To Sovngarde!

by NinjaPirateGuy

Ch.1 "I do love an actor who stays in character."

Chapter 1
“I do love an actor who stays in character.”

The sun was shining bright over Ponyville. After the scheduled rainstorms the sunshine was a welcome sight for the small town. Ponies of all ages left their homes to enjoy the day to its fullest. Picnic blankets were laid out, vendors opened their stalls, and friends gossiped about the latest news. It was a perfect day.

“A perfectly boring day.”

Discord slouched in his chair, crossing his mismatched arms. Across the table a yellow Pegasus let out a small sigh, pouring tea into each of their cups. “Not every day needs to be filled with excitement.” She said softly. “Haven’t the past few days been exiting enough?”

He tried to keep his arms crossed, to really emphasize how bored he was. But his will crumbled once he caught a whiff of the tea. He took the cup and drained it in one go. He felt no shame. There wasn’t a pony in the world who could make a better brew than Fluttershy. He checked.

“Yes Fluttershy, absolutely exhilarating. Our valiant defense of your garden from those dastardly weeds will never be forgotten. We should write a book about it now and make millions off the movie rights.”

The draconequus paused for a second, rubbing his chin in thought. “Actually that doesn’t sound like a bad idea.” His face brightened with a sly smile.

She poured another cup for Discord. Nodding her head she took a small sip of her own tea. She knew it was best to let him vent whatever new ideas crossed his mind.

“But what would the title be? War and Peas? Garden Warfare? The Hunt for Red Bell Peppers? How close can I get without getting copyrighted? We’d need writers. I’m sure the Manehattan Zoo wouldn’t miss their chimps for a couple months. Chimps are supposed to be great writers.”

Fluttershy nearly gagged on her tea. On second thought, it would probably be best to stop him now. Discord had a habit of taking the most ordinary things to their extremes. Like the time she asked him to fix her couch. A shiver ran down her spine. She was still apologizing for the damage it had done to the town after it had gotten loose.

“N-now wait just a moment. Wouldn’t it be better if you wrote it on your own? Instead of letting other, uh, chimps write it for you. ” Then she flashed a big smile, she was the only pony in Equestria who could convince Discord to change his ways. As his friend it was her duty to help him be happy. Even though he was reformed and meant well, sometimes he had trouble with right and wrong. Like kidnapping animals from a zoo to force them to write a book.

“Oh I don’t know. I’ve never tried my hand at writing before. I’d be much more comfortable leaving that to those with experience. I should focus on expanding our brand through merchandising and advertisement.”

He set down his tea cup and gave Fluttershy a very enthusiastic handshake. “Thanks for the tea Flutters but I’ve got to go. It’ll take time to find the best and brightest chimps at Manehatten Zoo!”

“Aw, you’re very welcome Disc- Oh no- Wait!” She hurriedly put her tea down, spilled some, and cleaned it with a napkin. As she rose to her hooves to make a dash for the door she stopped suddenly. Discord only feet from the door had frozen still. His gaze was fixed on the back wall of her home. The one closest to the Everfree Forest.

“Um, Discord?” She said timidly. “Is something wrong?”

He stared for a moment longer then turned back to Fluttershy. With a grin he said “Change of plans. I’m off to see who ripped a hole through the fabric of space and time.” He gave Fluttershy a wave of his arm. “Toodles! Don’t tell Twilight!”

With a snap of his fingers and an audible pop he disappeared from her living room. Leaving a thoroughly confused pegasus. “So much for a quiet day.” She said with a sigh. A small bunny popped its head out from the kitchen, seeing the coast clear it hopped over to the despondent pony. She gave it a rub behind its ears. “Come on Angel, let’s go find Twilight.”

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“Why did it have to be a Dragon Priest?” the Nord said to no one. He took his new Battleaxe out of the small brook he found, and began to wring out the undergarments he wore under his armor. “The bone dust gets everywhere.” He said scrubbing furiously. “And when the dragon blood makes it sticky…” He winced, the pain still fresh in his mind.

Even in death the Dragon Priest tries to wound me. Only the most despicable of monsters would dare attack a man where he is weakest.

Once his undergarments were thoroughly washed he put them back on and began wiping down the rest of his gear. Paying special attention to leave no blood stains on his armor or his weapons. He may be required to get dirty on a regular basis but that was no excuse for walking around covered in blood and filth. A Dragonborn had to be presentable after all. Even if the polish on his armor only lasted a few hours before getting soiled again.

