It was another beautiful day in Ponyville. The birds were singing, there were only a few clouds in the sky and Ditzy Doo the mail mare was busy doing her early morning rounds. Next on her deliveries was a package for her good friend Trixie.
Ditzy was first going to just leave the package in Trixie’s mail box but then she saw that it was one of those parcels that the receiver had to sign for. The mail mare knocked on the door but got no reply. This was strange because Ditzy knew Trixie wouldn't have started work yet and there were definitly signs of life.
Ditzy continued to knock patiently on the door but unfortunately for her the Night Court Representative was in the middle of a key part of her morning ritual.
“In the southland, there’s a city
Way down on the river
Where the fillies are very pretty
And all the colts deliver.”
As the water from the shower came down, Trixie continued to sing as she washed herself.
They’ve got music, it’s always playin’.
Starts in the daytime, goes on through the night.
When you hear that music playin’,
Hear what I’m sayin’, it makes you feel alright.”
The blue unicorn’s horn started to glow as the wash cloth came to life and continued to scrub Trixie as she started to sway her hips to the imaginary music.
Grab somebody, come on down.
Bring your paintbrush, paintin’ the town.
There’s some sweetness goin’ ’round,
Catch it down in Nieigh Orleans.
“Excuse me, Trixie?”
Trixie was snapped out of her song. She turned to see Ditzy standing there holding a clipboard. “Look I know you’re busy but there is a lot of mail I need to get through today so would you mind signing here before you start the next verse?”
There was a loud crash as Ditzy was thrown out of the window. With a quick flap of her wings she was able to land softly on the ground. She turned back in time to see her clipboard flying out the window too. Surprisingly it landed right in front of the mail mare’s feet. She looked down and smiled cheerfully when she saw Trixie’s signature at the bottom.
“THANK YOU! SEE YA LATER!!”
My little pony, My little pony
Ahh ahh ahh ahhh...
My little pony
Friendship never meant that much to me
My little pony
But you're all here and now I can see
Stormy weather; Lots to share
A musical bond; With love and care
Teaching laughter; It's an easy feat,
And magic makes it all complete!
You have my little ponies
How'd I ever make so many true friends?
“Why are you complaining to me about this?” Pokey Pierce asked.
“Because I pay your wages so you have to listen to me.” Trixie shot back. Currently the two were on their way to have a working lunch with the mayor and the rest of the council. “So then after having my morning ritual interrupted. I stop at Sugar Cube Corner to get a pick me up only to find out that they were completely out of chilli powder. What sort of establishment sells hot chocolate without stocking up on chilli-powder?”
“One that caters to normal ponies?” Pokey offered.
Trixie glared at her assistant. “You know Pokey, I don’t pay you to mock me.”
“Frankly, some days it feels like you’d have to pay me not to.” Pokey paused for a moment when he saw somepony he recognised. “Hey Big Mac.”
Trixie turned to where Pokey was looking and saw what had to be the biggest stallion she had seen in her life. To top it off he was bright red and idly tossing hay bales on to a wagon as if it was nothing. He stopped and turned to the two unicorns, his eyes half lidded and almost looking bored. “Morning Pokey, Morning Ms Trixie.”
The gears in Trixie’s head started to grind. “er...Hi...Have we met?”
“Probably not officially.” The red stallion held out a hoof. “Big Macintosh.”
Trixie took the hoof but only after seeing the green apple on his flank did she get a clue who she was talking to. “You’re related to Applejack?”
“Brother.”
There was an awkward silence until Pokey decided to intervene. “Well we be better be off, see ya Big Mac.” With a gentle nudge, Pokey lead Trixie away while the farm pony went back to lifting hay bales.
“Managed to make that awkward didn’t you?” Pokey muttered.
“Sorry but did you how big he was?” Trixie shot back. “What have they been feeding him?”
“Mostly Apples.” Big Mac called out. Trixie promptly quickened her pace when she realised she was still within ear shot.
“Alright, I get that he’s Applejacks brother. But why haven’t I seen him around before.”
