Transparent Living

by PinoyPony

Chapter 37: Trepidation

Unnaturally, Dazzle was unnerved. Her self-commitment to talk to Underdog had went unfulfilled. She saw him earlier that morning, but for some strange reason, her reservations about approaching him had hindered her plans… they didn’t exactly have the cleanest of histories.

Dazzle wrapped herself in her sweater, thinking to herself. An after-thought came to mind as she stared at her lunch: What would Coco think if she didn’t finish her lunch? She barely touched her daisy sandwich…

Although her fear of Coco nudged, it was drowned out by the greater thought eating away at her all this morning: How would she approach Underdog?

She itched her foreleg.

“Hiya Dazzle!” Vertigo greeted, taking the empty seat between her and Napoleon.

Dazzle snapped out of her trance, turned to her friend, and waved. She smiled. What would Vertigo think?

“…speaking of which, any word from your mom, Dazzle?” Bling turned to Dazzle.

Dazzle glanced over at Bling. Strangely, Nettlekiss sat next to him, while Lilypad Dusk and Sandy Diamond tailed to the end of the table.

“Oh… uhm… Good news! My mom said it was fine!” Dazzle said quickly.

…It was quite a night. She had to step carefully, or in this case, use charisma to convince Coco. Gosh, she hated using her smooth talk to persuade, but altogether, Coco was excited to hear that Dazzle was inviting friends over.

After… a good screaming in pillow session of course. Coco still had to release some tension. What annoyed Dazzle a little bit is how Coco had trouble forgiving herself for something as petty as yelling at Yttrium and calling him names. Dazzle made it clear that Yttrium didn’t hold grudges. It was just a huge misunderstanding.

She was surprised at how open Coco was in comparison to her. Sometimes, she wished she could mention more of her troubles, but Coco had been stressed with her fashion lines as it is.

“Dazzle? Dazzle?” Napoleon waved a hoof in front of her.

“Wha-what?” Dazzle stuttered as her thoughts came reeling back to reality.

“We were just asking if you think it is okay to go to the go to the library after school today?” Napoleon asked. “I think we might as well help them discover the joy of reading about something they enjoy!”

“S-Sure!” Dazzle said, trying to process what Napoleon said.

“Well, might as well. Next week, we show them some flying when Vertigo is recovered,” Bling said.

“You have yourself a deal, bud!” Napoleon held out his hoof. “Shake on it?”

Bling thrust his hoof into Napoleons and shook him firmly. “Deal!”

Their contrasting personalities never get old, Dazzle thought. Maybe a little time in the books wasn’t such a bad idea. It would certainly give her a little more time to work with. She shouldn’t procrastinate it though…

“Dazzle, you okay?” Napoleon asked. “You seem out of it today…”

“Oh, yeah. I’m fine. Just tired from last night.” Dazzle yawned for effect.

Napoleon squinted at her sweater. “Aren’t you going to take your sweater off? you look uncomfortable...”

Dazzle itched her foreleg. “I… uhm….”

“I agree. Weather is getting warm,” Vertigo said. “These wing sleeves are uncomfortable, but I can’t take them off.”

“Dazzle, is there something you want to tell us?” Bling eyed her up and down.

“Okay! Fine! Something’s been on my mind lately…” Dazzle relented. “I was thinking of inviting Underdog to the group, but I was going to wait to tell you after I asked him.”

The group fell silent. Dang it! She said the wrong thing, didn’t she?

Silence hung in the air. Dazzle saw eyes darting back and forth between the Crusaders, like when a teacher is searching for a foal to call on.

“I… uhm… I need some time to think about it,” Napoleon said, breaking the silence.

“For me, it’s a no.” Nettlekiss quickly jumped in.

“Why?” Dazzle asked.

“Underdog has a history with a lot of ponies.” Nettlekiss explained. “One time, he, Candy, and… erm… Bling hurt Sandy by spreading… ehm… let’s just say a batch of nasty gossip about her.”

“Yeah, remember that. Sorry.” Bling averted his gaze.

“Don’t worry about it. You’ve changed,” Nettlekiss said. “I’m not so sure about Underdog though.”

“I know what’s he’s done. I’m not diminishing the fact that he had his share of rough ends… But I get the feeling that he’s changed. Sounds crazy, but I think we can find good in him.” Dazzle reasoned.

