• Published 1st Jul 2012
  • 5,440 Views, 332 Comments

A Hard Bargain - Zap Apple Smash



Lunaverse. Ditzy is approached by some ponies from Manehatten with an offer they doubt she'll refuse

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Morning Rituals and Meetings

It was another beautiful day in Ponyville. The birds were singing, there were only a few clouds in the sky and Ditzy Doo the mail mare was busy doing her early morning rounds. Next on her deliveries was a package for her good friend Trixie.

Ditzy was first going to just leave the package in Trixie’s mail box but then she saw that it was one of those parcels that the receiver had to sign for. The mail mare knocked on the door but got no reply. This was strange because Ditzy knew Trixie wouldn't have started work yet and there were definitly signs of life.

Ditzy continued to knock patiently on the door but unfortunately for her the Night Court Representative was in the middle of a key part of her morning ritual.

“In the southland, there’s a city
Way down on the river
Where the fillies are very pretty
And all the colts deliver.”

As the water from the shower came down, Trixie continued to sing as she washed herself.

They’ve got music, it’s always playin’.
Starts in the daytime, goes on through the night.
When you hear that music playin’,
Hear what I’m sayin’, it makes you feel alright.”

The blue unicorn’s horn started to glow as the wash cloth came to life and continued to scrub Trixie as she started to sway her hips to the imaginary music.

Grab somebody, come on down.
Bring your paintbrush, paintin’ the town.
There’s some sweetness goin’ ’round,
Catch it down in Nieigh Orleans.

“Excuse me, Trixie?”

Trixie was snapped out of her song. She turned to see Ditzy standing there holding a clipboard. “Look I know you’re busy but there is a lot of mail I need to get through today so would you mind signing here before you start the next verse?”

There was a loud crash as Ditzy was thrown out of the window. With a quick flap of her wings she was able to land softly on the ground. She turned back in time to see her clipboard flying out the window too. Surprisingly it landed right in front of the mail mare’s feet. She looked down and smiled cheerfully when she saw Trixie’s signature at the bottom.

“THANK YOU! SEE YA LATER!!”

My little pony, My little pony
Ahh ahh ahh ahhh...
My little pony
Friendship never meant that much to me
My little pony
But you're all here and now I can see
Stormy weather; Lots to share
A musical bond; With love and care
Teaching laughter; It's an easy feat,
And magic makes it all complete!
You have my little ponies
How'd I ever make so many true friends?


“Why are you complaining to me about this?” Pokey Pierce asked.

“Because I pay your wages so you have to listen to me.” Trixie shot back. Currently the two were on their way to have a working lunch with the mayor and the rest of the council. “So then after having my morning ritual interrupted. I stop at Sugar Cube Corner to get a pick me up only to find out that they were completely out of chilli powder. What sort of establishment sells hot chocolate without stocking up on chilli-powder?”

“One that caters to normal ponies?” Pokey offered.

Trixie glared at her assistant. “You know Pokey, I don’t pay you to mock me.”

“Frankly, some days it feels like you’d have to pay me not to.” Pokey paused for a moment when he saw somepony he recognised. “Hey Big Mac.”

Trixie turned to where Pokey was looking and saw what had to be the biggest stallion she had seen in her life. To top it off he was bright red and idly tossing hay bales on to a wagon as if it was nothing. He stopped and turned to the two unicorns, his eyes half lidded and almost looking bored. “Morning Pokey, Morning Ms Trixie.”

The gears in Trixie’s head started to grind. “er...Hi...Have we met?”

“Probably not officially.” The red stallion held out a hoof. “Big Macintosh.”

Trixie took the hoof but only after seeing the green apple on his flank did she get a clue who she was talking to. “You’re related to Applejack?”

“Brother.”

There was an awkward silence until Pokey decided to intervene. “Well we be better be off, see ya Big Mac.” With a gentle nudge, Pokey lead Trixie away while the farm pony went back to lifting hay bales.

“Managed to make that awkward didn’t you?” Pokey muttered.

“Sorry but did you how big he was?” Trixie shot back. “What have they been feeding him?”

“Mostly Apples.” Big Mac called out. Trixie promptly quickened her pace when she realised she was still within ear shot.

“Alright, I get that he’s Applejacks brother. But why haven’t I seen him around before.”

Pokey shrugged. “He’s out of town a lot. And when he is in town he mainly keeps to himself and his work. Besides, considering that he wasn’t wearing a big mirror I’m surprised you even noticed him now-OW!”


When he was sure they weren’t paying any more attention to him , Big Mac stopped what he was doing again and looked back at the two unicorns that were walking away, Pokey suddenly having developed a bit of a limp. He didn’t react when he was joined by Granny Smith.

“So that’s the Element of Magic?” the Granny asked.

“Eeyup.” Big Mac replied dryly.

“And isn’t that Cutie mark she has the same one as...?”

