- Member Since 21st Sep, 2014
- offline last seen April 27th
Kyo Wright
Ready to Rumble, Never to Fumble.
Kyo Wright
Joined 21st Sep, 2014 ·
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Ok well youve got me interested, but some minor errors. Glew isnt a word, glowed is really what you want. Also you put lock of shock when you ment look of shock. Regardless of the errors im cetainly curious as to where this will go.
7968410 Thank you very much!
I will make sure to correct my mistakes! Look forward to next chapter!
I've always wanted to meet ol Carlin. Sadly...
I hope his parents get karma hard.
Interesting so far but wasnt calling him a dirty mule last chapter a bit racist of the pony.
7976963 It is but Ashton doesn't really see it as racist since he just finds it adorable when it comes out of a pony's mouth.
If one were to make the theory, you could say that the Captain was there while the Princesses were examining his memories and had complete distrust for Ashton when they found the chaotic energy hidden in his body.
And in turn the captain would also allow her guards to completely distrust Ashton based on the energy alone. If anything, they're just scared.
... Might make a chapter based on that point of view, what do you guys think?
at least she's blunt
Hideo Kojima?
8013270 Stein's;Gate reference.
Oh Luna
Next chapter when?!
YES! PLEASE NO LONG WAIT TIMES AGAIN
Not errors per se, but several times in this chapter, the phrasing just feels off.
Also:
That seems more like a Scottish accent to me.
9092679
Prolly is a Scottish Accent now that I think about it... May need to remember my accents.
Any criticism is welcome though, thanks for the input.
Oh this is gonna get crazy.
I can already see where this is going. He fights the cannibal, captures or kills him, Rainbow or everyone else do something along the lines of calling him and possibly humans in general violent monsters, then take action against him, he reveals his power, runs, princesses forced to save him from stupid people who can't see the moral grey area
What is weeb, and why wouldn't I like it?
specifically/ in particular
‘‘with us’’
Switching from 3rd to 1st person.
9094807
Thank you.
Yeah, but... It's Rainbow Dash.
Will fix it.
don't keep us waiting, I really hope they understand why it was not only justified but necessary. sacrifice 1 condemned criminal for at least 9 innocent civilians is a more than fair trade
thick
9117456
My sentiments exactly.
Gosh this is exciting cant wait till next chapter
Well I'm definitely enjoying the story so far, but I must say that even if it's an act, the fact that Luna and Celestia are being like this, despite knowing why Discord brought him there is a little off putting. Not from a story perspective, but from a character perspective. The fact that they knew that the elements of harmony would react that way due to the job they bamboozled him into is downright cruel. They know he's in a new world, no family, no friends, no anything. Then, they go out of their way to ruin any friendships he might have been able to have by intentionally alienating him from the most influential ponies in Ponyville, one of which is a Princess of Equestria. I'd be surprised if he was ever welcome back in Ponyville, even with an explanation for his actions. Everyone is so quick to consider him a monster and betray his trust. Personally, I would have told them all to fuck off and die at this point, given the manipulation and betrayal. Doesn't look like Ashton is like that, which I suppose is good for the story, but keep in mind that the human mind can only take so much pain and betrayal before it simply stops trusting anyone.
Hopefully this all gets resolved somewhat peacefully, and hopefully the captain gets her ass kicked at some point. Looking forward to future chapters!
The ~ makes it seem more like playful singing.
Now for a few (potential) errors:
INcapacitate?
from
‘‘there are’’
it's
ARE
have
Another thing: Two of the videos are no longer available.
So they aren't all assholes after all? Neat
9226643
Credited for error checking, thanks again.
Finally
Since it is not part of dialogue, should it not be ‘until’?
It's
it's
9474405
Thank you kindly for the feedback, will correct.
8013270
Hakuna Matata
I ship and I hope it sails
New chapter soon?
Just to let y’all know a Weeb is a lesser version of a Weeaboo that is what I am.
Lol so he gets horny.
That’s also highly Illegal!
Update?