“She does have a point. Bling used to be my tormentor, but now, we are best buds. Shouldn’t we give Underdog a little benefit of the doubt also?” Napoleon nudged Bling.

“That’s just it. He’s two-faced.” Bling spoke with a voice to address the group, but specifically, he made direct eye contact with Dazzle, though she could see his irises shaking. “You think I was bad when I was picking on Napoleon? You’ve got it comin’ to you, he’s going to take that blade of compassion and stab you in the back with it.”

Dazzle itched her left foreleg under her white sweater.

“I’m all for giving him the benefit of the doubt, Dazzle, but since we have foals to help like Nettle Kiss, Lilypad Dusk, and Sandy Diamond, bringing in the school bully would be putting a parasprite in a basket of fruit.” Vertigo looked to each of them respectively. “I think we should wait when we can help him one-on-one.”

“Sadly, I have to agree with Vertigo,” Napoleon said before Dazzle could say anything. “I agree that we should help him, but not now. He might get tempted to pick on Sandy, Nettle, or Lilypad again.”

Dazzle closed her mouth. She stared down at the table. They made compelling arguments. She could understand their reservations. “I understand. I’ll ask him once we are done getting your cutie marks.” She smiled at the trio. “Sorry for the jarring question. Shouldn’t have asked.”

“Don’t get me wrong, Dazzle. It’s a great idea…” Bling admitted, “…but now is not the time.”

Dazzle called that good enough. It took all her energy to pop the question and the feedback she received was better than she thought. Not right now… but in the future.

Strangely though, she felt a void in her. Something that wasn’t matching up right. Something tugged at her to help Underdog now, but logic told her that it was better to leave it be for a little while. They would get to him eventually.

---

Dazzle walked home. Normally, any foal would experience some apprehension walking home alone, but strangely enough, Dazzle found it calming.

Maybe it was because the Crusaders lifted a burden from her mind today, telling her to not worry about it for now. Once she knew that she didn’t need to do it now, the anxiety lifted off her like a weight of a textbook.

Or… maybe it was a fact that walking home was a special occasion. Once she and Bling parted ways, it was just three blocks until she reached Rosily Hotel. Getting out of routine was kind of fun, considering mixing up the normally mundane task of getting home.

Coco normally picked her up, but with such an important order as this one, she and Florin had to tag-team it and sell it to the manufacturer. Summer was just right around the corner, especially with school coming to a close for summer break.

Dazzle couldn’t help but be giddy. This summer would be the last time that Napoleon would have before taking off to Canterlot to attend CSGU. With that on the Crusader’s hooves, they wanted to make the most of their remaining time together. After that, their interactions would be reduced to simply letters going to and coming back from Canterlot. Ultimately, it would be super slow to reply since all letters had to be delivered my ground travel now.

Speaking of ground travel, ponies of all creeds bustled through the streets. Everypony had to get acclimated to a world where everything was no longer automatic. It seemed to awaken everypony to a sense of what was really important in the world: each other.

As she weaved through the crowds, she took her time and admired the city lights. Even in the shadows, the luster of the sunshine reflecting on the sides of the buildings bathed her world in a golden light. Amidst all her trials, she was reminded often to take everything in… or at least that’s the advice that Napoleon gave her.

She looked down an alleyway. Strange, she didn’t know one was here. Could it be a good shortcut? Given the fact that it had no traffic, it might be a viable option. It wasn’t glamourous, but it wasn’t downright disgusting either. Backdoors of nearby businesses were recessed on one side, while on the other, were the fire escapes of the apartment complex next door.

Might as well. Couldn’t hurt to check it out, right? Homework was light and Coco wouldn’t be home for another hour.

As she passed through, she heard some sniffling. Looking to where it was coming from, she reeled when she found the source.

“Underdog?” She asked, making sure her eyes didn’t deceive her. He was sitting on the asphalt ground, his pack leaning against the wall of the building.

He glanced at her and wiped a hoof over his snout. “Go away.” He said firmly, turning back towards the wall.

Dazzle was quick to comply. Knowing his personality, he could lash out on you at any moment.

As she turned to start going down the alleyway again, something in her heart tugged. Like the time she was running for class president back in Ponyville. She mistook that feeling as something her parents taught her was the ‘fire of ambition’.

