I would do it if you procrastinated. Sumac deserves the truth. He might be five, but he’s mature for his age and he worries about you. He wants all of the same things that other foals his age want, like happy parents!”
“Don’t be mad at Lemon.” Sumac willed the pitcher of apple juice to rise and he poured some into his cup without spilling a drop. He put the pitcher down, it sloshed, and he took a slice of leftover coffee cake.
“You’re… not… bothered… by this?” Blinking with astonishment, Trixie stared at her son.
“Why would I be?” Sumac asked, and he blinked right back at his mother.
“Because… because of all of the troubles and problems my own mother had… your grandmother… all of the heartache—Sumac, you wouldn’t believe the sort of scenarios I kept constructing inside of my head and all of the ways this would make you unhappy or cause you grief.” Trixie’s brutal, unflinching honesty caused the jovial mood to vanish.
“I told you so.” Lemon’s ears rose just a little in early-stage defiance, but remained pointed backwards. “Trixie, the stuff you make up in your head isn’t true to what ponies actually think of you. Especially Sumac. You’ve gotta start trusting him… you need to start trusting us, or there will be a problem. I’ll make it a problem.”
“It’s hard, okay?” Trixie’s ears dropped and assumed a more submissive posture. “I keep having bad dreams… really awful dreams where I lose you—”
“That’s not going to happen!” Lemon’s voice had considerable volume. “Sometimes, being with the pony that you love is more important than the sex that might come with it!” The yellow mare’s ears rose to a full stand and pivoted around to face Trixie. “I am committed to you! You’re hung up on sex because you seem to have this misguided idea that commitment and dedication are only offered as rewards for sexual gratification! You need to sort out this confusion!”
Now, it was Trixie’s ears that were pinned down flat against her head. “You’re right. I do. Before it hurts Sumac.” Trixie, her eyes glimmering with excessive moisture, looked over at the colt, blinked a few times, then turned away to look out the kitchen window.
“Um…” Sumac looked around, not knowing what to say.
“We want you to grow up with a healthy sexual outlook,” Twinkleshine said to Sumac while she wiped butter from her snoot. “I’m messed up, but I’m getting better, and I wish that my parents had been this open with me. Trixie is in some in-between place right now, and we’d all be in a real mess if it wasn’t for Lemon Hearts keeping us in line.”
“I’m still not understanding this whole asexual thing,” Sumac admitted, hoping to draw Lemon’s attention away from Trixie. His statement was true—he didn’t understand it very well—and the idea of sex of any sort just made him feel icky. Kissing, as an action, that was still pretty gross.
Hearing these words, Lemon’s head turned with an abrupt suddenness, and she seemed game to try again. “Sumac, being asexual has a lot of misunderstandings associated with it. It doesn’t mean that they hate sex, or don’t want sex, or can’t have sex—”
“For me,” Trixie said, cutting in with a soft voice, “it is about mental attraction, not action. I like the closeness. I like the snuggling. I just don’t get much from the act itself and I don’t feel much in the way of physical attraction, which is really confusing when you want to be close with somepony.”
Taking a deep breath, Sumac felt his ears grow warm, and he stared down at his plate, rather than look at any of the mares at the table. It was easier this way. A hot flush crept up his neck and the inside of his cheeks went dry, causing them to cling to his teeth. Bracing himself, he drew in another deep breath and said, “So you’ve done stuff together… grown up stuff. That’s good. That’s how it should be.” As he spoke, terror welled up from within him and he worried that he might have let slip the wrong words. “It’s good to know that nothing is broken.”
“Yes.” Trixie nodded, then she coughed and stared down at her own plate.
“Sumac,” Lemon began, her tone gentle. “Everything works on your mother. Nothing is broken. She is capable of having happy, healthy, normal sex and the release that goes with it. She can become aroused, to a certain degree… she just has to take a different avenue to get there. It isn’t a physical act for Trixie, but almost entirely a mental one.”
After hearing all of this, Sumac struggled to understand it, because he wanted to understand it. He wanted his mother—no, his mothers, to be happy with one another. He swallowed, filled his cheeks full of air to make them stop sticking to his teeth, and after screwing his courage to the sticking place, he looked at Trixie.
A nervous wicker slipped out, and Sumac swallowed again. He really wanted some apple juice, but that would have to come later, as a reward, maybe. “It sounds like to me,” he said, and his voice became an awkward squeak, “that you never really developed a like for colts or fillies, but you can still love them if you look past those parts.”
Smiling with relief, Lemon Hearts’ head bobbed up and down in an enthusiastic nod. “That’s a very good way of putting it, Sumac. I’m proud of you. We’ll talk more later, okay? Trixie and Twinkleshine both look a little overwhelmed, and so do you.”
Sumac was, in fact, overwhelmed, and he began slurping down his apple juice, glad that this was over.
Once more, Sumac Apple found himself staring out the window, watching as the world went by. He missed Boomer a great deal, and his window watching was done with the purpose of spotting Twilight Sparkle and Spike. Boomer needed a check-up and a physical, and the doctor was in Canterlot. It was difficult for Sumac to travel at the moment.