Pokey shrugged. “He’s out of town a lot. And when he is in town he mainly keeps to himself and his work. Besides, considering that he wasn’t wearing a big mirror I’m surprised you even noticed him now-OW!”
When he was sure they weren’t paying any more attention to him , Big Mac stopped what he was doing again and looked back at the two unicorns that were walking away, Pokey suddenly having developed a bit of a limp. He didn’t react when he was joined by Granny Smith.
“So that’s the Element of Magic?” the Granny asked.
“Eeyup.” Big Mac replied dryly.
“And isn’t that Cutie mark she has the same one as...?”
“Eeyup.”
“You think there may be a connection?”
“Maybe.”
“Still makes ya curious, Don’t it?”
“Eeyup.”
Granny Smith raised an eyebrow. “Yer mighty wordy today, aint ya?”
Big Mac didn’t reply and instead looked at the big clock. “Almost lunch time.”
The train pulled into Ponyville Station. When the conductor gave the all clear, passengers started to disembark. No one paid particular attention to three stallions, one slightly below average size flanked by two larger ones, walking out.
The small one of stopped to take in the scenery. “Well isn’t this just quaint? A lot different from home, eh boys.” He looked up to see that his companions were too busy scanning their environment. “Oh relax, this isn’t Canterlot, no one will recognise us here. Besides it’s not like we will be here long. Which reminds me.”
The stallion approached the ticket counter. “Excuse me, I was wondering if I would be able to buy two tickets to Manehattan. One adult and one child. For the day after tomorrow.”
The teller looked on slightly confused. “Er sir, where’s your child?”
The stallion waved his arm dismissively. “Oh no, it’s not for me. I already have my return tickets, I was wanted to get them for some friends that are coming back with me.”
“Oh right.” The teller replied sheepishly. “What are their names?”
The Stallion smiled sweetly. “Ditzy and Dinky Doo,” he placed the required bits on the counter. “And it is definitely one way.”
Dinky sneezed.
“Ya okay, Dinky?” A Blue filly with a bow and arrow cutie mark asked.
“I’m fine Archer, just got some dust up my nose.”
“Okay then, heads up.”
The ball came flying back into Dinky’s direction, except she misjudged her head butt and instead of it going back to Archer, it bounced the other way and landed the between a pair of big red legs. Dinky’s eyes followed the legs up and saw the massive body of Big Mac. The stallion smiled warmly before kicking the ball back to her.
“Thanks Big Mac.”
Big Mac chuckled briefly as he watched the young filly run back to her game before heading off to his destination. He stepped into the class room to see Cheerilee sitting at her desk going through some papers. He knocked on the door frame to get her attention.
Cheerilee looked up from her papers and smiled widely. “Oh Big Mac! Come in, come in. How are you?”
Big Mac shrugged nonchantantly before looking down at the papers. “Bad time?”
“Not at all. Just getting a head with some marking.” Cheerilee replied. “Though knowing your sister, we might be expecting a visit any sec...”
Right on cue, Applebloom burst into class. “WHAT EVER IT IS YA THINK I DID IT WASN’T MY FAULT!!”
“Applebloom.”
“IF IT’S ABOUT THAT THING WITH THE GOOSE I SWEAR I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!!”
“Applebloom.”
“DID DIAMOND TIARA SAY SOMETHING?! SHE’S JUST LYING TO GET ME TROUBLE!!”
“Applebloom.”
“DON’T LISTEN TO WHAT TWIST’S PARENTS ARE TELLING YOU, IT WAS JUST A DARE, IT DIDN’T MEAN ANYTHING!!
“APPLEBLOOM! I’m not here because of you.”
Applebloom stopped pouring on the excuses. “You’re not?”
“Nope.”
“Oh...well alright...guess I’ll see ya at home...bye.” Applebloom trotted out of the classroom. Both adult ponies, knowing the young filly well enough, continued to stare at the doorway. Almost instantly, they saw one of the tips of Applebloom’s bow peaking out of the frame.
“Applebloom,” Cheerilee said sternly. “If you want to spend your recess indoors, I’m sure I can find some work for you.”
They were answered by the sound of a filly running for dear life. The two ponies let out a chuckle at Applebloom’s expense.
