Hate.
It feels so good to hate.
The battlefield is unimportant. The battle is secondary. All I see is the enemy.
I see the midnight black of their armor. I see the sickly green of their eyes. I see their dull, passionless bodies. I see them fight.
Why do these idiots fight? Their lives have been forfeit from the moment that Sombra came back. When Celestia declared war, their fate was sealed. And yet they fight.
Are they cowards? Are they so weak-minded that they cannot see the obvious? Sombra is only one pony. Ponies who stand alone are like rocks in a river; they are worn down to nothing by the overwhelming odds stacked against them. Even a unicorn cannot stop a flood alone. His own subjects could have toppled his empire in a day. But instead, they have bowed to the will of the heretic.
Yesterday, I heard somepony blaspheming. They were going on about how the crystal ponies are blameless, how they're all under some sort of evil mind control spell. They were saying that's how he took over in the first place. They said we should be trying to save the crystal ponies, that we should focus all of our efforts on Sombra. They said Celestia is cruel and heartless.
I still don't know why Maud stopped me from killing him. He believes in lies, and will probably betray us today. His delusions will get us all killed, because he is too cowardly to destroy our enemies. Or they would, if we were all so weak.
But I am not weak. I am an earth pony. I am a servant of Celestia, an agent of divine punishment in Equestria. I am called upon to shatter the bones of infidels, and bring an end to all who would defy the will of the princess.
Maud tells me that I am meant to use my talent to probe for weakness in their defenses, to see the places where their formations are flawed. But I see so much that I am blind. The crystal ponies embody weakness, just as Nightmare Moon embodied treason. There is no room for intellect or strategy in this war. There is no need for war. All that is needed is for all to see as I see, to understand that what we need is not war, but slaughter.
The enemy approaches. How dare they? I see his gender, and my bile doubles. How many times have I heard the males protest that they are the strongest? How many legs have I been forced to break to show them the error of their ways? How many times did my father....
No. No, mustn't think of that. This is not the time to cry.
His helmet folds and opens up, and a rock seems to appear out of nowhere, sticking out of his head. I check my hoof; no, I haven't thrown without thinking again. I look out the corner of my eye, and I see Maud lower her hoof back to the ground. Ah. That explains it.
I turn back to look and gloat, but the heretic has refused to fall. Still he charges for us. How dare he? Is his cowardice so great that he refuses even the ruling of the Pale Horse? Will he run from every creature that seeks to champion him?
He is so close now. I could reach out and touch him if I wanted. Instead, I wait another moment and show him what Equestria is to its enemies.
I feel the metal fold before its rightful master, accepting the touch of a real pony for the first and final time in its existence. I can hear the delicious crunch of justice within the confines of his stupid helmet. The colorful glow is gone from his treacherous eyes, and at last he falls. I spit with disdain upon his bloodless corpse.
I turn and look across the battlefield. I see the enemy. I see the ineffective strikes of my fellows, and I take pity. They are not to blame for this weakness, after all; in truth, there is nothing of weakness in those who fight for Equestria. I only see them as weak because I am so strong. I should not hoard this talent. I must lift the burden from this country's shoulders.
I barely even realize that I am moving. I see the crystal ponies advancing, a small posse that exists only to grant them the illusion of safety. I will not let them hide beneath the shelter of these lies. I will free their minds. From their heads.
Ha. Good joke, Diane.
Shut up, Gummy. You don't live here.
Wait, what was I doing?
You're doing your Templar thing.
Oh, right.
I cut myself on the internal walls of a crystal pony's stomach. I don't give them the satisfaction of hearing me cry out in pain. Pain is for the weak, and I am strong. I pull out, then turn and bury myself in another. They are kind enough to scream in agony on my behalf.
I wonder about Maud. I don't think she likes it when I do this. To her, there's a difference between defending the country and being no better than Sombra. I've always thought that it takes monsters to kill monsters, but Maud is a lot smarter than me, so she's probably right. She's also a lot more efficient, maybe because she just wants to get it over with. I've been trying to be more efficient lately.
Diane, there's a pony behind you!
Shut up, Gummy!
I kick, and that dumb alligator bursts out laughing when I actually hit something. Why won't he stop laughing? It's such an annoying noise, so distracting.
See. Hate. Kill. Three simple steps, and yet he's constantly interrupting with these dumb jokes. I have to ignore him. Focus on the steps. Focus on the enemy.
I see them. I hate them. And oh, how I kill them.