She learned later that it wasn’t. It blossomed when she rebuilt the playground for the school fillies and colts. It grew and grew until it filled her. It was no fire of ambition, but the tug of a heartstring, knowing that the pony she is speaking to needs a little help. Maybe that was the missing piece. Maybe that’s why she felt numb.

She spun around and carefully approached Underdog. Studying him, she peered closer and found him clutching a piece of fabric. A white and dark blue checkered cloth.

Having no idea what she was doing, she held a hoof out. “May I have a look?”

Grumbling, he clutched it tightly, trying to keep it away from the dirty ground.

Dazzle figured her ‘puppy eyes’ would work for the occasion.

“Fiiiiinnnne.” Underdog groaned. He held it out to her.

Dazzle held it carefully. As she felt the soft fabric, she saw an image embroidered on it.

Only one word could escape her mouth, like the words were being stolen from her mouth from the wind. “Candy.”

He snatched it back. “Yeah, yeah. Like you would care!”

Dazzle thought of a response in her mind. Something gentle, since Underdog wasn’t in the best of moods. However, something in her mind surfaced, a nudge of her old self. Brashness. She suppressed the thought, as saying it would only make the situation worse.

“I-I didn’t see you after lunch.” Dazzle started, figuring cutting to the point would only provoke him further.

“Yeah.” Underdog waved dismissably. “Go on. Report me for skipping class like you know how to do.” He turned away from her.

Brashness kept pushing through her mind. Everything in the very core of her seemed to fight the shell that she spent many hours casting to make sure she showed kindness.

“I’m not going to.” Dazzle said. “I just didn’t get the chance to tell you that I wanted to help you earn your cutie mark.”

“Yeah, like that’ll magically fix all my problems…” He rolled his eyes.

“Look, I want to help.” Dazzle said, pressing a little harder.

“Yeah, that’s what they all say. Then they abandon you to go join another group.” Underdog’s voice grew in hostility. “You wouldn’t understand because you’ve been the ‘nice filly’ that nopony can hit because you didn’t do anything wrong. You’ve never hurt anypony.”

“Actually, I do understand.” Dazzle said. “I used to―”

“Yeah, missus, ‘my life is perfect and I have to rub it in everypony’s else muzzle’.” Underdog cut in.

A flurry of emotion swirled in Dazzle. Anger contending against Guilt. For a long time, her anger had dominated her being, using it as the fuel to utterly destroy anypony who stood betwixt her and the paths of ambition. For the second part of her life, she understood the damage it done. What Underdog said was the truth. Wasn’t it? Was she doing all this because her life was supposedly perfect and the void she felt was just her easing back into old habits?

“I need you to trust me.” Dazzle offered her hoof.

He slapped it away and spat, “TRUST? TRUST? YOU COME ALL THE WAY HERE TO TALK TO ME ABOUT TRUST?”

Dazzle didn’t bother to wipe off the spit from her face. She stood her ground, but let her smile fade away. She knew what to do next. Whenever a pony yelled at her, especially Cheerilee, she would stand her ground, rebelliously and contemptuously.

“You’ve never felt what it was like to have a friend backstab you as soon as she got a ticket to the top! You’ve never felt what it is like to have the other friend refuse to take a stand and spend her days flying while you are pinned to the ground, helpless. You’ve never known what it is like to fight your whole life to get by!” Underdog stared at the scarf. “Right as I’m given a break, and finally have a true and loyal friend to be by my side, Corrosion kicks in and steals her away from me.” He clutched the scarf in his hooves and looked to Dazzle, eyes filled with tears.

“…You’ve never felt what it is like to have your best friend in the hospital, fighting for her life! I can’t do anything, while you sit here, play doctor when the Corrosion hits, and get all your wishes granted to you.”

“You have an infinitely better life than I have!” Underdog threw his hooves up in the air “You and Coco, even if you aren’t blood related, the both of you are happy ponies!”

Underdog stared at the scarf. Teardrops fell from his eyes and onto the scarf. “Meanwhile… I sit here, wondering if I’ll ever see Candy again...” He looked to Dazzle with tear-filled eyes. “You have a perfect life. Why are you so lucky?”

Dazzle itched her forelegs. That question had crossed her mind a million times. Why are you so lucky? Here you are in Mane-hattan, living the high life with a designer while your best friend back at home is suffering for what you’ve done. You don’t deserve any of this!

