Transparent Living

by PinoyPony

Chapter 41: Truth

Coco tied on her apron. She said nothing on their trip down the stairs, since she knew that little talk could only make the situation awkward. Both of them dried off with a towel, and promptly, Coco switched the heater on to extra high. No chance of catching a cold.

As a bonus, she preheated the oven. Any warmth seemed welcome at this point. While the oven warmed up, she diced the apples.

“I hope it’s not too personal, but what was going on around that time that made life miserable?”

Coco appreciated cutting to the chase a little more.

“Well, I’ve might’ve mentioned bits and pieces to you,” Coco said. “Do you know about the history between me and Suri Polomare?”

“More than I’d like.” Dazzle scowled. “I know that your troubles only started after she stole Rarity’s designs. Randolph also says that he helped you through legal trouble with her.”

“Tip of the iceberg.” Coco tsked. “My therapist, Doctor Glass, which you’ll be seeing soon, helped me understand that my emotional rut was most likely an after-effect of stress. There is this phenomenon that when a pony gets stressed for long periods of time, then when the smoke of their tumult finally clears… the pony feels empty. Something about being used to stress all the time, and without it… they feel empty. They start looking for something to fill that void.

Coco looked over her shoulder. “Have you ever felt that way?”

Dazzle nodded, although Coco saw it was kind of uncertain.

When she didn’t say anything, Coco motioned with her hoof “Come on. Whatever is on your mind, just spill it. That’s why we are down here anyways…”

“I guess there was a lot of stress transitioning into my new life here in Mane-hattan,” Dazzle said. “Things have been stressful still, but not as much as before.”

“What are you stressed about?” Coco asked as she mixed the flour, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt.

“Nothing much. Just schoolwork and friends.” Dazzle answered.

“Well, the school year is coming to an end with summer break right around the corner.” Coco pointed her spoon towards the calendar. “That, and if your friends are stressing you out, you can tell them.”

Coco laughed. “Something I had to learn from you is that if Florin, Montressor, or Marigold were making me uncomfortable, I need to speak up.”

“No, it’s not as if they are making me uncomfortable, all I’m saying is that there is so much to do,” Dazzle said. “Especially with Napoleon leaving for Canterlot at the end of August. Want to get as much time with him in before we are separated.”

Coco noticed that Dazzle put emphasis on the word ‘separated’. Maybe she could build from that. “Is him leaving have anything to do with this?”

“No.” Dazzle said.

Dead end. If Dazzle was telling the truth, then she didn’t identify the problem. If Dazzle was lying, then calling her out would only make it worse.

“Well, actually, maybe…” Dazzle said. “It has nothing to do with him other than… reminding me of something I did.”

“Oh? What happened?” Coco asked.

Dazzle paused. Quietly, she spilled, “It has to do with what I did back in Ponyville.”

Coco set the teaspoon of lemon juice. She turned around and took a seat at the table. “You’ve mentioned from time to time of what you did back in Ponyville. Randolph has also mentioned some of the details also. I just wanted to ask, is this the reason why you feel this way?”

“Kind of,” Dazzle said, tracing a line in the ground with one of her hindlegs. She winced. “I regret what I did back there, and I know all the time from you that no matter what, I cannot fix it, but as long as I change today, that is enough.”

From the sounds of it, Dazzle understood that Coco was trying to help, but she wasn’t― or didn’t know― how to let go of the past.

“If I take it correct, you still have nightmares of what you did?” Coco asked.

Dazzle’s eyes widened. “How do you know that?”

“I have them too,” Coco admitted. “Luckily, Luna helps me out when things are particularly ugly.” Coco shuddered. “I have nightmares about the defamation and attacks that Suri directed at me after I helped Rarity. She knew a pinch too much about me and used it to make sure my life was miserable. I have yet to overcome the particular nightmare where I’m standing in civil court, all alone with the jury’s disapproving eyes as the judge sentences that thirty percent of my designs and profit goes to Suri along with community service.”

Sometimes, I remember what Randolph has done for me and managed to get me out unscathed. Other times, Suri turns into a bat pony and bites my neck.”

“Bites your neck?” Dazzle asked incredulously.

Coco laughed. “I read way too much classical horror for my own good. I should stop reading those before bed.”

Dazzle smiled.

“From what I can tell though, is that yours are more intense than mine.” Coco said. “I feel awful when I check on you and your pillow is soaked through with tears. Although, nothing compares with the scare you give me when you scream yourself awake.”

“Yeah, I remember that,” Dazzle said. “I had a real doozy there.”

“I’d bet.” Coco walked over to Dazzle and playfully bopped her on the head. “What are your nightmares about?”

Coco listened closely as Dazzle poured out the nitty gritty details. From facing an evil version of herself to being blasted by some type of spell. What caught her attention, was that she mentioned that Silver Spoon and Vertigo were in the dream. Not just as projections, but as an entire merged dream. She thought it not too farfetched since Luna had her take a look into what was happening. She wanted to mention what she saw, but doing so would be counterproductive. It was her little secret, after all.

“Tell me about Silver Spoon.” Coco requested. “I’ve never met her, but from what I can tell, she’s very important to you. Especially since Luna had her exclusively with Vertigo.”

Tears came to Dazzle’s eyes.

“Wait… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to talk about a sensitive topic…”

“No. It’s okay. You have a right to know.” Dazzle wiped a hoof across her muzzle. “She was my best friend. We’ve known each other since we were toddlers. Even though I had my shortcomings, she was always supportive. What I couldn’t have expected is that she helped me find the better way to be kind.

