This is a first person, human in Equestria story about a young man named Travis who ends up in Equestria after taking part in a ritual he didn't wholly believe. He has to learn how to live in Equestria and deal with feelings he develops for a mare.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Good chapter, have a feeling not everyone is going to be happy with his presence in Equestria but lets see how it plays out. I also hope we will see the rest of the mane 6 soon and see what they think of Travis.
one ‘a’ too many
8324818 Yeah, and I suppose we'll see the rest of the mane six over time.
8324860 I have no idea how I didn't spot that... Thanks for pointing it out, I'll fix it now.
First, I would like to say that I very much enjoy this story. Luna is my favorite character, and I love fics where good things happen for her. That said, I would like to suggest you tone down the constant kissing. I know it's a romance and you're trying to portray their feelings, but having them trade kisses what seems like every other sentence feels more like attempts to pad out the word count of the chapter than genuine romantic affection. There are more ways to display love than kissing after all. Try thinking of more subtle ways to show their relationship. Other than that, good job. Keep it up!
Maybe it is to late for that, but I hope Travis can embrass her that much with his lovely talk, that she slips back into her old speach pattern.
how exactly are they doing that if the need to move the sun and moon everytime for them to move at all?
Maybe the sun is just to lazy to change places witht he moon itself and needs some help?
even if I hope she let's him make his own decisions as much as you could trust him with it already, I think the best would have been to lie to the crowd, saying that he wouldn't get to make any big decisions, probably for a longer while than Luna would really need till she would trust Travis with something. They could make it look like Travis would have to ask Luna first, that would maybe reassure them a bit more if you mention the whole power thing.
Like I have seen before, I hope it continues with Travis and Luna treating each other equally and not always Travis walking behind her and Luna kind of having to order the guards around if Travis can do somethig or not, the guards always asking her again and every other possible way that would make it look like he wouldn'T have any real freedom here.
Not sure how loved she is in this universe, I forgot about that, but the part where she talked about them courting her, sounded like a fairytale she was thinking up for herself.
Nice chapter, I made sure I could enjoy this one, if there are to many stories or to many big once, maybe to big once even, then I normally start to quick read trough those I either dislike a little bit or that usually have to much dry informations in them.
However this is one of the stories that always makes me feel a bit happy if I see it, even if I sometimes seems to get the feeling that is maybe is a bit to calm. I don't need any adventure, at least not if Travis needs to be rescured all the time, but maybe something like social problems should appear and maybe not only because they are together?, I always like an adoption accidently or not and maybe he is one of the humans that actually have not the whole main six and others as his best friends, but more realistically only a few of them as best friends. (Maybe even some rare once, Backgroundcharacters?, I'm not that much after her anymore, but maybe even Mrs. Harshwinney?
I'm curious if she is human enough with her behavior to share his view on some things.)
I like the story, just one small thing.
I smile back. That’s pretty impressive. “That’s really cool; I’m impressed.”
I noticed this in a couple places. No need to think it if you are going to say it.
I smile back. “That’s really cool; I’m impressed.”
That way it is not redundant, at least to me. Just a tip.
this is a vary good chapter..
I see 1 or 2 small things and one that is bugging me.
“Now, I realize that I may be very different from you! Some of you might be afraid! I am a new species from another world! However, I will never harm any of you ! In fact, I hope that we all get along and that those of you who I may meet become my friends!”
8326758 I know what you mean, I'll try to stop that.
8327614 Actually, that's the correct spelling for realise at least in the UK and Australia, and possibly some other countries. And while that part about not harming them could be phrased better, I think it suits to leave it how it is. Travis is nervous and not the best public speaker.
8326372 I'm glad that you've been enjoying my story. Your criticism is an interesting and valid one. This is my first story that I haven't written for some school project, and I'm not the best writer. I'll try to mix it up a bit and be more subtle.
8326383 Thanks for you big comment, you gave me a bunch of stuff to respond to. I do occasionally think of having Luna flustered to revert back to her traditional style of speaking, but the situation hasn't arisen yet.
I suppose Celestia and Luna would keep their respective celestial bodies to a schedule to match up with clocks and time. They probably raise the sun or moon actively at sunrise/sunset, while their magic passively keeps them moving through the night/day.
Luna and Travis could have lied, and maybe that would have been better, maybe not.