She never found a good answer to lay all those concerns to rest, but she found a good way to curb how she felt. Tell her story and confess that she wasn’t the filly that everypony made her out to be.

She began, “My life is in a better position than it was a few months before… I can tell you my secret, but first, you need to listen. Are you ready to listen?”

Underdog lift his eyes toward her. He nodded his head slowly.

“Before I came here, I was just like you, jealous of another pony because of how happy she was with her family. I acted like a brat for all my life, and I can’t make up for that fact.” Dazzle began. She took a deep breath and sighed “When the time finally came that my parents had enough, they disowned me. Luckily, I was given a second chance, and sent away to Mane-hatten.”

“You’re lying… You couldn’t have been a brat.” Underdog said. “You are Dazzle, one of the nicest fillies at Mane-hattan Elementary!”

“That’s me trying to make up for all the mistakes I’ve made. Ask the Principal or Ms. Paprika. Both of them have documented accounts of what I’m saying. But that’s beside the point.” Dazzle felt the itchiness of tears forming in her eyes. “I’ve realized, no matter what, no matter what I do, I cannot undo the damage that I’ve done. I’ve made fun of ponies who don’t have their cutie mark, gossiped about them, manipulated them, even made fun of a filly for her disability. After a while, my best friend back in Ponyville, Silver Spoon, told me that she had enough and walked away.”

…At that moment, I knew I needed to humble myself and talk to those I hurt. Ironically, it was the Crusaders… the original Crusaders. There, in that quaint clubhouse, I learned an important lesson. If you want respect, you first have to show it. If you want to have friends, you first have to be one. They helped me to realize who I truly was. Then, after that, I helped Ponyville Elementary rebuild their playground.”

Underdog sat with wide eyes. She could see a small smirk in the corners of his muzzle.

“Unfortunately, with every action, there is a consequence. Furious at my disregard for business funds, my parents decided to kick me out of the house. Though blurry, I was told by my butler to come to Mane-hattan and find Coco. Everything has been great since then,” she continued.

Her ears flattened. “Back at home though, my friend, Silver Spoon is paying for what I’ve done. She sacrificed so much to be by my side, even though I haven’t been the most loyal. That is the pain that I must deal with. You see, this good luck and better life isn’t because of what I’ve done, it’s been given to me so generously through my friend who helped me begin and find my way. You see, Silver Spoon gave me this chance, and I’m not going to waste it.”

“I― If what you’re saying is true… and I’m convinced you couldn’t make up a story like that… I’m so sorry for treating you the way I have” Underdog sniffled. “I hope you’re not lying though.”

“All is forgiven, Underdog,” Dazzle smiled. “I was once in your shoes, and I’d give a million bits just to know I was forgiven. Let it be proof enough that I braved talking to you.”

Underdog chuckled. Dazzle had never heard a genuine, cheery, and airy chuckle from him before. Normally, he only showed pleasure when he was about to do something devious or made a snide remark. But right now, Dazzle took it in. She made a new friend and he was genuinely happy.

Carefully taking a step forward, with lowered ears and curious, yet anxious eyes, he asked. “Is… uhm… you know… your offer with helping me get my cutie mark still on the table?”

Dazzle laughed. “Of course it is! I just need to talk to the Crusaders… our Mane-hattan ones… before you come.” She put a hoof on the side of her muzzle and whispered in his ear, “Because… well… they’ll never believe me.”

“I don’t blame them.” He snickered.

“I can’t guarantee how fast you’ll get yours, though,” Dazzle admitted. “We are still working with three fillies and none of them have got their cutie marks. But I guess it’s been only been a day.”

“I’ve tried many things to get mine.” Underdog shook his head. “Though I’m ready to give it another shot. Any chance is as good as I―”

“HELP! THIEF! THIEF!” A mare shouted.

They spun to the source of the shouting. Down the alley and across a busy street, they caught in the nick of time a filly running with saddlebags in her mouth and a mare in hot pursuit.

Dazzle and Underdog both looked at each other. As a smirk crept on each of their faces, a feeling inside her bubbled up and rose.

She looked Underdog in the eye and just like that, she could tell that they both had the same crazy idea.

Comments

[Captain Absolution]

Welcome Underdog, to the New CMC!~

Under and Dazzle plan is going to be crazy, huh?
Good. And who knows, maybe the Theif can become a friend...