I was running for Class President, but she had mustered enough courage to not vote for me since she knew I would use it to hurt others. From then on, it sent me spiraling into a self-search. Talking to others about how I feel and the path to correcting my mistakes. I owe it to her that I’m sitting in this apartment here. I had the chance to flee my old life and pursue a new one her in Mane-hattan. All because of her. I couldn’t thank her more.”

Coco smiled. It’s good to know how much of a friend Silver Spoon was to Dazzle. She was about to comment, but Dazzle’s expression turned gloomy.

“Unfortunately, she wasn’t so lucky and had to deal with my actions back at home. Then, I received a letter a week ago. I was wondering why she wasn’t getting back to me, but then Randolph told me what happened.” Dazzle looked up at Coco with tear-filled eyes. “She tried to take her own life.”

Coco gasped. She reached across the table and took one of Dazzle’s hooves.

Dazzle sniffled. “Now, she is in the hospital, being nursed back to health. Randolph knew my next reaction was to go back to Ponyville and help her, but he warned me that the whole town is plunged in a tumult because of her attempt― Ponies fighting for and against her, justifying or condemning her actions.

The worst part is feeling for her, but unable to help her out. I don’t deserve any of this. I have a great life here in Mane-hattan, while my friend is paying the price.” Dazzle looked up at Coco with tearful eyes. “I felt helpless to help out a friend, so I planned the jump. Draw attention to what I’ve done and hopefully take the blame off her. I’ve ruined her life, so It’s only natural I try to help the best way I can.” Dazzle sighed, taking a deep breath as the hiccups started to come.

Coco trotted to her and hugged Dazzle. “Dazzle. I just want to let you know that you are an amazing pony. I’m sorry you can’t help your friend! But, just think how your friends would feel if you were suddenly gone!”

“After all I’ve done, I doubt they’d―”

“No, Dazzle, I won’t let you talk that way.” Coco said. “Let me prove it to you. Napoleon has learned to put himself out more now because of you. He has come up to me and mentioned how thankful he was that you reached out and got his nose out of the books.”

“Yeah, just one…” Dazzle said.

“I’m not finished!” Coco stamped her hoof on the table. “Vertigo is thankful that you helped her get her cutie mark. Bling is thankful you gave him the benefit of the doubt. Yttrium has mentioned how helpful you’ve been at the hospital! You wouldn’t believe what Underdog said to me in the waiting room while the doctors were clearing you!”

“What did he say?” Dazzle asked.

“He just adores you!” Coco said. “He was talking about how fearless you were to follow him to catch the thief, and how strong you are! If I’m being honest, I think he has a crush on you!”

Dazzle paused a moment.

“Don’t take your friends for granted,” Coco instructed. “The best thing you can do is lean on your friends for help. Likewise, the worst thing you can do is stay silent.”

I’ve made a lot of friends along the way. Florin, Montressor, and Marigold picked me up around the time that Suri was suing me,” Coco explained. “Without them, I would be in deep financial and career trouble.”

Coco heard the oven beep. She jumped to life and put the fritters in the oven.

“Before we have fritters, I need you to make me a promise. A Pinkie Pie Promise.” Coco insisted.

“Uhm… okay.” Dazzle said warily.

“I need you to promise not to die on me,” Coco said.

“C’mon, Coco. I’m not an Alicorn.” Dazzle joked.

“You know what I mean.” Coco shook her head playfully and sighed. “I need you to promise never to try taking your own life again.”

“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye…” Dazzle monotonously said as she went through the motions and sealed it.

“Good! Now we can have some apple fritters!” Coco tapped her hooves against the tile, waiting for the timer on the microwave to go off. It wasn’t long now. Suddenly, like a light going off, she remembered something… Of course! That’s what the Princess meant!

“I’m going into my room to fetch something,” Coco said.

Coco rushed over to her bedroom, rummaged through her drawer, and pulled out a red envelope.

Hold onto the letter for a little while longer. You will need it shortly. Luna’s words echoed in her mind.

Knowing this was the exact time that the Moon Princess had meant for the letter to be used, and not destroyed, Coco realized with a feeling of déjà vu of how clairvoyant Princess Luna was.

She solemnly trotted back to the kitchen and gave Dazzle the Envelope. “Please keep this private. I don’t want anypony else to know of this struggle.”

Coco took a backseat, leaning on the counter, ready to open the microwave once it was done heating up the glaze.

Dazzle’s eyes raced back and forth as she read each line of the letter. Teardrops formed in her eyes as she covered her mouth.

“Coco…” Dazzle whispered airily, dropping the letter. “No…”

“Yes… my suicide note,” Coco said. “There is a lot more to the timing of your arrival than meets the eye.”

“Why would you write things like this? Your artwork is beautiful!” Dazzle said.

“I was going in a direction where I felt I’ve done all the things I could do. Inspiration ran out. I hit a huge artist’s block.” Coco explained. “Right as I was about to give up… BOOM! Divine intervention. You came into my life.”

Dazzle leapt up from her seat and hugged Coco.

“Thank you for choosing life.” Dazzle sobbed. “Without you, I’d be dead.”

“Same regards to you,” Coco said. “We depend on each other. Meant to meet. Not a coincidence.”

The microwave beeped.

“Now… let’s enjoy some apple fritters.” Coco said, pulling away and reaching for the microwave.