other than the blockyness of the paragraphs and some spelling its going good so far.

9700374
Blocky, what do you mean by blocky?

9701160
Simply put there is too much information in a literal block of text which, to my experience, discourages the reader from reading the entire thing and just skipping to the bottom of the paragraph. It is a simple mistake for writers in general, just make sure you keep each subject apart.

For example: I am this person doing a thing to do something to the world and/or country from which i reside. All in one paragraph.

up above there is just too much info in one place but if you try this.

I am this person doing a thing. next paragraph. i need to this to save the world because of this...

you catch my drift? All i'm saying is that you need to space out your info a bit more and you'll do swimmingly

9701189
Yeah, going over the paragraphs I can see where your getting at, I’ll see if I can get a proof reader to help me with that. Thanks for explaining the problem man. Good criticism is so hard to find these days. If you know what I mean?

Is this story going to get updated in the future?

10039192
Soon, I’m just having to make sure I got my punctuations right. You’ll find out when it’s ready.

10040512
Cool