I see one pony charging at me from afar. How many of her friends have I already killed? What does she honestly think she can do to me? I'm not about to waste time waiting for her to get in range of my hooves. I put a rock through her throat, and get the angle just right. It'll be a good three seconds before her lungs implode. I only wish I was close enough to hear the ragged gasping for breath.
Off to my right is another heretic, one that I managed to ignore just long enough for this delicious moment to happen. He goes to punch me, and I turn to face it head on. I never get tired of when these crystal ponies think they can hurt me.
Just die already, you miserable coward.
His hoof explodes, and I feel nothing. His punch keeps travelling, though, and as more and more of his leg meets my face, so the explosion spreads. It actually makes me smile when my nose meets the inside of his shoulder. All too soon, he's run out of momentum, and he falls down on the ground.
"Please..." I almost don't hear him through that dumb helmet. When I realize what he's said, my smile is gone.
"Hold your tongue. The dead don't speak." Before he can fire back with some dumb quip about how he isn't dead, I grind his neck down to nothing under my hoof. Nopony sasses a Pie. Not even Auntie Sarsaparilla Pie.
I look up from my thoughts and see a crystal pony about to throw off an earth pony. I smash their hopes and dreams at twenty paces. Then I see another, running full tilt towards a five-unicorn firing squad. I save her the embarrassment of such monumentally bad strategy.
The bulk of the battle is so close now, there is no point in keeping out of it. I dive into the fray, rise to my hind legs, twirl, and break a neck. As I fall back onto all fours, I sink my skull into the skull of the enemy. The crunching sound does not come from me.
The corpse of my enemy is taking too long to fall limp. I jump over it and roll as I hit the ground, swiping upward with my hind leg as it meets head height. For a moment, I balance a coward's head on my leg, then right myself so quickly that it becomes a missile. It just barely misses one of the crystal ponies, who turns and stares at me with those vomit-green eyes.
He probably thinks he's scary. I don't even break my stride. The inside of his brain tickles as I pass through it, and I catch a piece between my teeth. I bite down. I taste lemon.
Another rock flies from my saddlebag to nestle in a bosom. Another hoof swings round to try and end me, but only ushers the Pale Horse closer for itself. Another body is in my way. Then the ground ripples beneath me.
For the briefest of moments, I think it's a tiny bit of backup from Maud. Then I feel something, a message in the earth that is different from the sermon of weakness that the crystal ponies are preaching in my hooves.
She is in trouble.
No. No, please, no. Cannot be, must not be. I turn, I look, I see. There is the Iron Wing. There is a cliff just beyond her. And at the top, a boulder.
"How dare you?" How dare they? Do they think they are gods, to so easily take away the mightiest of Celestia's soldiers? Do they think earth has dominion over sky, to challenge a Wonderbolt so brazenly? Do they think that the Iron Wing, of all ponies, has only one set of eyes?
I am away upon a chariot of stone. The snow is nothing, the earth rises to meet me. I accelerate each step, faster and faster, closer and closer. My hatred boils, bursts into flame, propels me onward. The boulder falls, and I fly.
Maud will never forgive me if I screw this up.
I pour my hatred into the stone. I command it to kneel before true power, to abandon its heretical mission and swear fealty to the Unconquered Sun. I feed it my hatred and rage, a thousand times in a single moment and then again. Still it falls, but still I strike. Still, I hate.
Finally, there is naught but gravel 'twixt mine hooves, and at last I return to the earth. As I land, I feel the creak of my leg braces as they adjust to the sudden stop. I forget why the blacksmiths told me to wear these things.
The Iron Wing looks at me. For a moment, my hatred abandons me, and I am filled with something else. Pride. Pride in a job well done, pride in my country, pride in my teammates.
I salute. I always salute. There's never time to tell her. Never time to ask her. Never a time to cry, never a time to laugh. There's time enough for her to look at us, time enough to hope that she has more she wishes she could say. Then I see Maud turn to leave, and I mirror the movement.
I reach out for something, anything. I see crystal ponies massing to charge round the cliff. I will take them over heartache any day.
As I charge, I leave it behind. Leave behind home, leave behind family, leave behind the Iron Wing. All that I am, all that I can be, all that I must be, is hatred.
6686306 So, took a lot longer than I said I would, but it's up now.
Overall a very interesting spin on what we all saw in the finale. Although I do have a fee comments.
Firstly I will say that i loved Dash's and Mauds chapters. They were insightful in unique ways from polar oppisite personalities. Dashs chapter gave enough initial spin to set the rest of the commentary in a way that anyone can jump into. Mauds chapter added depth to more of the unseen elements of the story, like the connection to the earth and leg braces.