Dragons were born, had a quick rush to a state of maturity where they could care for themselves, and then slowed down. Dragons like Spike slowed down a whole lot, while dragons like Boomer had lifespans similar to ponies. Spike would be a tyke for the next century, while Boomer would just grow old and eventually pass away while Spike approached adolescence.
Such was life.
Life wasn’t fair, but there were consolations to be found, if one looked hard enough. Friends, family, loved ones, and simple pleasures. Sumac had been enjoying the simple pleasures, perhaps a bit too much, and he had a feeling that he needed to start hitting the books again if he wanted to keep his mental muscles.
His magic lessons with Vinyl had been delayed, due to the sudden increase in family size. The colt was curious, anxious, because there had only been brief mentions of Megara, who was said to be half-manticore and half-pony. It was almost certain that he was having withdrawals from Pebble and he wanted to see her more than just about anything.
For a brief moment, he heard Lemon’s voice coming from the bedroom, and he hoped that the three of them weren’t fighting. For some reason, this was a constant fear, that a fight would break out and then all of this would be over, it would end. Sumac feared the end, he had awful nightmares about it, and more than once, he had seen Princess Luna vanishing through doors within his dreams.
Family was the only thing that Sumac wanted. Not wealth, not fortune, not riches, not stacks of comic books or the latest, greatest toys. None of those things mattered to him, and in a more long-term sense, he had a pretty good idea of what he wanted from life. He wanted what Pebble had, a large, bustling family, and for him, it started with the three mares who looked after his every need, embarrassing or not.
Outside, the snow was coming down sideways and the skies were grey. The house was warm, cosy, and secure. Sumac loved this house, it was everything he had hoped for. He had the upstairs to himself, and he even had his own bathroom. The living room had a great view though the windows, the kitchen was large, even larger than the living room, and there was a fully enclosed solarium in the back of the house that would be finished soon. Well, the room was already done, but the plants were still being planted. It was an activity that they all did as a family.
Ears perking, he heard voices again, this time Twinkleshine and Trixie both talking at the same time. His stomach muscles tensed and for a moment, Sumac almost hated the irrational fear that threatened to overtake him. Whatever the conversation was, it was one that they couldn’t have in front of him, and that worried him. Now he understood some of Pebble’s seeming paranoia and why she always fretted about her parents.
When one was a foal, everything felt so important, doubly so when one was used to having nothing. The house, having stuff, having a family… anything that came along that might be a potential threat, it felt like a major crisis just waiting to happen. Everything felt so precarious. Their last house had burned down and everything had turned to ash with it. Lemon Hearts wanted to propose marriage, but it seemed that there was still an awful lot to sort out, and sorting stuff out might lead to fights.
And fights… fights might mean the end of everything. It was a terrible, terrible fact of life. Sumac was helpless, defenseless, and oh so dependent upon those three mares. Now, he found himself straining to listen, and even considered using a cantrip to eavesdrop. He could do that, for whatever reason, he was gifted at what Twilight called the ‘sneaky spells.’ They came to him as naturally as breathing, much to everypony’s concern, and he understood why.
Flam Apple, that’s why.
Much to Sumac’s relief, he heard laughter coming from the bedroom, real, actual laughter, not nervous laughter, or fearful laughter, but happy, belly-busting laughter. The tension that had made all of his muscles go tight let go, and he was able to draw in one deep, shuddering breath before he began sobbing with relief, the tantrum from earlier manifesting as a powerful need to cry.
Alone, on the couch, staring out the window, Sumac had no choice but to let everything out.
What becomes important is the meanings you assign otherwise we lose the track of the story. In its own way this was an important chapter we got to see more of Twinkleshine's recovery along with a little of Trixie's. We got to see what motivated Sumac what was important to him
More on the family dynamic.. I'm glad you didn't cut this. It's very serious, and expands upon certain problems brilliantly. Such as a relationship with an asexual. And a looksie into Sumac's head.
It's showing Sumac is trying to help his mothers as best he can, in his limited knowledge of families that he wants so much for himself. Although It's Trixie, I think, still needs more couch time coming to grips with the overall situation than anyone else it seems. No quick fix, too much too fast will overcome her.
31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5cmq4inP81rwcc6bo1_500.gif
8087492
Or, you know, the living reminder that they were duped and fell for it.
The whole replacement therapy thing. I spent a lot of time reading psychology journals, trying to build up an idea of how something like this might be treated. I paralleled identity theft from our own world and built on that from there.
People tend to be angry with the victim, usually because of how much it impact or other influence their own life. It is a powerful inconvenience. It is a bizarre circumstance, to say the very least.
This was a good chapter. One of my little sisters is an ace. I'm pan, the wife is demi. I'd say you did it a fair amount of justice for not having to deal with the issues firsthand, Kudz. As always, you do your homework so you don't wind up disrespecting the people who live their lives with the issues you portray, and so that you don't misrepresent the people who live in your worlds.