“So what brings you round here?”
Big Mac shrugged once more before reaching into his saddle bag and pulling out a paper bag which he placed on Cheerilee’s desk.
“You brought me lunch? Oh Big Mac you didn’t have to do that.” She then saw the stallion staring at her sceptically. “Hey it’s not like I forgot to pack my own lunch. I’ll have you know that I’m not as absent minded as I was.” To prove her point she pulled out an apple and placed it on the desk. “See?”
Big Mac looked down at the apple and then back up at Cheerilee, raising an eyebrow. The teacher let out a frustrated groan. “Fine! That’s the apple Applebloom brought for me. Happy?
Big Mac didn’t reply but instead pushed the paper bag closer. Cheerilee’s curiosity got the better of her so she opened it and let out a delighted squeal when she saw what was inside. “A dandelion club sandwich and a Fillydelphia style jelly roll! My favourite!”
Big Mac smiled knowingly.
As Cheerilee took out the first half of her club sandwich and started to dig in Big Mac pulled out a paper bag of his own. There was a comfortable silence as the two friends enjoyed their food. Big Mac paused as he saw the paper bag on the desk and was reminded of why he was there.
“Actually, speaking of Fillydelphia, there was something I wanted to talk to you about.”
Well finally got around to contributing to this website. Now I wanted to do this story for a few reasons. Firstly I really like this universe RainbowDoubleDash created and the stories that are already part of it. Secondly I like The Lunaverse group for its quality and for the sheer principle of what it is (an open-ended colaboration of Authors to create a single narritive vision). Lastly it gives me a chance to try a new spin on one of my favourite characters.
chronologically speaking I see this story taking place after the events of Musicians and Dreamers but aside from that I'm keeping it flexible (I would say that episode 13 is looking kinda lonely but that's only because 13 is my favourite number )
I'm still getting the hang of this website's set up and I want to make sure that this story fits in with the rest of the universe so all feed back is welcome.
> She also happens to the Element of Kindness,
I think you accidentally a word, lol
I like this story so far keep it up
Well color me intrigued...
My only complaint: I don't think that Trixie would throw Ditzy out of her window, even if she was interrupted. Among other things, she's pretty close to Ditzy, probably closer to her than any of the other L6 except maybe Lyra.
FUN FACT TIME!
In Longest Night, Longest Day, when Trixie was under the offense of poison joke and trying to keep herself amused, I had her sing a few lines from I Don Quixote. But I originally wanted her to sing a song related to New Orleans, and one of the songs I was considering was the one used here. I also almost used "House of the Rising Sun."
Only criticism I'd give was that it needed some better structuring and scene transitions. Also it kind of lurched to a stop. Other then that seems solid and I'll definitely be following it.
where this goes i have no idea, but i'm stickin' around to find out
This is pretty interesting, I'll be sure to keep an eye on it And your Pierce is perfect! Need a few more puns but pretty ncie nonetheless!
You should get a proofreader though, there's a few spots where you dropped words (like when Trixie comments 'Did you how big he was', forgetting the 'see' in there ).
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This wasn't intended to be an act of malice on Trixie's part. It was more of a knee jerk reaction to Ditzy catching her singing in the shower. Kind of like when you slam the door in a friend's face when they catch you do something embarassing. Though at least she remebered to sign the clipboard.
Oh, dear. Castor Cut is about to make a big-ass nuisance of himself. Good thing that there are some members of the Apple Trust who are almost respectable.
Well I wasn't expecting to see this when I got up this mourning. Good potential concept and off to a nice solid start. Definitely needs some proofing work though. Anyway, welcome to the club, such as it were.
I do have one personal concern though. There were a few spots where Big Mac felt far too wordy to me, most notably when introducing himself to Trixie. It's perfectly okay to have him say more than yup/nope, but his responses should still generally be short and direct. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt with your interpretation, but you should considered having Big Mac mostly 'speak' through actions or by having others speak for him based on there own perceptions.
Looks interesting, and the character at the train station definitely seems ominous already.
A couple errors I spotted:
Almost looking what?
I think you mean 'no one'. Unless you're introducing a character named 'No'.