After a thorough cleaning Joric began to strap on his armor piece by piece. Though it was a slow process he couldn’t help but feel pride in his work. Buckles and straps that would normally be uncomfortable wrapped snugly around his muscled frame. Any amateur blacksmith could make armor. It took someone with true skill to make it comfortable as well.

When he was fully armored he bent to pick up the Dragonbone battleaxe he had won. Lifting it high it caught the narrow slivers of light peeking through the trees. He hadn’t had a chance to inspect it in Skuldafn.

It’s in great shape for being so old. No enchantments at all Talos be praised, and perfectly balanced. A real treasure.

He ran a gauntleted hand over its edge, frowning slightly. Hasn’t been sharpened in a long time. Undead or no, a weapon of this caliber should be properly cared for. Would they have whetstones here in Sovngarde?

Lost in his thoughts he went to sheathe the rest of his weapons but found the spot where they used to lay empty. He froze, and scanned the area around him. His grip on the axe tightened as he strained his senses. Preparing himself for any surprise attacks he slowly widened his stance. Whoever had found him wouldn’t take him by surprise.

“These are some excellent movie props. Who’s your supplier?”

The voice was behind him. Spinning on his heels he turned. Swinging his axe with all his might. Years of fighting and surviving in Skyrim’s harsh wilderness had taught him better than any teacher. Every instinct in his body told him that his strike was dead on.

So when he cleaved through open air instead of his supposed assailant, he completely lost focus for a moment. Long enough for him to loosen his grip on his battleaxe, sending it flying into a nearby tree with a loud thunk. He half spun in the air and gracelessly landed on his rear. To say he was bewildered was an understatement.

What just happened?

A light tap on his shoulder caught his attention. Dumbfounded, he turned his head to find a strange serpent creature standing behind him. With mismatched everything. Arms, horns, legs, even…wings?

“Listen, I get that you need to make a good first impression. But how about giving the angry barbarian act a rest.” It looked at him with a knowing expression. “You’ll never get the lead role if you don’t commit to your craft.”

Barbarian act?

The serpent creature held his dragonbone shield aloft in one hand. Using it like a platter to hold his dagger and sword. He spun it slowly on a finger, admiring Joric’s craftsmanship.

“Though for a B-list actor I have to admit you do have nice taste.” He took a quick glance at the armor Joric wore. “Maybe a little tacky, but still nice.”

Tacky?!

The Nord may not have been the smartest of men in Skyrim. He was actually quite dense to be honest. But there were three things that he knew with absolute certainty. This thing had laughed at his ability. Mocked the armor he spent weeks perfecting. And most importantly…

It was still holding his weapons.

Anger flared in the Nord’s chest. As bright and hot as the Skyforge in Whiterun. With slow measured movements Joric rose from the ground. Gauntlets creaked and groaned as his fists clenched tight.

The beast’s face looked quizzical. “You’re not mad are you?” It spoke with an amused grin. “I can’t help you if you can’t handle some criticism. Maybe it would be best if you hopped back through whatever trans dimensional hole you made and-”

The blow landed right in the middle of its smug face. Hitting hard enough to launch the creature into a nearby tree. A cascade of leaves dropped from the tree, covering most of the beast’s limp form.

Breathing hard, more out of frustration than exhaustion. Joric bent to pick up his things, looking very carefully at each before he sheathed them. It was only after spending a few minutes checking for scratches and other blemishes that he let out a relieved sigh. They were only weapons, but gathering the materials and crafting them from scratch made them much more valuable to the Nord.

“I must admit. I do love an actor who stays in character.” A strained voice spoke.

The Nord immediately went on the defensive. Holding up his shield with his sword just over the top. He faced the pile of leaves ready to stab at anything that came his way.

The head of the creature rose out of the leafy camouflage. It was rocking from side to side, with actual stars orbiting its head. There was a fist shaped indent in the beast’s face.

Then, still looking quite dazed, it took a big breath and stuck its thumb in its mouth. Blowing hard for several seconds the size of its head grew to twice its size. Once the indent had disappeared the creature removed its thumb and let the extra air out in a big sigh.

The man couldn’t help feeling a little lost.

What is this thing?

Joric had fought dragons, talked to daedra, turned the tide of war in Skyrim, and asked the most ruthless woman he had ever met to marry him. Suffice to say there weren’t many things that could unnerve him. He had prided himself on that fact. Boasted about going into the deepest of dungeons and coming out with nary a trickle of sweat on his brow. But this thing didn’t seem scary or dangerous like those other things.

Somehow this seemed worse.

Comments

[HB_DS2013]

7736751 There's a child in Morthal named Joric, but I can let it slide since I can assume he's never been there.