I can't say i was a fan of pinkies chapter though. Her spin was less insightful and more "kill the nonbelievers!" On top of really reitterating what we learned in Mauds chapter. While I realize this is merely a spin on what could be, and does acheive the goal of not making Pinkie and Maud the same, I feel that this chapter really did a disservice to Pinkie as a character. Shes very two dimensional as written and doesn't add anything to the narrative we have.
This was a good read and I would love to see maybe two more chapters and a rewrite of Pinkies chapter. After all we have Sombra and Celestia to account for. Good work!
6686613 I'll be honest, I had literally no idea what to do for Pinkie's chapter. Pretty much everything about her character doesn't exist without the rainboom, and I really didn't know what to fill the gap with. If you've got any better ideas, though, then by all means, let's hear them.
Pinkamena reminds me of stories about my Grandad.
Special Operations Executive behind enemy lines in occupied territories in WW2.
His job was to hate, and kill.
6687278 Huh. Didn't expect that chapter to actually resonate with people.
static2.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/5225619+_a34604a712f31ff80f72f17be54d00aa.gif
solid story btw
6687100 A good example for what could have been done (and this is just me and just a friendly suggestion.) Is instead of Pinkie being a destroyer, have her be a protector. Pinkie as a character in the show has always been one who seemed more protective of her friends in her own unique ways. Always trying to keep everypony happy and oftentimes leads to her own happiness. And while yes the Rainboom didn't occur to reveal her love as a party planner, this trait is so central to her character that without it she just comes out flat. Another key point to point out is that in the episode we do have examples of the Mane 6 occurring WITH their proper cutiemarks despite the Rainboom not occurring both in the changeling and NMM AU's, so I may not be completely off the ball.
But maybe look at Pinkie as a protector, for not just her friends and relatives, but for equestria as a whole it would add a much more meaningful dialogue and perspective to the story. Even better would be to chronicle her struggle fighting the crystal ponies when she thinks that they're under a spell. You already have "gummy" present in her head, maybe turn it into a negative force urging Pinkie to kill when she doesn't have to, or a more positive force in driving her in trying to find non-lethal solutions to her combat.
One thing however, that I do suggest in maybe reviewing would be this odd "templar" thing. Pinkie is also a character who seems to be a character who knows more than she lets on, oftentimes being the pony to point out very obvious flaws in logic, or providing odd food for thought. A deep zealot of Celestia seems extremely out of place unless it's along with Celestia's normal M/O of Love, Tolerance, and Repentance. Just food for thought.
Hope it helps.
6687393 Hmm...
It is food for thought, and it tastes good.
Pinkie worries me. Interestingly, I once wanted to write a fic about Limestone being a knight templar leading a crusade against depravity...
AAAAAAAMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6687422
6687393 Or have it that when she first joined she was like most fresh recruits: she believed the crystal ponies had no choice due to a spell and should be pitied. When a battle took place too close to her home and she saw her family butchered at the hooves of the crystal armies a beserker's blood-lust awoke and she turned from a protective bulwark to the destroyer of heretics. "Gummy" is the remaining shreds of her child-like innocence trying to keep her partially sane.
If you come up with other things you might do with this story, maybe have a break in the fighting where they reflect on how they came to be the way they are without meaning to do so
6688040 You have the best ideas.
6688061
That is true.
But this line is certainly Maud Pie's Best Line Ever.
It fits her character perfectly, and is very badass.
Well, that was powerful. I like how this Pinkamena is so different from the Pinkie we all knew. Hatred was really strong in this chapter, and for some reason, I like that. Definitely fits in with the alternate universe. Great work on this story!
You go, Pinkie! Purge the heretic filth in the name of the God-Empress of Ponykind!
Well that was fun, if a bit darker than my usual fare. Not sure why Pinkie decided to taste those brains, though.
Hope comes from many emotions.
Well done.
6688887 I don't know either. I think she was peckish.
6688903 Thank you!
Well, Pinkie has gone almost full on Dark Side at this point.
She is become Pinkamina, the destroyer of worlds.
Pinkamina Diane Pie is best Grand High Inquisitor pony!
6687422
One interesting thought is that with Pinkie this bleak she makes for a great character to turn around in a future chapter/story. Maud already tries and Pinkie clearly idolizes Dash in her own way you have characters that can change her in the future. With the bleak war going on you also have a great back drop for it too.
What happened to Pinkie!?!?! I feel so bad for her!!!!!!