A few errors, but intriguing start!
Hmm. Interesting. I'm intrigued and looking forward to seeing where this is going. A couple of things, though, that I think might be improved:
1. I would agree with Emerald Bookwise that Big Mac is unusually talkative here. I think it'd be better to write him as communicating more with gestures or actions than being chatty.
2. If the short pony (buying the tickets) is the Duke (whose descriptions so far have been along the lines of 'well, he's brown and he's short'), then this doesn't quite mesh with his characterization thus far. Duke Greengrass handles almost everything of this sort through proxies; he wouldn't actually come to Ponyville himself (he'll show up briefly in Carrot Top Season, but as part of an even that was planned long before he'd ever heard of the Elements). His whole plan to grab the Elements is supposed to be a secret (and he doesn't know that Trixie found out about it; he fell for her whole 'I'm going to frame Lyra out of jealousy' scam and thinks that's why Octavia failed), so showing up in person would endanger that. He's also not really the cackling villain sort. He can be funny and enjoys teasing others, but he wouldn't be all 'so, boys, ready to commit some horrible villainy?'
(If it's not the Duke, then just ignore this bullet, heh).
3. On a smaller note, I think it might be best if this story wasn't #13 but was two or three down from Carrot Top Season. It just seems a bit odd to me to cluster all the political episodes together (Musicians and Dreamers, this one, and Carrot Top Season).
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843417
Thats a valid point you two made and I will definitely relook this chapter and work on keeping Big Mac quieter. There may be special occasions that forces Big Mac to use more words than usual but he is still at heart a pony that doesn't like to use words if he can avoid it.
On the second note, not to give too much away, the short pony is not the duke, he's not even involved with the canterlot nobles. From what I've seen this would absolutely not be the Duke's style to come in person and I promise you that this is one scheme he isn't involved in. I will be giving the Manehattenites a formal introduction next chapter.
844228: Awesome. Looking forward to the next chapters!
844228
And that is perfectly fine. Episodes like Ponyville Confidential show us that given the right motivations he can speak up a storm. Much like the character of Silent Bob though, for such scenes to have proper dramatic weight Big Mac needs to keep it short and simple all the rest of the time.
This shall be interesting!
i laughed when i saw the Princess and the Frog referance. genius.
"With a gentle nudged Pokey lead Trixie away while the farm pony went back to lifting hay bales."
- Correct into "With a gentle nudge, Pokey led Trixie away while the farm pony went back to lifting hay bales."
And this is just one of a couple of errors. Check your commas.
and the Ditzy Doo the mail mare was busy
to see here clipboard
He didn’t react when he joined by Granny Smith
1. Then.
2. Her.
3. When he was joined.
sooooooo big mac being pimp and such
Big Mac:
Me: Oh shit
Well, this is an interesting start.
needs end " marks.
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L!Verse Mac is better than M!Verse.
Ohhhh, dayum, son. Somet'in tells me that somet'in fishy is goin on around here's!
............I'm sorry.
Hmmm...since this was the first story that I read that really got me into the Lunaverse, will I enjoy it?
Yes, yes, I will.
Oh, Apple Bloom.
I love the banter between Trixie and Pokey
Applebloom, needs to be Apple Bloom (two word name).
either "get me in trouble" or "give me trouble"
RDD made Archer a colt in Boast Busted.
I mean she is a filly in the show, but ... I don't know if that's something RDD needs to fix in his fic or if this one needs to change. Or if like Caramel in the show Archer is one of the few ponies capable of shifting gender (and oddly enough there are ponies in the show that shift gender .... definitely not a lot, but a few.)
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Apple Bloom is a two word name.
https://www.amazon.com/Funko-My-Little-Pony-Figure/dp/B012Q55Y02
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mylittleponyccg/images/d/d5/MarksinTime_015.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/300?cb=20160606222914
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Still a good fic. Definitely needs more upvotes for being one of the top 10 best fics of Season 1.
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Hey, Archer is a colt in Boast Busted.
I mean Archer is a filly in the show. Just not sure if RDD is going to retcon. But Archer is a colt in this AU.