The guards mainly addressing Luna for everything is more in terms of their training and tradition. As far as they're concerned, Travis isn't royalty or nobility. Luna obviously listens to Travis if he needs anything though, and she can order what he wants while the guards still only directly serve royalty. Perhaps later on Luna can try to make some sort of decree or something allowing Travis to give basic orders, and for guards to ask him for permission on things and not just royalty.
8326391 It isn't necessarily loved in the romantic sense, but there would have been nobles interested in courting her for more political and economic reasons. If they can't settle for Celestia, then maybe they would try seeking Luna's affections.
I'm glad you liked the chapter and enjoy my story to read it properly.
Of course, I'll put in some conflict and social problems. The announcement wasn't perfect, and even if they had done it perfect, not everyone would be happy with it. It seems calm now, but that won't be for long. Also, I'm not planning on having Travis be best friends with the whole mane six. He might come across ponies that don't get much screen time, but only if it makes sense for the story.
8328099
Well it wasn't to much till now, but I hope that it doesn't look like the other stories where some mage with a different moral view than Celestia, who is in a relationship with her too. I remember that she got pretty pissed and....not sure how to say it, but if I have to be blunt I would say that she took control over his life or tried to do so.
(That's why I mentioned the guards as an example, of course Travis will have to learn it first.)
Now I kind of hope you find a way to make him live longer, the saddest part in some human and ponie relationships is if they try to make it look like ponies live longer and with Luna I can't even argue about it. I just have to wish that you can think of something.
I forgot it, but Travis is Lunas first right?, I don't remember if this is a story where Luna had several boyfriends already. It's not their fault, but it is always strange for me to image that I'm accidently compared to those she may had before or that she would get after the current guy.
yes makes sense I forgot about it.
I can't sadly give you any real example, but I maybe already mentioned that I hope, that you don't just pull the whole assasinating or everyone hates the human thing. Maybe there are some nobles that are more concerned with Luna maybe getting more aknowledged now that she even has a potential husband? (Not sure if that can work like that with kings and queens, probably it's just the king being happy that their daugthers do what he wants and him giving them power in return under normal circumstances).
Let's just say, sometimes the same thing looks far more desperate than it would normally be.
I just let you suprise me, if you want you can show me something before the update and I can point it out if it is like I meant or not and I'm not saying that you do what I want no of course not.
8328867 I'm not going to write Celestia or Luna as control freaks, don't worry.
In terms of his longevity in comparison to Luna and a potential solution, that's still in the air at the moment.
Yeah, Travis is Luna's first in this story.
I don't think I'm going to try putting in any assassination attempts or widespread hate. Probably just general prejudice and jealousy from nobles, and possibly old fashioned ponies. And I'm sorry, but I won't be giving you any early readings.
8329039
Welle everything works out so far pretty well, I just hope you never try to work on three or four stories at the same time. One of the reasons this is so good is probably that you concentrate on one at the moment.
Hhhhmmm okay, I'm not sure what you might think would happen if you do, but I'm not that curious about it and wait till next time.
Awesome story! Definitely going to give it a like and a fave, but, one thing that Im most curious about is that, why is the main character, Travis, seem to be a bit wimpy? I think it would benefit the characters if he could become more braver, not cold or nasty but, enough to put Discord in his place and send him running with his tail between his legs. It's a suggestion that I would like to see, but after all it is your story, can't force it on you, haha, have a good one mate.
8342834 It makes me happy to know that you think my story is awesome. As for Travis, he's always been the type who tries to avoid conflict, and he never had much social interaction on Earth apart from hanging out with Jack. It would be nice to see him become braver, maybe he will, maybe he won't.
8343612
Haha, no problem mate, I'll be quite honest, I am one of those people that like to stay away from conflict, but, if there is no way out, I become a different person and sort it out.
Been following this story and think it's great so far! I'm wondering if you have any idea when the next chapter will be uploaded? I hope that this story doesn't end up being like the countless other ones that are left 'Incomplete' for ages. :)
SO MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!!
8508995
You might have a tumor then...
8509012
Nope nothing of the sort I had a scan to check
8509012
Nope nothing of the sort I had a scan to check
8508850
I agree and I miss that in many stories, it is only right to the sex or eyes on the ass in so many stories.