6689744 Well...
Replace dragon with crystal ponies and adjust for scale.
This fits so well in to that timeline, I'm amazed how great this is!
Thank you for writing
All three chapters were pure awesomeness, but gotta call favs on this one. Pinkamena is best war-horse ! No. Debate. Allowed. I know it's marked as complete but I'd love to see other chapters about what happened to the rest of the mane six in this timeline. I kinda picture Rarity working in a munitions factory in Manehatten, but I have no idea how Fluttershy would fit into this reality. Twilight, while no longer the element of magic, is out there some-where (Fillydephia Project?). And don't forget the CMC. There's surely some form of Youth Corp organizing scrap metal drives , writing letters to soldiers, all that sort of thing. For my money there will never be enough stories about this time-line. I'm hoping hasbro does a variation of Risk based off it (because Hasbro owns Parker Brothers it could, and should, happen).
6692184 I assume you haven't seen the season finale yet.
6692198 Yeah. Time shenanigans. The Pony World War against Sombra timeline. I saw it. AJ said Rariy had gone to Manehatten to help in he war effort. I just kinda picture her working in some kind of war-factory, as opposed to front-line soldier. Maybe they showed where fluttershy was and I missed it. But they didn't cover alternate Twilight in ANY of the time-lines. And it's not like she stopped existing. She just wasn't Celestia's student. Presumably she eventually got her cutie mark, just like everyone else. So I would assume she would be taking part in the war effort in this timeline. I assume as some kind of weapons scientist. Personal favorite of the alternate timelines. And Hasbro should totally make a Pony-Risk.
6692308 Yeah, they showed Rarity sewing uniforms and such, with Fluttershy shearing sheep.
I feel you did an excellent job of showing the personalities of these three in the given setting. The battle scenes were superb as well. I was easily able to picture every scene written. Overall, I very much enjoyed this read, and I thank you for the writing. As a side-note, I was getting Warhammer level soldier vibes from Pinkamena the entire time. That's probably why her chapter was my personal favorite. Reward unlocked: one jar of internet cookies, a like, a favorite, and a follow that you will be receiving tomorrow at the latest. Enjoy, friend.
Holy shit, Pinkie!
6689786 NUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!
6699567 yas
6726456 Wasn't exactly designed to be original, no.
6742182 Why don't we see more references to Bonnie? We get ponies swearing by Faust, cursing by Larson, and building churches to Megan, but I've never seen a Sisterhood of Zacherle.
Give a feather, they take a wing. I learned that the hard way.
They are gemstones, living jewels, organic quartz. But I am corundum.
All that I am, all that I can be, all that I must be, is hatred.
By far, the coolest trio of quotes ever, IMO.
...Holy shit. Was Pinkie sexually assaulted? Or is my gender distorting my vision? Seriously, this sounds an awful lot like... I dunno, that just took me off-guard, I guess. Then again, it wouldn't be uncommon. It happens a lot in the military, no matter your gender. It's awful and it's a sad reality... Ahem, anyway.
This chapter was interesting. This Pinkie is hateful and spiteful and full of passionate disgust. Like I said before, she is not happy and she is joyous. But, still, even then, so much of her other traits show through within this setting. She's impulsive, she's still quirky (that conversation with Gummy), and she still passionately cares about what little friends she has.
But... Man, she was angry. Really angry. She was like Pinkie, but she wasn't Pinkie. Not our Pinkie. No, this was Pinkamena the destroyer.
6794466 As a male, I agree it sounded rather like that.
6839406
6794466
For the record, I did not intend to imply that.
6742460 The author TDR has a complete trilogy in which Bonnie and Zacherle play a significant role. They are the Stories in Stone and begins with Luna's Royal Guard. If you haven't peeked in on his stuff I highly recommend it- your styles are somewhat similar insofar as you both have very engrossing, well written and very complete worlds.
Okay, the bit with Gummy being a voice in her head was pretty goofy and tone-breaking, but my only complaint overall.
8035812 In my defense, I was young and stupid.
Pinkie can be a scary pony, especially now that she's an Earth Bender.
Pinkie switching passions, but still latching onto something that helps drive her - and yet, is still tied to the lives of others - makes a lot of sense. Having her go from a sad Amish girl pone to more malicious from what she's been through - but not evil - also is a nice take on her character.
Nice story.
I'm not sure whether to love this chapter or be absolutely terrified.
Pinkie is an insane merciless religious fanatic. Why can I believe it so easily
Space Marine Pinkie is not where I expected this to go but an interptetation I accept fully.
DIE HERETICS