“Eeyup.”

“You think there may be a connection?”

“Maybe.”

“Still makes ya curious, Don’t it?”

“Eeyup.”

Granny Smith raised an eyebrow. “Yer mighty wordy today, aint ya?”

Big Mac didn’t reply and instead looked at the big clock. “Almost lunch time.”


The train pulled into Ponyville Station. When the conductor gave the all clear, passengers started to disembark. No one paid particular attention to three stallions, one slightly below average size flanked by two larger ones, walking out.

The small one of stopped to take in the scenery. “Well isn’t this just quaint? A lot different from home, eh boys.” He looked up to see that his companions were too busy scanning their environment. “Oh relax, this isn’t Canterlot, no one will recognise us here. Besides it’s not like we will be here long. Which reminds me.”

The stallion approached the ticket counter. “Excuse me, I was wondering if I would be able to buy two tickets to Manehattan. One adult and one child. For the day after tomorrow.”

The teller looked on slightly confused. “Er sir, where’s your child?”

The stallion waved his arm dismissively. “Oh no, it’s not for me. I already have my return tickets, I was wanted to get them for some friends that are coming back with me.”

“Oh right.” The teller replied sheepishly. “What are their names?”

The Stallion smiled sweetly. “Ditzy and Dinky Doo,” he placed the required bits on the counter. “And it is definitely one way.”


Dinky sneezed.

“Ya okay, Dinky?” A Blue filly with a bow and arrow cutie mark asked.

“I’m fine Archer, just got some dust up my nose.”

“Okay then, heads up.”

The ball came flying back into Dinky’s direction, except she misjudged her head butt and instead of it going back to Archer, it bounced the other way and landed the between a pair of big red legs. Dinky’s eyes followed the legs up and saw the massive body of Big Mac. The stallion smiled warmly before kicking the ball back to her.

“Thanks Big Mac.”

Big Mac chuckled briefly as he watched the young filly run back to her game before heading off to his destination. He stepped into the class room to see Cheerilee sitting at her desk going through some papers. He knocked on the door frame to get her attention.

Cheerilee looked up from her papers and smiled widely. “Oh Big Mac! Come in, come in. How are you?”

Big Mac shrugged nonchantantly before looking down at the papers. “Bad time?”

“Not at all. Just getting a head with some marking.” Cheerilee replied. “Though knowing your sister, we might be expecting a visit any sec...”

Right on cue, Applebloom burst into class. “WHAT EVER IT IS YA THINK I DID IT WASN’T MY FAULT!!”

“Applebloom.”

“IF IT’S ABOUT THAT THING WITH THE GOOSE I SWEAR I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!!”

“Applebloom.”

“DID DIAMOND TIARA SAY SOMETHING?! SHE’S JUST LYING TO GET ME TROUBLE!!”

“Applebloom.”

“DON’T LISTEN TO WHAT TWIST’S PARENTS ARE TELLING YOU, IT WAS JUST A DARE, IT DIDN’T MEAN ANYTHING!!

“APPLEBLOOM! I’m not here because of you.”

Applebloom stopped pouring on the excuses. “You’re not?”

“Nope.”

“Oh...well alright...guess I’ll see ya at home...bye.” Applebloom trotted out of the classroom. Both adult ponies, knowing the young filly well enough, continued to stare at the doorway. Almost instantly, they saw one of the tips of Applebloom’s bow peaking out of the frame.

“Applebloom,” Cheerilee said sternly. “If you want to spend your recess indoors, I’m sure I can find some work for you.”

They were answered by the sound of a filly running for dear life. The two ponies let out a chuckle at Applebloom’s expense.

“So what brings you round here?”

Big Mac shrugged once more before reaching into his saddle bag and pulling out a paper bag which he placed on Cheerilee’s desk.

“You brought me lunch? Oh Big Mac you didn’t have to do that.” She then saw the stallion staring at her sceptically. “Hey it’s not like I forgot to pack my own lunch. I’ll have you know that I’m not as absent minded as I was.” To prove her point she pulled out an apple and placed it on the desk. “See?”

Big Mac looked down at the apple and then back up at Cheerilee, raising an eyebrow. The teacher let out a frustrated groan. “Fine! That’s the apple Applebloom brought for me. Happy?

Big Mac didn’t reply but instead pushed the paper bag closer. Cheerilee’s curiosity got the better of her so she opened it and let out a delighted squeal when she saw what was inside. “A dandelion club sandwich and a Fillydelphia style jelly roll! My favourite!”

Big Mac smiled knowingly.

As Cheerilee took out the first half of her club sandwich and started to dig in Big Mac pulled out a paper bag of his own. There was a comfortable silence as the two friends enjoyed their food. Big Mac paused as he saw the paper bag on the desk and was reminded of why he was there.

“Actually, speaking of Fillydelphia, there was something I wanted to talk to you about.”