Interesting idea.

Happy Frieza Day!

“And some ponies marks condemn them to things like insanity based off they’re childhood?,” I continued, gesturing to a pony we passed with a screw affiliated cutie mark, “I don’t know, that’s just kinda... sad.”

Should be ‘’their’’ I think.

Already hooked on this story! Can’t find an asylum human fic that lasts more than 10k words so I have high hopes for this!

10598378
Indeed it should, I'll fix it no problem. Thanks for the help. Also I'm glad you enjoy it so far, I hope I can make the rest just as appealing for you.

I'm surprised their aren't more stories were the human turned pony ends up in an asylum.

I have been waiting for another good story with that setup for literal years, finally. It's nice to see an a guy turning up in Equestria an seen as a literal crazy person and be committed. Generally, I can not a fan of reincarnation or possessions, but I will admit that is might be necessary if you want the guy to really question if his entire existence was a fabrication of his damaged mind, with even if he rejects it I am sure there will have lingering doubts about it in the back of his mind . At the moment he hasn't scene magic from ponies so I don't think he will believe that that he had magical tempering just yet, but I am sure it will turn his world upside down. I wonder if the ponies cutie mark made him predisposed to got crazy or sudden bouts of irrational anger or frustrations. I wonder if the original pony soul mind is still barred inside or that it was long sense vacant. I would guess if he still have a cutie mark it might still mean that the original owner has clam to the body? At the moment it seems like he is a Earth Pony.

As for being committed to a mental hospital it would most likely be a massive detriment to his mental health with ponies that were abused had brain damaged or have mental illness, nervous break down, there could be a lot a funny moments, but you should take care as to not just saying they are funny because they are crazy all the time, they are people/ponies after all they do have and Trap will have to realize it. I wouldn't be surprised the cutie marks can be a big issue for ponies to be place in those asylum if they take a very negative interpretation of their meaning and their cutie mark with predilections for neurosis spiraled them into a break down, like Trouble Shoes, or the ponies of Our Town, I think Trap won't give a shit about those marks but I think it could a way for him to better cope with his stressful situation. I wonder if he will caught on early enough and try to act like a normal pony and just get stuck doing remedial classes and physical therapy, though I am sure he will screw it up somehow. Looking forward to seeing more of this story.

Also, if you are looking to commissions a cover art for your story you can look me up, I have a DeviantArt gallery here and a Youtube channel here.

I wish you good luck on your story

10598602
Hey, I’ve seen your art floating around a lot. It’s some really cool stuff.

As for the story I’m glad you’re enjoying it so far, and I hope you can keep enjoying it in the future. I’m going to admit, I’m kinda rusty with story writing, and some areas feel a bit clunky being put down, so if you have any constructive criticism feel free to add it. It really helps to improve.

Thanks for your wishes, have a great day.

10598677
There are a few Groups that offer Editors and proofreading. I myself found my Editor on the group Looking for Editor.

They are really helping me iron out my own writing issues.

Well this looks interesting so far

If you wish I could help you edit the story.

I don't think I've seen a HiE quite like yours before. Has me intrigued and wanting more. A question I have to ask is, not only did her get tossed across dimensions, but did he also get tossed backwards in time or did his consciousness get dumped into another pony's body?

10599616
Hey, I’m glad you enjoy the story. And it makes me feel really great to hear I’m doing something unique

To answer your question, well I’m not really sure what you mean by backwards in time relatively speaking, but if you mean the time period within the show, then I’d have to say, just before the changeling invasion. The canterlot one. Also, yes, the concept is that he found himself waking up in a pre-existing body.

I hope that helps, and I hope you enjoy more of the story.

10599096
Thanks for the heads up, I might check them out. It’s good to hear when other people are able to improve their writing skills, so it may be a good thing to check into.

10599634
What I mean is that it's clear he's been in a coma long enough to suffer serious muscle atrophy, when he crossed the dimensional boundaries, did his body not only get transformed into a pony, but got tossed backwards in time so that it grew up with its own thoughts and identity before his mind caught up to it or is his body stranded somewhere in the inter-dimensional medium, possibly atomized and his mind got deposited into a comatose and possibly brain dead pony?

10599652
Ah, that’s a good question. And a good theory... I’m kinda sad I didn’t think of that. No, I just went with the default ‘I’ve been soul dump into another body’ routine, but that other one probably would’ve been cooler.

Interesting story so far. I look forward to more.

The grey mush in his apartment was hospital gruel? I was thinking that it was actual brain matter from the fall that knocked him unconscious and his head somehow magically healed.

Red. Too much red. Not hands. Hooves. My brain skids to a halt, recovering memories from yesterday. The tear, the ponies, the dog pile, for some reason a clown, and the feeling of nothingness. It sends shivers down my spine.

How does he know it was yesterday? And where did the clown part come from?

"Yeah, no. The last thing I remember is those arseholes dogpiling on this arsehole, before the lady..." what did he call them? "Pony shot me up." Yeah, that sounds about right.

Arsehole?

‘Oh well, two for two. Might as well go all in.’ Despite how little sense that phrase makes in this situation, I decided to risk it. Better by choice than the inevitable accident.

Wait, so that’s his second time?

The last thing I could see of the room being the doc’s closing door gaining distance, a smirking pony behind it, and only one thing on my mind. ‘That’s one hell of a curve ball.’

Wait, smirking?

The doc is sus.

That brings me back to my current situation. Apparently, this body isn’t very developed (muscularly you pervs) which means walking is hard, not even considering the fact that I’ve never walked with four legs before.

I honestly didn’t think about it that way until you mentioned it.

“I’m not a damn child.” I don’t think I can take any more of being looked down on like this. Even I have my dignity, even if it’s practically non existent.

Nice to know

That gave me pause, mulling over her words. I didn’t even notice as we entered the cafeteria. “So when you're a child, a permanent picture appears on you that marks what your good at and what you should do with your life?”

“That’s... well...”

“And some ponies marks condemn them to things like insanity based off their childhood?,” I continued, gesturing to a pony we passed with a screw affiliated cutie mark, “I don’t know, that’s just kinda... sad.”

I think there’s an mlp episode of a character saying something similar.

“Okay, now your food might not look very appetising, but your jaw muscles are still properly recuperating,” an annoying truth as my mouth felt strained despite how comparatively little I’ve talked while here, “and this has just the right nutritions you need to heal fast,” She quickly added, as she moved to place the tray in front of me.

What happened to his jaw?

The thing on that tray was too familiar. It was mush. Grey mush. The same grey mush that was in my apartment and almost killed me.

Is this important?

So if saying ‘fuck you’ to the nurse caused her to gasp in real pain, does that mean he is a bard and cast Vicious Mockery by accident?