Good on you.
8087562
Intentional ambiguity was intentional.
People spend their entire lives trying to figure this stuff out for themselves... so I don't feel the need to nail down anything too specific at the moment.
As someone who is a-spec myself, I think you handled it well!
Raisin jokes, how dry.
Has not read. Faves and marks anyways.
I don't mean to vine but that really graped my cheese.
Ba-dum-tss
derpicdn.net/img/2013/3/30/283131/full.gif
On this, it is amazing what a young child will blurt out at a table. Oh some of the stuff my sisters once said...
And yeah, that one, that one is VERY FUN. My sister, in front of everyone
"Hey Raul, are you gay?"
Oh lord. That night had much talk.
8088140
Nah. It's cool.
8087568 That's what I took away from what you wrote, I'm pretty confident I'm demi, so the conversation piqued my curiosity more than usual, and from looking into it I've encountered a wide range of experiences, the definitions that encompass the labels are ambiguous even when the labels themselves are already in flux. People who identify as demi experience things that I don't and vice versa. it makes sense that Trixie is struggling to work through this when even among like minds it can be unclear where the lines are.
The use of the word "broken" when talking about Trixie can be problematic, but when everyone's working through it in moment and you're talking about it with an intelligent five year old, it's an appropriate term for the characters, even if the connotations aren't very pleasant.
8088398
It has taken me a long, long time to figure this out, (and maybe a little college education) but I am sapiosexual. And I suppose all of the theoreticals that go along with that. While I can be physically attracted to another human being, that attraction can come and go on a whim, according to my mood. I get off on intellectual discourse. It's been super weird for me, discovering this, making the connections, and sorting all of this out.
The worst part? I figured all of this out and now I am at a point in my life where, in all honesty, I will probably never have a relationship ever again. I am a fucked up cripple, with a broken, busted up body. My health issues have greatly shortened my life. Heck, at the moment, I don't even have a car. Acceptance of all of this has been quite grim, and to be honest, just another layer of depression.
But I deal with it. Somehow.
8088414
And I didn't know there was a specific term for that until now. I empathize with the attraction coming and going part, with the added bit of that attraction not translating into a desire for physical intimacy prior to any emotional intimacy. Otherwise intellectual conversation gets me excited, but not quite like that.
I sympathize there, friend. I'll say a little prayer to Cadance for you, in hope. And Luna too. Maybe for both of us.
8087841 Have to granite to you, that was rather gouda.
I think you're free to write the story in any way you like. Psychology and sexuality of any non human species need not conform to anything we know as humans. The ponies of Equestria might behave like us most of the time, but they are not humans.
8088677
Yeah, because teaching somepony with magic words how to control himself is such a terrible, terrible act of tyranny. He should be able to say anything he wants, when he wants, right? With no fear of consequences! Mwahahahahahah!
I really enjoyed this chapter. Even though I don't agree with everything you write, most of it I agree with. I also enjoy how it makes me think about things in a different prospective. I really enjoy how you are developing Sumac's family unit.
*Squees intensely* Favorite chapter so far.
I feel for Trixie. She strives to be a much better parent then her own were to her, but she's clearly still struggling with insecurities. The abysmal environment she was raised in has clearly done quite a number to her sense of self-worth.
I try not to think about Spike too much. I can mostly deal with him outliving everyone he knows, but having to live their entire lives without being able to mature and make deeper connections with his closest friends? I find that extremely depressing.
I think I have to stop reading for today. Too much more and I'll start dwelling a lot more than I should.
8140380
Whatever you do, do not read Eigengrau.
8116430
Again, I thought of you when reading this chapter, and before I read your comment. It was the description of Trixie's attitude.
Perfect. Everything about this moment was perfect.
No he's not. He's clearly an adult or older teen who's suffered an age regression spell. Why else would all these other adults be so open about sexuality with him?
8537937
Because they are natural nudists and don't have human conventions.
I think my wife might be asexual. I'm the opposite. More than a little frustrating.
I know it's been a few years, but on the topic of asexuality, you were pretty close. Close enough for all intents and purposes. It's easy to get asexuality confused with pansexuality, which is attraction based on personalities and is more of an emotion thing (from what I gathered when my pan friend explained it to me.) Meanwhile, asexuality is... confusing. Being asexual myself, I still have a hard time explaining it. It's kinda like being attracted to ideas or scenarios, I suppose. It's more vague than other sexualities for sure. It is certainly more of a mental thing, if nothing else.
People often think, when I tell them I am asexual, that I am 100% apathetic towards sex in general, and/or I feel no attraction to anyone. That is not really the case. Anyway, that's all I really had to say. Good job.
I'm getting more answers and views here on what sexuality might be than dozens of sites and searches online. You did something right!!!
Like 10088403 - this! This is surprisingly close! Why did I not find this on a site dedicated to sexuality and instead got it in a comment section about pastel ponies!